The official wrestling sim topic

[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito I only caught the tail end of that last match but it sounded pretty epic, I only just got back from attending to the shower situation. I mean it took quite a while to get things going but eventually I got it working but the ladies wanted me to stay and make sure it didn’t break down again so I had to kinda hang there for a while. I guess it was just the excessive steam but I’m tired. Like, really really tired like I just went through a marathon. Strange. In totally unrelated verbiage I think I definitely blew my creative load on that last write up so I might be a little more to the point the rest of the way.

See, this is why you need the video equipment. Should something have failed again during their hot, steamy, naked, wet, cleansing shower session, you'd have something to check on, over and over and over, to find the problem. THOROUGHNESS ISN'T SOMETHING TO TAKE LIGHTLY!

AEW Women’s World Championship Nyla Rose w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Awesome Kong (C) What is the female equivalent of a hoss fight? Does such a thing exist? Because that’s totally what this is as these two just beat the piss out of each other in a really sweet brawl. Relatively even bout throughout with Kong having what appeared to be her roughest challenge to date, she has yet to face anyone in AEW that can muscle out of her offense quite like the impressive Nyla Rose. Several near falls in both directions and the referee takes an accidental corner bump. Vickie grabs the title and climbs the apron, screaming at Rose to use the belt to hit Kong. Vickie tosses the belt into the ring and Kong intercepts it. Rather than hit Rose with it, she gets her up for a Soul Collector onto the title as Kong retains.

Well the females in a lot of species are called cows but somehow I doubt that would go over too well in regards to this match. That was actually a pretty OK finish. Like when Goldberg had the opportunity to use the sledgehammer on Triple H but what was like, "LOL, that's for pussies".

After the match, Kong actually helps Rose up and they seem to nod in acknowledgment of the war they had. As Nyla leaves the ring, Vickie berates her and slaps her for losing. This makes Nyla snap, she grabs Vickie by the hair, walks her over to the announcers and HOLY SHIT Vickie takes a powerbomb through the announce table! Now that’s a write-off, excuse me indeed.

My head canon says that Vickie shit her pants on impact.

Meanwhile Kong continues to celebrate as the announcers wonder who could possibly stop Kong. Almost on queue, the lights go out and when they are back on, we see somebody on the ramp….. SPOILER: show BAH GAWD KANA HAS ARRIVED IN AEW!!!! Winner and STILL AEW Women's World Champion: Awesome Kong ***1/4, 78% overall

OK, I recognize her as Asuka back in NXT. Did she get shitcanned in real life, too?

Three matches in, three surprises. Did I just debut two Japanese wrestlers in consecutive segments? You betcha! The ladies especially popped for Kana, and they’re super appreciative that I’m investing more financial resources into building a must-see women’s division.

Details on how appreciative they were and the levels of exhaustion afterwards are strictly need-to-know.

TNT Championship “Freshly Squeezed” Orange Cassidy w/ Best Friends vs. “The Machine” Brian Cage (C) w/ Team Taz Physically these two could not look more different. OC looks like a stringbean wearing sunglasses and Brian Cage looks like he’s done enough steroids to make Scott Steiner blush. And yet the beauty of wrestling is that they found a way to make it work well enough. OC tried to play mind games at the start by appearing to take Cage lightly only to take him off guard with a bunch of flash pins that nearly worked. Cage tried to outmuscle him and OC used his speed advantage to evade some of the offense. Outside the ring the Best Friends and Team Taz tried to keep each other at bay and avoiding interference anytime one of the participants ended up outside the ring, but as is usually the case they did end up brawling outside eventually. As the ref was distracted by this, Cage grabs both the TNT and FTW titles and clangs them together on OC’s skull. Drill Claw and that’s all she wrote, The Machine retains. Winner and STILL TNT Champion: "The Machine" Brian Cage ***, 83% overall

Con-belt-to???

Jon Moxley vs. Miro These two have been wanting to tear at each other for weeks and now they finally get their chance. Both men started like a house of file before the battle turned surprisingly more technical as both men have been known to use choke holds, but neither could get it fully locked in on one another. Although this wasn’t a No DQ match, the bad blood between these two caused referee Bryce Remsburg to use his own discretion to basically allow them to do anything short of felonious assault, and that includes not making a 10 count during prolonged periods brawling on the floor and even among the fans. Eventually the melee made its way to the rampway, Miro locking in Game Over on Mox and Mox slamming his fist to the ground in pain, but it can’t count as a tap up on the ramp. Mox summons some reserve energy sources and surprisingly muscles Miro up on his back...he leaps back and the two go crashing through the stage! Shades of Taz and Bam Bam Bigelow in ECW. The “holy shit” chants get up in full force as Mox is able to pull himself from the wreckage. Remsburg has seen enough and rules the match in favor of Mox by way of knock out. Winner: Jon Moxley ****1/4, 89% overall

I mean the rules clearly say 'tap out', not 'pound the surface'.

AEW World Tag Team Championship Santana and Ortiz vs. The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick Jackson) (C) Announcers bring up the history between these two teams – the Bucks successfully defended their titles against them a few months ago however Santana and Ortiz hold a PPV victory over the Bucks from Full Gear in November 2019. I’m not really sure what to even say about this match because I’ve booked these two teams in this game before and, well, just like in real life it’s always quality. These two teams gel beautifully and the Bucks seem to work well against anyone they face ever. In a night full of surprises, we see another one here as Nick Jackson is sent flying out of the ring, leaving Matt to fall prey to the Street Sweeper. 3 seconds later and we have NEW tag team champions! The surprise isn’t that Santana and Ortiz won…..but they won it clean? The Inner Circle won something clean???? The Bucks seem taken aback by all of this, but are willing to acknowledge the better men on this night. They extend their hands to the new champs but the heels blow them off. Winners and NEW AEW Tag Team Champions: Santana and Ortiz ****1/2, 94% overall

Was wondering when those tag titles would be switched. I'd imagine some sort of multi-team thing would be in the works judging from what went down earlier. Indeed, this show does seem to be pleasing the game.

Match for the Right to the Rhodes Name Maxwell Jacob Friedman w/ Wardlow vs. Cody Rhodes w/ Dustin Rhodes Wardlow despite having a long run in the Casino Battle Royale is back out there as MJF’s right hand man. Though Dustin was forced into retirement from the ring three days ago, Cody wanted his brother by his side one last time to even the score. I imagine the ring work for this one to be very old school NWAish of nature, which is fitting given that the match is for the Rhodes name. MJF just being an insufferable prick the whole time, being the Flair to Cody’s Dusty. Cody avoids defeat a few times, and a few hopes spots in there but MJF always manages to wrangle his way to the ropes and at one point Wardlow himself gets his foot under the ropes. Naturally, this gives rise to the expected fun-but-overbooked schmozz on the outside of the ring. Dustin starts taking it to Wardlow and from there we have a heaping helping of interference spot chaos outside the ring. Sammy Guevara and Jake Hager are out to get on Dustin but Darby Allin skates his way out, wanting to get himself even more of Sammy after they fought in the Battle Royale earlier. Darby and Sammy brawl backstage, as do Hager and Dustin. Wardlow gets back to his feet only for STING to emerge from the crowd! STING??? WHAT? MJF and Wardlow can’t believe it. Sting points his bat at Wardlow…..only to then drop it and hit Wardlow with….a spinning elbow? The crowd instantly pops at that because that wasn’t any spinning elbow, that was the Judas Effect! Sting pulls off the mask and it’s CHRIS JERICHO!!! MJF looks like he’s seen a ghost….and while he has his eye off the ball, Cody grabs him from behind and gets him into position. Cross Rhodes! Cody wins! Cody avenges his family and the legends that MJF has tormented, and perhaps the bigger story is Chris Jericho is back and ready to make his former faction pay for putting him on the shelf. Winner: Cody Rhodes ****1/4, 94% overall

Quite the payoff but I'd like to believe that if I were watching this live, Jericho's absurd dad bod would immediately give it away that it wasn't Sting. Like, Barry Windham trying to pose as Sting levels of ridiculous.

--- 30-Minute Iron Man Match for the AEW World Championship “The Bastard” PAC vs. “The Cleaner” Kenny Omega (C) w/ Don Callis Again even though it’s the main event I’m not really sure what else I can say about these two, they pulled out a 5 star match a month into their feud in a straight up singles match, I can only imagine what it’s gonna be like 3 months later in their blowoff match. Basically these two gel perfectly and everybody knows it. Even though Kenny and Callis try to cheat at times, they have to be super careful with it because a DQ could absolutely spell doom for the champion. This becomes true as we chug right on past the 20 minute mark with no falls to be found. Poisonrana attempt on Kenny is blocked. Kenny gets to his feet, V-Trigger to the back of PAC’s head. Picks him up for the One Winged Angel and hits it. 1...2...3! Kenny is up 1-0 with about 5 minutes to go. Kenny has 5 minutes to run out the clock but there’s not a lot he can do. Although it is a 30 minute match, Kurt Angle made it very clear from the onset that a tie will mean sudden death. So Kenny can’t risk DQ or simply running around outside the ring getting counted out. He has to try to evade PAC in the ring and PAC is now tapping into energy reserves he didn’t know he had. 3 minutes left, PAC hits multiple release Germans on Kenny. Sets him up in the corner, goes up top. BLACK ARROW! 1….2….Kenny barely, and I mean barely gets his foot on the rope, pure muscle memory at this point. Only about a minute left, PAC drags Kenny to the center of the ring and locks in the Brutalizer. Kenny screams in agony. Callis is screaming at him to not tap. Kenny teases tapping but his hand eventually goes limp. He’s passed out from the pain! Aubrey Edwards checks his arm to make sure it’ll fall. 1...2...DING DING DING DING! The time has elapsed! Kenny made it! Kenny may not look like a winner right now, but rest assured he has won! Besides, Don Callis already paid for the celebration so here comes explosions with balloons and confetti falling down in the ring on Kenny’s dead corpse, all as PAC sits on in stunned disbelief that came so close yet so far from winning the big one. Winner and STILL AEW World Champion: "The Cleaner" Kenny Omega ****1/4, 92% overall 89% overall show rating

With a streak like the one you've been on it was bound to happen that you'd move up to global level. I also had a similar finish in mind when I did Jenna/Faith in their first Iron Woman match. The ladies no doubt want to do some more demonstrating of their appreciation.

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G Where's my tremendous shot of Ivelisse's glorious posterior? :cry:

She's too busy in rehab, undoubtedly recovering from her addiction to butt injections.

Well, the doctor winning can kind of make up for the lack of Ivelisse's wonderous gluteus maximus. Also, did they do an update or something to the game where you can do a match like this?

Haha nah, I just booked it as a 2 vs. 2 vs. 2 tag. I've done Elimination Chambers etc in a similar way. One time I even did a title change in the chamber by booking 2 vs. 2 vs. 2 and then the winning "team" I booked immediately after in a 1 vs. 1 cage match. I make the most of what I can with what the game gives me.

Same thing with doing 2 vs. 2 vs. 2 (vs. 2) tag ladder matches and pretending it's Money in the Bank.

You can't leave something of that magnitude to some schlub who works by the hour. You send in a professional...and various pieces of video recording equipment....

Shit if I'm gonna be on camera I might need a name change. Let's see if the game will let me change my name to Max Deepwood.

I figured as much that was going to happen. Kazarian vs. Daniels ought to be a hell of a swan song for The Fallen Angel. Does he still use that name?

Yeah he still uses that name. He's doing a retirement tease angle in real life as well. He and Kazarian decided this year that they would stop teaming as soon as they lost their next match. So they went on a months long winning streak before the newly heel Young Bucks cheated to beat them and forced the longtime partners to split. Daniels has since moved offscreen teasing retirement while Kazarian vows revenge.

This is actually a pretty neat idea. It's sort of a weird Royal Rumble-War Games hybrid. I was wondering how you'd get around the limit of the game not actually being able to do 21 participants but Scorpio Sky running afoul of misfortune was tops.

Yeah I mean if push came to shove I'd just leave a schmuck like Billy out of the match in-game and imagine him still entering/being instantly jobbed out in a comedy spot but as it is this worked for the angle I was running.

I don't know if I'd be able to script out a Royal Rumble because I'm not Pat Patterson.

There was a spell where I fantasy booked the Rumble every single year when the season rolled around. It's fun to put the match together...but alas, any passion I had for WWE is long dead.

I feel like I should know who Suzuki is but my memory isn't what it used to be.

Longtime terrifying badass in Japan. Has worked for most of the major promotions over there, including running his own shoot fighting promotion. As a legendary figure in Japan him turning up as part of the AEW/NJPW working agreement would be a cool novelty. But the main thing is I wanted to get him in here for a few dates before he retires, which I assume the game will make him do as he's about to turn 53. His age hasn't slowed him down and he has a brawl rating of 85 to give you a perspective of where he is on the scale of Japanese strong style.

Originally Posted by M-A-G Well the females in a lot of species are called cows but somehow I doubt that would go over too well in regards to this match.

the last thing I need is to get cancelled here, if only there were another promotion tone deaf enough to do such a thing

My head canon says that Vickie shit her pants on impact.

Now that's taking Holy Shit to new levels. I mean in fairness to Vickie, grating as she may be she realizes that heel authority figures and managers only work if they're willing to be humiliated when the time calls for it. That might be just a tad further than she'd be willing to go though

OK, I recognize her as Asuka back in NXT. Did she get shitcanned in real life, too? Nah not in real life, as far as I can tell she's featured pretty prominently on Raw. But she was caught in the wave of mass releases WWE always does when you start a new EWR game. I have a house rule that WWE releases need to serve their 90 day non-compete, and I can't let them keep their WWE name unless they own their own trademark so I simply brought her back to what she was known prior to her signing there. There are 3 or 4 other people from the mass releases that intrigue me as possible signings but I have to be judicious with it as the roster is already crowded. Now I'm global though I may have to give real thought to a 2nd real TV show and maybe that could lead to an expansion.

Details on how appreciative they were and the levels of exhaustion afterwards are strictly need-to-know.

I love how a few shows ago I mentioned having three hot women massaging me, fanning me, and feeding me grapes and now a few weeks later I'm up to six women. What more could they do for me? Chop chop dig dig chop chop dig dig.

Con-belt-to???

I was imagining it as being clanged together like cymbals which I don't think I've seen before, not even sure that could be done safely since those belts are pretty heavy but fuck it.

Was wondering when those tag titles would be switched. I'd imagine some sort of multi-team thing would be in the works judging from what went down earlier. Indeed, this show does seem to be pleasing the game.

Santana and Ortiz are very much who I'd like to see be the ones to dethrone the Bucks in real life, although at this point their face/heel alignments have been reversed. If they can hold off a couple more months they have their first NYC show in September and I think the hometown boys Santana and Ortiz winning the straps there would be awesome.

Quite the payoff but I'd like to believe that if I were watching this live, Jericho's absurd dad bod would immediately give it away that it wasn't Sting. Like, Barry Windham trying to pose as Sting levels of ridiculous.

That sad moment when a 50 year old Jericho has a worse dad bod than 62 year old Sting.

The ladies no doubt want to do some more demonstrating of their appreciation.

They treated me like a king for sure. That said nearly all women's wrestlers are dating other wrestlers and two of them are married to other wrestlers in my promotion. Here's hoping I avoid getting my ass kicked

[M-A-G]

Ugh, I have a pretty decent card in mind for Unforgiven but it's just a matter of having the time to be able to sit and go full blast. Luckily I'll be on vacation starting next week so who knows? I might be able to finish the year barring any distractions.

[M-A-G]

God damn it, I fucked myself when signing some new (well, not really new, I had them on the roster before but I was re-signing them because of an idea I had for the tag titles) guys and I put them on an open contract for about $260,000 per appearance! Well, I foresee this storyline lasting only a month or so.

[Evil Vito]

Hot damn, that is quite the pay day book me whenever you want for that kind of money

[M-A-G]

Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?

[M-A-G]

Raw - September 3, 2040

We open with a, um, rather unfamiliar face. This is a rather tall and beefy gentlemen walking down to the ring with no music. But wait; HE'S CARRYING THE MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE!!! That's Brandon Reigns's briefcase that got tossed into the crowd by Seth Von Kamp! Who is this guy and why does he have it? He enters the ring and gets a mic and proceeds to introduce himself.

"Apologies all around! I'm sorry for holding up the show in this manner but you all have to understand something; this has been a dream of mine for the longest time! I'VE MADE IT TO THE WWE! Forgive me, I'm getting ahead of myself. You can call me 'Big Thunder' Eddy Clash and I am here to make my mark on the industry. What I'm holding in my hand is my ticket into the company. I'm holding the Money in the Bank briefcase which grants its possessor a shot at the WWE Unified World Title whenever they want! You might be asking yourself how I got my grubby little paws on such a prize. Well, I was in the crowd at SmackDown! last week, enjoying the show, when Seth Von Kamp tossed the briefcase into the audience! I was lucky enough to be able to catch it and leave the show with it. You see, I took this as a sign. A sign to take that huge step into the spotlight and follow my dreams. I will be cashing in this contract and I will become the NEW Unified World Champion!"

Let's pump the brakes on all of this as Brandon Reigns decides to make himself known. He enters the ring to confront this apparent newcomer and makes his demands known. "Listen, I don't know who you are. I don't care who you are. Bottom line is I am the Money in the Bank winner. That's MY briefcase you're holding. That's MY title shot you're asking for. Alright? I don't have the time nor the patience for this nonsense. I'm already nursing a headache 10 miles wide having to watch Seth Von Kamp parade around with the Intercontinental Title and it only got worse when I had to watch him throw my briefcase to an idiot like you!"

"Woah, woah, let's just all calm down here. Look, possession is 9/10ths of the law, you know? The way I see it, I cash in this bad boy, I beat Noah Carmichael or whoever, and then I'm on top of the world! Then I can give you a title shot! It's win-win all around!"

"Look, Eddy, is it? You are being asked, relatively nicely if I do say so myself, by a 4-time Intercontinental Champion, a man who's retired some of the top names in this business, to do the right thing and return my property. This isn't a game. This isn't play pretend. Hand over the case...NOW."

"I don't know, man. If you were that attached to it, maybe you wouldn't have let Seth take it from you in the first place. I mean, the same could be said about the Intercontinental Championship!"

"Hey, hey! I can get back the Intercontinental Title from that poser ANY TIME I WANT. I can take that briefcase from you any time that I want, too! I just figured I tried playing things nice with a delusional moron like you! But if you're going to keep this charade up, I'll let you know first hand what you'll be getting into should you ever make it into the WWE!"

With that, Reigns tries to assault Clash but the newbie has a clear size advantage and overpowers Reigns. Clash tosses Reigns around a bit and clotheslines the former Intercontinental Champion over the top rope. Clash takes his leave while Reigns is dazed on the outside AND TAKES THE BRIEFCASE WITH HIM! Reigns continues to be the man without a belt or a contract.

Backstage Paul Andrews is walking down the hallway when he bumps into one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, Rick Hilton. Hilton demands that Andrews watch where he's going. Hilton questions what Andrews is even doing here. Practically all of his clients have been run out of town. Maybe Andrews should take it as a sign that his management career isn't up to snuff unlike some other managers in the company right now. Take Vivian Merrick for instance. Not only is she one fine woman in the physical sense, but also in the intellectual sense. She knows what makes a great team to be the champions. Paul Andrews counters that he was actually just leaving Lisa Benton's office talking about a couple of prospects that Andrews has had his eye on for a while and that he'd like to bring in. Andrews also knows what makes a great team capable of becoming champions.

First Match: WWE Unified Tag Team Champions The Future Foundation vs. Caleb Greene and Stanley Coleman
Rick Hilton looks like he's trying to shake off what he was told by Paul Andrews in the last segment. There are certainly a lot of teams gunning for the Future Foundation. This is mainly a showcase for the champions to demonstrate their dominance in the division. Vivian Merrick once again pulls her weight by distracting Coleman and Julian takes advantage by nailing the Black Sheep to score the pin. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Backstage we're joined by Martyn LaSalle and the returning Jordan Demiras. Demiras notes that this is the first time we're getting to hear from him since coming back but he asks for forgiveness because quite frankly he hasn't really been in a talkative mood as of late. See, unlike Michael Hotbody and that dysfunctional group of clowns that he calls his back-up, Demiras and LaSalle aren't about talk. They're not about looking for any little path possible to get out of a fight. Well, the fight is coming whether Hotbody and his cronies like it or not. You think something like assault with a cage door is going to be forgotten? Hotbody didn't just rob Demiras of the Cruiserweight Title or his pride. He robbed his livelihood. LaSalle adds his two cents by warning Galino & Farnes to stay out of the way.

To the ring we go as Eclypse and the WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey want to speak their minds. Naomi wants to let the Lonely Girls know that the honeymoon is over. They had their feelgood moment and they got the publicity and the pomp and circumstance and all of that vomit-inducing egostroking. It's back to the real world time for those two dolls! Eclypse talks about what the Lonely Girls did at SummerSlam was admirable but it was just one night. Eclypse is willing to swallow her pride and team with Naomi one more time to get one more crack at the belts IF the champions aren't scared. Naomi seems taken back by Eclypse's comment and asks what Eclypse means by 'swallowing her pride'? Eclypse reminds Naomi about the arrangement they had when Naomi approached her with the idea of going for the Women's Tag Team Titles. All Naomi had to do was make sure Eclypse didn't regret it; and quite frankly, Naomi dropped the ball at SummerSlam. Naomi gets even more flustered and upset and fires back. "Oh, so I'M the weak link in this little 'arrangement'? Remember this, Eclypse: I'm still the God damn Women's Champion. I am NEVER the weak link!"

Cue the Lonely Girls interrupting this tense moment. The Women's Tag Team Champions seem amused at what they're witnessing. Jenna has a mic and addresses Naomi. "Why, yes, Naomi; you are STILL the Women's Champion. Even though you LOST when I pinned you at SummerSlam and we became the champions, you STILL kept your belt. Kind of like 2 weeks ago when you also LOST when I faced you for the Women's Title and yet you STILL kept your belt. That's a little weird, huh, Faith?"

"Kind of unfair, too."

"Yeah, definitely unfair. So here's what we were thinking. The two of you have been looking for another go at us for these championships, right? Well, we're nothing if not fighting champions. So we'll grant you a title shot under one condition. Naomi, you first have to give me another shot at your Women's Title, this Thursday on Superstars. And if you can win, you'll get your rematch. If you lose, though, you don't get anything! What do you say?"

Naomi looks offended at this request. "Give YOU a shot at MY title??? Why would I do that? You don't deser...."

"You got a deal!" Eclypse interrupts.

"Great!" Jenna exclaims. "See you all Thursday!" The segment ends as the champions take their leave and Naomi and Eclypse exchange death stares.

Second Match: The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody and Zed Jones vs. The Play Pals
Hotbody has words for Gavin Jones. Gavin Jones thinks he's so special because he happened to get lucky and eliminate Hotbody from that tag team battle royal a while back! Well the truth is Hotbody just slipped and lost his grip on the top rope! It can get really sweaty in this ring sometimes, ESPECIALLY when it's dripping with the awesome sex appeal of Michael Hotbody and Luscious! And that's really what everyone needs to take away from all of the drama: the truth! Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle don't want to face the truth so they'll be forced to face it one way or another! Hotbody will once again demonstrate tonight how he is one of the last bastions of integrity in the WWE. So we get a kick ass match from these guys, mainly due to the Play Pals' standing. Oh, and also because their feud with The Royal Effect keeps on trucking as King Kavovit is joined by the returning Moses McKay and they decide to cost the Play Pals the match. Gavin gets murdered with chairshots and Michael Hotbody demonstrates integrity by alerting the referee...that he's got a pin attempt on Gavin. 1-2-3, Hotbody and Zed pick up the win thanks to the feud NEEDING TO CONTINUE! The Play Pals get destroyed afterwards. *****, 95% overall.

Third Match: Clubber Harris vs. Ronnie Costello
I really need to do more with Harris. I don't want to waste his face turn. So I'll give him a win here. Costello gets crushed by the Club Pain and Harris gets the duke. ****1/2, 91% overall.

Backstage Lisa Benton is joined by Sophie Waters in her office. Sophie asks Lisa about how the last few months have been, dealing with Michael Hotbody and all of his stupidity. Lisa admits that it's taken it's toll but she's managing. Sophie wonders why Lisa didn't come to her to solve this problem. Sophie is managing the hottest cruiserweight in the division right now, Shawn Dangerson! Shawn could have handled that moron a long time ago. Lisa appreciates that but Sophie is as good a friend as Riott is. Lisa can't be seen making decisions that would appear to be playing favorites. Sophie counters that Shawn has been on a roll. Even with the two of them being friends, no sane person can look at Shawn's record and say he hasn't earned an opportunity. Lisa still isn't sure but she will consider Shawn for an idea that she has that will determine a number one contender for the Cruiserweight Title. Sophie seems cool with that and takes her leave.

Fourth Match: The Pacific Connection vs. The Glitz Girls
Yeah, jockey for that position, ladies....Erm, I mean, this is some solid shit we got going here in the women's tag division. The heels aren't quite in the same league as the Glitz Girls so Mika suffers a Jam Session from Lzzy and the faces pick up the win. ****1/4, 85% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Ozzy Mandias. He's out here because with all of the talks about who is going to be next to get a shot at Michael Hotbody's Cruiserweight Title, he doesn't want to be overlooked. This has been the year of the rookie as tons of people in their first year here have made huge impacts and Ozzy wants to be able to say the same. All well and good but another rookie has other ideas as the returning Ziggy Styles comes into the ring behind Ozzy and lays him out. Styles isn't done and hits the Thing-ama-Zig! Ziggy demands that we all get Ziggy with it!

MAIN EVENT: Salvatore Scabbia and The Academy vs. Ryan Pattillo and The Dillingers
Brooke is with her boys and she informs us that Noah Carmichael still hasn't given Lisa Benton the all clear. Salvatore Scabbia is getting impatient and he's not going to wait forever. Carmichael needs to hurry up and step into the ring or just forfeit the title to Scabbia! It's hard to argue with Brooke as Scabbia leads his team with a dominating outing. The faces pull out a last ditch comeback and it's BONZO GONZO but Brooke has too much riding on this. Scabbia is alone with Ben Dillinger and Brooke works her magic allowing Scabbia to lock in the Omerta for the submission win. Scabbia motions to the camera that he wants the belts! ****1/2, 90% overall.

Overall show rating: 88%

[Evil Vito]

The Clash debut was brilliant. Such a unique way to debut a new face and have them "rocket strapped" for lack of a better term by putting them straight into an angle with a marquee player in the company.

Intrigued by who Andrews has up his sleeve to bring in, whether they be new NXT talent or a new team formed from the current roster.

I love Naomi and Eclypse's dysfunction. Eclypse wants another tag title shot, Naomi wants nothing to do with defending her own title. Lots of good shit coming out of that division.

And of course, Hotbody adding the all important Conga award from 9 years ago into his title. Your ring announcers will be demanding a wage increase just from having to say his name every week.

[M-A-G]

Superstars - September 6, 2040

We open with Lisa Benton talking about what's going to go down next week on Superstars. She declares that it will be a special edition of the show as it will mainly focus on one element: naming a contender for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. There will be a multi-man gauntlet match featuring the top cruiserweight competitors and the last man standing will be named the number one contender. There are already a few names that are a lock to be involved and she will be eyeing other potential competitors in the next few days. As far as tonight goes, four of those competitors will square off in a tag team match: Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle vs. Jason Sorola and Miles Shawcross!

Backstage, we catch up with the Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp. He's asked if he should bear any sort of responsibility for what went down on Raw between Brandon Reigns and Eddy Clash. Seth proudly claims responsibility because it's about time someone started making Brandon Reigns's life miserable. Seth admits to getting small bits of satisfaction knowing that Reigns is losing his mind every day that passes knowing that the Intercontinental Championship is no longer his. And now that Seth is taking the blame, Brandon is more than welcome to try and do something about it.

First Match: Jesse Capalbo, Isaac Wolff, and El Silencio vs. Jerome McDougal and the Millennium Rebels
We're told that Jerome McDougal is one of the names being circulated as possibly being involved in next week's gauntlet. There's a pool of cruiserweights here so anyone of them could be a possible participant. As you'd expect this is a major showcase for the cruiserweights as to sell next week's show. Aaron Ramsey decides to interject on the heels' behalf as he runs distraction for the ref and that allows McDougal to land that cruiserweight staple, a low blow to Wolff's netherregions followed by one of those cool lucha style cradles for the pin. ****1/2, 88% overall.

Outside the arena we see Eddy Clash trying to make his way inside...and he still has the briefcase! Security eventually greets him as he declares that he just wants to cash in the contract because Noah Carmichael is supposed to be here tonight. We can't remain here forever though so we head back to the ring as Clash continues his protest....

Second Match: Bonnie Beckham vs. Missy Brantley
Nathan Quinn is with Bonnie and he declares that he agrees with the sentiments expressed by Naomi Bailey on Raw. The honeymoon period for Faith Connors and Jenna Kyle is over. Neither Leah nor Bonnie Beckham have forgotten about those two poster girls. Now he may not know how tonight will play out in regards to the Women's title match, but his clients are looking ahead and will be involved in the hunt for those tag team titles one way or another. All that aside, this is mainly geared towards the benefit of Bonnie as I'd like to rebuild her into a solid hand for the sake of the women's tag division. She's got some great stats and I think she could flourish in that environment. Nathan provides some extra flourishing assistance by tripping up Brantley and Bonnie nails the Bluebonnet to score the pin. ****1/2, 93% overall.

It's tag team angle time as we're joined by the Royal Effect in the ring. Moses McKay is happy to be back in action. He rips into those two geeks, the Play Pals, for not being men and resorting to cheap tactics like injuring their opponents! Neither McKay nor Kavovit are keen on degrading themselves by continuing to bother with the likes of Jones and Haywood so everyone should consider the beating they got on Raw to be their comeuppance and that's that! The Royal Effect have better things to do with their time and it doesn't involve those cowardly children.

Cue the music of the Play Pals and they make their way out to the stage. Michael Haywood points out the fact that McKay called them geeks, which means that the Play Pals really don't have much to do with their time if that's the case so why not use that time to kick the Royal Effect's ass? Kavovit warns the Play Pals to know their limits because it's only going to get worse if they want to go down this path. The Royal Effect were born out of necessity because the tag team division needs them. It's moved past the Play Pals and that's not the fault of either Kavovit or McKay. However, whatever happens to the Play Pals if they choose to poke the bear will absolutely be the Royal Effect's fault.

Gavin Jones looks thoughtful as he lets Kavovit's words sink in. He turns to Haywood and declares that he's never poked a bear before. Haywood says that you only live once. With that, the Play Pals drop their mics and rush the ring to brawl with the Royal Effect. It's a wild affair that spreads around the ring where unfortunately the Royal Effect use chairs to get the upper hand and proceed to once again leave the Play Pals laying.

Backstage, Nathan Quinn is leaving the dressing room of his clients and he bumps into Paul Andrews. Nathan Quinn is actually glad to run into Andrews as he wants to rub his much more successful venture into managing in Andrews' face. Paul was never in the same league as Nathan when they were competitors and now he's being outshined in this phase of his career. Andrews points out the same thing as he did to Rick Hilton on Raw; he's got something good cooking and it's going to be the talk of the town. Quinn is looking forward to it. Actually he's looking forward to how Paul is going to screw it up. In fact, tomorrow night, Lonny Richards is scheduled to make his return. Why doesn't Paul get that sole client of his, Mathias, prepped for SmackDown! and everyone can see for themselves that Quinn is leading the charge into the future with his clients. Andrews agrees but warns that it'll just be the beginning.

Third Match: Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle vs. Jason Sorola and Miles Shawcross
So these guys are basically confirmed for the gauntlet and this is mainly a showcase for all of them. A really good showcase judging by the ratings. Of course, Galino & Farnes just have to be douches about things and they run in to get a beat down on the faces for the DQ. They declare that on behalf of their client, Michael Hotbody, SERIOUS INQUIRIES were made into the alliance between LaSalle and Demiras and they didn't like what they discovered. The firm of Galino & Farnes will always do what's in the best interest of fairness and the law and Demiras and LaSalle should never forget that! *****, 95% overall.

Fourth Match: WWE Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp vs. Randy Ellis
Ellis is without Brooke curiously enough. This is some good shit here as I forsee Seth being an excellent Intercontinental Champion for a good while. Brandon Reigns tries his hand at getting him some of Seth just as he was invited but Eddy Clash is on the stage! How'd he manage to get in? Security is still trying to pull him back and the sight of Clash with the Money in the Bank briefcase is enough to distract Reigns. Seth pushes Ellis into Reigns, knocking him off the apron and Seth finishes with the Collapse of Society for the win. Eddy Clash is finally taken to the back and Reigns debates going after him or staying behind to get him some of Seth. He ultimately decides to take off leaving Seth triumphant. *****, 95% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time as we're joined by the WWE Unified World Champion Noah Carmichael. He's still looking and feeling busted up but he's confident that he'll be ready to go by Unforgiven. He HAS to be ready to go by Unforgiven for the sake of his own pride. What Salvatore Scabbia did at SummerSlam was bold but it was a slap in the face. With that one moment Scabbia dares to place himself on par with the likes of all of the other big names that Carmichael has overcome. That's quite the boast considering the condition Carmichael left the last guy he faced. Brooke, for the sake of her man, had better understand where she's leading Scabbia. There are only so many times you can say "almost" before the reality becomes "never".

Cue Brooke and she looks like she's in a mood. She commends Carmichael for actually showing up but it's meaningless if he's not going to give Scabbia what he wants and what he's entitled to. She accuses Carmichael of milking his condition for sympathy and for a way out of facing Scabbia. It ultimately doesn't matter because there's nothing that's going to deter Scabbia and the part that everyone should worry about is that Scabbia doesn't need a fancy schmancy cage to obliterate Carmichael. Scabbia just needs the will and for Carmichael to show up to the dance. The clock is ticking, Carmichael, and Scabbia can only be held back for so long.

MAIN EVENT: WWE Women's Title
Naomi Bailey (c) vs. Jenna Kyle
This was set up on Raw. Naomi needs the win here if she and Eclypse are going to get their rematch against the Lonely Girls. This is almost beat-for-beat the kind of match they had a few weeks back as Jenna plays underdog to the powerhouse of Naomi. Things come to a head when each woman's partners show up at ringside to keep things on the up and up. Things head to the outside and all four women converge on each other. Eclypse looks like she's going to give some punishment on a fallen Jenna but Faith grabs her attention. Naomi grabs Eclypse's shoulder and Eclypse must think that it's Jenna as she immediately turns around to hit a right hand and hits Naomi knocking the champion down. The ref calls for the DQ as Naomi gets the win and retains but she looks shocked at what Eclypse did. Eclypse is also confused as Faith gets Jenna out of there. It looks like the rematch is on! *****, 97% overall.

Overall show rating: 90%

[M-A-G]

SmackDown! - September 7, 2040

We open with the rather bitter former Intercontinental Champion, the Money in the Bank winner Brandon Reigns. He's really not in the mood for anymore nonsense. Just last week he had to watch that lucky asshat, Seth Von Kamp, toss the Money in the Bank briefcase into the crowd. And then it only got worse! Instead of getting picked up by an ordinary peon like any of the people here, it gets stolen by some whackjob who thinks it belongs to him and that it's his way into the WWE! So on one hand, there's an irritating little punk pretending to be the Intercontinental Champion and on the other hand, there's a delusional irritating little punk pretending to be the Money in the Bank winner. Brandon Reigns is surrounded by stupidity on all sides and he's sick of it! He DEMANDS that Lisa Benton get off her ass and get back his property because all of this nonsense is getting out of hand!

This looks like a job for the 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He saunters down to the ring with a few sweet conga moves and joins Brandon Reigns.

"Look, Brandon, I feel you, man. I mean, I REALLY feel your pain. Things can be so unfair at times and it just feels more often than not that the world is constantly working against you, especially when you're filled with so much talent and good will that you want to share with everyone. I've been there! When I was younger, I was a conga prodigy! And let me tell you, down in Fulton Country there are two things that we take VERY SERIOUSLY! Peaches and conga line dancing! Grandma Hotbody was there with me from the beginning, bestowing upon me her decades of knowledge and smoothing out the rough edges. I was the best but I had my share of doubters and haters but my success in that area carried over to the success I'm enjoying now! And you, Brandon Reigns, can't let this window of darkness mess everything up for you!"

"Dear God, I want to shoot myself...."

"Hey, hey, come on now. There's no need to be so melodramatic. I've got other avenues to help you out. Look, we all hear you making your pleas to the boss, but I can guarantee you that the boss is the only one not listening. She's not going to do anything! If you want results, let me tell you, I have never been happier than with the services I've received from my expert legal team, Galino & Farnes! Yes, for the right price and the right case, you Brandon Reigns, can have the results you crave. No, scratch that! The results YOU DESERVE! Just like Grandma Hotbody was there for me, I'm paying it forward with this generous offer. We're a pair of winners, Brandon, and it's only right that winners look out for each other!"

This looks like a job for Ozzy Mandias and the rookie makes his way out to the stage. Ozzy poses the question of who will be looking out for Hotbody should Ozzy be the one to win next week's cruiserweight gauntlet on Superstars. Hotbody can only hide behind his wall of goons for so long and it's high time that someone takes that Cruiserweight Title. Brandon Reigns gets annoyed at this and demands that Ozzy take this matter someplace else. Reigns adds that Ozzy should pick his battles more carefully, otherwise he might end up with a dry spell in his career just like Seth Von Kamp.

This looks like a job for the Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp and he joins Ozzy on the stage. Seth points out that dry spells can only last so long before you run into the right opponent. An opponent who is overconfident and looks down on others and takes things for granted. But what does Seth know? He only became the Intercontinental Champion at SummerSlam and upset the precious plans of Brandon Reigns. But, hey, seeing as there are four guys here with nothing better to do, how about a tag team match later tonight? Hotbody looks like he wants to object but Reigns accepts on his behalf in a rage. Looks like we've got our main event!

First Match: Mathias vs. Lonny Richards
Paul Andrews and Nathan Quinn are with their respective clients here. Paul Andrews wants to let the people know that staying tuned into what he's bringing on board will be worth the wait. There are a couple of i's and t's that need dotting and crossing but Andrews is confident that he's bringing in something that's going to make an impact. But that's a story for another time, let's worry about tonight. This is Lonny's return bout after his run with a suspension...the fucker. I'm going to learn him good! Quinn's chicanery is negated by the presence of Andrews and Mathias uses the power of "M-A-G is pissed at Lonny Richards getting suspended" to land the Goliath Gore for the pin. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Backstage, the Lonely Girls are being asked about their rematch against Eclypse and Naomi Bailey. Faith and Jenna claim that they've captured lightning in a bottle and that they're not letting it go anytime soon. Jenna may not have won the Women's Title last night but there's still an opportunity to get one over on Naomi. At Unforgiven, Eclypse and Naomi will get their second shot at history and from the looks of things, they might not get a third if they end up blowing it. This leads to Eclypse and Naomi interrupting the proceedings. Naomi accuses Faith and Jenna of knowing a thing or two about blowing. The champions take offense to this and drop their belts and look like they're going to get physical. Naomi responds in kind but Eclypse puts a stop to anything starting by declaring that she and Naomi are saving it for Unforgiven. Naomi looks annoyed at Eclyspe and asks what the hell is her problem. Eclypse counters that she needs Naomi at 100%. Naomi counters that if Eclypse cared about having a partner at 100% she wouldn't have punched Naomi in the face last night. Jenna and Faith look at each other akwardly and quietly back away leaving Eclypse and Naomi in each others' face.

Second Match: Shawn Dangerson, Caleb Greene, Stanley Coleman, Josh Turmell vs. Miles Shawcross, Zachary Vale, Joey Osbourne, Tom Foley
This is totally not a showcase for the cruiserweights to hype the gauntlet for next week. No siree, Bob. Regardless, there's quite a pool of people who could be involved in that match. It's a wild affair to say the least that comes down to Dangerson and Foley. Dangerson is the new hotness that the people DEMAND get his due and thus manages to lock in the Danger Zone for the tap out win. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Backstage, Brooke barges into the office of Lisa Benton. Brooke is sick of the red tape and games that Lisa is playing. Lisa has always been jealous of Brooke's career and knows that Brooke was always superior and now Lisa is using her position to take whatever little bits of petty revenge that she can. Brooke DEMANDS that Lisa name Salvatore Scabbia as the number one contender to the Unified World Title or Brooke will have to take things up with Lisa's bosses. Lisa counters with how she's not going to get into it with Brooke in regards to their careers because that's the past. Lisa is looking to the future, specifically this upcoming Raw, where Salvatore Scabbia can join 19 other men in a battle royal to see who will get a Unified World Title match the minute Carmichael is medically cleared. "Now I DEMAND that you get the hell out of my office."

Elsewhere backstage, Eddy Clash is back again still with the Money in the Bank briefcase and still harrassing officials over wanting to cash in. They're trying to reclaim the briefcase with little success. This is obviously a job for Ziggy Styles! Ziggy wants Eddy to calm down and think things over rationally. That briefcase doesn't belong to Eddy, that's just a simple fact. Besides, even if Eddy was the real Money in the Bank holder there's no way a delusional loser like him could even successfully cash in the contract! So let's just drop the whole thing, give up the briefcase, and join Ziggy Styles in getting Ziggy with it! Eddy looks puzzled so Ziggy just decides to make a play for the briefcase. He's not strong enough and Eddy just shoves him away sending him into some tables. Officials continue to try to deal with Eddy as we move on....

Third Match: Kyle Jacobs vs. Romeo Valiente
Xavier Cross is on commentary gloating about possibly being the guy who will end the line of Jacobs before it ever gets really started. The lineage can only get worse from Kyle, he declares, so better to ends things now so it doesn't get too embarrassing. Anyhow, this is mainly for Kyle's benefit, even though the rating would indicate a back-and-forth competitive match. Jacobs gets the win with the Legacy Bomb for the pin and exchanges glares with Cross. *****, 94% overall.

Fourth Match: The Play Pals vs. Galino & Farnes
Yay, more hot tag team action! The Play Pals want to talk about how humiliated they are after the last two shows dealing with the Royal Effect. They were such big meanies. Maybe they should just go cry in a corner. Maybe they should give up. Maybe the wrestling business is just too hard because the Royal Effect are in it and they're so awesome and big and virile! Or maybe the Royal Effect can go to hell with the Play Pals' feet in their ass! The Play Pals aren't going away and it doesn't matter if it's McKay and Kavovit or these two law school dunces right here, the Play Pals always come back stronger than ever! That aside we get some awesome action here. The Royal Effect, however, take umbrage to the Play Pals' mere continued existence and decide to get some more of them by running in for the DQ. Things look bad for the faces BUT HERE COMES DEMIRAS AND LASALLE!!! It's four-on-four and the heels manage to get driven off. CRUISERWEIGHT POWER! *****, 94% overall.

Backstage, we're blessed to get an interview with Quentin McDaniels. He reveals that Lisa Benton told him that he is one of the 20 men that will be competing on Raw to be named the number one contender to Noah Carmichael's Unified World Title. Quentin doesn't care what Brooke and Salvatore Scabbia have to say and it certainly doesn't matter who is the actual owner of the Money in the Bank contract. NO ONE has more unfinished business with Noah Carmichael than Quentin McDaniels. Everyone in that battle royal had better understand that.

Fifth Match: Alexander Piero vs. Chris Collins
Haven't really done much with Collins so here we are. He also informs us that he'll be part of that 20-man field on Raw but he's more than happy to take the time to deal with insolent little upstarts like Alexander Piero who think they're so hot. A pretty solid outing as Piero suprises Collins with his ability to keep up with the veteran. It's the story of Piero's career so far. Sadly, Collins uses Madison as a human shield to slow down Piero's momentum and a cheap shot to the eye after that distraction allows Collins to take over. Back to the ring Collins lands the Fall From Heaven for the pin. ****1/2, 92% overall.

MAIN EVENT: WWE Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp and Ozzy Mandias vs. The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody and Brandon Reigns
Reigns rubs his temples in the hopes of quelling what is sure to be a massive headache during Hotbody's introduction. Hotbody seems not too keen on participating too much here as he spends most of his time as the not legal man making googly eyes at Luscious and occasionaly locking lips here and there. It boils down to Von Kamp and Reigns in a hot ending. Seth looks like he's setting up Reigns for the Collapse of Society but Luscious leaps onto Seth's back and rakes his eyes. She gets tossed off eventually but that's enough for Reigns to go low and hit a small package for the cheap win. Reigns gets an evil smirk on his face and takes the Intercontinental Title belt. He looks like he's going to take off with it but Ozzy drop kicks him from behind sending Reigns stumbling to the outside. Reigns continues to have a bad week. *****, 94% overall.

Overall show rating: 88%

[Evil Vito]

I love Eddy Clash continuing to turn up every week and being so big that nobody can pry the briefcase away from him. I'm interested in seeing where it goes because while the logical progression would be Clash vs. Reigns, I wonder if Clash will truck some people in-ring first.

Reigns almost becoming clinically depressed at having to deal with Hotbody's nonsense on top of everything else he's dealing with

Cruiserweight gauntlet is gonna be tight.....like a dozen guys have a genuine beef with Hotbody so it could go in so many directions.

Naomi and Jenna killing it as you'd expect, 5 star goodness all around and I'm sure the tag rematch will be no different.

I also popped for Lonny getting jobbed out in his return from suspension. That's pretty much a house rule with me, you're always jobbing the first match or two back. Meanwhile WWE gave The Usos the titles again a week after Jimmy Uso had his 300th DUI.

[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito I love Eddy Clash continuing to turn up every week and being so big that nobody can pry the briefcase away from him. I'm interested in seeing where it goes because while the logical progression would be Clash vs. Reigns, I wonder if Clash will truck some people in-ring first. Reigns almost becoming clinically depressed at having to deal with Hotbody's nonsense on top of everything else he's dealing with Cruiserweight gauntlet is gonna be tight.....like a dozen guys have a genuine beef with Hotbody so it could go in so many directions. Naomi and Jenna killing it as you'd expect, 5 star goodness all around and I'm sure the tag rematch will be no different. I also popped for Lonny getting jobbed out in his return from suspension. That's pretty much a house rule with me, you're always jobbing the first match or two back. Meanwhile WWE gave The Usos the titles again a week after Jimmy Uso had his 300th DUI.

I'm reaching the point where I'm going to put Eddy in the ring. I have a spot for him in mind for Unforgiven. I think Ziggy is the perfect guinea pig to get smeared for his debut.

Hotbody seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't have anybody hanging around him unless he was paying them. A fellow heel that would just get sick of his shit and smack him into next week would be the biggest face on the roster.

The women's thing has been cooking for me. I'm on a good path but I need to figure out how to weave Sonya Braddock back into the picture. She's been gone long enough and there are some bitches that need murdering.

[Evil Vito]

If you ever brought back a brand split for whatever reason, you could literally give the women their own show and still get gigantic ratings.

If only real life women's wrassling was this compelling.

[M-A-G]

I've often debated the idea of making Superstars exclusively for cruiserweights and the women, with a little bit of the rest of the roster sprinkled in, here and there. If nothing else it'd give Hotbody an excuse to give himself another title, like GM of Superstars or whatever the fuck. I know I had made plans to do a whole promotion exclusively with the women but I lost interest. Starting from scratch kind of puts me off. Of course the alternative is to just fire every male performer I've got right now and just rebrand but that sounds like quite the task itself.

[Evil Vito]

"HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS AND NEWWWWWWWWWWWW WOMEN'S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...LUSCIOUS AND....Michelle Hotbody?!?!?!"

[M-A-G]

As hilarious as that would be, I'm also having Santina flashbacks.

[M-A-G]

Raw - September 10, 2040

Opening Match: Nigel Gallagher, Caleb Greene, and Stanley Coleman vs. Doug Michaels, Joey Osbourne, and Zachary Vale
Winners get to participate in the cruiserweight gauntlet this Thursday on Superstars. Not much in regards to the crowd reaction but it's a good opener regardless. Nigel is a future top prospect. I can feel it in my bones. Not as much as Zachary Vale feels Nigel's Union Smack but close enough. Nigel nailing his finisher on Vale is enough for the pin and to send the faces into the gauntlet. ****1/2, 88% overall.

Backstage we get to hear from Chris Collins ahead of his participation in tonight's main event. Apparently Madison suffered an injury as a result of what went down in his match against Alexander Piero on Superstars. (This is actually true. She'll be out for two months.) Collins suggests that Piero is to blame for having her out there in the first place. Collins can't control everything that happens out in that ring. Tonight is the exception. Tonight he'll outlast nineteen other men and he'll be challenging for the Unified World Title...while Piero cries to himself over his failures.

Elsewhere backstage we catch Eddy Clash apparently chasing someone. Lisa Benton intercepts him and asks what the hell he's doing. Eddy responds that he saw Noah Carmichael and that he's trying to chase him down so he can challenge him for the Unified World Title! Tonight's the night that Eddy can cash in the Money in the Bank contract! Lisa Benton tells Eddy that this nonsense has gone on long enough. She tries to explain that Eddy is NOT a contracted wrestler and that the briefcase doesn't belong to him. He needs to hand it over right now because she's not dealing with all of the legal nonsense that Galino & Farnes have tried to give to her over this whole ordeal. Eddy says that this is a dream for him to be in the WWE.

Cue Brandon Reigns who is pissed as all hell and makes a play for the briefcase. Lisa gets in the way and tries to back Reigns off, yelling at him that she'll handle this. Reigns declares that it's too late for that because she should have handled this a long time ago. He yells at Eddy to give him back the briefcase before things get really ugly. Lisa again warns Reigns to back off. If he allows her to handle this right now, Reigns can pick the stipulation for his rematch against Seth Von Kamp for the Intercontinental Title. Reigns calms down a bit and questions Lisa if she's serious. Lisa confirms that she is but he needs to back off and not get physical here.

She turns her attention back to Eddy and again points out that he's not a wrestler in the WWE...but he can be. What if Lisa were to provide Eddy Clash the chance to be a member of the WWE roster? Reigns is taken back by this and questions what the hell Lisa is trying to pull. She warns him again to back off. Lisa offers Eddy a way into the WWE, but he has to hand her the briefcase right now. The only other alternative is legal action and that's an avenue that she's not looking forward to. All Eddy has to do is surrender the briefcase and he can have a tryout match on Superstars where if he wins, he gets signed. What's it going to be?

Eddy hesitates a bit but ultimately gives the case to Lisa, asking if he has her word. Lisa says yes as she hands the briefcase back to Reigns. Reigns tells Eddy that he got lucky and that for his own sake, he'd better hope he loses on Superstars as he takes his leave. Lisa calls for security to escort Eddy out as she says she'll see him this Thursday.

Second Match: Eclypse vs. Faith Connors
Jenna and Naomi have been given their fair share of time so I figure why not go with their partners to help keep the feud going? Faith, of course, plays rag doll as she's got the underdog babyface thing down to a science. It's a hot affair that unfortunately can't have a decisive conclusion just yet as they tumble to the outside and it's a double countout. Eclypse has Faith at her mercy and it looks like there's going to some more punishment dealt out after the bell but Eclypse hesitates and decides to walk away. Hmmmm.... *****, 95% overall. I have high hopes for the rematch.

Third Match: 10-Man Battle Royal
Winner gets added to the cruiserweight gauntlet. Your participants are as follows:
Marc Fury
El Silencio
Isaac Wolff
Johnny Dangeron
Sammy Brady
Patrick Dean Quartermaine
Romeo Valiente
Shawn Dangerson
Josh Turmell
Lyle Morris

DANGERSON VS. DANGERSON!!! OK, not quite but it's still a fun match. It comes down to Shawn Dangerson and Romeo Valiente as the final two. There's just no way Shawn can pull this out. He's finished. Done for. It's over. He can't possibly overcome the od...no, wait, there goes Valiente as Dangerson ducks a charge and that's enought to send Dangerson to Superstars. 87% overall.

Backstage, Lisa Benton is accosted in her office by Ziggy Styles. Ziggy is disappointed in the lack of people on the roster who want to get Ziggy with it. He hopes above all other hopes that a great fun-loving woman like Lisa Benton won't also disappoint him. She's strong and confident and capable and deals with a lot in her line of work. Hell, she did what nobody else could in regards to dealing with Eddy Clash and the briefcase situation. So what does Lisa say? Can she find it in herself to let down that hair once again and get Ziggy with it? Lisa steps in close and nods her head as she claims that she can in fact get Ziggy with it. In fact, all of the audience who tunes into Superstars this Thursday are going to get Ziggy with it, because Ziggy Styles is going to be Eddy Clash's opponent. Lisa proceeds to invite him to get out of her office.

Elsewhere backstage we get to hear from Xavier Cross. He's involved in tonight's main event as he's looking to become the number one contender but almost as important, he looking for another piece of Kyle Jacobs. These rookie johnny-come-latelies are pissing Xavier Cross off. They all need to pay tribute and respect to the people who have been busting their ass for years. Of all the things that Kyle learned from his dad and uncle, he couldn't learn humility. That's OK; Xavier Cross can just beat it into him.

Fourth Match: Galino & Farnes vs. The Tokyo Titans
Luscious accompanies Galino & Farnes as the three of them want to make it a point that Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle are public enemies, numbers 1 and 2! They can decide amongst the two of them which is which. It doesn't really matter because the sentiment is the same. The conspiracy that the two of them have been cooking up against their client, the Cruiserweight Champion, Michael Hotbody is enough to call into question whether or not major lawsuits are in order. Hotbody cannot perform his duties as champion when his well-being is constantly at risk. The fact that the two of them are going to be involved in this Thursday's gauntlet match is a disgrace! The only thing Demiras and LaSalle deserve is what Galino & Farnes plan on dishing out to them. The match here only puts an exclamation point on their grievances as the Tokyo Titans gets a good dismantling. Wu tries a heroic comeback but Luscious is the X factor and her interference is enough to allow Galino & Farnes to hit SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!! for the pin. Luscious blows kisses at the camera and waves to Michael Hotbody declaring that she misses her boo. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Backstage, Eclypse and Naomi Bailey have words for Jenna Kyle and Faith Connors. Well, more like Naomi has some words for Eclypse. Naomi is confused as to why Eclypse didn't kick more of Faith's ass earlier. Eclypse is saving it for Unforgiven. She doesn't want the Lonely Girls to have some sort of excuse or for Lisa Benton to pull one of them out of the match. If Naomi's got a problem with that then the so-called Women's Champion can go fend for herself. Eclypse departs leaving Naomi upset.

Fifth Match: The Glamour Brigade vs. The Internet Darlings
Mmmmm....ladies tag division. The charisma of the faces kind of drags things down a tad but the heels definitely make up for it. Either of these teams would make good challengers down the line. C.J. uses some heelery to score a cheap pin using the ropes. ****1/2, 91% overall.

MAIN EVENT: 20-Man Battle Royal for the Number One Contendership to the WWE Unified World Title
Your participants are as follows:
Cameron Harper
Chris Collins
Clubber Harris
Gavin Jones
Kerry Cemenko
King Kavovit
Kyle Jacobs
Lonny Richards
Michael Haywood
Moses McKay
Orlando Kincaid
Quinten McDaniels
Raymond Delaney
Ronnie Costello
Ryan Pattillo
Salvatore Scabbia
Seth Von Kamp
Stone Walsh
Wrakk
Xavier Cross

Let's cover the highlights. Brooke makes it clear to Ronnie Costello that he needs to watch the back of Salvatore Scabbia. Alexander Piero in the midst of all the chaos decides to run in and make a beeline for Chris Collins in an attempt to fight for Madison's honor. Officials manage to get him out of the ring but Collins is vulnerable to the point where he gets tossed by Ryan Pattillo. The Play Pals and the Royal Effect take each other out as their feud continues. That whole "watch Scabbia's back" thing doesn't really pan out for Costello because as soon as he helps Scabbia avoid elimination, he gets tossed by Seth Von Kamp. Seth doesn't get to celebrate for long as Brandon Reigns runs in and clobbers him from behind with his briefcase. Seth gets tossed by Wrakk soon after. It boils down to Wrakk, Pattillo, and Scabbia. Wrakk has Pattillo on the ropes when the lights flicker and then turn off. When they're back on HAVEN IS ON THE OUTSIDE IN THE FACE OF WRAKK! Wrakk is aghast at this turn of events but the lights turn back off. Upon them coming back up Haven is gone and Wrakk is confused. This leads to Pattillo tossing him over leaving it down to Scabbia and Pattillo. Scabbia is on the rocks and it looks like Pattillo has this well in hand but Wrakk is FURIOUS and returns to dismantle Pattillo. Officials try their damndest to get Wrakk out of there and that's enough commotion for Scabbia to bounce back and toss Pattillo and win the whole thing. Scabbia is officially the number one contender! Noah Carmichael walks out on stage to face down his challenger, belts held high as we go off the air. 85% overall.

Overall show rating: 86%

[M-A-G]

So the gauntlet will be 10 guys and will obviously take up the bulk of the show on Thursday. Here are the participants:

Martyn LaSalle
Miles Shawcross
Jason Sorola
Jordan Demiras
Ozzy Mandias
Shawn Dangerson
Jerome McDougal
Caleb Greene
Stanley Coleman
Nigel Gallagher

[M-A-G]

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G

Really good morale, must've gotten her a nice stimulus package

[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito Really good morale, must've gotten her a nice stimulus package

I would also like to point out that I'd mark the fuck out if my "Luscious" was able to bust out a 450 splash.

[M-A-G]

She's going to kick my ass when she finds out what I'm using our pictures for.

[Evil Vito]

As a big mark for battle royals, I love the idea of having two of them in the same night. And there is enough talent to justify it. It's hard to get good overall ratngs from battle royals, usually even one un-over guy will sink the rating into the 70s, so to get mid to high 80s for both is awesome. Great way to mix and match loads of programs into a neat little package, plus using most of your heavyweights knowing the next show will be centered on the gauntlet.

Hell if the WCW World War 3 battle royal were in this game you could probably put your whole roster in there and get in the 80s.

Eddy Clash is gonna kill Ziggy Styles dead and I'm all for it. Bonus points if he has a Clash song as his finisher name.

Popped hard for the SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!! finisher for G&F

[M-A-G]

It's vitally important that she remains heavily stimulated. It's only fair that I return the favor.

[M-A-G]

Superstars: September 13, 2040

Lisa Benton starts things off for us here tonight. She reminds us of the major events that are going to unfold. First and foremost, we'll all see whether or not 'Big Thunder' Eddy Clash has what it takes to join the ranks of the top talent here in the WWE. He gets his opportunity against Ziggy Styles where he must win if he is to be signed. Secondly, the gauntlet match where the winner will be declared the number one contender to Michael Hotbody's Cruiserweight Title. There will be ten men in total, each match with a 15-minute time limit. Last, but certainly not least, the main event which will pit Xavier Cross and the Money in the Bank holder Brandon Reigns against Kyle Jacobs and the WWE Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp.

First Match: Eddy Clash vs. Ziggy Styles
Ziggy talks about his fruitless efforts in the last few weeks to find people in the WWE who have wanted to just have a good time and get Ziggy with it. He feels bad that he's only going to add to that pile when he inevitably disappoints Eddy Clash tonight by beating him and keeping him out of the WWE. However, even though one dream will die that doesn't mean another can't take its place. And that dream is a WWE where everyone is down with Ziggy Styles and free from any sort of Debbie Downer losers like Eddy Clash! Eddy naturally is miffed at these words but looks prepped and ready to go. This is actually the in-ring debut of both of these guys. Clash doesn't have the high stats has Ziggy does but they mesh well enough here to get a pretty good outing. The charisma probably helps. Anyways, Ziggy gets overwhelmed as it's just not his night and Eddy is too determined. Clash hits the Thunderstrike to score the pin and win himself a contract into the WWE! Sure it's not the name of a Clash song but it's early in his career, so who knows? ****1/4, 85% overall.

CRUISERWEIGHT GAUNTLET:
Before we get cooking the 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody decides to saunter down to the ring and proclaim that he is incredibly interested in who will come out on top here tonight, even though there are CERTAIN PEOPLE who shouldn't even be involved in this contest because he's already dealt with them before. He's not going to name names but they know who they are!!! That's right, he's talking to Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle!!! Again, not to name names or anything. Regardless of what transpires, Hotbody declares that he's going to plant himself at that announce table and help call the action while doing some important scouting. He wishes the best of luck to the participants EXCEPT FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE!!! And with that, away we go....

First Round: Nigel Gallagher vs. Stanley Coleman
These poor guys have the distinction of starting the ball. Well somebody's getting disappointed one way or another. It's fast paced and full of lovely cruiserweight goodness as you'd expect, even though the charisma between the two is rough to overcome. Nigel gets the duke after hitting the Union Smack and gets to advance. ****1/2, 86% overall. Hotbody makes the claim that Nigel shouldn't be in contention on the grounds that nobody can understand what he says half of the time.

Second Round: Nigel Gallagher vs. Caleb Greene
GREENE IS OUT FOR REVENGE FOR HIS DEFEATED PARTNER!!! SMELL THE RIVALRY!!! OK, not really but it's a hell of a competitive match. A bit too competitive as neither guy is willing to stay down for long and unfortunately we reach the inevitable as the time limit expires and both men are out of the running. Boooooooooo! ****1/2, 86% overall. Hotbody declares that Caleb is a terrible friend and partner to Stanley Coleman and that's why he couldn't come out on top here.

Third Round: Martyn LaSalle vs. Jerome McDougal
Hotbody is understandably nervous as he talks during this contest. Some awesome fire is displayed here between the two and it's the most engaging as far as the crowd reaction goes. LaSalle manages to lock in the Martynizer to score the tap out win and advance much to the chagrin of Hotbody at ringside. ****1/2, 91% overall.

Fourth Round: Martyn LaSalle vs. Jordan Demiras
SMELL THE DRAMA!!! Close as these two have been since Jordan's return there's still a title shot on the line here and thus they kick it into 5th gear. It's a classic to be sure. Hotbody ponders over how it would be something if both of these guys got knocked out of the running. Joey Styles responds that it is possible under the rules. Hotbody finds that interesting. It looks like the match will go the distance but HERE COME GALINO & FARNES! They attack both men and beat them down and the ref calls for the bell to throw the whole thing out. Hotbody is SHOCKED AND APPALLED that Galino & Farnes would commit such actions and ruin things for Demiras and LaSalle! Officials come out to break things up as we've got pandemonium. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Fifth Round: Miles Shawcross vs. Shawn Dangerson
Well we can't dwell on the past as we move on after everybody has been cleared from the area. We're essentially down the final three. This is on track to the best of the series. Dangerson gets the submission win with the Danger Zone! He regroups and backs away as he prepares for his next opponent. WAIT! JASON SOROLA RUNS IN FROM BEHIND TO ATTACK DANGERSON! *****, 94% overall.

Sixth Round: Shawn Dangerson vs. Jason Sorola
We're not wasting any time apparently as Sorola is on the attack after his less than sportsmanlike entrance. Hotbody makes the claim that he would have warned Dangerson if he had seen Sorola. These guys have got themselves some history. As good as the last bout was this one is even better. Dangerson is in trouble as he's down and out and Sorola looks to capitalize with a Frog Splash. Dangerson recovers and drop kicks Sorola off the top rope sending him to the outside. That was a pretty nasty tumble. Nasty to the point where it causes Sorola to get counted out giving Dangerson the win and sending him to the final round. *****, 96% overall.

FINAL ROUND: Shawn Dangerson vs. Ozzy Mandias
Ozzy has the luck of the draw as he's facing a tired Dangerson. Hotbody avoids the question of who he'd rather like to face. Sorola has to be escorted away as he's throwing a fit over the last match. Even match between these two that comes down to them ending up on the outside triggering a 10-count. The ref has his back turned as he checks on Ozzy and that's the opening that Jason Sorola needs as he makes his return in a fit and nails Dangerson from behind before bolting into the crowd. Now the ref checks on Dangerson as the count continues and Hotbody takes the opportunity to help Ozzy back into the ring but that darn Coriolis effect kicks in and screws up his aim and Ozzy ends up colliding with the ring post. Hotbody returns to his announcing post as the ref reaches the count of ten and that's a double countout as we end with no winner. Hotbody displays his disappointment at this turn of events as he takes his leave. ****1/2, 89% overall.

Third (???) Match: The Jersey Experience vs. The Southern Belles
Maybe some hot women can put the crowd at ease after getting the shaft over that last turn of events. The Southern Belles would be a good set of challengers down the road. Bobbi Jo uses the custom mic on Frankie to score the cheap pin. ****1/2, 91% overall.

MAIN EVENT: Xavier Cross and Brandon Reigns vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp and Kyle Jacobs
Reigns gets on the mic and reminds everyone of the fact that he ONCE AGAIN is the possessor of the Money in the Bank briefcase. True, he doesn't have plans to cash it in until WrestleMania BUT IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE MATTER!!! He plans on making everyone responsible for last week's headache pay starting with Seth Von Kamp. Seth may be sitting pretty but Reigns gets to name the stipulation for his rematch for the Intercontinental Title and he promises it will be the kind of match that Seth will never forget. Neither Reigns or Seth seem interested in tagging in their respective partners as they've got a lot to settle between them. Finally Cross makes a blind tag when the opportunity arises. Reigns is miffed at this and the two heels argue amongst themselves. Jacobs decides to get off his ass and drop kicks Cross into Reigns knocking Reigns out of the ring and that sets up Cross for the Collapse of Society for the pin. *****, 95% overall.

Overall show rating: 91%

[Evil Vito]

Nice debut for Clash. I love that we live in a world where ****1/4 is a "pretty good outing"

And the gauntlet was the goods as expected. I can only imagine Hotbody on commentary being relatively nonchalant most of the time only to start shitting a cookie once Dangerson is in there.

Dangerson the MVP of the match of course, in there the longest plus multiple consecutive ***** outings. Real shame Ozzy couldn't make it back into the ring. What ever shall they do about resolving this cruiserweight dilemma? I trust Galino and Farnes will do their best to make sure Hotbody is not put into an unfair and unruly multi-man atrocity!

[M-A-G]

SmackDown!: September 14, 2040

We open with our glorious leader, Lisa Benton, as she announces that we will be kicking things off by officially signing the newest addition to the WWE roster. He is the man who heard opportunity knocking and did not hesitate to answer the call. Things might have started out a bit sketchy and this isn't part of the official channel as far as these things go but the bottom line is once again 2040 makes a case for being the year of the rookie as we all welcome the man they call Big Thunder. Ladies and gentlemen, Eddy Clash!

Eddy makes his way out and he's already got theme music! He joins Lisa in the ring as he prepares to sign his contract. Lisa continues on the mic: "Eddy Clash, all cards on the table, you caused me quite a few headaches over the last few weeks. Just two weeks ago on this very program you sat in that crowd just everyone else here and you had fate basically fall into your lap. Then came all of the chaos that you stirred up with Brandon Reigns and Ziggy Styles and everyone else trying to reason with you. I have to admit I was hesitant to offer you what I did on Superstars because I am not about to send the message to any potential hopefuls out there that might want to think that what you did was the way into the WWE. No, far from it. But I know the kinds of people who can make impacts and I'm telling you right now, Eddy, I believe that you can make an impact as a member of the WWE roster. So with that said, by all means, take that step towards superstardom and let's get these documents signed."

Eddy Clash takes the pen with extreme excitment and eagerness and is ready to sign...BUT HOLD THE PHONE!!! Here comes Luscious to make a nuisance of herself! She gets into the ring with Lisa and Eddy and bares her soul.

"Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, who are you kidding? You only went through all of this so that you could avoid all of that legal pile up that my crack legal team, Galino & Farnes, was ready to cram down your throat! Truth be told, I don't think even this puts you out of the woods! As we speak Galino & Farnes are combing through the proper references but I speak for them when I say that we're talking criminal trespass, larceny, assault, and severe emotional distress to Brandon Reigns! THAT'S how Eddy Clash's entrance into the WWE should be remembered, not this farce that you're forcing us all to witness. Eddy, you had better think long and hard about putting your name on that dotted line because if you sign, you're basically agreeing to be a part of this sham of an administration!"

Lisa responds with annoyance, "Listen. Don't come walking up here talking about others needing to do the right thing when YOUR boyfriend decided to make a mess out of the cruiserweight gaunlet last night. Since you're so keen on speaking for your close circle of friends how about you clue all of us in as to what the hell he was thinking?"

"Woah, woah, woah, hey, look, I don't have ALL the answers; but I can assure you that Michael Hotbody (I love you, boo!) will be here later tonight to address what happened last night and will take the proper steps to make amends. But this isn't about me or Mikey Poo..."

"Jesus Christ..."

"...this is about sending a message to you, Eddy Clash. You have probably the biggest decision you can ever make in front of you. You walk away right now, we can just call this a fun little detour in your life. You know, something to scratch off your bucket list. You sign that contract, you will have the full wrath of the greatest legal team in the WWE brought down upon you!"

Eddy takes the mic after having to listen to all of this and addresses Luscious. "You're right in the sense that this is a huge decision. It's something I've worked for practically all of my life; and I'm not going to be deterred by some blabbermouth in a skirt. In a way I'm almost glad you came down here because I guess I can share a detail about this contract. See this contract actually allows me the right to choose my first opponent as an official member of the WWE roster. And I can't think of a better night than this Monday on Raw to make it so. I'll sign this and show up..." Eddy signs the contract as he continues "...and you, Luscious, can bring one of those so-called legal experts and they can try bringing some of that wrath you were talking about. See you on Monday." And with that Eddy Clash hands the contract back to Lisa Benton and takes his leave as Luscious pouts.

Backstage, Chris Collins wants to set the record straight with Alexander Piero. Piero had no business getting involved in the main event on Raw. Collins already made it clear that what happened to Madison last week was NOT HIS PROBLEM! Piero is too damn emotional for this business if he is going to pull stunts like what he did on Raw. Piero made it personal by costing Collins a chance at the Unified World Title and that's something he can't just overlook. If Piero wants to push this, Madison is going to be the best case scenario.

First Match: Lonny Richards and The Perfections vs. Mathias and The Jersey Experience
Hopefully Lonny has learned his lesson. Anyways this is more for the benefit of Leah and Bonnie Beckham because, as Nathan Quinn points out, they're hungry for the Women's Tag Team Titles and deserve a shot once all of the drama Jenna and Faith are dealing with gets wrapped up. It's certainly a possibility that Eclypse and Naomi can take the belts but Leah and Bonnie want the Lonely Girls so that they can be exposed for being inferior. They may be great but they are not perfection! Big talk aside this is an awesome match. Quinn thinks he can make it awesomer by distracting Jamie Roderick and that allows Leah to take advantage and hit the Sultry Splash for the pin. ****1/4, 87% overall

It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He's got a whiteboard with him in the ring and we wants to let us know that he's going to help clear up what went down last night at the conclusion of the cruiserweight gauntlet. "Now for those who didn't tune in to Superstars last night, I was seated at the announce table so that I could have a first-hand look at who was going to be my challenger for my Cruiserweight Title. I'm all about competition and giving the opportunity of a lifetime to those who deserve it. Now, minus TWO CERTAIN PEOPLE, almost everyone in that match was deserving of a championship match and between the final two, Shawn Dangerson and Ozzy Mandias, I don't think I could pick who I'd want to face. Regardless, they were putting on a hell of a clinic and I didn't want to see it end in any sort of draw so I tried to help Ozzy Mandias back into the ring in the hopes that maybe the match could continue. Sadly, though, I'm just one man and I can't fight the physics of the Earth because in my valiant efforts to help Ozzy the Coriolis effect screwed up my aim and that sent Ozzy on the wrong path and he ended up hitting the ringpost. Now that may seem unlikely and it might not be what you wanted to hear but you need to understand something: you people aren't scientists! I actually have a helpful visual aide here in the form of a diagram that can help explain the matter in a way that is sure to be satisfactory to the boss and we can all hopefully move on and work on getting ourselves an actual number one contender. Now if we take a look at this big circle here in the middle you'll notice it's round and curves, OK? Now let's imagine that this smaller circle here is Ozzy Mandias. He's out there doing his thing. Probably not going to win, but, you know, he's trying hard. Tell you what, let's just put a star over him, you know, for effort. Now, this X over here is Shawn Dangerson laid out on the floor. He's not trying as hard so he doesn't get a star. Here's where things get whacky, OK? Ozzy needs to get over here in this square, A.K.A. the ring. It should be easy because it's a straight line but this curve that the Earth has puts a damper on that. That's called the Coriolis effect. So anything that might have happened to Ozzy last night was not my fault. I'm pretty awesome but science is science and there's no fighting science!"

Cue the music of Ozzy Mandias and he saunters into the ring to confront Hotbody. "There may be no fighting science but I sure as hell can fight you! And make no mistake about it, I WILL!"

"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on; let's not do anything so rash, OK? I said that was going to come out here to explain things BUT I did also say that I was going to try to make things right. I'm absolutely eager to find a number one contender for my title, so here's what I'm going to do. On Raw, not only am I going to find a way to sort out a challenger but I will defend my Cruiserweight Title on that same night! That should make everyone happy, no?"

"I don't know. How about you let me know after you feel this..." Ozzy tries to nail Hotbody with a right hand but the champ drops to the ground and rolls out of the ring and bolts. Perhaps Ozzy ruined his chances?

Backstage in Lisa Benton's office Vivian Merrick decides to drop in and pester the boss. Vivian tells Lisa that the talk that's going around the manager circles is that Paul Andrews has something big that he's getting ready to drop soon. Lisa responds by saying that she's not at liberty to discuss that since things haven't been finalized. Vivian claims that she deserves to know what sort of shady dealings are afoot especially if they're going to concern her tag team champion clients. Lisa again avoids answering but lets Vivian know that there is something coming up that is going to concern the Future Foundation. In two weeks on Superstars, the Unified Tag Team Titles will be on the line in a tag team gauntlet match. Vivian's clients should be VERY concerned about that.

Second Match: Kyle Jacobs vs. Steve Hayes
Giving Jacobs some love here as a possible second encounter with Xavier Cross may be on the horizon. Jacobs gets a solid clean pin fall win here with the Legacy Bomb. ****1/2, 92% overall

Third Match: WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey and Eclypse vs. The Internet Darlings
Naomi wants to tell Eclypse that the two of them need to get on the same page because the small petty nonsense that's been going on between them is going to be the death of them come Unforgiven. She reiterates that the bond between Faith and Jenna is tenuous. The bond between Naomi and Eclypse is family and it can overcome anything. Anyways, this match is the goods as Lauren and Sarah make pretty good stand-ins for Faith and Jenna. The end comes when Eclypse manages to hit the Fade to Black but she stumbles into her corner. Naomi makes a blind tag and gets the pin for herself. Hmmmmm.... ****1/2, 91% overall

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with the Money in the Bank winner, Brandon Reigns. Reigns may not have himself a whiteboard but he does have a contract. No, he's not talking about the Money in the Bank contract. He's talking about the committment that Lisa Benton made to him on Raw. Brandon reminds everyone that he vows on punishing everyone responsible for the bad week he had and it's going to begin at Unforgiven. Lisa Benton was "generous" enough to allow Reigns the privilege of picking what kind of match he's going to have when he challenges Seth Von Kamp for the Intercontinental Title. Seth had one good night and if he wants to drown himself in self-congratulatory ego-stroking, whatever; that's on him. But it's meaningless in the long run because Unforgiven is where Seth's ass is smacked with reality.

Cue the Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp himself making his way out to the stage. He begs Brandon Reigns to just get on with it because he's got better things to do...like keeping his Intercontinental Title nice and shiny. Or congratulating Eddy Clash on making it into the WWE. Anything other than one more minute of Brandon Reigns and his whining. Reigns tells Seth to laugh it up while he still can because he wants everyone to remember this moment. He wants everyone to recall this moment after they finish witnessing what happens to Seth at Unforgiven, when they see his busted up body, with no pride and definitely no title. It's going to be Seth vs. Reigns...Last Man Standing.

Fourth Match: Jason Sorola vs. Jesse Capalbo
Jason gets on the mic and just rips into Shawn Dangerson. Dangerson is nothing more than a choke artist who just happened to luck into a semi-competent manager. Yeah, Jason may have attacked Dangerson last night but let's be honest; it's not like he was going to win the gauntlet anyway! Dangerson couldn't get the pin or the tap out on Jason Sorola so he had no business in that final match and if Dangerson has a problem with that Jason Sorola won't have any problem once again teaching him who his daddy is! Good match here as Sorola is fired up. He scores a pin by using the tights but he can't celebrate for long as Shawn Dangerson runs in afterward to try to get some payback. THE FEUD MUST CONTINUE! ****1/2, 92% overall

Fifth Match: The Wyldhearts vs. Southern Gentlemen
The Wyldhearts are miffed at the loss of Madison and they want to let Chris Collins know that they, too, have a beef with him. They vow to try to make it into the tag team gauntlet so that they can win the titles in her honor. We get an awesome display of tag team wrestling as we've got 4 guys completely comfortable in their roles. Chris Collins walks down the ramp apparently offended at the Wyldhearts' comments. This brings Alexander Piero out as he once again tries to get him some of Collins. The whole ordeal allows the Wyldhearts to hit Brody Lee with the Heartstopper and get the pin. Officials come out to try to separate Piero and Collins. *****, 96% overall

MAIN EVENT: Wrakk and The Royal Effect vs. The Hunters
Wrakk is in a mood as he wants to get on Haven's case for being on Raw. You would have thought that Haven learned his lesson at SummerSlam but apparently he didn't get enough. In the meantime, there is a perfect surrogate in Ryan Pattillo here that can suffer the consequences. Realistically this is more about the Royal Effect and The Play Pals as we no doubt move closer to finally ending that feud. Chances are they'll both be in that tag team championship gauntlet in a few weeks. Needless to say Wrakk needs the victory more than anybody else here so thus we get ending where McKay drops Gavin throat first on the top rope and Wrakk hits the Demon Cross for the pin. ****1/2, 94% overall

Overall show rating: 88%

[Evil Vito]

Eddy Clash the latest man to have SERIOUS BUSINESS to adhere to with the Hotbody Brigade. I love how they are ostensibly feuding with everybody on the roster, because everybody hates their guts.

I can't imagine why everybody hates him. He had the good decency to explain the Coriolis effect to everyone. Screw Damien Sandow, Michael Hotbody is the true Intellectual Savior of the Masses!

I love Superstars turning into the de-facto gauntlet show. Knowing the experience levels of your teams I think I can start the over/under at 39.5 stars for the entire thing.

All in on an SVK/Reigns Last Man Standing match. SVK has been a revelation once the decision was made to give him a push.

[M-A-G]

Began to write some more but got distracted with finding more ways to customize some of the profile pics.

[M-A-G]

Raw: September 17, 2040

Opening Match: Lonny Richards, The Perfections, Eclypse, and the WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey vs. Mathias, The Glitz Girls, and the WWE Women's Tag Team Champions The Lonely Girls
That's a lot of ass in an opening contest! It's a pretty weird reversal of the usual dynamic in mixed-tag matches where it's mostly guys and two women. We know where the heat is in this match anyway. Naomi wants to point out that her and Eclypse are A WELL-OILED MACHINE and that things will continue to go their way because she's the captain and she calls the shots AS A CHAMPION SHOULD! Eclypse apparently shares this sentiment in her own way by giving Naomi the stink eye throughout the match. It's a wild opener and things come to a head as once again Jenna Kyle is at the mercy of Naomi Bailey. Eclypse feels like one good turn deserves another and decides to tag herself in. This, of course, leads to some calm rational debate over the matter between Eclypse and Naomi...minus the calm and the rational. Bonnie Beckham takes advantage by tagging herself in and trying her luck but Jenna recovers and small packages Bonnie for the pin as Faith dropkicks Eclypse and Naomi. ****1/2, 91% overall.

Backstage we're joined by Vivian Merrick and her clients, the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions The Future Foundation. They want to talk about the level of unfairness that's going to go down next week on Superstars in the gauntlet match for their titles. As great as a team that they are, going through all of the competition in one night is going to put them at a severe disadvantage when they make it to the end. All it's going to take is some lucky pair of vultures to pounce on a moment of weakness and the titles can be kissed goodbye. The very least that Lisa Benton can do is let the Future Foundation go last! They warn any team that will be participating to look sharp and pound down those energy drinks because the Future Foundation can be vicious vultures, too.

It's time for The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody to join us as he looks ready to apparently defend his Cruiserweight Title! He's got Luscious with him and something on a table underneath a cloth. He grabs the mic and addresses the crowd.

"Alright, the time has come for me to help put an end to whatever questions and concerns people may have regarding the number one contender to my Cruiserweight Title. Last week was supposed to solve that little problem but science, unfortunately, won out in that arena so here we are. I promised you all that I would take care of things and thus you will all see a number one contender get named AND you will also see that challenger get their championship match, right here, right now! Now, I have consulted with my legal team and they have made sure that anything that goes down here tonight is on the up and up and totally legit. So without further ado, Luscious, let's do this!"

Luscious performs a slight flourish before removing the cloth covering whatever is on the table. We get the reveal of a tumbler underneath and Hotbody continues his spiel.

"Now, what I did, in order to be FAIR AND EQUAL is pop a bunch of names of potential candidates who will be able to challenge me tonight into this container. The lovely Luscious is going to give this a spin and we're going to pick out a name and that person will get their chance at glory by facing me for the Cruiserweight Title. It will be TOTALLY RANDOM and TOTALLY FAIR! This way, everyone has an equal chance, nobody's feelings get hurt. Just a luck of the draw situation. So let's get to it. Take it away, Luscious!"

At Hotbody's instruction, Luscious turns the crank and shuffles things around for a moment before reaching in and pulling out a name and handing it to Hotbody to read out.

"Alright, here we go. Referee, get ready to ring the bell and call this match down the middle! Tonight...your number one contender and my worthy opponent....EL DANDY!!! El Dandy, get your ass down here right now! This has been a long time coming between you and me so let's do this, Frenchie! I'm not afraid of you! Come on, boy! This is a chance of a lifetime, don't keep us waiting! Come on, where are you?!?"

Eventually enough time passes to where Luscious merely shrugs her shoulders and Hotbody gives up. "Alright, fine! Be that way! You didn't really deserve to face me anyway! You want to sit on your ass? FINE BY ME! That's a forfeit win for me! Now, we still need to deliver on a match as promised, though, so Luscious, let's try this again. Show me what you got!"

Luscious responds by doing a sexy little twirl, indeed showing him what she's got, before going to the tumbler again. She pulls out another name and hands it to Hotbody.

"OK, I think this is the one. THIS PERSON will be the one who's got some stones and will actually come out here and face me like a man! I can feel it! Alright, let's open this sucker up and find out who's the lucky winner. I will be defending my Cruiserweight Title against....THE BIG SHOW! Wait, what? OK, Luscious, come on now! What is this? He's not even a cruiserweight! And even if he were to face me I'd mop the floor with him so quickly these people would be rightfully upset about getting ripped off! They came to see a match for this championship and that's what we're going to give them. Come on, let's try this again. This is serious!"

Apparently Lisa Benton has seen enough of this nonsense as she pops on the screen to interrupt. "Hotbody. Luscious. This is ridiculous and you're wasting valuable time on my show. This has gone far enough. You don't want to actually take this seriously? I'll do it for you."

"Hey, I am taking this ser...!"

"SHUT UP! This is what's going to happen, Michael. You promised a championship match tonight, so I'm going to hold you to it. So you're going to pull another name out of that tumbler and I don't care if it's not even a cruiserweight or even a real person. I am ordering the official to ring the bell and if it's another B.S. pick where no one shows up YOU WILL FORFEIT the Cruiserweight Title. So you had better hope for your sake that there's a name in there that can actually compete because it's your ass on the line. So by all means, proceed."

The referee calls for the bell and it looks like this is going to be official. Luscious and Hotbody look like they're at a loss as to what to do. Hotbody eventually motions for Luscious to pull out a name and she reluctantly does so. The referee grabs the name and leans into the microphone to call it out. "It's....Luscious?"

Luscious shits the proverbial brick and Hotbody throws a fit. The ref reminds us that this is an official match as the ring crew removes the table and tumbler from the ring. Both Hotbody and Luscious continue to look puzzled and hesitant. Hotbody shrugs his shoulders and goes in for the kill, making his move! He locks in a....GRECO-ROMAN LIP LOCK!!! WHAT AMAZING TECHNIQUE ON DISPLAY HERE! Luscious appears to be paralyzed by its effects as she can't seem to break the hold! Hotbody applies more pressure causing Luscious to go weak in the knees and slowly collapse to the mat. He must be using some tongue to really crank it in! Luscious's shoulders are down! 1...2...3! HOTBODY RETAINS AFTER ANOTHER HOT AND SWEATY ORDEAL! Luscious looks like she's out of breath. They embrace in a display of incredible sportsmanship but here comes Ozzy Mandias to screw things up!!! Hotbody and Ozzy brawl around in a fury. Hotbody is down and Ozzy goes into the mount but Luscious breaks things up by smashing the tumbler over Ozzy. Hotbody recovers and once again sends Ozzy into the ringpost and takes himself and Luscious out of there. Seems weird to rate a match like this but I think I can call it ***** pretty confidently.

Backstage in the locker room area, The Play Pals are mulling over their recent woes with the Royal Effect. Gavin hopes that all of them can make it into the tag team gauntlet next week. Michael agrees as it would be pretty something to knock them down a peg while at the same time winning the titles one more time. Gavin talks about how it's been quite an adventure since reuniting and that he'd hate for it to go to waste. Unfortunately the Royal Effect seem keen on peeing on everyone's corn flakes here and they bust in for a surprise sneak attack on the Play Pals! McKay adds some choice words after the faces are down by telling them that the mission of the Royal Effect is to flush the waste that is the Play Pals out of the WWE as they take their leave.

Third (?) Match: Brandon Reigns vs. Clubber Harris
Seth Von Kamp watches the proceedings from the back as Reigns reminds everyone of the stakes at Unforgiven. Seth is good at playing the pretender but when the chips are down and when things really matter he'll disappoint as usual. There should be no excuses after Unforgiven because the last man standing will deserve to call themselves the Intercontinental Champion. And after that chapter is closed, Reigns can continue his path to the top as more and more pretenders get put in their pace. Promo aside we've got a pretty awesome match here. I need Reigns to be strong as he goes into his rematch. I also need him to be a savage douche and thus the Money in the Bank briefcase comes into play and Harris gets sent to Never Never Land. Reigns picks up the cheap pin. *****, 95% overall.

Fourth Match: Eddy Clash vs. ???
Galino & Farnes are both out in advance in order to address this scenario that was set up via Clash's contract signing on SmackDown!. Galino wants to point out that even though Eddy Clash requested this match, neither Galino or Farnes will be participating in this sham until the both of them have a chance to look over the joke of a contract that Lisa Benton offered Eddy. There has to be tons of clauses and other legal nonsense that need examining. Plus there's the fact that no other wrestler has ever had this sort of stipulation in their contracts so why should Eddy have one?!? The two of them promise that SERIOUS INQUIRIES will be made into the matter and that they will return with a full report. Until then, Eddy is out of luck!

This of course brings out Eddy Clash himself and he hops into the ring and takes a mic. He points out that even though he gave Luscious the option, Eddy doesn't actually need her to make a decision. Eddy will take his pick for his opponent right now and since Galino is the one annoying him the most, he's nominated. BOOT TO THE FACE OF GALINO! The ref orders Farnes out and calls for the bell!

Fourth Match: Eddy Clash vs. Freddie Galino
Well, here we go, I suppose. Galino just gets manhandled as he evidently wasn't prepared to actually compete. They end up and outside and Farnes has seen enough apparently and attacks Eddy for the DQ. Clash tries to fight both of them off but he's the proverbial babe in the woods and succumbs to the numbers game. Galino & Farnes hit SERIOUS INQUIRIES on the outside and leave Clash laying before taking their leave. ****1/2, 89% overall.

Fifth Match: Chris Collins vs. Kerry Cemenko
Quentin McDaniels joins the announce table offering his insight on Kerry Cemenko. Cemenko's loss at SummerSlam was just another brick removed from the structure holding up his career. He couldn't win the Unified World Title. He couldn't win King of the Ring. This might be the year where Cemenko has to take that long look in the mirror and question whether it's even worth hopping in that plane anymore because McDaniels is just another stroke of bad luck. Anyways, this is another match where they evidently bring their A-game to the table...even though it's just a Raw. Cemenko makes a few gestures towards McDaniels that are apparently so insulting that McDaniels has to run distraction. Cemenko takes his eye off the ball long enough to miss the Curb Stomp and Collins capitalizes by hitting the Fall From Heaven for the pin. McDaniels looks to pick the bones but HERE COMES ALEXANDER PIERO! He gets him some of Collins to even things out and we've got pandemonium! ****1/2, 93% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Kyle Jacobs. Kyle wants to talk about the measure of disappointment in himself that he's feeling right now. Somewhere in the middle of this year things took a turn for the worse for him. It started out promising enough as he had one of the most talked about moments of WrestleMania and managed to become the Intercontinental Champion. Oddly enough, though, the guy that Kyle beat at WrestleMania looks like he's going to be headlining Unforgiven, challenging for the Unified World Title. Meanwhile, Kyle stands here, with no opponent for Unforgiven and no championship. Instead Kyle is stuck on some loop-de-loop with Xavier Cross and quite frankly, he'd like to get off now. Kyle then proceeds to call out Xavier Cross and asks him to get his ass out here.

Cross eventually makes his way out but points out his annoyance with Kyle Jacobs. Cross doesn't answer to someone like Kyle. Kyle should be thanking his lucky stars that people like Xavier Cross exist so that the way is paved for people like Kyle.

Kyle asks if that's one of those lessons like humility that Cross was supposed to teach him. Cross says that there a boat load of lessons that he can teach Kyle. Multiple times if necessary since Kyle apparently can't get over what happened at SummerSlam. The kinds of lessons that Kyle's stupid dad and uncle should have taught. Kyle says that that's great news because he's in the mood for another match against Cross if he's up for it at Unforgiven. Cross claims that he likes the idea but he's going to need something in return if he's going to agree to it in order to make it worth his time and effort. Should Cross manage to pick up the win, AGAIN, Kyle Jacobs must DENOUNCE his heritage and become Cross's personal bitch. Kyle is going to get the proper breaking in that he deserves and he'll either quit in shame or be humbled by the greatest the business has to offer. Kyle ponders this over quietly for a bit but ultimately nods in agreement. We're building an impressive-looking Unforgiven!

Backstage we're joined by Sophie Waters and Shawn Dangerson. They want to take shots at Jason Sorola for what he did in the gauntlet last week. Sorola doesn't have to resort to crap like that because Dangerson is willing and able to take him on properly...IF Sorola has the balls.

Sixth Match: The Dillingers vs. The Tokyo Titans vs. Southern Gentlemen vs. The Academy
The winners here will qualify for the gauntlet for the Unified Tag Team Championship next week on Superstars. Brooke is out there with the Academy but she admits that she's got her mind on other matters because Noah Carmichael is supposed to be here to finally give us all a clear picture about his status for Unforgiven and whether or not he'll be giving Salvatore Scabbia his rightfully-earned title shot. This is one hell of a show between all these teams. It boils down to The Academy and the Dillingers and Justin Mitchell has Joey Dillinger in a pickle. Joey makes the comeback and is able to stay alive. Brooke prepares to hand Justin a foreign object but WAIT A SEC! Noah Carmichael shows up on the Titan Tron as he's apparently just arrived! Brooke is distracted by this as she glares and yells at the screen. Justin boots Joey away and he reaches out for Brooke's help but she's still turned around. Joey tags in Ben and Justin is too busy wondering what is Brooke's malfunction and gets rolled up for the pin. The Dillingers qualify! Afterwards, Justin Mitchell and Randy Ellis express their frustration with Brooke with some telling body language. *****, 94% overall.

FINAL SEGMENT: We're joined by the WWE Unified World Champion Noah Carmichael. He wants to talk about how this hasn't been the reign he envisioned when he was looking to win back the Unified World Title. He should have been out here these last few weeks, kicking ass and being right up in the face of Salvatore Scabbia. It would be easy to blame it on what went down at SummerSlam inside Hell in a Cell but we also have to face the fact that there's a load of bureaucracy that needs to be navigated. Carmichael has had to deal with Lisa Benton's precious little rules and guidelines and blah-blah-blah. Well, Carmichael has some good news for her that will hopefully put her at rest and keep her off his back. Carmichael has in his hand right here, medical clearance from his doctor stating that he will be ready to go at Unforgiven. Sadly, Carmichael will only get that clean bill of health IF he remains inactive in the time being. So it looks like back to sitting on his ass at home? Nah, Carmichael came all the way here to Raw to have a good time and DAMN IT he's going to have himself a good time!

Cue some people who aren't interested in Carmichael having a good time. Namely Brooke and Salvatore Scabbia and they make their way to the ring to confront the champion. Benton immediately sends out the goon squad to get in between the two men but Brooke takes the mic and addresses the situation. "Hey, hey, calm down, there's no need for any of this. We're not out here to be hostile. I mean, this is great news. Salvatore has his guarantee and all that needs to happen to ensure that it remains a guarantee is to make sure no tragedy befalls the great champion, Noah Carmichael. It's an interesting situation to say the least because I can speak for Salvatore when I say that he's been itching to finish what Hell in a Cell started. But if keeping his hands off you for the time being is what needs to be done in order for that goal to come to fruition, then so be it. But it's not good enough. See, this has been a long time coming and I think that Salvatore deserves a little something for his patience and cooperation. While he may be willing to make sure you're good to go for Unforgiven, there are so many other variables that are outside of his control that may put a damper on all of that. So I've taken the liberty to draw up a little something here. You claim that you're eager to compete at Unforgiven, then you need to put your money where your mouth is, quite literally. This document that I'm handing to you is a bit of insurance, Carmichael. We are asking you to put up a $5 million dollar performance bond for your participation in this match. That way you have some extra motivation to remain on the path to full recovery and won't be looking for a way out of this. Put your name on the dotted line, Carmichael, and let's see if you're more than just words. Like I told you before, you're not taking this away from me and you're certainly not taking this from Salvatore Scabbia. He is overdue in regards to that Unified World Title and he is not going to see it slip away just yet. What's it going to be?"

Carmichael takes the contract in his hands and looks it over. "You know, I can't speak for everyone here but I'm getting pretty sick and tired of seeing legal documents and lawyer speak all over this program, you know? Look, I get it. You're miffed. You're anxious. You see that brass ring and it's just out of your reach. You just have to push a little harder. Stretch a little further. Play even dirtier. Be even scummier. Act more pathetic. You really think I want out of this match after what the hell you did to me at SummerSlam? Bitch, I've been counting the seconds to the moment I can do to you what I did to Butch Fleming. You want to talk about what you're owed. What you're owed is what I tell you you're owed. You certainly have my attention and you're welcome to it along with all the trouble it comes with. So I'll sign this piece of paper. I won't have to worry about losing any money because I am showing up at Unforgiven, one way or another. But you, Scabbia, are going to have to worry about facing a Noah Carmichael who isn't bloodied, lying on a stretcher."

"It doesn't really matter. You're going to end up like that anyway." And with that decree Scabbia slaps Carmichael across the face! Carmichael looks to start a fight but the goon squad hold the line and keep the two separated! WE'RE OUT OF TIME!!!

Overall show rating: 85%

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G It's time for The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody to join us as he looks ready to apparently defend his Cruiserweight Title! He's got Luscious with him and something on a table underneath a cloth. He grabs the mic and addresses the crowd. "Alright, the time has come for me to help put an end to whatever questions and concerns people may have regarding the number one contender to my Cruiserweight Title. Last week was supposed to solve that little problem but science, unfortunately, won out in that arena so here we are. I promised you all that I would take care of things and thus you will all see a number one contender get named AND you will also see that challenger get their championship match, right here, right now! Now, I have consulted with my legal team and they have made sure that anything that goes down here tonight is on the up and up and totally legit. So without further ado, Luscious, let's do this!" Luscious performs a slight flourish before removing the cloth covering whatever is on the table. We get the reveal of a tumbler underneath and Hotbody continues his spiel. "Now, what I did, in order to be FAIR AND EQUAL is pop a bunch of names of potential candidates who will be able to challenge me tonight into this container. The lovely Luscious is going to give this a spin and we're going to pick out a name and that person will get their chance at glory by facing me for the Cruiserweight Title. It will be TOTALLY RANDOM and TOTALLY FAIR! This way, everyone has an equal chance, nobody's feelings get hurt. Just a luck of the draw situation. So let's get to it. Take it away, Luscious!" At Hotbody's instruction, Luscious turns the crank and shuffles things around for a moment before reaching in and pulling out a name and handing it to Hotbody to read out. "Alright, here we go. Referee, get ready to ring the bell and call this match down the middle! Tonight...your number one contender and my worthy opponent....EL DANDY!!! El Dandy, get your ass down here right now! This has been a long time coming between you and me so let's do this, Frenchie! I'm not afraid of you! Come on, boy! This is a chance of a lifetime, don't keep us waiting! Come on, where are you?!?" Eventually enough time passes to where Luscious merely shrugs her shoulders and Hotbody gives up. "Alright, fine! Be that way! You didn't really deserve to face me anyway! You want to sit on your ass? FINE BY ME! That's a forfeit win for me! Now, we still need to deliver on a match as promised, though, so Luscious, let's try this again. Show me what you got!" Luscious responds by doing a sexy little twirl, indeed showing him what she's got, before going to the tumbler again. She pulls out another name and hands it to Hotbody. "OK, I think this is the one. THIS PERSON will be the one who's got some stones and will actually come out here and face me like a man! I can feel it! Alright, let's open this sucker up and find out who's the lucky winner. I will be defending my Cruiserweight Title against....THE BIG SHOW! Wait, what? OK, Luscious, come on now! What is this? He's not even a cruiserweight! And even if he were to face me I'd mop the floor with him so quickly these people would be rightfully upset about getting ripped off! They came to see a match for this championship and that's what we're going to give them. Come on, let's try this again. This is serious!" Apparently Lisa Benton has seen enough of this nonsense as she pops on the screen to interrupt. "Hotbody. Luscious. This is ridiculous and you're wasting valuable time on my show. This has gone far enough. You don't want to actually take this seriously? I'll do it for you." "Hey, I am taking this ser...!" "SHUT UP! This is what's going to happen, Michael. You promised a championship match tonight, so I'm going to hold you to it. So you're going to pull another name out of that tumbler and I don't care if it's not even a cruiserweight or even a real person. I am ordering the official to ring the bell and if it's another B.S. pick where no one shows up YOU WILL FORFEIT the Cruiserweight Title. So you had better hope for your sake that there's a name in there that can actually compete because it's your ass on the line. So by all means, proceed." The referee calls for the bell and it looks like this is going to be official. Luscious and Hotbody look like they're at a loss as to what to do. Hotbody eventually motions for Luscious to pull out a name and she reluctantly does so. The referee grabs the name and leans into the microphone to call it out. "It's....Luscious?" Luscious shits the proverbial brick and Hotbody throws a fit. The ref reminds us that this is an official match as the ring crew removes the table and tumbler from the ring. Both Hotbody and Luscious continue to look puzzled and hesitant. Hotbody shrugs his shoulders and goes in for the kill, making his move! He locks in a....GRECO-ROMAN LIP LOCK!!! WHAT AMAZING TECHNIQUE ON DISPLAY HERE! Luscious appears to be paralyzed by its effects as she can't seem to break the hold! Hotbody applies more pressure causing Luscious to go weak in the knees and slowly collapse to the mat. He must be using some tongue to really crank it in! Luscious's shoulders are down! 1...2...3! HOTBODY RETAINS AFTER ANOTHER HOT AND SWEATY ORDEAL! Luscious looks like she's out of breath. They embrace in a display of incredible sportsmanship but here comes Ozzy Mandias to screw things up!!! Hotbody and Ozzy brawl around in a fury. Hotbody is down and Ozzy goes into the mount but Luscious breaks things up by smashing the tumbler over Ozzy. Hotbody recovers and once again sends Ozzy into the ringpost and takes himself and Luscious out of there. Seems weird to rate a match like this but I think I can call it ***** pretty confidently.

This entire thing is just fucking genius.

El Dandy is always meme worth because he is a high flyer of the highest magnitude. But I'm cracking up even more imagining that WWE may have reached out to a long-retired, 77-year old El Dandy to see if he was available to actually make an appearance in this.

And then Big Show getting his name pulled as well I'd be expecting him to run out during a Hotbody match at some point only to side with him and make his 753rd career heel turn.

And then that lucky sonofabitch gets to put the Lip Lock on Luscious. Living the dream for sure.

At least Hotbody and Luscious had a much better night than Galino and Farnes. I'm sure the SERIOUS INQUIRIES on Eddy Clash will continue.

[M-A-G]

Come on, this is the year 2040. 753 is kind of lowballing his heel turns, don't you think?

[M-A-G]

Mmmmm @ the thought of Luscious working that crank....

[M-A-G]

Have to finalize who's going to be in the gauntlet. I've got plenty to choose from. Unlike the last one this is going to take up the whole show. Also unlike the last one, there will be an actual decisive winner. I just wish there was a better way of doing gauntlets in the game.

[M-A-G]

Kelley Hayes evidently didn't show up for a photo shoot. Into the suspension bin you go! You'd never see Jenna Kyle pulling stunts like this.

[Evil Vito]

Time to bust out a George Carlin quote.

“Bad hair day? What is this shit? When did this become a thing? Put on a hat and go to work you shallow cunt.”

[M-A-G]

Superstars: September 20, 2040

Opening Match: The Play Pals vs. The Wolves of Wall Street
Winners qualify for the tag team gauntlet next week. The Royal Effect watch the proceedings from the stage with intensity and hatred in their eyes. A hell of an opener as both teams want that position bad. The Play Pals control in the end and look to have things well in hand. McKay and Kavovit aren't having it and try their hands at spoiling things for the faces. Miscommunication ensues and the attempted interference backfires, leaving Emilio London open to the Achievement Unlocked leading to the Play Pals picking up the win and qualifying. More threats are exchanged between the two rival teams. *****, 85% overall.

I think I'm dealing with a DUD show.

Second Match: Leah vs. Phoebe Hanson
Nathan Quinn is with Leah, of course, as he wants to bring up the future of the women's tag team division. Regardless of the outcome of the match between the Lonely Girls and Eclypse and Naomi at Unforgiven, he wants Leah and Bonnie Beckham to be front and center for the next opportunity at the gold. Hannah McCormick could have been part of this revolution and Jenna Kyle also could have been basking in his guidance but they chose to be selfish. Now it's going to come crashing down around them. More kick ass stuff from the ladies as Leah is making some strides in the ring to being a top name in the division. Quinn works his magic by distracting Phoebe and Leah floors her leading to the Sultry Splash for the pin and the victory. ****1/2, 81% overall.

Yup, it's a DUD show.

It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He wants to talk about the incredible ordeal he went through on Raw in regards to the defense of his Cruiserweight Championship. It was a wild roller coaster of emotions! There was uncertainty and then excitement over the possibility of facing a legend like El Dandy and then disappointment in the cowardice of said legend when he refused to show up and then confusion over the Big Show and then finally the thrill of victory! It had to have been one of the hottest and sweatiest encounters he's had with Luscious; and believe him, they've had some pretty hot and sweaty encounters. The shower afterwards was such a huge benefit. But that's in the past. We've settled the issue of me defending my Cruiserweight Title so now we don't need to worry about it for a good while. It was a tough break for guys like Shawn Dangerson and Ozzy Mandias who were looking to get that shot but it was A COMPLETELY RANDOM DRAWING! It was out of the hands of Michael Hotbody so there was nothing nobody could have done so there shouldn't be any crying or complaining. Those are just the cards you get dealt sometimes. Now seeing as there is no need to continue fretting over this issue, it's time to move on to other major issues. Namely, next week's gauntlet for the WWE Unified Tag Team Titles. Now you can't have a contest like this without featuring THE premier tag team of the WWE, the best legal counsel money can buy, Galino & Farnes. Well, tonight, they are going to take care of two birds with one huge stone. Galino & Farnes will be facing that duo of no-good troublemakers, Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle! So not only will they completely obliterate that shady alliance but Galino & Farnes will move on to next week and capture those tag team titles, which they rightfully deserve! This will be a case study for anyone on the roster, veteran or rookie, that trying to get involved in the business of Michael Hotbody is a bad idea. Jordan, Martyn, and even Ozzy Mandias on Raw are all going to find out the hard way you can't just take out your frustrations over your failures on poor, innocent people like Michael Hotbody!

Cue Ozzy Mandias himself as he's looking to take out his frustrations on Michael Hotbody. Hotbody looks ready to fight but he must have got an alert from his DoorDash because he decides to bolt and head to the back. Ozzy promises to get Hotbody in the ring one way or another.

Third Match: Mathias vs. Ziggy Styles
Paul Andrews accompanies his man, Mathias, and is accosted by our crack journalist team as he's questioned over what major thing he's been cooking up. Andrews assures everyone that time will reveal all but that the answer is closer than anyone might be thinking. Ziggy goes on the record that he doesn't care who Andrews has up his sleeve because it's probably some other stick in the mud who doesn't want to get Ziggy with it and there's no place for people like that in the WWE. Crowd isn't as into this as the other matches but I think we can blame the DUD show for that nonsense. Andrews must be doing some fine coaching as Mathias continues to impress and shows how willing he is not get Ziggy with it. Ziggy suffers another humiliation the second week in a row as he falls victim to the Goliath Gore and Mathias picks up the win. ****1/2, 79% overall. Whoever Paul Andrews is looking to bring in has got quite the manager to say the least.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Wrakk. Wrakk wants to discuss the sheer lack of a spine in Haven. Allegedly, Haven was completely devastated at SummerSlam that he hasn't been able to compete these last few weeks but that clearly didn't stop him from ruining things for Wrakk last week in that battle royal. And where is Haven now? Is he here in front of all of us, ready to take his judgment and punishment like a man? No. He's scurried back into the shadows like the cockroach he is because he knows Wrakk can squash him at anytime. That battle royal was Wrakk's to win and nobody can contest that!

Cue Ryan Pattillo who looks like he wants to contest that. Ryan tells Wrakk that he gets the need to want to get back on top of that mountain. After all, Wrakk had to suffer through one, whole year of watching other people fighting over that Unified World Title that used to be his. Problem is, you have to watch the people you step on along the way. Pattillo is one of them. Pattillo didn't appreciate the tantrum Wrakk had that caused him to get tossed out of the match and he also didn't appreciate being called a surrogate for Haven. Ryan Pattillo stands here telling Wrakk that there are people on the roster not so easily squashed. In fact, as long as Haven isn't showing his face and as long as Wrakk wants to be on a tirade, how about Wrakk vs. Pattillo at Unforgiven. Pattillo can be a surrogate for Haven again, when he breaks Wrakk's ass just like at SummerSlam.

Wrakk is amused at this show of defiance. It's a kitten bearing its fangs playing at being a tiger. Pattillo wants a match? Accepted. It'll be even more of a reason for Haven to keep hiding his sorry ass.

Fourth Match: The British Infection vs. The Young Bloods
Winners will also qualify for the tag team gauntlet next week. Both Fantasee and Stephen Q. Sterling are out here with their respective clients. Some good shit here as we strive to fight off the effects of the DUD show. Sterling tries his hand at getting involved to get his guys out of a jam but Fantasee takes care of that by pantsing him. HILARITY ENSUES! Matt Riley falls victim to the Queen's English and the Brits get the win. *****, 86% overall.

More In-Ring Super Special Talky Time, this time with the WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey. She wants to get a few things off of her chest as she heads into Unforgiven's match for the WWE Women's Tag Team Titles alongside Eclypse. History may have been denied at SummerSlam but it can't be the defining moment of the year for her. After all, she is still the WWE Women's Champion and the year has been mainly good to her. She won the Queen of the Ring. She took Sonya Braddock to the limit at WrestleMania and then finished the job at Night of Champions to claim the championship. She beat out 3 other Queens of the Ring, two of whom are the current Women's Tag Team Champions, to be THE undisputed Queen of Queens. But all of that is minor compared to being able to call Eclypse, her loving cousin, her partner. Things have been rough between the two for the past few weeks but that needs to come to an end. So with that said, Naomi calls out Eclypse so that the two of them can clear the air and hopefully get on track, both as a family and as a team.

We have to wait a while but eventually Eclypse makes her way out and joins Naomi in the ring. Naomi continues with her address: "Eclypse, I knew that it was going to be a gamble when I asked you to be my partner for the opportunity to become the tag team champions. But it was a gamble worth taking. We came so close to history. We had more attention on us than we knew what do with. And we were able to bond as blood. But all of that is at risk right now. Now, there have been some mishaps that I've blamed you for but with everything that is at stake right I feel like I need to swallow my pride and be the bigger person and take some responsibility, too. The important thing is us sticking together because right now, Faith and Jenna are laughing at us. They had their big moment in the sun at SummerSlam and they've been doing nothing but parading around, rubbing it in our faces like we're some joke. I don't know about you, but I'm sure as hell no joke. I'm the WWE Women's Champion and I have one of the toughest, meanest, ass-kicking bitch as my cousin and as my partner...that is, if you want to be that."

Eclypse ponders this over for a bit before giving her response. "I'm not sure how I feel about you coming at this as if I'm the poor babe in the woods. You're in territory I've already charted. I'm well aware of our plight. It's certainly a dilemma but in all fairness I did want this rematch. As long as you can assure me that this is for the best and that you can be counted on, I'm on board. But know this, cousin or not, my understanding has its limits. I'm not going to tolerate another failure so you've got me 120% focused on knocking Jenna and Faith off the mountain. I need you to do the same."

"I'm way ahead of you. Let's give them hell." And with that it looks like the two women have hashed things out and they shake. Their alliance appears to have been reforged.

Fifth Match: Orlando Kincaid vs. Shawn Dangerson
Dangerson can absolutely hang with the big boys evidently as he's still angling for a shot at the Cruiserweight Title as well as showing off to Jason Sorola. It's a nice little 'big man vs. little man' affair. Dangerson makes the comeback but here comes Sorola to harass Sophie Waters. He chases her for a bit until Dangerson catches wind of the situation and runs out to put an end to Sorola's lack of chivalry. Unfortunately, Sorola keeps Dangerson's attention long enough to cause a countout. Dangerson looks back to the ring in frustration and that's the opening Sorola needs to sucker punch Dangerson and put a beating on him. *****, 84% overall.

Backstage we're joined by Brooke and Salvatore Scabbia. Brooke talks about how great it is that Scabbia can finally be called the number one contender to the Unified World Title. It can only be topped by the feeling of him being able to be called the Unified World Champion. The gears are finally in motion and there is no stopping them. That note that Noah Carmichael's doctor gave him was really a countdown and every day that passes is just more and more seconds being removed until finally Carmichael comes crashing into the reality that Salvatore Scabbia is just plain better than he is. It's going to be hell waiting for that day to come but it's nothing compared to what Carmichael is going to experience at Unforgiven.

Sixth Match: Xavier Cross vs. Daniel St. Croix
Xavier Cross gets on the mic and clarifies the stipulations that he demanded for his rematch against Kyle Jacobs at Unforgiven. Should Jacobs lose, and he will, he needs to become Xavier's personal bitch who will be at Xavier's side at his beck and call. He needs to learn respect and being at the side of the great Xavier Cross will do nothing but wonders for him. He may even enjoy it and actually end up a better wrestler for it. And if nothing else, seeing someone like Kyle Jacobs being humbled will be a warning to any other wet behind the ears punk looking to step up to Cross. Just a solid match to put Cross over. He hits the Cross Cutter to pick up the pin as he BUILDS MOMENTUM towards Unforgiven. *****, 85% overall.

MAIN EVENT: Galino & Farnes vs. Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle
So Galino & Farnes are looking to get into the gauntlet next week. Zed Jones is with them on the outside. For moral support, obviously. They talk about how this has been a long time coming as neither Demiras or LaSalle want to listen to reason or any sort of legal threats. Galino & Farnes are far more deserving of championship gold than either of these two failures who already had their opportunities AND BLEW IT! So this is a pretty heated affair, obviously, as the faces walk the line of wanting revenge and wanting victory. It breaks down as Luscious runs interference distracting the ref and Zed quite literally brings the hammer down on Demiras with the GAVEL OF DOOM! Galino & Farnes proceed to nail SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!! to pick up the cheap pin. It looks like we're getting a three-on-one affair afterwards BUT HERE COMES EDDY CLASH!!! He gets him some of Galino & Farnes as Demiras and LaSalle regroup. Clash and Zed proceed to have a staredown but Luscious pulls Zed and the rest of her crew back as apparently she's getting some DoorDash alerts, too. We end with a 3-on-3 staredown. ****1/2, 81% overall.

Overall show rating: 83%

[M-A-G]

So I guess Unforgiven looks like this so far:

WWE Unified World Title: Noah Carmichael (c) vs. Salvatore Scabbia

WWE Intercontinental Title - Last Man Standing: Seth Von Kamp (c) vs. Brandon Reigns

WWE Women's Tag Team Titles: The Lonely Girls (c) vs. Eclypse and WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey

Xavier Cross vs. Kyle Jacobs

Ryan Pattillo vs. Wrakk

I have the rest of the card good to go but I just have to "book them" on television. One of them hinges on the outcome of the tag team gauntlet.

[Evil Vito]

A WWE universe with a nice, logical build to everything? What is this nonsense? Where is 74 year old Goldberg's title match? Where is the reminding of everybody that the Attitude Era was the most important?

Cleary the hot and sweaty encounters between Hotbody and Luscious is because they take Jazzercise classes together.

I still automatically picture Ziggy Styles as Dolph Ziggler wearing AJ Styles' gear, like the type of thing you'd find in a small local indy promotion somewhere for those reasons alone him getting rocked in some of these matches feels very on point. That'll teach you to get suspended!

The tag matches getting ***** is par for the course but props to Kincaid/Dangerson and Cross/St. Croix for putting on full monty singles matches in front of a clearly unappreciative crowd!

I'm glad Galino & Farnes made were able to make their SERIOUS INQUIRIES on the unjust claims LaSalle and Demiras have for another title match. And a Clash vs. Zed hoss fight or trios match sound like a good time too.

[Evil Vito]

Dud show after the return? EWR was clearly penalizing you for playing other games.

EWR: You cheated on me.
M-A-G: WE WERE ON A BREAK!