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Old 02-21-2021, 01:24 AM   #2887
M-A-G
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Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito View Post
Tonight's results are sponsored by Penelope Ford

I mean, I suppose I can do the rest of this one-handed...

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AEW Dark: March 23, 2021:
-"Superbad" Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford def. Peter Avalon and Leva Bates
-Scorpio Sky def. Angelico
-Evil Uno and Stu Grayson def. Chaos Project
-Powerhouse Hobbs def. "The Natural" Dustin Rhodes
-Colt Cabana def. Frankie Kazarian
I imagine Peter Avalon was also trying to do his job one-handed and suffered because of it....


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AEW Dynamite: March 24, 2021

Segment 1:

It's Orange Cassidy vs. Kip Sabian to kick us off, Sabian having returned last week and cost OC his match against Miro. The last time these two met, Sabian did not last very long. Tonight he had a much better account of himself. Miro's attempted interference goes awry, and Cassidy puts Kip away with the Superman Forearm. Miro and Kip but the boots to Cassidy after the bell, when the music of Best Friends hits! Chuck Taylor is back! Chuckie T runs out with a chair, backing Miro and Kip out of the ring for the save. ***, 75% overall
The big threat facing Chuck Taylor is neither Miro or Sabian but the possible lawsuit from Ahmed Johnson over the rights to the letter T.

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Segment 2:

Backstage, we see Jurassic Express backstage, getting ready for their 6-man tag match tonight. The lights are cut off in their dressing room, a loud commotion is heard, and when they come back, FTR and Shawn Spears are standing over them, chairs in hand. It's chair night in AEW, apparently. Tully Blanchard declares that since their opponents are apparently in no condition to compete, guess they can call it an early night. Tully and Co head for the parking garage. 66% overall
Pffft, if only it were that easy in all of our jobs. Imagine the number of days I could have had off if I had just stuffed a bunch of students in a sack and rolled them down a hill.

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Segment 3:

Hikaru Shida is out for some singles action against her fellow countrywoman Emi Sakura. These two have competed each other many times across various Japanese promotions, and the chemistry is obvious as they had a solid match here. With a rematch for the Women's title on Saturday looming, Shida gets the Three Count for the win. ***1/4, 76% overall
Two Japanese people in the same segment and they're not automatically in the same stable and are actually wrestling instead of doing segments in broken English? You're making people's heads explode.

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Segment 4:

Shida can't celebrate for too long, as the music of Awesome Kong hits. Shida immediately gets her kendo stick at the ready. Kong emerges with a kendo stick of her own! Security tries to hold Kong back but she plows through them to the ring, members of the AEW women's roster try to break them up and get caned for their trouble. Pull apart brawl for the women, not something you see everyday. 77% overall
The only one that I can recall off the top of my head was Lita and Trish Stratus at Survivor Series 2004. I would imagine things being harder as far as holding back Kong goes.

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Segment 5:

Backstage, Kenny Omega and Don Callis have gathered Team Taz, The Family, and Santana and Ortiz into a conference room. This gathering of the groups is meant to put their differences aside ahead of tonight's main event and Saturday's Blood and Guts, but really it came across more like a town hall meeting with Omega and Callis putting Omega over. FEAR NOT, you are being led into battle by the best wrestler in the world! 97% overall (!)....I actually set the whole group up as a stable called "Heel Team" for this, muahaha
Meanwhile, back at the Legion of Doom....

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Segment 6:

Hangman Page in action against the ring veteran Christopher Daniels. Matt Hardy joined the commentary team, still incensed about Hangman ripping up the contract last week, but hinting he's got a better offer up his sleeve after this match. Page and Daniels have themselves a banger, Daniels can still go and it's nice to get whatever I can out of him before the game tries to send him into retirement land. Page wins with the Dead Eye. ****, 84% overall
I remember the game calling it quits for Daniels pretty early if I remember. There's really no rhyme or reason behind when it decides to just screw you over.

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Segment 7:

Matt Hardy sarcastically applauds Hangman's win. "You may have turned down my contract last week, but this week I have a new offer for you. I have in my hand a contract for a match this Saturday at Blood and Guts. You and me. Mano y mano. IF you beat me, I will so generously write you a check for 100% of my 1st quarter earnings. But WHEN I beat you, you have to sign with the Matt Hardy Brand for the next year. So what do you say, cowboy? You know what happened the last time you turn down my contract."

Hangman looks to the crowd, and gets a couple beers from ringside. "I look forward to making some money on Saturday, but this is the only way to close a deal". Hangman and Matt toast, Page hits the lariat mid-sip, beer flies everywhere. Hangman signs the contract and leaves it on the downed Matt. ***, 86% overall
This was gold. Of course, little does Page know that Hardy earns significantly less than what Page does and even then half of it goes to Reby Sky.

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Segment 8:

We see a video package highlighting the members of the other team at Blood and Guts (and yes, I made the face team their own stable in-game for this). Each man talks about the opportunity to make history in the first ever Blood and Guts match in history. Mox embracing the chance to get back to his violent roots, Cody wanting to honor his dad who fought in wars like this, everyone getting a chance to get their hands on their rivals, etc. 87% overall
Meanwhile, at the League of the Superfriends....

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Segment 9:

Chris Jericho and MJF get some last-minute work in ahead of Saturday's tag title opportunity as they face Evil Uno and Stu Grayson of Dark Order. Announcers remind everyone that Jericho threatened to disband Inner Circle if they don't win the titles on Saturday....is this the last time we're seeing the Inner Circle team on Dynamite?

Lots of hijinx outside the ring with fellow Inner Circle members Sammy Guevara, Jake Hager, and Wardlow cheap shotting Dark Order members Colt Cabana, Alex Reynolds, and John Silver. Grayson dives onto the whole pile to try to help his friends. Ref doesn't see Jericho poke Uno in the eyes. Uno loses his bearings, MJF drop toe holds him down and then locks in the Salt of the Earth armbar for the win. ***1/4, 81% overall

Segment 10:

Jericho and MJF obnoxiously celebrate like they just won the World Series while the Dark Order and Inner Circle are still fighting at ringside. They gesture that they'll have belts around their waists soon enough, but don't see the Young Bucks have slid into the ring. Superkicks in stereo and the champs hold their titles above them before sliding back out to avoid the Inner Circle. 81% overall
This has been quite the shows for heels wanting to celebrate prematurely between the two of us.

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Segment 11:

TEN MAN TAG TEAM ACTION in our main event pitting Saturday's teams against each other in standard tag action, and it is of great consequence as this match will determine which team will receive the all-important entry advantage ahead of Blood and Guts.

Given this involves ten prominent names, everyone gets a chance to showcase and get some stuff in. There's a reason multi-man tags always devolve into a wild brawl though - because it's fun and it works! Bah gawd what's it gonna be like on Saturday when all of these men are locked in a cage together? Signature fest from everyone, Cody gets the Cross Rhodes on Ortiz but Eddie Kingston hucks him out of the ring. Rey Fenix launches off the ropes at Kingston but Kingston perfectly times it with a Backfist to the Future! Ouch.

The bad guys pick up the win and the advantage for Saturday. ***, 82% overall

81% show rating
[/QUOTE]

*MARKS OUT FOR OVERCROWDED MAIN EVENT MULTI-PERSON ACTION* I'm just so proud...

Special thanks to Penelope for getting me through this....
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