SmackDown!: October 5, 2040
Opening Match: Neil Quint vs. Doug Michaels
Well we had such a good showing with Quint on Superstars so why not go for broke and try him out again? I've debuted so many new guys this year it's going to be tough deciding Rookie of the Year. Anyways, some quality shit here for the opener. Quint lays out Michaels with a floatover DDT and that sets up The Quintessential Top Rope Maneuver for the pin. ****1/4, 87% overall.
Wait a sec! We've got visual on Noah Carmichael making his way to a ringside seat! It looks like he's showing some more rebellion despite doctor's orders. His appearance most certainly has nothing to do with Salvatore Scabbia in the main event tonight, right? Surely he's going to just remain seated the whole show, right?
It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He's proud to announce that despite the heinous actions from Ozzy Mandias, nothing is going to stop Hotbody from continuing to promote his awesome "EL DANDY FEARS HOTBODY" shirt! He proudly shows that he's wearing it and it's obvious that it's the same shirt Ozzy ripped off but just horribly stitched and taped together. Hotbody declares that everyone here in attendance will happy to know that the shirt will be available in sizes that are appropriate for what appears to be the average shirt size of this city. He calls Luscious to come on out to help model it and she does so wearing a hilariously oversized shirt. Hotbody admits that it might look big on someone like Luscious but it will most certainly be a snug fit for the kinds of ladies he sees here in the crowd. But he would appreciate the support regardless because he knows that El Dandy will give him a better match than any of the other dorks running around here demanding to face him for the Cruiserweight Title. Which brings him to why he's out here. Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle need to give things a rest! Now, he saw what went down at Unforgiven and he's outraged. HOW DARE JORDAN LAY HIS FILTHY HANDS ON THE GAVEL OF DOOM! That is personal property of Galino & Farnes and no one outside of those parameters is legally allowed to handle it! You can all be rest assured that SERIOUS INQUIRIES are being made into the whole situation and it'll most likely lead to even more legal trouble piled on to all of the other stuff Demiras and LaSalle have gotten themselves into. And on top of all that, Luscious was threatened with physical harm! Now, normally, Michael Hotbody would all over something like this, demanding that the offending party get their asses out to this ring so that he can teach a lesson about respecting a woman. He would be all about defending her honor by standing up to such bullying tactics LIKE A MAN....but, Luscious is a very forgiving person so all of that won't be necessary. Jordan and Martyn SHOULD CONSIDER THEMSELVES LUCKY!
Cue both Jordan and Martyn coming out and getting into the ring. Hotbody pulls Luscious in front of him and retreats to the corner as the two faces take a mic. Jordan does, indeed, feel lucky. He's lucky to be able to stand here and still compete despite getting his head bashed by a cage door by Michael Hotbody. Coming back from something like that is a sign that he's meant to be back here and he's meant to break Hotbody's sorry ass and take back the Cruiserweight Title. Martyn LaSalle also feels lucky. He dodged quite a bullet not getting hooked up with Luscious as it's quite the relief being able to pee without it burning. Luscious goes wide-eyed and open-mouthed at that bit and Hotbody yells at LaSalle, warning him to watch what he says. Luscious will forgive that, too, BUT SHE MIGHT NOT BE SO GENEROUS IF MARTYN KEEPS IT UP!
LaSalle points out that he's all out of concern over her feelings because he's dead set on making Hotbody suffer and taking the Cruiserweight Title away from him. Jordan tells Martyn to slow down just a bit because while he's fine with LaSalle getting to pound Hotbody's face into paste, the Cruiserweight Title is Jordan's to claim. Hotbody robbed him first. LaSalle agrees about that last bit but if Jordan could take the title back, he'd have done it already. Hotbody points out that this was the inevitable result of this silly alliance of theirs. They're better off just calling it quits and taking their frustrations elsewhere, preferably on each other because they both can't be Cruiserweight Champion. Both Jordan and Martyn turn their attention and glare to Hotbody and Jordan thanks Hotbody for reminding them to keep their eye on the prize. And with that, LaSalle and Demiras try to rush Hotbody but he's able to roll out of the ring, pulling Luscious with him, and bail. Demiras and LaSalle trade wary looks at each other.
Second Match: Leah vs. Jenna Kyle
Let's reignite this puppy. Or should I say "these puppies"?
You want your pants getting tight? This is your match right here. Hannah McCormick and Bobbi Jo eventually make their way out for a closer look. Leah and Jenna end up outside in front of the Southern Belles. Bobbi stands over them and gives them crap so they both shove her away. Hannah is OFFENDED at this and pulls Leah and Jenna down as they try climbing back into the ring, causing them to hit the apron on the way down. That's going to be a double DQ as Hannah continues to talk smack. ****1/2, 91% overall.
Third Match: Stone Walsh vs. Wrakk
Wrakk gets on the mic beforehand and wants to let everyone know that he's not mad about what went down on Raw. He's glad that Haven finally grew enough of his courage back to dare to try his hand at getting in Wrakk's business again. Wrong place and wrong time because ever since coming back, Wrakk has made it his mission to make this his most devastating and dominating run yet. Haven wants to try to spread fear? Wrakk IS fear! Haven wants to try to bring the violence? Wrakk IS the violence! He's more than willing to make SummerSlam look like a picnic if Haven has the stones. Strong words but it's backed up pretty well here in this match. Wrakk hits the Demon Cross for the pin after a hard-hitting affair. Afterwards we get the lights out treatment again and once again Haven is in the ring in front of Wrakk when they come back on. It's another brawl between these two hosses, BAH GAWD! *****, 95% overall.
In-Ring Super Special Talky Time, this time with Kyle Jacobs. Kyle wants to make it clear that he didn't come up with the stipulation nor the contract surrounding his match against Xavier Cross at Unforgiven. So if Cross wants to be upset with the outcome and the consequences of said outcome, well he's got no one to blame but himself. Nonetheless, Kyle's victory landed him the personal services of Xavier Cross and he's spent the last few days contemplating what that would entail. Kyle is a pretty self-sufficient kind of guy as he's already accomplished so much on his own; but he is open to change. It could be a refreshing experience, you never know. So with that said Kyle has himself a nice little list of things here that could use some doing that he really doesn't feel like doing himself. The only thing missing is a capable and subservient professional to handle it all so Xavier Cross, come on out!
Xavier Cross does, in fact, make his way out with little fanfare, decked out in an ill-fitting butler get-up, complete with dorky bowtie. It's obvious he's not enjoying this in the slightest. Kyle points out that poor outfit is clinging on for dear life. Well, he has to make due with what he's got. Things don't always go the way you want to, isn't that right? You could be the headliner of the biggest WrestleMania in recent history in one moment and the next you're getting laughed at by a crowd because you're dressed like some nerd on picture day at school. Anyways, this is going to work out well for the both of them. Cross is going to get some valuable experience in menial labor and Kyle will have some extra time on his hands so that he can focus even harder on climbing that mountain. Cross knows all about that mountain. Kyle just wants to experience the top of it himself and it's going to be great having Cross right behind him helping getting rid of all of the distractions, like the dry cleaners, curbside pick ups, driving, et cetera, et cetera. Cross will end up providing a valuable service to a young buck after all! So no time to start than the present, right? Tonight...WOAH, HOLD UP! Cross just clotheslines Kyle Jacobs down mid-sentence!!! I'd say that goes against proper servant behavior. Cross isn't done! He rips off a bunch of his attire and just proceeds to beat the living piss out of Jacobs. To the outside they go and Cross continues the ass whipping. Jacobs gets busted open with the steel steps. IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Cross hits Jacobs with the Cross Cutter ON THE STEPS!!! IT'S STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! Jacobs is in a bad way here as officials and paramedics try to get to him BUT CROSS WILL NOT BE DENIED! He wedges Kyle's arm between the steps and the ringpost AND CRUSHES IT! Cross spits on Kyle's flailing body as he takes his leave. Surely that's going to keep Kyle on the shelf for a bit, no? But what is Cross's deal?
Backstage, Sophie Waters meets up with Lisa Benton. Benton asks for Sophie to make this quick as she's got Kyle Jacobs to attend to, apparently. Sophie is curious as to what's going to go down as far as a number one contender for the Cruiserweight Title goes. Shawn Dangerson is still available and open to taking a crack at it. Benton assures Sophie that she already has a match in mind for No Mercy. However, she's not going to completely discount Shawn Dangerson. Here's the skinny: Next week, starting on Superstars, Shawn Dangerson will take on Jason Sorola in a best of five series. Whoever wins three matches in that series will get a shot at the title AFTER No Mercy. Sophie is down with that idea and she goes off to share the news.
Fourth Match: WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey vs. Sarah Moore
Naomi is without Eclypse and she wants to pine about it for a bit. She doesn't want to be on bad terms with Eclypse. She's still family, after all, no matter the circumstances surrounding the loss at Unforgiven. Eclypse is always welcome by Naomi's side and there's no need for hostilities. No one is really to blame, after all. Anyways, this match is awesome. Moore tries her best to stand toe-to-toe with the champ but it's not to be as she falls victim to the Bail Out and the champion gets the win. ****1/2, 90% overall.
Uh-oh. It looks like we've got more technical difficulties to deal with as the feed is interrupted and replaced with more from that Gothic chick, Dusk and her raven, Sorrow. More weird imagery here interspersed with shots of Jenna Kyle as Dusk talks about beauty. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder...but what about the beast? There's been enough beauty...time for a bit of ugliness. It'll do wonders for the soul....
Well, time for the main event as Salv...no, wait a sec. Here comes Ziggy Styles? He's most certainly not scheduled for anything right now. He grabs a mic and apologizes for popping up here unannounced but he had to jump on this opportunity to hold an impromptu edition of Gettin' Ziggy With It! Who should be the lucky guest this time around? Well, you sillies, it's the fine gentleman that's been seated over here in crowd in the front row the whole night: the FORMER WWE Unified World Champion, Noah Carmichael. Ziggy asks for Noah to greet the crowd. Noah merely glares a hole right through Ziggy as he puts more popcorn into his mouth. Ziggy continues as he says he wanted to go for the trifecta this week, getting the skinny on the biggest things that went down over the week and hosting it on his show. No doubt Noah is here to look at Salvatore Scabbia in the main event. Ziggy wants to know how Noah feels not being champion anymore. Noah continues his death stare and simply sips his drink. Ziggy is visibly nervous as he continues with his questions. Every fan is curious about Noah's mindset and they especially want to know, considering what went down at Unforgiven, if Noah realizes that even if the match had been sanctioned, Scabbia would've won anyway? This finally gets a reaction from Noah as he stands up, gives Ziggy another glare, and then turns to walk away. Ziggy is offended at this and grabs Noah's shoulder to stop him. Noah turns around in anger, spilling some of his drink on Ziggy. Ziggy is OUTRAGED at his shirt being ruined and shoves Noah. Well you can imagine what happens next. It's a brawl at ringside...well, more accurately Noah makes Ziggy his bitch as he hammers away as Ziggy's on his back trying to cover up. Cue security as they pull Carmichael off Ziggy and cuff him and start taking him out of the arena. Ziggy takes advantage of the...um, disadvantage Carmichael is in and boots him in the head before bailing. Carmichael really isn't making Lisa Benton's job any easier.
MAIN EVENT: WWE Unified Tag Team Champions The Collective (Adam Hail and Simon Bennett) vs. Salvatore Scabbia and Ronnie Costello w/Brooke
Yeah, I figure I should slap the champions with their name already. Brooke gets on the mic and claims that she's not here to throw shade on anyone but she hopes that her other clients, the Academy, are watching right now because Salvatore and Ronnie are going to handle the job that apparently couldn't get done on Raw. Bennett and Hail should consider this their REAL welcome to the new WWE. You see, Salvatore is the one who really got screwed when it comes to the Unified World Title and he's got several days worth of aggravation and violence saved up and he's ready to let someone have it. As far as Noah Carmichael goes, that bum got what he deserved, both on Raw AND here tonight. Scabbia will be more than happy to finish the job if Carmichael insists on having a death wish! The only other person that's equally infuriating as Carmichael is Lisa Benton! She had better come to a decision regarding the championship because as we've all seen, Scabbia's patience only goes so far. So as you'd imagine this match is designed to put Scabbia over as he's made to look good against the veterans. Ultimately it comes down to Bennett and Ronnie as the legal men as things break down. CARMICHAEL TRIES COMING OVER THE RAILING AGAIN! Did he really bust free from security? He wants to get him some of Scabbia and there are some words exchanged as security tries to once again pull Carmichael away. Sadly this leads to Ronnie being left alone and falling prey to the Bennett Lock for the tap out win. That's another reason to celebrate with their briefcases of cash. ****1/2, 88% overall.
Overall show rating: 87%