[M-A-G]

SmackDown!: January 11, 2041

Opening Match: Michael Haywood and Jordan Demiras vs. Jason Sorola and Ozzy Mandias
I say we start this show off hot. And then the DUD show says "LOL, go fuck yourself." I mean, looking at the rating it shouldn't be a big deal, but fuck, that could've been a 96% easily. Not hard to see why considering the heat amongst all of these fine gentlemen. Things break down with Ozzy and Jordan as the legal men and Sorola gets chased by Michael. The ref is distracted with that bit of tomfoolery. Jordan goes over to try to get Ozzy back into the ring. He reaches over the top but Ozzy pops up and smashes Jordan in the head with something. Is that Jordan's Cruiserweight of the Year Slammy? Where'd he get it from? A question for another time as Jordan is down and out and vulnerable to Ozzy's Blizzard of Oz and that's going to get the cheap win for the heels via pin. Ozzy isn't done and decides to mount Jordan and bean him in the head repeatedly with the award until he decides he's done enough. *****, 85% overall.

To the back we go where the WWE Unified World Champion Wrakk wants to finally address Simon Bennett. He's asked if he's given any consideration to facing Simon Bennett and defending the Unified World Title against him. Wrakk says that Simon must be psychic because he's going to say the exact thing that Simon predicted. "The landscape of the WWE has changed in the time that Simon Bennett was gone and doing whatever. Now, I'm not dumb. I pay attention to the major waves that are made here. I saw Simon Bennett make his big, glorious return. And while it looks like he hasn't lost a step and even gained a bit of an edge judging from that match at Bragging Rights, the years haven't brought him wisdom. Luckily, I'm in one hell of a position to provide that to him. An opponent like Simon Bennett is just the example I need to demonstrate my vision for the new year. Even seasoned veterans aren't safe! Simon, you and I share something, in that a signficant time away from all of this has left us with something to prove. At the Royal Rumble, you'll get all of what I have to prove the hard way." Looks like we have another title match set for the Rumble!

Second Match: Leah vs. Hannah McCormick
Nathan Quinn gets on the mic and informs us that his team of the Southern Belles are exercising their right to a rematch and they will get their chance at regaining the Women's Tag Team Titles that were stolen from them at the Royal Rumble. Nathan goes on to say that Leah has a lot of nerve parading around the place as if she is in any shape or form superior to Hannah McCormick. Leah leeched off of Hannah's stardom and she knows it! All that's left now are the days that Hannah and Bobbi are counting until that day they can make those posers suffer...that is, of course, if Leah has it in her to survive right here and right now!

Never let it be said that Leah isn't game. She's a ball of fire here and makes Nathan eat his words...well, via proxy as Hannah is left to take the abuse. Another sound outing that fights against the DUD show's wrath is on display. It comes to an end when the ref is bumped after Hannah ducks a clothesline from Leah. They continue to brawl and Nathan tries to help out by tossing Hannah her custom mic, but Leah makes a case for a women's NFL with her interception skills. She threatens to hit Nathan with it but he hops off the apron to avoid that. She yells some more at him and Hannah comes to grab her from behind, but Leah instinctively strikes her with the mic. The ref has come to, though, and sees this and calls for the bell to DQ Leah. Leah is understandably upset at this and goes to mount Hannah to give her some more punishment but Nathan drags his client out of the ring to save her. More and more intensity gets added to this whole affair. ****1/2, 83% overall.

God damn DUD show.

Once again to the back where it looks like Chet Morris has hijacked a camera crew. He claims that he's tired of all the talk from everyone and especially Lyle Morris about how he's apparently a coward. "Lyle, you listen very carefully. I wasn't afraid to do what I did to you and I'm not afraid to do it again! I have moved past you and it ain't my problem you feel left behind! But if you think you need to get something out of your system, well, I'm heading to that ring RIGHT NOW so let's see who's really the coward!" And with that Chet goes marching to the entryway. Are we getting a match? We go to break with that question in the air.

Third Match (???): Chet Morris vs. Lyle Morris
Well, we're back and Chet is indeed in the ring, gesturing to the back and calling for his cousin. Some time passes and it looks like we're not going to s...NO, WAIT! LYLE COMES IN FROM BEHIND! Lyle is all over Chet with a flurry that causes Chet to retreat to the outside. Lyle is in hot pursuit, not giving an inch. Lyle gets Chet down and backing away. Chet is trapped as he's up against the ringside barrier. Lyle has a dangerous look in his eye as Chet begs off. WAIT A MINUTE! Cameron Harper comes up behind Lyle Morris and spins him around. Lyle is all "WTF?" and Cameron gives him some lip before slapping the crap out of Lyle. Lyle goes reeling backwards and Chet pounces on this distraction to grab Lyle and send him into the barrier. Cameron walks off looking satisfied and Chet decides to put some more hurt on Lyle by dropping him across the announce table. Chet issues another warning to Lyle before walking away. What the hell was up with Cameron Harper?

Fourth Match: Cordelia Capriati vs. Vivian Merrick
Sophie Waters gets on the stick to talk for Cordelia and offers a counterpoint to all of Brooke's talk. She claims that as far as she's concerned, she got the real winner in the split between Carmella and Cordelia. Sophie claims that Cordelia isn't done with Carmella by a long shot, but taking a stab at that Women's Title is also on Cordelia's plate and it's going to feel so good to see the look on Brooke's face when she realizes that she backed the wrong horse.

A bit odd to compare your female client to a horse, but the point is made. Vivian, though, has something to say about all this and we get a firey back-and-forth match here. Carmella comes out on stage to observe the match and Cordelia makes it a point to acknowledge her presence now and then through the contest. It comes to an end when Vivian tries a superplex on Cordelia. Cordelia fights it off and sends Vivian off the top, causing her to land face down on the mat. Vivian struggles to get back up, but Cordelia comes off with the Crowning Achievement and that's going to give Cordelia the win via pin. Carmella walks off with disgust on her face as Cordelia celebrates. ****1/2, 81% overall.

More interview time in the back where Orlando Kincaid is eager to talk some smack about Quinten McDaniels. He claims that he's been having dreams each night these last few days. "The details change a little every time, but the overall story is the same. One way or another, I manage to wrap my hands around the neck of that little ass stain called Quinten McDaniels. And then after I wrap my hands around that neck, I look him dead in the eye and staring right back at me is a scared little puppy who knows what's coming. So once I get a good look at that and I know I've managed to crush all the hope out of him, I beat the living piss out of Quinten McDaniels until my hands can't take it anymore and then I throw him over the top rope! Quinten, dreams can come true, and at the Royal Rumble, I don't just wish for them to come true, I NEED them to come true. I need to smack you around and make you pay! I need to throw you over that top rope and eliminate you in that Rumble. Quinten, you gave me the gift of a fire under my ass. It's too damn bad that it was the biggest mistake of your life and no amount of this therapeutic crap you're going through is gonna help you!"

Fifth Match: Victor Dark vs. Raymond Delaney
This is Victor's in-ring debut as he alluded to on Raw. Andrea is with Victor, of course, and she gets on the mic to set the stage. "This was inevitable, in one fashion or another. Haven needs to understand completely who he is dealing with when it comes to Victor Dark. Haven, you need to understand that Victor is not the same man you abandoned all that time ago. He has had years to mold himself into the specimen you see right now. More importantly, he's molded all of those emotions into raw fuel. You and everyone else needs the Fear of the Dark to be put into you and it starts tonight!"

Talk is cheap, but Victor, to his credit, backs it up 100%. I just wish his debut happened on a non-DUD show so that it could've had a little more punch. This goes as you'd expect, with Victor getting his shine and being a dominant force. It comes to an end with Delaney falling victim to Darkness Falls in a thunderous impact and that's going to allow Victor to score the pin and make a hell of a first impression in the ring. Messages have been sent. ****1/4, 78% overall.

More backstage shenanigans as Vivian Merrick is storming out of the building, upset with what went down in her match earlier when she bumps into Aphrodite. Vivian is incredulous at the sight of Aphrodite and asks if she's going to give crap about Vivian's loss. Aphrodite claims she's been doing her best to lobby on behalf of the Love Connection to get a shot for them at the Tag Team Titles. Vivian scoffs at the idea of anyone under Aphrodite's watch being equipped to take home the championship. Vivian, on the other hand, has a team that was already champions. Very good and very dominant champions and it's high time that the Future Foundation have those titles again! Vivian claims that they were stolen from the Future Foundation in the first place in one of the most unfair set of circumstances EVER and she'll be damned if a couple of geeks like Coleman and Greene are going to be in contention. Aphrodite suggests that perhaps Vivian's team should take it up with those "geeks" personally. She proposes the Future Foundation versus The Love Connection this Monday on Raw. Vivian scoffs again but agrees, if only because it'll help prove her point. And with that, Vivian continues on her way.

Sixth Match: Alexander Piero vs. Zed Jones
Luscious gets on the stick on behalf of Zed and declares that Zed has had enough of Clubber Harris. She claims that Clubber has been doing a lot of overcompensating as of late because he knows that he got outshined by Zed in their match on the SmackDown! Send-Off a few weeks ago. Zed may have lost, but the blame can be put on all the things that Zed has on his plate! He has an intense training regimen to keep up! He has to be on guard for both Luscious AND Michael Hotbody! His sharpness can only be streched so far! "But rest assured, Clubber, that the next time you want to dare step into the ring and try your luck again with Zed, he's going to be all over you and the question of who's the real big dog in this fight will be answered!"

This match is the goods and while the guys do their thing, Madison is able to keep things on the level by making sure Luscious isn't pulling any crap. Ultimately, neither Madison or Luscious are going to have a say in the matter as while they have a scuffle that draws the attention of the referee, BUTCH FLEMING comes running down to smack Piero in the back with a chair! WTF?!? He puts some mustard on it by hitting the Slaughterhouse Special and rolling out of the ring. Zed dives on top of the fallen Piero as the ref finishes up with his business with the women and Zed ends up getting the cheap pin off of Butch's interference. Butch isn't done as afterwards he slides back into the ring and stands over Piero, yelling something at him along the lines of "Is this what you want, boy?!?" Zed tries to leave BUT HERE COMES CLUBBER HARRIS!!! He brawls with Zed a bit, but Butch isn't feeling discriminatory and decides to smack Clubber with the chair, too. This whole ordeal ends up being a heel beatdown as Butch and Zed pair off with their victims and toss them around. Butch is especially vicious towards Piero, bending the chair with repeated shots to Piero's body. We get officials down to get some degree of order, but the damage is done. ****1/2, 81% overall.

MAIN EVENT: Intercontinental Title
Seth Von Kamp (c) vs. Ronnie Costello
Brooke addresses Sophie Waters and the comments she made earlier. "Sophie, I hope you don't think for a second that what went down earlier tonight with Cordelia is in any intimidating. Carmella knows Cordelia, inside and out. And on top of it all, she has ME! The brains are always the deciding factor and you've always come up short when you went against me in that department. Carmella's rise to that Women's Title is coming, and I am going to take great pride in being the guiding hand that will make that possible. But don't take my word for it. A preview is about unfold right before your very eyes and the Intercontinental Title will be the first prize that will be claimed by my new initiative!"

Man, is this a night for talking or what? Fortunately, Seth and Ronnie aren't down for talking and they deliver a strong conclusion to the night. Well, strong for a DUD show that is. We're treated to an awesome back-and-forth match that looks like it can go either way. Of course, it can't last as Ronnie has the Brooke factor to tip things in his favor. Well, Seth had a good run, but I've got to make it look like Brooke and her crew are serious. So we're going to go with this route: Brooke hops up on the apron to draw the referee's attention. Wait, what's this? She has the Intercontinental Title belt on the apron! She takes advantage of the ref being distracted with her and she kicks the belt through the legs of the ref towards Ronnie. Ronnie clutches it as he feigns vulnerability. Seth goes on the attack, unaware of the situation and he hoists Ronnie up for the Collapse of Society, but Ronnie clobbers Seth in the forehead with the belt to put a stop to those plans. Ronnie ditches the belt and goes up to hit the Defamation as Brooke relents in her distraction. The ref sees the cover from Ronnie and counts the pin to put an end to Seth's run as Intercontinental Champion. *****, 85% overall.

WINNER AND NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: Ronnie Costello

And with that, we go off the air with a triumphant Ronnie and Brooke as they stand tall and confident. What does this mean for the rest of the champions on the roster?

Overall show rating: 84%

Heel of the night: The DUD show.