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Higher. Further. Faster.
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Superstars: August 16, 2040
Opening Match: The Wasteland vs. The Agents of Change
So I want to open the show with some awesome tag team action; sue me. The dud show once again leaves me alone as these guys are allowed to shine to the best of their abilities. Corey Mattis is left alone with the Wasteland after a flurry of chaos and succumbs to the Toxic Kiss and the Wasteland get the win. *****, 97% overall. Holy hell, I need to push one of these teams.
Backstage, Naomi Bailey is with Eclypse and she is furious at the idea of having Riott be the special guest referee at SummerSlam. Riott can't be trusted and it's just more nonsense from Lisa Benton because she's jealous and just wants to be spiteful! Eclypse tries calming her down and makes the claim that Riott will absolutely call the match fair and down the middle. Naomi asks how she can be so sure. Eclypse counters by saying she knows Riott. It's not in her to be biased when it comes to something like this. Naomi thinks Eclypse is being naive. Eclypse takes exception to this and reminds Naomi that she's been around longer. Eclypse has faced Riott, hell, it was her first WrestleMania experience so she knows what she's talking about. The real problem to worry about it how to handle Jenna and Faith. Naomi chuckles and reassures Eclypse that she's got an idea to take care of that.
We get a video on the history of Wrakk and Haven and the path they've taken on their way to their match at SummerSlam which has been one year in the making. It's two monsters looking to stake their claim.
Second Match: Orlando Kincaid vs. Patrick Dean Quartermaine
Kincaid gets on the mic and calls out Alexander Piero for being too big for his britches. Kincaid feels like the latest victim of this strange phenomenon of rookie blabber mouths thinking they've got the whole world in their hands. All that aside, Kincaid gets down to business here as I've got to make him look strong, I suppose. He manages to hit the OK Corral after a sequence of reversals and gets the pin. ****, 90% overall.
It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! Hotbody is confused at some of the things he's been seeing in regards to SummerSlam. On the official website and in advertisements, the proposed submission match between Hotbody and Martyn LaSalle for the Cruiserweight Title is STILL being promoted as happening. Hotbody made it clear on Raw that he has measures that he's willing to put into place in order to not participate in that sham of a match and Lisa Benton keeps on pushing her luck. Well, guess what? She's run out of luck and Hotbody has run out of mercy so he's giving her an ultimatum: either cancel the match or Hotbody will go forward with filing an injunction that will cancel SummerSlam! It doesn't even matter if the courts find the match valid or not anymore! Hotbody is willing to waste the time and screw things up for Benton and everyone else conspiring against him because he DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS! He's the only person that matters around here so anyone that wants to cry about this, like Noah Carmichael did on Raw, can kiss his ass!
Cue Martyn LaSalle who, no surprise, isn't in any mood to deal with this. LaSalle figures he gives Lisa Benton a little break because she's had to deal with Hotbody's stupidity more than anyone else. LaSalle proposes a compromise and it can happen tonight and it would help eliminate all of Hotbody's problems and still allow SummerSlam to take place. LaSalle challenges Hotbody to a 3 on 3 match for the main event tonight. LaSalle will find some partners, Hotbody can get his goons and should Hotbody's team win, LaSalle will voluntarily give up the title match and Hotbody is free and clear. However, if LaSalle's team wins, the match goes on as planned and all of the legal nonsense gets dropped. Ball's in Hotbody's court.
Hotbody says that he'll have to consult his legal team but he is interested. Just the chance to finally be rid of the aggravation that LaSalle has been providing is tempting enough. Hotbody will have an answer later in the night.
Backstage, Lisa Benton is in her office having been watching the proceedings. She tells herself that that might be one big load off her plate. She's joined by none other than the guest referee for the Women's Tag Team Title match Riott!!! Benton welcomes her and they share a hug. Benton thanks Riott for agreeing to the job. Riott says it's no problem. She only regrets that there weren't any such tag team titles back when the two of them were active competitors. Benton and her would have been quite the force, no? Benton concurs but questions why Riott is here. Riott claims that it's certainly not to promote her band's newest album that just dropped...which by the way is called On the Horizon and is available on all streaming services and major retail stores RIGHT NOW! Riott wanted to invite Benton out on a night on the town after this shindig is over and done tonight. A few drinks? Raise some hell? Benton smiles in embarrassment, shaking her head. "Look, Julie. I love you. You know that right? You're my best friend but, I don't know if something like that is up my ally anymore. I've been going a rather different direction in my time away from the ring."
"Hey, Lisa, how often have we had the chance to meet up like this? And if you don't mind me saying, judging from what I've seen you have to deal with since taking up this job, you kind of could use a little 'me time', if only for a night. I mean, me personally I probably would've sent that asshat Michael Hotbody flying through a wall by now."
"Aaaaand, that's why you don't have this job, Julie. But it's certainly why you have the job at SummerSlam...if there is a SummerSlam that is."
"Hey, things will work out. Trust me. Tell you what, I'm going to have the limo prepped, you want to join me for tonight, you come find me. Just follow the noise, alright?"
"*sigh* Alright. I'll see you." And with that, Riott takes her leave and Benton goes back to watching the showl.
Third Match: The Play Pals vs. The Young Bloods
The Play Pals deny having anything to do with whatever happened to Moses McKay. It's funny, Kavovit still hasn't provided any proof of any ailment that McKay is supposedly suffering from. Regardless, when the Royal Effect do finally decide to grow a spine and get together again, the Play Pals will be waiting. Judging from their showing here, it'll be a hell of a contest. Matt Riley gets finished off with the Achievement Unlocked and gets pinned to give the win to the Play Pals. *****, 94% overall. Afterwards, we're informed that Martyn LaSalle's proposed main event has been accepted by Michael Hotbody.
Backstage we've got some more possible catfight action on our hands as Madison and Vivian Merrick run into each other and they continue their heat from Raw. Madison warns Vivian that she's more than capable of still climbing into the ring and getting a piece of her if the need arises. Vivian proposes a more diplomatic approach and offers up Azazel as an opponent for Alexander Piero tomorrow on SmackDown!. Madison agrees but if Vivian tries anymore of her crap, all bets are off.
Fourth Match: Frankie vs. Carmella Costello
This is Bra and Panties, because, fuck it, why not? I haven't had one in God knows how long and lord knows some humiliation for either side would add some more heat. Silly stipulation aside both women play it pretty straight here. Frankie gets the duke here after Carmella is knocked loopy from a Frankie-Stein. ****1/2, 93% overall.
Backstage, Sophie Waters and Shawn Dangerson talk Jason Sorola. Dangerson is on the cusp of breaking through in regards to the cruiserweight division and if Sorola wants to appoint himself gatekeeper and act as the measuring stick, Dangerson is more than happy to oblige. This has been a year where almost anyone has managed to make a mark and Dangerson shouldn't have to be left out of that. This obviously calls for Ziggy Styles to make his required appearance. The best way to leave a mark, according to Ziggy, is to leave a smile on the face of the people you meet! Being happy and content and spreading that joy is good for the soul! He eyes up Sophie Waters and claims that it's good for the body, too. Shawn immediately puts a halt to any more lechery and tells Ziggy that he's got something in mind that would make him extremely happy: if Ziggy gets the hell out of here.
MAIN EVENT: Martyn LaSalle and The Dillingers vs. The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody and Galino & Farnes
The Dillingers are eager for another crack at Galino & Farnes and are happy to partner up with LaSalle. Hotbody throws a wrench into the mix by claiming that LaSalle never said that Hotbody himself had to participate in this match, only "his goons". Besides, Hotbody isn't feeling so well. He's kind of tired from all of the legal rigamarole he's had to endure so he's going to let Zed Jones take his place. So here we go...
MAIN EVENT: Martyn LaSalle and The Dillingers vs. Zed Jones and Galino & Farnes
The faces all play underdog as the heels have a tremendous size advantage. Plus, Luscious and Hotbody still interject themselves whenever they can. The end boils down to chaos as LaSalle and Farnes end up the legal men. Luscious tries her hand at helping out with the GAVEL OF DOOM but RIOTT COMES DOWN THE AISLE SIGNATURE PIPE IN HAND!!! She gives Luscious the stink eye and Luscious freezes in fear as she watches her life flash before her eyes. Hotbody gets all up in Riott's grill about how she has no business being out here and that's just obviously asking for a pipe shot to the groin so Riott fulfills her duty by doing so. Farnes falls prey to the Martynizer and submits giving the faces the win. Riott may have just saved SummerSlam! ****1/2, 91% overall.
Overall show rating: 87%
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