[M-A-G]

Superstars: January 24, 2041

Inching closer and closer to the Rumble!

Opening Match: Victor Dark vs. Daniel St. Croix
Andrea gets on the stick, ready to heap tons of praise upon Victor. "Victor has taken great pleasure and pride in being responsible for the mood shift here in the WWE. The doubt that has been planted in your minds, the apprehension that runs down the spine of Haven, is all because of Victor. Nothing is certain anymore and Victor will continue being the cloud hanging over the room. I simply ask are you afraid of the dark? You should be. You WILL be!" Well, that sounds like fun. This match is fun, too. Not for St. Croix, of course, as he's just slaughtered and sacrificed at the Dark Altar. Victor puts things away pretty emphatically with the Darkness Falls for the pin. ****1/2, 91% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time, this time with former Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp. He looks like he's in a mood, but that's understandable, all things concerned. He gets the mic and bares his soul. "So it's been two weeks since I 'lost' the Intercontinental Title. I'm not keen on being a complainer, but this whole situation is ridiculous. I put in almost a decade of blood and sweat in this company, not counting the 4 years before that struggling to get a break. All of the dues that I had to pay are stuck in my head permenantly, constantly reminding me of where I come from. All of that time and effort culminated in me finally acheiving one of the biggest milestones of my career and that was at Summerslam when I walked out the Intercontinental Champion. And where are we at now? We've got some pampered clown, managed by some diva with a chip on her shoulder, parading around with all of the pride in the world, born on third base and thinking he hit a triple. He steals everything that I worked my ass off for and he refuses to step up and give me my due. That's the world you're asking me to live in? Nope, sorry. Not having it. That's not going to cut it. Every day that's passed with Ronnie Costello walking around with my Intercontinetal Title has been a slap in the face. So I say this, and I hope you're listening, too, Brooke, because I don't give a damn about your plan. I'm standing right here, dressed and ready to go. If Ronnie isn't the tiny man I think he is, he'll bring himself and that title out here and we can do this dance one more time!"

The challenge has been laid down and Seth paces the ring, looking at the stage in hopes that he's going to get an answer. We get nothing and Seth gets back on the mic and eggs Ronnie on some more. We still get nothing as more time passes and Seth gets exasperated. "Yeah, this seems about right. Granted, I didn't know too much about you, Ronnie, before all of this, but one I thing I definitely did have figured out is the biggest thing going on between your legs is a piss stain! You can't hide forever and I want you to remember that I gave you a chance to do things the easy way!" And with that, Seth drops the mic and takes his leave looking furious.

Second Match: The Perfections vs. The Brooklyn Sisterhood
It's all about that sweet, sweet MOMENTUM as the Women's Tag Team Champions go into their title defense this Sunday. The Sisterhood are a great team for the champions to work off of as Emma and Billie do their big, bad bully schtick against the scrappy underdogs. We're shown the Southern Belles watching from the back. Things come to an end as we get a BONZO GONZO scenario. Emma has Bonnie in her sights for a Spear, but Bonnie leaps over Emma as she comes charging. Emma hits Billie as a result, taking her own partner out of the equation. Leah comes off the top with a heel kick to Emma's face and she goes reeling backwards into a schoolgirl from Bonnie and that's enough to give the champions the win and the MOMENTUM. The Southern Belles look unimpressed. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Backstage we go where Madison is with Alexander Piero. They're asked about the situation with Butch Fleming. Piero says that he's actually honored to have earned the attention of a guy like Fleming. "I just take it as Butch being threatened. This bragging macho routine he loves to pull every time he goes out there is nothing but hot air, all designed to make sure none of the attention is off of him. Well now I'm in that spotlight and I'm only willing to share it for so long."

Third Match: Cameron Harper vs. Patrick Dean Quartermaine
Harper wants a piece of that pre-match promo pie and thus gets on the stick to reiterate his grievances. "If there was any doubt about my decision to cut ties with Jake Connelly and Ethan Lang, they've all vanished. Now more than ever, I am confident that I did the right thing for myself. I deserve to be appreciated! I should've been the first person Jake Connelly came to when he was looking for clients! We could have had the world! Well, the ship has sailed and I'm charting my own course. What I build for myself will be a monument that Jake and Ethan will look at and feel shame and embarrassment and failure! It begins at the Royal Rumble when I prove my superiority! Ethan, you're on your own. Jake's not going to be there to hold your hand and I'm most definitely done with carrying you!" Once again we have a match where MOMENTUM is on the line. I hope this path I started paving for Cameron pulls him out of that limbo he was in for a long time and he gets to be useful enough to where I want to keep building on top of it. Anyway, this match is the goods. Cameron counters an attempt at a head scissors, turning it into a Cam Jam and that's enough to give him the pin. Ethan Lang comes running down to try to get a piece of Harper, but Harper isn't about that tonight and bails. ****1/4, 94% overall.

Once again to the back where Brooke is with Ronnie and Carmella Costello. Brooke wants to know who the hell Seth Von Kamp thinks he is. "I'm sorry, but when did Seth Von Kamp start calling the shots around here? Look, we know that Seth is 'owed' a match against Ronnie for the Intercontinental Title, but all of the power is over on this side of the fence. Ronnie Costello will face Seth when he feels like it and when he's ready. Right now, the really important issue facing these two is becoming champions as brother and sister. Carmella has a shot at making that history this Sunday, when she outshines that overhyped jock Sonya Braddock!"

Ronnie follows up with his own take on things. "It's going to be great. Our parents are going to be so proud and more importantly, everyone around here is going to be so jealous. My little sister is going to conquer the arena of women's wrestling as the Women's Champion and I'm going to embark on the greatest Intercontinental Title reign in history! We're an unbeatable team. Seth Von Kamp, I actually invite you to come to SmackDown! so you can come get a piece of what you deserve since you want some action so bad!"

Carmella continues with her thoughts. "Sonya Braddock thinks that she's going to get by this Sunday riding on her reputation. It's about time that she gets knocked down a peg. She has no idea what's in store for her. She has no idea of the power of this machine that Brooke has built. It's a synergy that Sonya hasn't dealt with before and one that she'll never forget. In fact, I invite her to the same party that Ronnie just invited Seth to so she can see first hand!" And with that, the three take their leave.

Fourth Match: The Academy vs. The Youngbloods
Time for solid tag team action. I know who I can count on anytime I need a fucking awesome match to boost my rating. I mentioned it before but I think I've gone as far as I can with the Youngbloods as a team. I should brainstorm what to do with them. In the meantime, The Academy puts this one away in a fairly strong fashion as Randy Ellis hits Sully Lane with Today's Lesson and that's going to give them the win via pinfall. *****, 94% overall.

Fifth Match: Xavier Cross vs. Kerry Cemenko
Brandon Reigns is shown at ringside still gripping his Money in the Bank briefcase and still choosing to not get involved in any proceedings. Xavier Cross gets on the stick and makes his own case for winning the Rumble. He declares that headlining WrestleMania 50 was a high. An unbelievable high that no one in the audience can ever understand. A high that Kerry Cemenko can never understand. "And that's simply because I'm better! It's high time that I return to that grand stage and that road is going to be built with the bodies of 29 other pretenders at the Royal Rumble!" I remember when these two got a Match of the Year candidate last year on a fucking PRE-SHOW. If this were real, I wonder how they'd feel getting passed over in favor of two women. Anyway, after another awesome match they tumble to the outside and the count is on. Cross shoves Cemenko away, causing Cemenko to crash into the barrier right in front of where Brandon Reigns is sitting. Reigns gets up from his seat. Cemenko recovers but he ends up being face-to-face with Reigns. They share a few choice words. Cross uses this opportunity to sneak back into the ring. Cemenko ends up shoving Reigns. Reigns responds by splashing his drink in Cemenko's face. The referee reaches the count of 10 giving the win to Cross, but that's not the main story here as Cemenko retaliates to his impromptu bath by jumping over the barrier to get him some of Reigns. We get officials out here to break things up. I mean, technically Cemenko is assaulting an audience member. The dance between these two continues. ****1/2, 93% overall.

More backstage talking as the Unified World Champion Wrakk wants to get some more stuff off his chest. "When you're on a journey like mine, when you've suffered setbacks like I have, there isn't room for mourning or regrets. There are only obstacles in your way. Obstacles that need to be destroyed, not just conquered. This is something that Simon Bennett can't understand. But it's fine, because I will be the adversity that he's been sorely missing! Simon, your grand return to this stage doesn't entitle you to anything, certainly not at my expense. Allow me to introduce you to what you've been missing for all these years."

It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The Royal Rumble Winning Hero to Millions Around the World, the Host With THE Highest Rated Interview Show In All of Entertainment, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover of the Manager of the Year Slammy Award Winner and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Mister Twenty-Forty, The Two Time Slammy Award Winner Including the Rookie of the Year and the Most Envied Superstar of the Year, the Man Who is the Rightful Winner of the Slammy for Cruiserweight of the Year, The Lord of the Ladder and Conqueror of Fears, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! "First things first, I need to apologize to all of the diehard, loyal, and clamouring fans of mine that have been deprived of the Hot Button for such a long time. I understand I haven't given you what you've been craving for these past weeks, but I hope to make it all up to you this Sunday by giving you what you really, really want! You all want to see me put an end to that big phony known as Neil Quint! Well, with this being a celebration of my first year, a year of awesomeness, I may add, it's only appropriate to put things into perspective for my overzealous opponent for the Rumble. Neil, I invite you to come on out here so that the full weight of what's ahead for you can sink in, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, you'll find it in yourself to do the right thing and pull out of this match on your own. So come on out and join me here on the Hot Button, Neil!"

Some time passes before the number one contender himself comes out and does indeed join Hotbody in the ring, looking exasparated as hell. Michael welcomes Neil to the show and continues with his spiel. "Neil, thank you for doing this. Quite frankly it's for your own good when you really think about it. You need to put things in perspective when you hear what I have to say and see what I have to show you. If you would do yourself a favor and take a gander at the big screen so that I can narrate this display of grandeur and dominance. Now this footage right here is from last year's WrestleMania, where I led my team to glorious victory and planted my flag as someone who everyone needed to keep an eye on. This next piece is my stunning underdog victory in the Cruiserweight Royal Rumble, a match where NO ONE gave me a shot at winning. But I believed in myself, Neil, because I knew I was the best. And that victory led me to this next bit. I didn't just beat Jordan Demiras, I beat him THREE TIMES, becoming the Cruiserweight Champion that we all know and love today! I even broke him in his own requested match inside a steel cage! And then it was on to Martyn LaSalle. I outdid him in every respect, making him tap out to the superior man! I even caught the attention of the hottest woman on the planet who was eager to jump on board the unstoppable express train that is Michael Hotbody! Then I moved on to overcoming not one, not two, BUT THREE challengers to my title, proving that I'm more man than people give me credit for. I led another team to glorious victory at the Survivor Series, walking out the sole survivor! And just last month, I conquered my fears, I suppressed all of my anxieties, and I overcame the deviousness of Gavin Jones when I climbed that ladder, courage building with every step, until I secured my title once again! So now that brings us to you, Neil, and the Royal Rumble. Stacked up against all of what you just saw, I have to ask where you get the audacity to think you stand a chance against me! You're in no position to change the course of my journey. I'm the Rookie of the Year, NOT YOU! I'm the rightful Cruiserweight of the Year, NOT YOU! What you need to do, Neil, is go deep into your heart and realize the truth of what I'm saying, do the right thing, and forfeit. No one will think any less of you if you just pull out of this, Neil! I site all of my accomplishments in my introduction not to brag. They may intimidating to some, but that's not their intended effect, either. They are there to inform people like you, Neil, in order to help you make wise decisions with your career. I have no doubt that down the road, once the sun has set on my dynasty, you'll be able to carry the ball in a very admirable and adorable fashion. But that can't happen if you walk into the lion's den this Sunday where I will devour you and add you as another notch in my belt! What do you say, Neil?"

Neil looks pensive as he thinks about all of this. He eventually meets Michael eye-to-eye and gives his reply. "Michael, I just want to thank you for showing us all that. It was very informative and it does help me out when considering your request. It served as a terrific reminder as to why I need to beat the crap out of you this Sunday and take that title!"

The crowd cheers and Hotbody is aghast at this reply, but Neil Quint continues. "No, no, don't give me this incredulous nonsense. For this past year you have been doing nothing but leaving a stain on that Cruiserweight Title. I didn't come this far to be scared off. So here's my anniversary gift to you, Michael. I'm going to give you another major highlight that you can add to your little show and tell presentation. It's the ass kicking of your life and it's the end of this circus!"

Michael Hotbody composes himself, looking extremely upset and annoyed at all of what Neil just said. "You know, I figured as much. You know what? That's fine! Don't say I didn't warn you! You're going to get everything you deserve! Speaking of which, Neil, I feel like you should know that Zed Jones was really disappointed with you not showing up to fight him last week!"

Just as Michael delivers that last statement, Zed Jones slips into the ring behind Neil Quint and drops him with a heavy blow to the back of the head. Michael watches as Zed delivers a beat down, choosing to provide play-by-play, all while insincerely asking Zed not to do certain things to Neil.

"Oh, Zed. Zed, no! Don't throw him to the outside and kick his ass there!" Zed proceeds to throw Neil to the outside and continues the beating.

"Zed, please! You can't grab a chair and bust Neil open with it!" Zed proceeds to grab a chair and busts Neil open with it.

"Oh, my God, Zed! You're going too far! You can't pick him up and send him into the ringpost!!!" Zed proceeds to pick up Neil and send him into the ringpost.

"Zed, don't you have mercy, bah gawd! Bah gawd, he's broken in half! Don't set up the announce table and send Neil through it!" Zed proceeds to prep the announce table and then power bombs Neil through it!

"OH, MAH GAWD!!! OH, MAH GAWD!!! GOVERNMENT MULE!!! GOVERNMENT MULE!!! AS GAWD AS MAH WITNESS, HE'S A SCOLDED DOG!!! RIGHT OUT OF THE UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA, BAH GAWD!!!" Michael eventually decides he's had enough and suggests that he and Zed go get dinner before hopping onto Zed piggyback style and heading to the back, leaving Neil a broken mess.

MAIN EVENT: Chet Morris and Quinten McDaniels vs. Lyle Morris and Orlando Kincaid
The heat is strong here and as a result it's a strong close to the evening. We're reminded of Chet and Lyle's one-on-one match at the Rumble in addition to Quinten and Orlando both being part of the Rumble match itself. It's another balls to the wall tag encounter, similar to the six-man back at Bragging Rights, with no one really playing face-in-peril. Things break down as Quinten and Orlando brawl to the outside, eventually crashing through the barricade, taking them out of play. Meanwhile, Lyle is finally in a position to be getting the better of Chet and he doesn't let up. Like to the point where the referee has to cut in multiple times, but Lyle isn't having it. Lyle shoves the ref down and that's going to draw a DQ. Lyle is too busy trying to break Chet's face to care. Eventually, Quinten makes his way back into the ring and saves Chet by pulling Lyle off and hitting him with the Great Depression. Quinten gathers Chet and the two make their way up the ramp as we go off the air. *****, 94% overall.

Overall show rating: 91%