Superstars: August 2, 2040
Opening Match: The Pacific Connection (Mika and Tamara) vs. The Jersey Experience (Jamie Roderick and Frankie)
Stephan Q. Sterling announces The Pacific Connection as his newest charges and hopes they'll be making an impact in the women's division. Rough crowd reaction but luckily Jamie is the veteran here and holds everyone's hand in order to make the heels' debut something worthwhile. Carmella Costello, however, ruins everyone's day by dragging Frankie out and getting some pound of flesh for the DQ. I have high hopes for this aspect of the women's division. ****1/4, 71% overall.
Back from break as we have Tania joining us in the ring to air her grievances over what happened at King of the Ring. Billie Padgett just couldn't stand the fact that Tania would have been standing here today the Women's Champion as it would have been an indication of Tania simply being better than her. Tania is tired of Padgett's jabs so if she wants to get tough, Tania will be happy to oblige as she has no problem getting tough if it means mopping the floor with Padgett once and for all. "You thought it was cute for me to think I could become champion? Believe me, I'm done with being cute."
Cue the interruption but this time it's some unknown music and who should join us on the stage but...Ziggy Styles?!? "FINALLY the cries of wrestling fans around the globe have been answered! The great Ziggy Styles is HONORED to be the answer to the prayers on everyone's lips. Remember this moment! Remember this night! Remember these words! You will tell stories to your children and your children's children about where you were when Ziggy Styles changed the face of the WWE! The WWE has been too depressing lately! Too much of a bummer! Too much drama and melancholy! There are way too many sticks up way too many...um...posteriors! When was the last time anybody just paused to smell the roses or just have a good time? Well, all of that is going to change! The Zig-ster is here and ready to spread his love all over everyone's faces! Tania, I don't want to leave you out of this. I'm here to turn that frown upside-down along with all the other sad faces here tonight! So I ask you along with everyone watching: Are you ready to get Ziggy with it?!?"
Tania does not look amused as she delivers her response. "Sorry, what the hell does that even mean?"
"It means...."
"I don't actually care! Unless you're Billie Padgett dressed to look like a jackass you can take a hike!"
"Hey, you know what? You don't get to get Ziggy with it anymore! You should change your name to Debbie Downer! You can stay there and mope and be sad and play the sympathy card all you want! Ziggy Styles doesn't need you to have a good time and he certainly doesn't need you to make an impact! You all just keep tuned in because the birth of the Styles Era has begun!" With that, Ziggy Styles dances his way off the stage encouraging the crowd to join him.
Backstage, Faith Connors and Jenna Kyle have been watching the proceedings. Jenna questions what the deal is with all of these loudmouths in the WWE. It's like every week they have to deal with a new one. Faith brings up how one particular group of loudmouths got one over on them at King of the Ring and that they need to take it to heart to be extra vigilant. Jenna admits that it was a setback but that Hannah and Leah would need a hell of a lot more nights like that to even come close to what Faith and her have built.
Second Match: Shawn Dangerson vs. Bill Crockett
The push continues! Not a complete domination for Dangerson but effective nonetheless as he continues to impress. He gets the tap out win with the Danger Zone. ****1/2, 79% overall.
Backstage, Seth Von Kamp wants to talk Brandon Reigns. Specifically the lack of balls on Brandon Reigns. He didn't have the balls to compete in King of the Ring. He didn't have the balls to face him on Raw. And he doesn't have the balls to build that bright future he's always talking about. Seth is content, however, in the fact that Reigns can't avoid him forever.
Third Match: The Wyldhearts vs. The Royal Effect
It's taken me this long to realize that this is a dud show. That doesn't stop these guys from trying though. And it certainly doesn't stop the Future Foundation from their neverending quest to be dicks to their rivals as they try to ruin things for the Wyldhearts but Hilton accidentally runs into Kavovit. Robbie tosses Hilton and finishes Kavovit off with a Swandive Headbutt for the pin. The Play Pals run down to even things up and prevent any further shenanigans. *****, 84% overall.
It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody. He's got his new lover, Luscious along for the ride and they proceed to mock Martyn LaSalle. Luscious questions LaSalle as to whether he really actually thought a woman like her would have ANY interest in a stiff like him. And really, that's the only aspect in which you can describe LaSalle as 'stiff'. She declares that Michael Hotbody is where the real action is: in the ring...and in several other areas, too.
She continues by adding that she came to the WWE to be where the winners are and Hotbody is right at the top of that list as he's accomplished so much in such little time. She'd have to be a complete fool to associate herself with someone like Martyn LaSalle.
Hotbody wants to pile it on and calls LaSalle an idiot, not just for falling for Luscious but for challenging him in the ring. Hotbody continues to remain the best thing that's ever happened to the Cruiserweight division and he's only going to continue to be hot now that the lovely Luscious is officially on board the party wagon. You could even call him the Luscious Lover. In fact, you should all do that from now on! Forget the summer because nothing is going to be hotter than the union you're all looking at right now!
Luscious and Hotbody proceed to kiss to a chorus of boos but their session gets interrupted by the boss, Lisa Benton! Benton says that she's out here to actually applaud the two of them. "I have to admit, I was just like everyone here by completely falling for the charade the two of you put together these last few weeks. It was very impressive in how convincing it was. I mean, I really believed that Luscious was out for Martyn LaSalle."
"It was pretty tremendous wasn't it?" Luscious cheers.
"Yes, yes, quite tremoundous. Very realistic. Very passionate. It was so real, in fact, that I believed that you wanted Martyn LaSalle to have another match for the Cruiserweight Title against Michael Hotbody!"
"She is pretty good, right?" Hotbody boasts.
"Yes, very good. She did such a good job with that. I believed it SO MUCH, that, quite frankly, I went ahead and awarded Martyn LaSalle another match for the Cruiserweight Title!" The crowd cheers and the joy disappears from the faces of Hotbody and Luscious. Benton continues, "Yes, he will get another title match and it will be at SummerSlam! And to ensure that it doesn't go to hell because of an errant slap to the face from someone sticking their nose in the way, it's going to be...A SUBMISSION MATCH!" Benton takes her leave as the two lovebirds shout in protest.
Fourth Match: Lzzy Ryd vs. Emma Edwards
This certainly isn't an excuse to begin the path towards teaming up Lzzy and Tania. No siree, Bob.
The two women pull off a tremendous encounter despite everything working against them. Billie Padgett runs in to attack Lzzy when it looks like she's about to put away Emma for the DQ. Tania runs down to even things up by getting a piece of Padgett and the heels go in retreat. *****, 85% overall.
Fifth Match: Alexander Piero vs. L.A. Xander
This is all about making Piero look good. This is a banger of an encounter that sees Piero picking up the win with the Flashpoint. Afterwards, ORLANDO KINCAID runs down making his return and just levels Alexander Piero! He asks Piero if he's forgotten about him! Looks like this feud must continue! ****1/2, 81% overall.
In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Xavier Cross. He laments how the year hasn't been kind to him as he has made effort after effort to get his hands on that Unified World Title. EVERYONE HAS BEEN WORKING AGAINST HIM! From Haven to Kerry Cemenko and then just recently to Noah Carmichael in the King of the Ring tournament! And the worst part of it all is that all of you people cheer them on! You people are just as much the problem as anyone else! Well, he's not just going to be overlooked. He still expects the winner of SummerSlam's main event to DO THE RIGHT THING and offer him a chance at the gold! In the meantime, he demands to be treated with the proper respect and the proper opponent for SummerSlam so that his case can made even further! He'll take anybody because Xavier Cross will not be denied!
With that said, Kyle Jacobs sneaks up from behind through the crowd making his return and spins Cross around and hits a Legacy Bomb! Everyone's making an impact tonight!
MAIN EVENT: Quentin McDaniels vs. Stone Walsh
I kind of have to throw Quentin a bone here after jobbing him out in the finals at the PPV. He's over and talented enough to recover, I'd say. He blocks the Stone Cutter and reverses into the Great Depression to pick up the pin and the victory. *****, 85% overall.
Overall show rating: 84%