[M-A-G]

SmackDown!: January 18, 2041

Opening Match: Quinten McDaniels and Hugo vs. Lyle Morris and Eddy Clash
Lyle begins things by taking the mic to address his cousin, Chet, and what he said last night. "Let me just set the record straight for everyone here. This was supposed to be Eddy and me against that giant tub of gumbo Hugo and my piece of crap cousin right here, right now. But word travels fast around here and apparently Chet wants to pull his 'on my own terms' card and got himself replaced. Chet, I don't care what you have to say about this whole matter between us. As long as I'm able to get my hands on you, that's on my terms. The point of all this is to smack you around and making you pay for being a backstabbing swamp dweller. If family don't mean anything to you, so be it! I accept your offer for a match between the two of us at the Royal Rumble. It's high time this nonsense comes back around to boot you in the ass! Backing out of this match right now might have been the smartest thing you could've done, Chet, but showing up at the Rumble is going to be the dumbest!"

With that said and done, this is a great way to start things off tonight. It's all intense stuff and full speed the whole way through. Chet Morris makes his way out in the middle of the match to get in the head of Lyle. Things end in a rotten way, though, when Lyle has Hugo in position for an attempt at his Cajun Spice off the ropes. Chet decides to intervene and shove Lyle off. The ref sees this and calls for the DQ against Hugo and Quinten. Three against two is a bad situation here, even with Eddy holding his own somewhat. The balance is restored with Orlando Kincaid running down, chair in hand, to unload on the heels. The Stable That Isn't a Stable decides to bail. Lyle isn't having it and takes Orlando's chair away and goes off on his own to chase Chet who breaks off from his pack to run away in another direction. The remaining 4 men shout at each other, with Orlando and Eddy still looking to fight. ****1/4, 89% overall.

To the back we go where we've got Kyle Jacobs standing by. He's asked about his chances at winning the Royal Rumble. "Listen, if I wasn't confident and didn't think I could win it, I wouldn't have been the first person to throw my name in the ring, so to speak. Last year at WrestleMania, I pulled off an incredible moment, one that no one thought was possible. I'm itching to do it again. I'm itching to shove the doubt down the throats of anyone not giving me a chance." Kyle gets asked if that includes Chris Collins. "Oh, it most certainly does. He's right at the top of the list. Look, more power to him if he's getting a second wind and re-establishing himself here in the WWE. The more top guys I can toss out of that Rumble, the better it is for me. When everyone is out of that match and I'm the last man standing in the middle of that ring, everyone is going to be able to say that Kyle Jacobs went through hell and that Kyle Jacobs is ready for that WrestleMania main event. Why? Because I stood up to the biggest and the best and I didn't flinch. So bring it all at the Rumble, Chris. Your bitterness, your anger, your disgust, your chip on your shoulder...for all the good it's going to do."

Also elsewhere, Brooke is with Salvatore Scabbia and the new WWE Intercontinental Champion Ronnie Costello. She dismisses Kyle's comments and claims that what he did last year at WrestleMania ultimately did nothing to stop Salvatore Scabbia and his ascent. "Salvatore ended up being the biggest threat to the Unified World Title and he'd be standing here with that title if not for the absurd amount of bias and incompetence permeating in the WWE. But things are looking up. The WWE Women's Title is within reach and just last week Ronnie planted the flag of Brooke by taking what he deserves in this WWE Intercontinental Title. And the really scary thing about of all of this is that I'm not stopping. Salvatore and Ronnie are in that Royal Rumble and they're going to be the force with which everyone's going to reckon. The two of them can accomplish anything. They'd even make better tag team champions than the ones we have right now!"

Speaking of which, Madison and her clients, the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions themselves, are walking by and they catch what Brooke just said and take offense. Madison is quick to give Brooke some lip. "You know, Brooke, there's something to be said about what Sonya Braddock talked about last night on Superstars. You need to be really careful about what you're promising. My boys, the Wyldhearts, beat the Tag Team of the Year. They're on their way to beating 3 teams at the Rumble in order to keep these titles. Your reach exceeds your grasp, Brooke. This is all going to blow up in your face in a really ugly way if you're not careful."

Brooke isn't about to just take that and fires back. "Nothing about me is ugly, Madison. But if you and your boys are so confident, pony up and put those titles on the line tonight against Salvatore and Ronnie here. We were coming for those titles anyway. We might as well take them off your hands now and get it over with!"

Madison looks back to the Wyldhearts, looking for approval to go ahead with this proposal. Neither Robbie or Blaine seem to mind and Madison turns back to Brooke and tells her that she's on. "We'll see you in the main event!" And with that, the Wyldhearts and Madison go off on their own way. Is Brooke's camp going to collect another championship tonight?

Second Match: The Perfections vs. The Glamour Brigade
Speaking of champions, time to give the Women's Tag Team Champions some shine. Given the stats for C.J. and Arianna, they should be the ones I'm pushing as the main heel threat to Leah and Bonnie, but such is life. Maybe down the road. The Southern Belles are in the back watching the match on a monitor. This ends up rocking all kinds of ass. Things come to an end when Arianna sends Leah to the ropes looking to set her up for the Nose Dive. She launches Leah into the air, but Bonnie comes in to tackle Arianna, essentially breaking up the sequence, allowing Leah to land relatively safely. C.J. comes into try to take out Bonnie, but Leah sends her over the top to the outside. Arianna is down and Leah takes advantage by hitting the Sultry Splash on her and that's going to give the faces the win via pinfall. MOMENTUM has been created for the champions. ****1/2, 93% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time as Cameron Harper comes on out with a bag and a metal bin to the ring. What's this all about? The crowd reaction says it all as to how well-received his actions as of late have been. He asks the crowd to reconsider their negativity, especially once they hear what he has to say. "Whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not, if it comes down to Jake Connelly and me and you're pondering who deserves your trust and adulation more, I'm here to tell you that I'm the one you can actually count on when it comes to decency and honesty! I, unfortunately, had to learn a very harsh lesson, one that I'm going to pass on to all of you. Never meet your heroes! Let me show you all something."

Cameron proceeds to open the bag and dump its contents out in the ring. "Take a look at all of this. Two weeks ago, I would've called all of this some of my valued possessions. Now, I'm free to call it what it is. It's a pile of garbage and a symbol of how much I've wasted! I was as big a fan of Jake Connelly as you could get! He was one of the, if not the biggest, highlights of the WWE as I was growing up and I patterned myself after him. I surrounded myself with all of this memorabilia and merchandise. Look at this poster! This was the first thing I ever hung up on a wall the moment I got my own room! This shirt, this shirt right here, I wore to the WrestleMania where Jake Connelly returned after two long years to win the Unified World Title in the main event! All of this stuff in this pile right here represents the passion for this business that was formed with the admiration I had for Jake Connelly! But it turns out Jake isn't the man I thought he was! He'd rather embrace mediocrity with a guy like Ethan Lang! Was Ethan Lang ever a fan of Jake Connelly?!? NO! And then he had the gall to try to elbow me out of the picture purely out of spite and jealousy! Quite frankly, I should have seen this coming long before all of this. Jake, I should've been the first person you came to when you were starting your new career as a manager! I swallowed my pride and I practically had to beg and parade around for you just to give me a chance. And where did it all get me?!? Jake and Ethan, you're going to reap what you've sown and it's going to happen at the Royal Rumble. And if you have any doubts as to how serious I'm going take this, watch and learn because this is the perfect metaphor for all of this." With that said, Cameron drops the mic and proceeds to gather up all of the stuff in the ring and dump it in the bin. He then proceeds to pull out some lighter fluid and matches, igniting the contents. He stares at it for a while before taking his leave, shouting at the camera that he'll be waiting at the Royal Rumble.

Third Match: Zed Jones vs. Neil Quint
Zed is accompanied by Michael Hotbody who gets on the mic to address Neil Quint. He says he's on board with the idea that Galino & Farnes had to get rid of Quint's status as number one contender. So he came up with the idea of Neil Quint having to go through Zed Jones here tonight. "Surely if Neil was so confident and so worthy of a title shot, he'll have no problem coming out here and dealing with the man here. I mean, I believe in you, Neil. These people here all believe in you! What's the problem? Come on out here if you really feel you deserve to face me at the Royal Rumble!"

Some time passes but eventually Neil Quint comes on out, smiling and pumped and ready to go. He goes a few steps before suddenly doubling over and grabbing his stomach. He looks like he's in pain. Lisa Benton is quick to come out to the stage to check on Neil. She has a mic and questions Neil as to what's wrong. Neil claims that his tummy just started to hurt. Lisa is SHOCKED AND APPALLED and looks concerned, questioning Neil if he thinks he can go through with the match. Neil puts on a brave face and tries to assure everyone that he thinks he can manage. He goes a few more steps but then grabs his stomach again. Lisa again is "concerned" and declares that, by golly, it doesn't look like Neil can go through with this match. "Gosh, this looks serious! Neil, I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to participate here tonight. And I know just how badly you wanted to and I know Zed and Michael were looking forward to having a match, also. Well, Zed, don't worry. I have a replacement for Neil and he's in top form so don't worry. You're getting a match after all. You two enjoy and poor Neil here is going to get checked out in the back. Zed, you look ready to go, so here's your substitute opponent."

Actual Third Match: Zed Jones vs. Clubber Harris
Well, duh. Zed and Michael are furious and beside themselves. Neil and Lisa head to the back and Clubber looks eager to kick some ass. We get another power match as you'd expect from these two. Things spill to the outside, triggering a ten count as both men fail to make it back in. That's going to go down as a draw. Michael Hotbody tries to intervene as Clubber has the advantage as he's just pounding away on Zed. Clubber merely pie faces Hotbody and shoves the Cruiserweight Champion over the barrier. Zed recovers and tackles Clubber, sending them both over the barrier. They brawl out of sight through the crowd with officials on their tail. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Fourth Match: Ziggy Styles vs. Isaac Wolff
Ziggy declares that for the first time in history, the Royal Rumble is going to get Ziggy with it because he's going to be part of it this year! The power of positivity is coming to the main event of WrestleMania and Ziggy Styles is the gatekeeper, fighting valiantly to stave off the stench and blight of negativity coming from everyone else in that Rumble!Gloom and doom has had its day and it's high time that someone like Ziggy Styles gets to shine! Pretty words, but maybe there's something to it? Well, we'll just have to wait and see. Until then, Ziggy certainly shines here. A fantastic mid-card bout to keep everyone engaged. It's definitely a far cry from the previous bout. Things come to an end with Ziggy catching Isaac in the air, dropping him into a power bomb and then proceeding to stack him up using the ropes for some leverage. Positive leverage! That's enought to give Ziggy the cheap win via pinfall. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Once more to the back where we've got Paul Andrews, ready to talk about his client, Simon Bennett, challenging for the Unified World Title at the Royal Rumble. "Unfortunately, Simon isn't here tonight, but just know that Simon has been using every minute of off-time to prepare and perfect his craft in order to be 100% ready for what's coming at the Royal Rumble. And when you consider that Simon has always been at the top of his game, either years before or since coming back, that should make Wrakk very, very worried. The end result of the situation with Adam Hail should be looked at as an example as to what Simon is capable of when he's laser focused and determined to right a wrong. Believe Simon when he says that he's looking to make this return mean something."

Who should make himself known but the WWE Unified World Champion Wrakk. He gets in Paul's face and asks him if he's been totally honest with Simon Bennett. "I can kind of forgive Simon for being naive, seeing as he was gone during the time I ascending to where I'm at now. But you, Andrews? You've been here every step of the way. Hell, you've been a victim, haven't you? I don't think you've completely conveyed the reality that's going to go down at the Rumble to Simon. Otherwise, he wouldn't be such a confident, wide-eyed idiot coming out here, week in and week out, spouting off the nonsense of hoping to be the champion one more time. If you were any kind of manager, Andrews, you need to start being honest with your guy."

"I don't doubt you're going to give Simon a fight to remember, Wrakk. What I doubt is if you've got enough in you to finish it. Haven't all of your title defense ended in someone coming in to bail you out? Yeah, they have, haven't they. From Haven to Ryan Pattillo to Orlando Kincaid just a few weeks ago. I'm starting to believe you've built this title reign on a house of cards and Simon's the big bad wolf coming to knock it all down at the Royal Rumble."

Wrakk takes a moment to ponder this, then responds. "Well, Paul, if you're not going to give him the message I asked you to, maybe Simon can get this one." With that, Wrakk boots Paul Andrews in the gut and proceeds to pound him down into the ground, continuing the assault by stomping away at the manager while he's down. Wrakk picks up Andrews and sends him into some equipment. Officials come onto the scene to get in between the champion and the fallen Andrews. Wrakk looks like he's satisfied and backs away, shouting some more at Andrews as he leaves.

Fifth Match: Moses McKay vs. Caleb Greene
Representatives of two of the teams involved in that four-way for the Unified Tag Team Titles at the Rumble are going at it here. The Future Foundation make their way out to the announce table to give their thoughts on the matter, as they, too, will also be involved in that match. We get a great "big man-little man" match here, as Greene has a lot of experience in this department. Things end when Moses shoves Caleb off of him and Caleb bumps into the ref slightly. The ref stumbles, but that's enough for Moses to deliver a quick low blow, undetected, to Caleb and then he follows it up with the Mass Effect. The ref recovers and counts the pin, giving the cheap victory to McKay. MOMENTUM has been built. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Again to the back where Sophie Waters is with Cordelia Capriati. They want to rip into Carmella Costello, telling her they're not impressed with the fact that she basically lucked her way into the title match at the Rumble. Cordelia declares that she's not going to just go away if that's the hope that Brooke and Carmella have in their heads. "You know what, Carmella? I actually hope you manage to buck the odds and somehow walk out of the Royal Rumble with the title in your possession. In just a few short weeks, you know what's coming? The Queen of the Ring. And I can't think of a better way to ruin this whole design than by winning that tournament this year and breaking Carmella Costello like the fragile little bitch she is at WrestleMania and taking the title for myself. Have a fun time at the Rumble, Carmella. I'll be watching."

MAIN EVENT: WWE Unified Tag Team Titles
The Wyldhearts (c) vs. Salvatore Scabbia and Ronnie Costello
Brooke and Ronnie dismiss Cordelia's comments. Brooke claims that the gears are in motion and they're not to be stopped by a freaking tantrum. Ronnie puts all of his support and faith behind his sister. He says that it will be an honor to wear gold alongside his sister and he's more than happy to do what he can to make that a reality. Hell, right now, he has an opportunity to be a double champion! "Unlike a bunch of ingrates walking around here, I'm not the least bit sorry in casting my lot with Brooke. Sal and I are standing here in the main event, while all of the other whiners are back there kicking dirt around, feeling sorry for themselves. All I can say is get ready to feel even more pathetic because we're walking out of here with those tag team titles!"

Naturally, we get a fucking awesome closer here. The Wyldhearts are just perfect to play the role of pretty boy underdogs getting beat down by the big bad heels. Madison does what she can to neutralize the Brooke factor on the outside. Things break down as the ref does what he can to get in the middle of Brooke and Madison. Salvatore decides to get involved by heading over to the scuffle and stalk Madison, leaving Ronnie to fend for himself. Brooke takes this opportunity to slide Ronnie his Intercontinental Title belt while the ref is busy with Salvatore. Ronnie has Blaine in his sights and is ready to nail him with the belt. WAIT A MINUTE!!! HERE COMES SETH VON KAMP!!! The former champion yanks the title belt out of the hands of Ronnie. Ronnie turns around to see what is happening and freezes in place, totally shocked by Seth's appearance. He fails to see Blaine coming of the top to nail him with a drop kick. Seth takes his leave as Robbie Greer takes out Salvatore with a baseball slide. The Wyldhearts regroup and hit a dazed Ronnie with the Heartstopper! The ref is back in position and counts the pin on Ronnie! The Wyldhearts retain the titles!!! Brooke is livid! Seth tosses the belt to her and shouts at her that he's coming to take it back for real. We go off the air with Brooke stewing and the Wyldhearts celebrating. *****, 94% overall.

Overall show rating: 90%