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Old 02-20-2004, 08:26 AM   #133
Cactus Sid
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Royal Rumble time

I dropped the tag title match, in favour of another segment

Lance Storm is coming down to the ring when Chris Benoit leaps over the security railings and attacks, making his return to the promotion. He beats Storm into the ring. Lance Storm gets knocked to the ground by Benoit. Lance Storm gets locked in the Crippler Crossface! Lance Storm goes limp! Chris Benoit leaves, having made a big impact. 74%

Chris Benoit vs Lance Storm.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Storm walks into a high dropkick from Chris Benoit, almost losing several teeth in the process. Lance Storm powers out of a Chris Benoit headlock. Benoit walks into a high dropkick from Lance Storm, almost losing several teeth in the process. Lance Storm misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Springboard dropkick from Lance Storm. Nicely done. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Benoit blocks a punch. A Gut buster connects on Storm and hits hard. T-Bone suplex by Benoit, Storm got folded in half to the point that he was almost able to fellate himself. Mighty impressive, don't you think? Hooks the leg for a two count. Diamond Dust from Chris Benoit and Storm is out! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Lance Storm once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Storm crushes Benoit with a running senton. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Storm charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Chris Benoit floors Lance Storm. Here it comes...Crippler Crossface! Lance Storm taps! Chris Benoit climbs each turnbuckle in turn, working the crowd as he celebrates his victory

My Opinion: *****! What can I say! It earned EVERY star. You, my friend, know what you're doing! 86% (I'm getting screwed over )

John Cena vs Booker T.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Booker walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Death valley driver by John Cena! No one executes that move properly anymore. Spear! Booker is down! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Bodyslam by Cena. Covers for a quick two count. Booker T fights out of a grapple. BIG clothesline on Cena. Nice piledriver on Cena. Cena blocks a kick from Booker T. Big piledriver on Booker. Booker T grabs John Cena from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Cena rolls through with the move! He is using the tights for leverage! 1....2...3! The referee didn't see it! John Cena leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at speed. Cena has the victory, and isn't hanging around for Booker T to look for revenge.

My Opinion: Slightly above average match. Only gets a **3\4 rating from me. 77% (Bye Bye Pushes)

Victoria vs Precious Lucy.

Match Background: This match is for the WWE Womans title. Victoria has been WWE Womans champion since 18 December 2005.

The Match: Victoria hits some punches. How generic. Victoria slams Precious Lucy. Victoria connects with a HARD right hand, sending the opponent down to the mat again. There's a two count on the pin. Lucy tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Covers for a quick two count. Lucy ducks a wild right hand. Dropkick connects to the butt of the jaw and Victoria goes down. Covers for a quick two count. Flying cross body off the top rope! Victoria blocks a kick from Precious Lucy. Northern Lights Bomb very nearly crushes the spine of Lucy! Victoria moves in for the kill. Widow's Peak! 1....2....3. Victoria slides to the outside and grabs a chair, then climbs back into the ring. Lucy turns around...and gets planted with a huge chair shot to the head! She is left down and out on the canvas.

My Opinion: Let me practice my math. 13 quarter stars equal a ***1\4 rating, right? Yeah, it does. That's what you get. 73%

Rob Van Dam vs Colt Cabana.

Match Background: This match is for the WWE Extreme title. Rob Van Dam has been WWE Extreme champion since 13 November 2005.

The Match: Dropkick connects to the butt of the jaw and Colt goes down. RVD just WAFFLES Colt with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Hard back suplex on Colt. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Colt Cabana is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Colt drives a thrust kick into the chest of RVD. Flying cross body off the top rope! There's a two count on the pin. Rob Van Dam comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. RVD crushes Colt with a running senton. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tiger suplex on Colt. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Colt Cabana powers out of a Rob Van Dam headlock. RVD walks into a high dropkick from Colt Cabana, almost losing several teeth in the process. Rob Van Dam comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. RVD hits a dropkick on Colt Cabana and gets right back up. The bell rings, and this match has come to a time limit draw. I don't think the fight has finished. Rob Van Dam and Colt have begun brawling again! They wind up brawling all the way down the aisle and out of view.

My Opinion: This was such a good match, it caused star ratings to magically appear... ****1\4 80%

Matt Hardy Version 1.0 vs Trent Acid.

Match Background: This match is for the WWE United Nations title. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 has been WWE United Nations champion since 14 August 2005.

The Match: Hard back suplex on Matt. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Acid crushes Matt with a sweet running senton. Hooks the leg for a two count. Matt reverses a waistlock. STIFF high kick on Acid by Matt Hardy Version 1.0. Acid takes a flying neckbreaker from Matt Hardy Version 1.0. Covers for a quick two count. DDT from the top rope by Matt Hardy Version 1.0. That looked KILLER. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Matt hits a dropkick on Trent Acid and gets right back up. Trent Acid avoids a Matt Hardy Version 1.0 avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Superkick by Trent Acid practically knocks out all of Matt Hardy Version 1.0's teeth! Hooks the leg for a two count. Back heel kick off the second rope and Matt goes flying! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Spin kick by Trent Acid to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Standing leg lariat by Trent Acid on Matt. Matt pushes out of a Trent Acid hold. Matt hits a dropkick on Trent Acid and gets right back up. DDT from the top rope by Matt Hardy Version 1.0. That looked KILLER. Chris Hero comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Trent Acid turns around. Chris Hero spins Acid around. Chris Hero hits the Hero's Welcome! Hero leaves the ring, the damage done! ONE...TWO...THREE. Matt defeats Acid. Matt \ Hero are beating down on Trent Acid! The music of Johnny Kashmere hits, and he comes running down the aisle into the ring. Matt and Hero bail out of the ring, leaving Trent Acid down in the ring. Johnny Kashmere may have saved Trent Acid from a brutal beating.

My Opinion: Great match, it deserves every snowflake its getting. ****1\4 85%

Trish Stratus vs Alexis Laree.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Trish Stratus kicks the leg, knocks Laree down, and goes to work on it. Laree reverses a Trish Stratus hammerlock. Laree hits a back kick, doubling Trishover. Alexis Laree misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Slingshot clothesline by Laree, who almost messed it up by slipping on the ropes. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Trish Stratus comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Implant DDT by Trish Stratus! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Lightning kick by Trish on Laree. Hooks the leg for a two count. Power drive elbow by Trish Stratus. That sounds like a feature on a 4 x 4, doesn't it. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Trish Stratus gets taken down out of nowhere! Weak bodyslam by Laree. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Trish kicks Alexis Laree in the gut to reverse the momentum. Lollipop comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Alexis Laree turns around. Lollipop spins Laree around. Lollipop hits the DDT! Lollipop leaves the ring, the damage done! The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Trish Stratus pins Laree. Trish and Lollipop put the boots to Alexis Laree, stomping away on her.

My Opinion: It was close to a ** match, but I just can't stand too many blown spots. *3/4 73% (ahh, I think the last match turned the tide)

Brock Lesnar vs Chris Jericho vs Chris Mental.

Match Background: This will be a triangle bout. This match is for the WWE Undisputed Heavyweight title. Chris Mental has been WWE Undisputed Heavyweight champion since 14 August 2005.

The Match: Chris Jericho kicks the leg, knocks Lesnar down, and goes to work on it. Chris Mental connects with a back heel kick on Jericho and gets back up quickly. Mental walks into a drop toe hold. Spear by Brock Lesnar. Massive backbreaker on Jericho and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Hooks the leg for a two count. Springboard dropkick from Chris Mental. Nicely done. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Lesnar kicks Chris Mental in the gut to reverse the momentum. Big piledriver on Mental. TIGER DRIVER~! '91 nearly crushes the spine of Lesnar! Jericho whips Lesnar into the turnbuckles...and the ref is crushed! Brock Lesnar floors Jericho, then signals for the F5. Meanwhile, Chris Jericho has something in his hands. Lesnar comes over...and gets nailed with a set of brass knuckles! The referee wakes up to see the pinfall: 1....2....3! It's over.

My Opinion: I'd love to see a rematch and see if they can top this. **** 83% (Maybe not)
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