[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito Ivelisse apparently couldn't handle being on job duty for the Blood and Guts pre-show, and she has checked herself into rehab for a drinking problem. So in her honor, tonight's results are sponsored by Ivelisse:

That ass though....

The only Ivelisse I'm familiar with in regards to wrestling is that one from Tough Enough way back when. That can't be the same one, right?

AEW Dark: April 6, 2021: -Colt Cabana def. Michael Nakazawa -Shawn Spears def. Brian Pillman Jr. -Thunder Rosa, Big Swole, and Yuka Sakazaki def. Emi Sakura, Mel, and Diamante -Jurassic Express def. Chaos Project -Brian Cage def. Matt Sydal

If it were me I'd do an angle where Brian Pillman, Jr. convinces Dakota to turn on her dad and uncle and join her as his half-sibling as he vows to finish what his dad started. Although I can see how SOME PEOPLE would view that in bad taste.

AEW Dynamite: April 7, 2021 Segment 1: We start the show seeing AEW TNT champion Darby Allin arriving to the ring, naturally by riding in on a skateboard. He's greeted in the parking lot by Taz, who starts talking trash. If Darby was the champion he thought he was, he'll put the TNT Title on the line against "The Machine" Brian Cage TONIGHT! Darby agrees without hesitation but then gets jumped from behind by Cage, it was a trap! 75% overall

God damn it, Admiral Ackbar, you have ONE JOB!!!

Segment 2: Last week, Matt Hardy challenged any member of the Dark Order. The challenge has been answered by John Silver who had himself a nice showing as I try to showcase him a bit more. He gave Big Money Matt probably a bigger run for his money than he thought, enough so that Matt had to resort to a cheap victory via tight hook. Afterwards, Matt beats down Silver before Hangman Page and the rest of Dark Order runs in to save their friend as Matt hurries on out of there. ***, 77% overall

I'm impressed that Matt can still bring the goods all things considered. I can only assume things got better for him in the last 5 or so years?

Segment 3: Miro is not here tonight, but he cuts a promo from home. He's The Best Man, good looking, charismatic, dangerous in the ring, makes good money, and has a hot wife. So why is his life being made hell by a group of clowns like the Best Friends, especially that slacker Orange Cassidy? This shit can't go on much longer, the two of us will have to settle our differences once and for all real soon. 88% overall

Pfft, I'LL be judge of whether or not his wife is hot.

Segment 4: Women's World champion Awesome Kong is in action tonight against Serena Deeb. Suppose that's one extra punishment to add on to her suspension last month. Kong vanquishes her as you'd expect and collects a lock of her hair...strangely not even the first time she's had a haircut in the ring. While she cuts Serena's hair, Dr. Britt Baker slides in for a cheap shot but Kong no-sells it and just shoots a death glare at Baker who falls on the mat in terror and rolls out of there quickly. ***, 75% overall

LOL @ Baker watching her life flash before her eyes.

Segment 5: Tag action next with the Young Bucks up against TheHybrid2 as I continue to give TH2 plenty of chances to build some overness up purely through in-ring performance. Bucks matches are the closest thing to an M-A-G level lock in terms of high match ratings, these teams killed it. FTR, who feel they should get to jump the line ahead of Daniels and Kazarian, watch the match from the ramp again as Tully complains on commentary. FTR eventually hit the ring and try to provide a distraction but it backfires with Angelico getting a Superkick Party for his troubles. FTR hop in and it turns into a 4 on 2 beatdown on the Bucks before Daniels and Kazarian rush in for the save. ****1/2, 91% overall

Kazarian & Daniels vs. The Young Bucks alone should bring in a healthy snowflake rating if that's where you're going with them and it'd be one hell of a sendoff for Daniels.

Segment 6: The Inner Circle are out to big boos. MJF does the bulk of the mic work as he says he was selected by his peers to explain their actions from last week. Don't let any of Chris Jericho's corny, sentimental bullshit from last week fool you. He only ever created the group to achieve his own means, he was the inaugural AEW World Champion and immediately surrounded himself with promising young talent because he wanted to cling to his spot like grim death. This group was really all about one man and one man only, and that's Chris Jericho. The group started going through a rough patch, and Jericho was too selfish and stupid to see what the problem really was: him! And that's why we heaved his fat ass out of the Inner Circle. This will be a new Inner Circle. There is no leader, there are no ulterior motives - we are 6 hungry young men ready to step out of the spotlight of that bloated egomaniac, and we will weed out any and all has-beens in order to pave way for the future. 91% overall

Love it. The missing cherry would have been Jericho being called a 'skinny' fat ass but I suppose that probably wouldn't actually apply.

Segment 7: Next up is Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Fenix - these two men were partners a week and a half ago at Blood and Guts, and they requested a match with one another out of mutual respect. The crowd was into this match but they didn't gel as well as I'd hoped. The bandaged up Cody picks up the win after a competitive match, and the two shake hands. Of course, here comes Eddie Kingston eager to do even more damage to Cody, the beatdown starts but Fenix hops back in to send Eddie at bay. ***, 83% overall

Hey, with 3 stars that's gelling well enough to get you over the bar. If no one's complaining it shouldn't deter you.

Segment 8: Cody gets a mic - he's had just about enough of this. Eddie - you left me a bloody mess last week, I had to get stiches because of you, but as you can see from tonight, nothing will keep me from getting in this ring and doing what I love to do. My wounds will be healed by next week, so if you wanna take your shot one more time, here's your chance. You and me next week - first blood match! Eddie Kingston nods a sick grin of approval. 87% overall

***SQUEAL!!!***



Wait, was that plan all along or did you go by what I said the last time around?

Segment 9: It's Darby Allin vs. Brian Cage for the TNT Title...and here's where I can laugh at the write ups again because the show is playing out very differently in my mind than it is in text. In my brain, this was yet another Team Taz set-up. A quick match where they hurl haymakers at each other for a few minutes before Powerhouse Hobbs quickly runs in for the DQ as it turns out they care more about crippling Darby than even winning the title at this point. Instead the game writes it as a 97% match quality classic In any event, as the two big guys Cage and Hobbs are putting a hurting on Darby - lights go out - they come back in. IT'S STING! Sting is back for the first time in a month, he vowed he'd be there for Darby if he was needed again and here he is! ****1/2, 92% overall

Hey, take it if you can get it. Sadly, I guess we're seeing the beginning of the end for Sting.

Segment 10: As we come back from the break, Team Taz had left the arena and Darby Allin is getting medical attention. As Sting leaves the doctor's office, he's suddenly jumped in a hail of punches and kicks. The cameras pan up to show Inner Circle standing over him! 86% overall

I'm pretty sure Sting said something about MJF's mother, it just wasn't picked up on the audio.

Segment 11: Following last week's sneak attack, PAC and Jon Moxley requested and received a tag team match against Kenny Omega and the recently returned "Machine Gun" Karl Anderson. By the end of the match, Kenny and PAC are the legal men while Mox and Anderson brawl on the outside. Mox sent into the steel steps. PAC meanwhile has Kenny down and ready for the Black Arrow, but Anderson smacks him off the top rope with a chair. It's a rare night of back to back DQs which rarely if ever happens in AEW, but I've gotta build these feuds up dammit! Looks like Anderson will be sticking around to protect Omega from the two men gunning for his belt. ***1/2, 85% overall 84% show rating

I remember in my first ever game I had made a vow to never do DQs because I always thought it was lame but sometimes you get yourself into a corner and it's like, well, they're there for a reason.

Notes: -I have, in fact, signed Karl Anderson to a written deal. -I tried to convert Thunder Rosa from an open deal to a written deal but she's happy being a freelancer. -Cody says he and Fenix don't click and requests to work with Colt Cabana. Not sure I have a storyline to get to that point but I've thrown Cody against fellow faces before so I could arrange this. -ROH started a new show on the Comet network on Wednesday night prime time, directly competing with me. I completely trounced them on their debut episode.

LOL, middle fingers to the competition. I honestly can't recall the last time another promotion had a network show in my universe. Thunder Rosa better get with the program. There's only so much she can get with a cute smile and an ass that won't quit. Well, she can get a lot but still.