Superstars: December 13, 2040
I think I can afford to be a little laid back here after the hurricanes of both SmackDown! and Raw in the last two shows.
Opening Match: The Love Connection vs. Southern Gentlemen
This is more like it. This is how Raw should've opened up with no pesky DUD show sneaking its way in. I'm thinking of doing a big four way for the tag titles and the Love Connection ought to be one of the teams involved. Aphrodite is her usual sexy self and she adds a lot to the scenery, if not the match. Brody Lee gets isolated towards the end of the match and he's going to fall victim to the Love Letter and unfortunately get pinned by Coleman, giving the faces the win. The Future Foundation come out onto the stage to give Greene and Coleman and Aphrodite some dirty looks and remind them that things aren't over between them. *****, 95% overall
PROMO TIME as it looks like we're going to get Andrea and Victor Dark to deliver some more of their spiel. Victor is disappointed in Orlando Kincaid's refusal to allow his friends to help him. However, he doesn't want Orlando to feel pressured into anything. Victor is a much more forgiving individual than someone like Haven. Victor wants to make it clear to Haven that he doesn't have "grunts" under him. What Quinten McDaniels, Hugo, and Chet have embarked upon is their own doing and they are free to do so. It's not Victor's fault that Haven has made so many enemies. Nonetheless, Victor will monitor the situation very closely. When a man is put out of his misery, you want as close of a view as you can get.
Backstage, Nathan Quinn and Adam Hail are prepped to give Simon Bennett some more of their minds. They want to inform Simon Bennett that Adam accepts Simon's challenge to a match at Bragging Rights. It's not because they believe Simon deserves it, but rather Adam deserves it. Adam deserves the opportunity to finally kick Bennett to the curb with an exclamation point because apparently he didn't get the message the last time. Adam will get to prove that he's better than Simon in every way and show the world that Adam is ready for the big stage. All Adam has ever wanted was to be acknowledged as one of the greatest, and if Simon Bennett is going to deny him that, then let Bragging Rights be the end of him.
Second Match: Ainsley vs. Debra Phillips
Fuck me for putting this after that banger of an opener. I don't know if anyone wouldn't have suffered after that one. You'd think the segments in between would give me some breathing room, but NOOOOO! A crowd reaction rating of 54% is pretty rough. Debra is just not up to snuff in the charisma department to help ease the pain. Either way, before the match Debra talks about merely using Ainsley to get her own foot in the door here in the WWE. It's an every woman for herself scenario once you bust your way in and Ainsley needed to find that out the hard way. She'll be more than happy to leave Ainsley in the dust while she skyrockets to the top. So, yeah, despite the circumstances, technically the match works so that it's not a complete disaster of a segment. They brawl to the outside as the referee begins her count. Debra gets desparate and rakes Ainsley's eyes to stop an onslaught. She goes for both legs and sets Ainsley up for a catapult into the ringpost and that knocks her loopy. Debra quickly slips back in to break the count and unfortunately Ainsley isn't going to be so lucky and that's a countout win for Debra, who bolts as if she's got something on the stove in the back. ****, 75% overall.
Third Match: Neil Quint vs. Sammy Brady
Sammy was Neil's original opponent for Raw until I realized I needed to address the Ozzy Mandias heel turn so he got the spot. Well, now we're here and it's some good shit. Neil is on a path and I've got plans for him. Sammy gets set up for the Quintessential Top Rope Maneuver. Neil starts to climb but Sammy's partner Johnny Dangerson hops on the apron to get in Neil's face. The two exchange some pleasantries until Sammy gets his bearings back and tries attacking Neil from behind. Neil is quicker to the punch and sidesteps Sammy, sending him into Dangerson. Neil gets Sammy back into position and goes up top for the Quintessential Top Rope Maneuver to score the pin. Quint once again leaves the ring undefeated. ****1/2, 90% overall.
We get a video showcasing the awesomeness that is the Woman of the Year, the WWE Women's Champion Sonya Braddock. She had a hell of a year and is looking for a strong closing come Bragging Rights.
Well, that segues perfectly into our next backstage interview with Jenna Kyle and Faith Connors, the Lonely Girls. Jenna is asked about what was shown in that video for Sonya Braddock as that's the woman Jenna needs to beat at Bragging Rights if she wants to win the Women's Title. Jenna points out that it was interesting and captivating and certainly very informative. The one thing it wasn't, however, is scary. Jenna knows scary. That fifth Halloween reboot? Very scary. The band that played at her prom? Also very scary. Sonya Braddock? Not so much. Sonya can be content with her 2040, but Jenna Kyle is set to kick off 2041 on one hell of a positive note. Faith gets her turn to speak as she calls out someone else who isn't scary, that being Dusk. Faith took a chair to the face from her at Survivor Series and she wants more. Faith personifies fearlessness every time she gets in that ring. If Dusk thinks her spooky Spirit Halloween nonsense is going to get the job done against Faith, then all of those nail polish fumes must be going to her head. The Lonely Girls can take anything anyone wants to throw at them.
Fourth Match: Ethan Lang and Cameron Harper vs. The Agents of Change
Harper looks thrilled beyond reason to be here. He wants to thank Jake Connelly for what is a huge opportunity. The chance to learn from and be properly guided by one of the greatest legends the WWE has seen is something he's not going to squander. He hopes Ethan Lang feels the same way and shows it by picking up some more slack because it's a two-man effort. Harper can't always carry things like on Raw. It's OK, though, because they've got another great chance here against Corey Mattis and Clayton North. Ethan looks like he doesn't know how to respond to that, but it doesn't matter as the match gets underway when Harper chucks the mic, not allowing either Connelly or Lang to respond. Nevertheless, Connelly's boys work well here against yet another fairly established team. Lang once again plays the role of getting the hot tag and unloading on the heels. He manages to hit the Bitter Languish on North. Mattis tries attacking Lang as the latter is against the ropes, but Lang ducks and pulls the top rope down causing Mattis to stumble to the outside. Harper gets back into the thick of things and picks up North's body and hits the Cam Jam and gestures to Lang to get the cover. Lang does so with a confused look on his face and gets the victory. Harper goes nuts with the celebrating as things continue to look somewhat good for this new duo of Connelly's. ****1/2, 91% overall.
Fifth Match: Ronnie Costello vs. Randy Ellis
We get back to the battle between Sophie Waters's Academey and what's left over in the camp of Brooke. Sophie tells Brooke that the Academy have found some much better company. She's open to any kind of match Brooke has in mind. She's also open to anyone else who might be tired of their current circumstances and are looking for a change of scenery. Brooke insists that she doesn't have any deserters under her watch because she's managing people with actual brains! She's also managing people with actual guts and Ronnie here is willing to demonstrate that fact. So the match that ensues rules all kinds of ass. The conclusion comes about when Ellis and Ronnie end up on one side of the ring as the former is taking a beating. Sophie goes over to provide some more encouragement, but C4 are over there, too. Carmella starts jawing with Sophie, but Cordelia keeps her eyes on the match. Eventually, Carmella gives Sophie a shove and she responds with a shove of her own, sending Carmella into Cordelia, knocking her into the steps. The ref goes over to break up this chaos and that allows Brooke to slide in a chain to Ronnie and he uses it to KO Randy and that's enough for the cheap pin. Brooke goes over to her girls to sort things out. More trouble brewing? Hey, Ronnie actually gained some overness here. ****1/2, 93% overall.
In-Ring Super Special Talky Time, this time with Kyle Jacobs. Kyle Jacobs agrees with the frustrations felt by Xavier Cross over what went down at Survivor Series. Nothing against Alexander Piero and Ryan Pattillo, and he's naturally happy that he walked out with a win, but it wasn't as satisfying as a good old one-on-one, mano y mano, up close and personal battle where Cross still gets his ass kicked. Kyle should know, because he's already done it before. "You remember, don't you, Cross? I pinned you in a big time PPV match and if you lost you'd have to be my servant? I remember. I especially remember what happened afterwards, where you threw a tantrum like a bitch, refused to own up to the deal, watched me return, and then somehow turn into an even bigger bitch by cowering away from me. You talked a big game on Raw, so you'll forgive me for wanting to test your resolve in getting your payback. I am standing here, willing, ready, and able to take the fight to you one more time, Cross. By all means, come forward and make me suffer. Get your retribution! All you have to do is take down little old me. That won't be so hard, right?"
Time for this shiznit to get interrupted and freaking Ziggy Styles of all people feels the need to make himself known. He joins Kyle in the ring and states his business. "Oh, man, the WWE these past few weeks is getting way too hot and way too stressful. Things really need to settle down and bit. Never fear, because I feel with all my heart that deep down in the bowels of this man, Kyle Jacobs, is a rumbling of excitement. A need to just let go and be happy. My friends, I think now is the right time for Kyle Jacobs to Get Ziggy With it!"
Kyle Jacobs merely shoots Ziggy a death stare that doesn't waiver for an instant. Ziggy reads the room and adjusts his focus and continues on. "Well, maybe you're not quite ready just yet. But there is another reason why I felt the need to come on out here and maybe, just maybe, with Kyle and me jiving on similar wavelengths, we can get to that place where you feel like you can get Ziggy with it. You're out here throwing out challenges and all, looking to finally settle old scores and move on to bigger and brighter things. Well, I, too, have some unfinished business and I am absolutely feeling your initiative, Kyle, if not your attitude. I am giving Mr. Michael Haywood a major opportunity here to consider throwing down in one more match to get things square between us. Michael, you didn't need to keep that hold on me for that long at Survivor Series! It's not my fault you're such a stick in the mud! I'm lucky to even be able to talk after what you did! And have I even heard anything remotely close to an apology? No! So the way I see it is this: you owe me, Michael! You owe me this. I deserve my chance to beat you once and for all, so that I may continue on my quest to bring joy and good vibes to the WWE!"
Kyle looks like he's had enough of Ziggy's talk and gets back on the mic to admonish him. "Hate to break it to you, pal, but you stumbled onto the wrong set. This isn't your stupid little talk show and it's certainly not a dance floor. This is a place for actual adult men and if you can't understand that or bring yourself to get involved in that, then you need to go shake your ass somewhere else."
Ziggy tries calming Kyle down BUT HERE COMES XAVIER CROSS! Kyle takes his attention off Ziggy and locks eyes with Cross who is making his way down to the ring. Kyle demands Cross get in the ring, but Ziggy decides to low blow Kyle from behind. Cross immediately gets in and starts to assault Kyle. Ziggy leans back in the corner and observes the attack BUT HERE COMES MICHAEL HAYWOOD!!! Ziggy freaks the hell out as Cross stops his attack and steps in front of a charging Michael. Michael just plows through Cross with a clothesline like he wasn't even there and continues his pursuit of Ziggy, who has decided now might be a good time to take Kyle up on his advice. Both Cross and Kyle start to recover and Kyle goes for the Legacy Bomb but Cross slips out and also decides to bail. If these guys are serious about their respective matches, when will they be taking place?
MAIN EVENT: Quinten McDaniels and Chet Morris vs. The Dillingers
Chet Morris talks about how Orlando Kincaid's rejection hurt, but it can't keep him, Quinten, and Hugo from moving forward. They're all confident that Orlando will eventually come around once he sees what can be accomplished with a bit of introspection and the realization that he needs to overcome his past. Quinten continues by claiming that they can and will handle Haven with or without Orlando. The thing Orlando needs to understand is should he not come around, well, that would be yet another problem from the past that would need correcting. And considering how they've been correcting their problems in recent weeks, it'd be a shame for Orlando to be a part of that. In fact, let Eddy Clash try his hand at the three of them again and it'll be quite clear what's on the horizon for Haven and anyone else that wants to become a problem.
This match is nothing but win as the heels once again shine like a boss. Maybe they really did go through some rejuvenating process. Hugo is on the outside for obvious moral support. He starts to notice that Fantasee might also need some guidance and begins to approach her to make a pitch. Ben Dillinger sees this as the match has broken down to BONZO GONZO levels and tries to dive onto Hugo to intercept him. Hugo catches him in mid-air as poor Joey is left alone in the ring and Quinten sends him into Chet for his Backwoods Bomb variation and that's going to give the heels the win. Meanwhile, Hugo sends Ben through the announce table. These three look strong once more and...WAIT A MINUTE!!! It's Eddy Clash again! He tries to get at Hugo but Quinten and Chet go on the attack and Eddy unfortunately suffers a 3-on-1 beatdown as the heels all grab chairs and just demolish the big man on the outside. We go off the air as we're left to ponder what all this means for the WWE and if anyone can stand against these guys. *****, 97% overall. I mean...damn. I may have stumbled ass backwards into some pretty good angles here.
Overall show rating: 88%
Oh, why did I have to put that women's match there? I could've probably broken the 90% barrier.
Leah wants me to let her work with Cordelia Capriati as she thinks I'll be impressed with the results.
Yeah, I can see that.
Cameron Harper thinks he and Lang should be a regular tag team so that they can then use it to springboard their singles careers. Oh, Harper...you sweet summer child.
