[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito AEW Double or Nothing Saturday, May 29, 2021 MGM Grand Garden Arena

Where's my tremendous shot of Ivelisse's glorious posterior? :cry:

THE BUY IN 6-Pack Challenge: Hikaru Shida vs. Kris Statlander vs. Serena Deeb vs. Dr. Britt Baker vs. vs. Allie vs. Penelope Ford Some bonus women’s action kicks us off on the night as 6 women look to potentially move up the rankings and position themselves as the next challenger to the AEW Women’s Champion. Doubtless all eyes will be on what happens in the Awesome Kong vs. Nyla Rose melee tonight. The very concept of the 6 pack challenge allows all the ladies to get their own showcase, everyone hits their key spots but nobody can really begin to think about getting a pin with so many people around to stop the pin. The match eventually breaks down into chaos and fun as per usual with the multi-person matches. Kris Statlander gets Allie alone in the ring as the legal participants, sets her up into position near the corner. Kris climbs up to the top rope and doesn’t see Britt Baker sneak onto the apron and tag Kris’ boot. Kris hits the 451 Splash on Allie, but Baker immediately sneaks in from behind and throws her out of the ring before stealing the pin for herself! Brilliant move from the doctor. Winner: Dr. Britt Baker **3/4, 70% overall

Well, the doctor winning can kind of make up for the lack of Ivelisse's wonderous gluteus maximus. Also, did they do an update or something to the game where you can do a match like this?

The main PPV kicks off with a recap of some of the highlights from the last two years of Double or Nothing as AEW moves into year 3 of existence. We get all sorts of pyro and ballyhoo. Meanwhile, the ladies from the 6-pack challenge advise me that there’s a problem with the showers in the women’s locker room. I mean, I have a show to run and they probably could have just gone to facilities, but this seems super important and something that requires my direct attention. So I pass the reigns over to Sophie and head on my way.

You can't leave something of that magnitude to some schlub who works by the hour. You send in a professional...and various pieces of video recording equipment....

FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) w/ Tully Blanchard vs. SCU (Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian) SCU opened Double or Nothing two years ago and that’s no exception tonight. As SCU do their pre-match promo, FTR hop into the ring and jump them early, specifically targeting Kazarian who gets taken out at the knee as they remove the knee brace he’s wearing and start stomping away at it. The ref offers SCU the chance to bail on the match but no chance they’re doing that, but Daniels has to pretty much go it alone at first. No easy task for any man, let alone trying to pull it off against a well oiled machine like FTR. But thankfully Daniels knows how to work in any situation and sell his ass off, he may not wrestle much any more but he’s aged like a fine wine. Daniels gets some hope spots in even though he’s largely playing Ricky Morton. A hobbled Kazarian finally makes his way up to the apron just in time for the hot tag. Kazarian leaps into the ring over the top rope, and throws off his knee brace. Maybe it’s adrenaline but it seems his knee is looking fine right about now! FTR hit the bricks in shock. Kazarian dares them to come back in. Daniels eventually gets his bearings and stands side by side with his partner…..WAVE OF THE FUTURE ON DANIELS! WHAT? FTR and Tully laugh their asses off at ringside as Kazarian pulls Daniels to the corner, tags himself back out of the match and FTR pop in to give the helpless Daniels a Big Rig of his own for the easy win. The third member of SCU Scorpio Sky runs out and asks Frankie what the hell he is doing, but shortly after he’s blindsided by a chair shot from Shawn Spears. Spears lays multiple stiff chair shots into Sky and a few into Daniels for good measure. They Pillmanize Sky’s ankle with the chair as well. Spears, FTR, Tully, and Kazarian have a group hug. This is sickening! WHY FRANKIE WHY??? Winners: FTR ****1/2, 91% overall

I figured as much that was going to happen. Kazarian vs. Daniels ought to be a hell of a swan song for The Fallen Angel. Does he still use that name?

Casino Battle Royale Justin Roberts reminds everyone of the rules: the 21 men have drawn from a deck of cards. A suit will be chosen and the 5 men that drew that suit will start the match. Every 3 minutes, another suit is drawn and another group will enter the match. Whoever drew the Joker card will be the 21st and final man to enter the match. Elimination occurs when a wrestler is thrown over the top rope and both feet touch the floor. The last wrestler standing will receive an AEW World Championship match at All Out in August. And with that, the deck is shuffled and the Diamonds are the first group. Rey Fenix makes the first entrance to a big pop, followed by Matt Sydal who gets a good hand as well. Angelico is in next as something of a wild card entrant with his partner Jack Evans now on the shelf. The Inner Circle theme hits and out come Jake Hager and Wardlow to round out the group, with the announcers of course mentioning there's an advantage to the stablemates being in the match at the same time. The pair naturally work together as the match kicks off, as the two of them ward off the three speedsters in the ring with him. Fenix and Sydal are able to evade elimination but poor Angelico gets the short straw as the first man eliminated by the Inner Circle duo as they pair off against the smaller guys. Three minutes comes and goes and now we've got the Hearts next. Eddie Kingston walks out first to heat but thinks better of getting into the ring straight away. Billy Gunn is next as an unexpected entrant, but apparently the 57-year old didn't get the memo that the Inner Circle don't like old fucks. They stop what they're doing and immediately just heave Billy out before the next guy in the group's music even hits. Luchasaurus rumbles his way in to a nice pop. Karl Anderson is out next to boos. And finally "The Bad Boy" Joey Janela is out with a trash can, he goes right for Kingston at ringside, apparently taking exception to his ongoing claims of being the toughest man in wrestling. Kingston and Janela have a mini hardcore brawl in the corner of the ring as Inner Circle get their shots in wherever. Anderson manages to sneak an elimination of Sydal. The Spades are the third group and the crowd gets on their feet immediately as the Dark Order theme hits and "Hangman" Adam Page and Colt Cabana enter the ring together. Kingston manages to finally dispose of Janela after having a mini hardcore brawl with him since he entered, but he has no time to gloat as Lance Archer charges in next to get him some of his rival. Shawn Spears is out next to boos, still brandishing his chair from earlier. He seems to be daring the next man to enter only to laugh it off. As it turns out, the final man in this interval was meant to be Scorpio Sky and the announcers explain he was forced to withdraw after the brutal beating he received from Spears in the last match. Main highlight from this interval is Archer throwing around everyone that moves, especially Kingston. The Inner Circle team up to toss Luchasaurus out. Rey Fenix nearly eliminates Eddie Kingston but Butcher and Blade rush the ring to keep him in. Fenix hits a tope through the ropes onto them and it ends up being a 3 on 1 beatdown on him on the outside as the clock ticks down to the last group, the Clubs... The Lucha Brothers music hits and OH SHIT - Penta El Cero Miedo is back from injury as a surprise entrant! Penta launches himself off the steps at the Family as he and Fenix brawl with the three on the outside. Jungle Boy enters and slaps hands with his eliminated partner Luchasaurus on the way in. "Big Money" Matt Hardy is out, also not coming alone as Private Party to accompany him as they strategize in the corner of the ringside area. Sammy Guevara cockily struts out next to get the Inner Circle at full strength, and Darby Allin doesn't even wait for his music to hit before skating up behind him and getting an early jump on him. Seeing Sammy jumped, Hager and Wardlow leave the ring through the ropes to go beat down Darby. The Family and Lucha Brothers continue to throw down. Dark Order leave the ring to have another scrap with the Hardy Party. Inside the ring, Jungle Boy's stint only lasts a couple of minutes as Spears and Anderson form a temporary alliance to throw him out. The big guy Lance Archer then takes both heels out only for Eddie Kingston to sneak back into the ring and dump Archer out himself. Kingston eliminates the man who took him out of last year's Casino Battle Royale! Kingston celebrates alone in the ring as if he's won, despite there still being three separate brawls going on with groups outside the ring, including his henchmen continuing to brawl with the Lucha Brothers. The toughest man in wrestling continues to celebrate as the countdown is on to the #21 entrant..... SPOILER: show The crowd loses their absolute shit as MINORU FUCKING SUZUKI makes his way out! We’ve heard the rumors that AEW was looking to work with New Japan Pro Wrestling, well the forbidden door sure seems like it’s been open. Kingston looks beside himself as the self-proclaimed toughest man in wrestling now has one of the scariest motherfuckers in the business marching down to the ring. The crowd scream the “KAZE NI NARE” chorus to Suzuki’s theme as he steps in and stares a bullet in Kingston. The two have a stare down and the brawling around the ring stops as everyone is transfixed by what is happening in the ring. Kingston punches Suzuki but the pain doesn’t register with him as he counters with an open hand slap across Eddie’s face followed by spinning him around and locking him right into a Rear Naked Choke as the crowd goes ballistic. Suzuki picks up Kingston’s dead weight and chucks him out of the match! Butcher and Blade hop onto the apron to avenge their friend but ultimately think better of it when Suzuki stares them down. Matt Hardy forces Private Party into the ring despite them not being in the match and Suzuki just smacks them around like a couple of young boys, laughing like a sadistic bastard all the way. Matt himself tries to sneak up on Suzuki but only gets a snapmare followed by a Penalty Kick straight to the chest. The crowd is still in a frenzy, Suzuki picks Matt Hardy up...can he hit it…..GOTCH STYLE PILEDRIVER! And Matt is thrown out. Anyway that was a major markout moment for the fans, but all good things must come to an end as all three Inner Circle members jump Suzuki. I mean hey, they hate old guys, but Suzuki is a lot scarier than most so it’s gotta be all hands on deck. Still, three against one Suzuki is out to huge heat. The Lucha Bros, Dark Order, and Darby all realize their only hope of any of them winning is breaking down the Inner Circle, so we end up with a 5 on 3 situation. Sammy and Darby resume their fight while Hager and Wardlow end up in 2 on 1 situations. Lucha Bros take out Hager, Dark Order take out Wardlow. Sammy reverses Darby and sends him flying out, but Darby still has a score to settle so he pulls Sammy out under the ropes, positions him onto the apron and delivers a brutal Coffin Drop to him. Tornado tag action in the ring now, Lucha Bros vs. Dark Order. Ends up lasting for several minutes with a lot of elimination tease spots. Eventually Penta shelves Colt. Hangman lifts out Fenix. Penta charges at Hangman but he ducks and pulls down the ropes, HANGMAN WINS!!! But wait, Sammy was never eliminated, he sneaks in from behind and throws out Hangman EXCEPT HE DOESN’T! Sammy doesn’t realize Hangman held onto the apron. BUCKSHOT LARIAT! Sammy does a full flip on the sell job and Page throws him out. HANGMAN WINS FOR REAL NOW!!! Crowd goes nuts as a jubilant Hangman celebrates with the finest booze money can buy, he’s going to All Out! Winner: Hangman Adam Page 75% overall rating Not a great overall rating since the overness was some of the participants was down......but I give this 6 stars, fuck you Scott Keith!

This is actually a pretty neat idea. It's sort of a weird Royal Rumble-War Games hybrid. I was wondering how you'd get around the limit of the game not actually being able to do 21 participants but Scorpio Sky running afoul of misfortune was tops. I don't know if I'd be able to script out a Royal Rumble because I'm not Pat Patterson. I feel like I should know who Suzuki is but my memory isn't what it used to be. Page should have wheeled out cases of booze and handed them out to the crowd. Yeah, parents might complain about kids potentially getting their hands on some but what the fuck are they doing at a PPV late at night anyway?