[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito I had a fairly enjoyable journey to another planet with Kris Statlander and now it's back for another week of programming.

Checking out Uranus, no doubt...

AEW Dark: May 25, 2021: -Karl Anderson def. Marko Stunt -Jurassic Express def. Private Party -Matt Sydal def. Peter Avalon -FTR def. Alex Reynolds and John Silver -Kris Statlander def. Allie -Miro def. Joey Janela It was another non-clicking Dark despite some solid in-ring work, but I breathe a sigh of relief in hopes that I'll be in the clear for Dynamite and Double or Nothing.

The dud show is always lurking, ready to strike and be an asshole about things and ruining your hard work.

I also receive a notice that Jack Evans has suffered a Torn Calf and will be out for 9 months. Given that he just turned 39 and his main in-ring quality is speed......yeah, that doesn't bode well for him unfortunately.

I should be thanking the gods that none of my top guys have suffered anything major in regards to injuries. Now I just jinxed it...

AEW Dynamite: May 26, 2021 We have sort of a NJPW influenced Dynamite tonight in that we've got several big multi-man tags so as to avoid giving away too much, keeping people fresh, and not burning anybody out before the PPV. Segment 1: A trios match kicks us off as the surprising return of Trent? last week leads to the logical progression of Best Friends and Orange Cassidy facing off against Team Taz. Brian Cage and Powerhouse Hobbs as the two strongest men in the match make Trent?'s return a living hell in the early going before the face squad can get some momentum. Fun trios action, Orange does a tope suicida on the outside to Cage and Hobbs and lives to pay the price and the two big guys are focused on weakening him for Saturday, leaving Starks alone in the ring to take a Strong Zero from Best Friends as the faces get the win. ***, 77% overall

So, wait, is Trent? is his actual name? Like, what does that even mean?

Segment 2: Kenny Omega and Don Callis join us LIVE via satellite. The AEW World Champion and his challenger PAC were both ordered by Kurt Angle to stay home tonight to ensure they are in peak physical condition for their Iron Man match on Saturday, but there is undue speculation that Callis played a part in it. Either way PAC should consider himself lucky because Kenny totally would've waffled him with the gold like he has so many times in the past. 83% overall

LOL, I love that heel trope of them acting tough when they're not in the same vicinity as their rival. It's shades of the old "I could do that...if I FELT like it" bit.

Segment 3: SCU's Scorpio Sky vs. Shawn Spears from Tully's crew. The match serves a dual purpose of adding to the build to the SCU vs. FTR tag match on Saturday and also gives both of these men a chance to build to their participation in the Casino Battle Royale. SCU's attempts to intervene are thwarted by Daniels and Kazarian which sets Sky up for a flash pin victory. **3/4, 74% overall

Wait, aren't Daniels and Kazarian SCU?

Segment 4: We're backstage with Cody and Dustin ahead of their monumentally important match tonight. They are watching footage from AEW's very first show - Double or Nothing 2019, just two days shy of being exactly two years ago. On that show, Cody faced off against Dustin in a critically acclaimed war that saw them pull out the Dustiest match they could. Dustin was sporting the crimson mask that night and fully prepared to retire after that match, but Cody offered to bring him along for the ride in AEW and he's never looked back. He has no regrets about the last two years he's spent in the company, and he's not ready to hang 'em up. He wants to keep his career going, but he also wants to see MJF get his ass kicked. He won't get everything he wants, but he does know that if he doesn't give Cody the fight of his life tonight, he'll be doing him a disservice. 82% overall

It's kind of weird that this is a promotion that's been around for two years and I've never seen a minute of it. Although I can absolutely picture the two of them doing a segment like this.

Segment 5: In a preview of some of the chaos we could expect in the Casino Battle Royale - ten of the participants paired off in odd combinations as Darby Allin, Lance Archer, and Matt Sydal along with "Hangman" Adam Page and Colt Cabana of the Dark Order did battle against the Inner Circle's Jake Hager and Sammy Guevara plus Eddie Kingston, Karl Anderson, and "Big Money" Matt Hardy. A lot of unique pairings in the ring but also previous rivalries being revisited as Darby charged at Sammy as soon as the bell rang, still with a score to settle after Sammy played a role in ending Sting's career. Meanwhile the self proclaimed toughest man in wrestling Eddie Kingston had no problems tagging out as soon as rival Lance Archer tagged in, leading to an Archer vs. Hager hoss fight instead. All the while, Matt Hardy made ill attempts to schmooze with all of his partners and convince them to leave their respective groups and sign with the Matt Hardy Brand instead. As always, hell eventually breaks loose with bodies flying everywhere. Especially Darby's as he showed completely reckless abandon, performing a Coffin Drop onto most of the competitors. Eddie Kingston and Colt Cabana are the legal men, Eddie whipped into the corner and Colt attempts a Flying Asshole but it misses, Eddie backfists Colt into oblivion and the heels get the W. ***1/4, 81% overall

Kingston and Hardy are the MVPs of this match with their awesome douchenessity. It doesn't appear Page brought out anything absurdly expensive this time around so I'll imagine that he brought custom Dark Order merchandise for the rest of his partners to wear.

Segment 6: After the bell, the brawl spills back into the ring with everyone throwing haymakers as Eddie slithers out of the ring. The toughest man in wrestling grabs a mic and while safely escaping through the crowd talks mad shit about everyone in the ring. 81% overall

Well, obviously he has to do it from that location. Clearly he would have just been bumping into people if he'd stayed in the ring....

Segment 7: Awesome Kong gets her final tune-up ahead of Saturday's title defense, facing her former Nightmare Collective partner Mel. Mel is pretty much a total afterthought in real life AEW and actually hasn't wrestled since last year, all AEW talent were given the chance to opt out of pandemic tapings and she has yet to return. In this game though she has use as she's a solid brawler and gels well with Kong. Kong however dispatches of her with the Soul Collector and Nyla Rose jumps her after the bell with Vickie Guerrero barking orders. ***, 75% overall

I'd have to imagine that right now, more than any other time, is a shit time to be in the professional wrestling business if you're looking for a steady stream of reliable income and the pandemic would have just aggravated that. I wonder how some of these guys and gals are making out.

Segment 8: Miro and Jon Moxley were also ordered away from the building by Angle, if only to avoid them killing each other before the PPV. Miro has taken his night off to do a live reaction to Dynamite on his Twitch stream, we check in with him only for Moxley to find a way to tap into his Stream and deliver a scathing warning for what's to come on Saturday. Considering they're both over and charasmatic a "confrontation" angle between the two didn't go as well as I hoped. Guess the fans want to see them fight, not talk. 78% overall

Oh, I fucking HATE that shit when you've got two guys who you think would draw a good rating because of their stats but the game just decides it doesn't give a fuck. I swear to Ash I've lost count as to how many segments I've done that have been in the shitter despite all participants being at 85 or over in terms of charisma. I've found that it affects people who don't have the Superstar Look stat checked more than those who do. I'm also amused at the idea of someone who looks like Miro/Rusev doing a Twitch stream and playing something like Shantae or Little Big Planet.

Segment 9: Our final multi-man tag match of the evening. With MJF forcing Cody to compete tonight, Angle wasn't going to let MJF have a full night off for himself. It's Inner Circle's MJF, Wardlow, and #1 contenders Santana and Ortiz vs. AEW Tag champion Young Bucks and Dark Order's Evil Uno and Stu Grayson who were cheated out of a win last week. Another fun multi-man on a show full with them, nobody has to go too hard but everyone gets their shit in. Uno and Grayson handle Santana and Ortiz on the outside and MJF thinks better of intervening any further, leaivng his bodyguard Wardlow to take a pair of Superkicks from the Bucks for the face win. ***1/4, 81% overall

MJF just had a cramp and had to walk to off. Those things can be crippling if you don't take of it right away....

Segment 10: Our final interview of the evening, also LIVE via satellite, sees PAC deliver his closing remarks to Kenny Omega. After all he's done to PAC over the past 3 months, Kenny should just consider himself lucky that he'll only have to be brutalized for 30 minutes. 87% overall

SWERVE! Angle makes it a 60-minute Iron Man Match at the 11th hour!

Segment 11: Brother vs. Brother, Rhodes vs. Rhodes in our emotional main event with high stakes. In a matter befitting of Dusty, this would've been primarily an old school brawl with one or both men getting color and a nice bevy of false finishes. Sadly this didn't hold a candle to their real life encounter from two years ago but given Dustin's age and the amount his skills eroded after his birthday in-game, he still churned out a more than respectable performance in this final run including here and the crowd was into it (85%) which is not bad at all for a guy who at this stage is pretty low on the totem pole. Cody kicks out of Final Reckoning, much to Dustin's shock. Dustin tries to see through the blood and pick him up to do another but Cody slides off and ends up behind him, Cross Rhodes. 1-2-3 and Cody wins while immediately sinking into Dustin's chest in sadness. The two share an emotional embrace as the crowd applauds. Cody takes his leave allowing Dustin to soak up the adulation from the crowd as they chant "Thank you Dustin". In a nod to the old school wrestling traditions, Dustin takes off his boots and leaves them in the center of the ring. The Rhodes Brothers walk up the ramp together and hold each other's hands high. MJF and Wardlow jump them from behind to rob the emotional moment away and get nuclear heat. JR and Tony Schiavone say MJF can go to hell as we go off the air! ***, 82% overall

SCHIAVONE WITH THE BASH AT THE BEACH '96 REFERENCE!!! I absolutely would have done the same thing with the heels. I guess Wardlow was very understanding of MJF's cramp situation.

Really though this demonstrates the double-edged sword with guys who are clearly past their prime still going on and wanting to go out on one final big glorious bang. Yes, it makes for a great moment on paper but in practice, not so much. Flair vs. HBK at WM 24 and Austin vs. Rock at WM 19 or any of Terry Funk's 233 retirement matches are examples of this. Although, if it's good enough for the participants who am I to judge?