ECW Hardcore TV (9/2/2003)
Paul Heyman is in the ring as the cameras come up. He talks up Anarchy Rulz, coming up in just two weeks. There are no matches on the card currently, but he says that's all likely to change as the next two weeks are going to be full of the best ECW has to offer. He just found out that their audio is fucked up (yay for being on HBO and being able to say "fucked up" on a nationally-televised wrestling show) tonight, so there will be no commentary. But don't worry, kids, Steve Prazak and Joel Gertner will be back next week. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I totally forgot to assign announcers to the show. Shit.
After Harry Slash and the Slashtones fade out, it looks like it's time for tag team action as Chris Candido and CW Anderson take on the team of Dan "The Beast" Severn and The Amazing Red. Pretty shortly after the bell rings, the opening riff of "Natural Born Killaz" begins to play, and the crowd erupts. Sure enough, the Original Gangsta New Jack, comes to the ring with his shopping cart full of weapons. He blasts Candido with a guitar, smashes Anderson with a stop sign, breaks a laptop over Severn's head, and drives Red through a table. The music never stops playing as Jack poses over his victims.
In a pre-taped segment, Cyrus The Virus says that he'll be watching Anarchy Rulz very closely. ECW's contract with "The Network" may have ended, but that doesn't mean that Cyrus isn't still looking for a few good men.
The ECW World Television Title is on the line next in a clash between two Japanese stars. Gedo defends against Taiyo Kea! It's a brutal strong style mixed with ECW hardcore match that Kea looks to be on the verge of winning before "The King Of Old School" Steve Corino emerges from the crowd and hits Kea with the Old School Expulsion, allowing Gedo to retain.
After the match, Corino challenges Kea to a match at Anarchy Rulz. "I'm sure once you regain consciousness, you'll accept."
Back from break, Little Spike Dudley is already in the ring awaiting his opponent. From the curtain emerges the Samoan Bulldozer, Jamal Umaga. Spike tries to get in some offense, but Umaga is just too fast and just too strong, putting him away in short order with a top rope splash.
Backstage, Christopher Daniels says that his mission to rid ECW of its old guard will continue at Anarchy Rulz. The Fallen Angel will usher in a new era, redefining extreme, and it all starts with the eradication of the homicidal, suicidal, genocidal Sabu!
Two of the most technically-sound wrestlers on the roster are up next as Jerry Lynn and Low Ki go one-on-one. This one is too exciting to do any justice here. A ton of near-falls, and even some classic finisher no-sells. Toward the end, Ki goes for his top-rope stomp. Lynn kips to his feet, catches Ki with a kick, and prepares for a cradle piledriver, but the bell sounds. Lynn and Ki are both confused. The referee shrugs and explains that the television time limit had been reached.
Ki grabs the official, but Paul Heyman quickly emerges from the back and says that Ki and Lynn will face off again, this time with no time limits, at Anarchy Rulz. Ki lets the official go, starts to walk away, then blasts him with a kick. Lynn chases him off and checks on John Finnegan as we head to commercial.
It's time for our main event as Masato Tanaka takes on ECW World Champion "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock in a non-title bout! Shamrock throws everything he has at Tanaka, who - as usual - shows no signs of feeling pain like a normal human. In the end, it takes Shamrock blocking Tanaka's attempt at a tornado DDT onto a chair and instead turning it into a top-rope belly-to-belly onto the chair to pick up the victory. Shamrock celebrates the hard-fought victory as his music plays.
Suddenly, Shamrock is laid out from behind by his own title! The Japanese Buzzsaw Yoshihiro Tajiri lays into the champion with a series of brutal kicks before throwing himself over the top rope to lock in the deadly Tarantula. Shamrock screams in agony, eyes popping as if he would snap if he could only get free, as Hardcore TV goes off the air.
Quick Results (Final Rating 1.40)
- Paul Heyman hypes Anarchy Rulz
- Amazing Red & Dan Severn vs. Chris Candido & CW Anderson ends in a no contest when New Jack fucks shit up
- Cyrus The Virus cuts a promo, looking for a few good men
- TELEVISION TITLE - Gedo retains against Taiyo Kea with help from Steve Corino
- Steve Corino challenges Taiyo Kea for Anarchy Rulz
- Jamal Umaga squashes Spike Dudley
- Christopher Daniels challenges Sabu for Anarchy Rulz
- Jerry Lynn vs. Low Ki ends in a time-limit draw
- Lynn vs. Ki rematch announced for Anarchy Rulz by Paul Heyman
- Ken Shamrock over Masato Tanaka
- Tajiri lays out Shamrock and poses with belt
Anarchy Rulz 2003 Card so far (9/14)
- Taiyo Kea vs. Steve Corino
- Sabu vs. Christopher Daniels
- Jerry Lynn vs. Low Ki