[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito And after a two month creative hiatus, Vito has returned to EWR! We've got the fall out to Crossroads and begin the 5 week build to Double or Nothing. I pick the game up the day after the PPV on Sunday, April 25th. And one day into advancing the game, Riho announces she has a drug problem that is ruining her life, and I decide to send her to rehab. Suppose this is a lesson to never judge a book by its cover, because this certainly doesn't look like a raging drug addict:

Hey, it takes all types. I had a friend in high school that I thought to be fucking awesome to be around and ran into her 10 years later to discover that her life went to shit after becoming a druggie. Also, MARKING OUT for the return of Vito's AEW, which I can only assume is light years better than the real AEW from what I've been told.

AEW Dark: April 27, 2021: -The Butcher and The Blade def. QT Marshall and Billy -Serena Deeb def. Mel -Matt Sydal def. Serpentico -Dr. Britt Baker def. Yuka Sakazaki -Matt Hardy def. Evil Uno

You can't have more than one women's match on a show!!! Are you some kind of madman?!?!

AEW Dynamite: April 28, 2021 Segment 1: AEW World Champion Kenny Omega is in the ring with Don Callis and Karl Anderson, all three dressed to the nines to celebrate Omega's triumphant victory over PAC and Jon Moxley to retain his title at Crossroads. Kenny says for the last three days he's had people inundating him with tweets and DMs about how Miro pulling Moxley off the cover is the only reason he retained the belt. Who was he to know Miro had gotten involved at all? He had been suplexed through the announce table and was busy picking shrapnel out of his back. Anderson was busy tending to his friend. Callis himself had something in his eye at the time. But rest assured if we were aware of what was going on, we would have stopped Miro to ensure this triple threat could finish in the fairest manner possible! As the heels continue to heel it up, PAC has seen enough! He and Death Triangle teammate Rey Fenix hit the ring to put a stop to the proceedings, and Omega skedaddles out of there leaving Anderson to fall victim to a Black Arrow. 92% overall

I love it when heels are portrayed as disingenuous by claiming they would have done the right thing when it's blatantly obvious that they're dicks. Topped off with the classic "save my own ass while sacrificing my buddy" gag and that's a nice one-two punch.

Segment 2: Frankie Kazarian was last seen shoving down longtime tag partner Christopher Daniels in frustration after their loss at Crossroads. Tonight he faces off against Chuck Taylor. Normally both men are fan favorites and tag team specialists but I figured their styles would mesh well and they did not disappoint, putting together a 97% quality match. Kazarian picks up an impressive win with the Wave of the Future. After the match, Kazarian takes a mic and wants to publicly apologize for his actions on Saturday. Sometime his temper gets the better of him, and as one half of the inaugural AEW Tag Team champions, he's been so eager to get those titles back. He doesn't want this to fracture his decade-long relationship with Daniels. Before he could continue to apologize though, Tully Blanchard appeared on screen telling Kazarian to shut his trap. SCU are the reason FTR didn't get their rightful match for the Tag Team Titles, and they are making it their personal mission to destroy every member of SCU. ****1/4, 84% overall

All things considered, I'm guessing we haven't really seen the last of Daniels in this program?

Segment 3: Backstage, Sting is walking the halls, shaking hands with various wrestlers and stagehands ahead of giving his retirement address tonight. He comes face to face with his fellow facepainted ally Darby Allin, and hands him his trusty black bat. 74% overall...guess I figured I'd use the "retired wrestler passes the torch" segment I never get to use, it did nothing for Darby and only caused Sting to lose overness, oops

Oof. Well, it was a risk worth taking. I can only guess that Darby's over rating was a factor?

Segment 4: Miro is here, fresh off of a fluky cage match loss to Orange Cassidy and subsequently screwing Jon Moxley on Saturday and apparently giving him a severe beating backstage. Tonight he faces Dustin Rhodes. I love Dustin and all, but as is the case with most of the 50+ year olds in AEW, he is here to put over others and make them look good. They have a solid brawl but Miro wins decisively with the Game Over and keeps hit locked in afterward. ***, 77% overall

Yikes. How many people over 40 are on AEW's roster? I mean, you're using them the way they should be used but is that the case for the real deal?

Segment 5: Jon Moxley soon emerges on the screen from a back alley and he essentially tells Miro he's fucked with the wrong guy. He might be held out of being at the building tonight but next week he'll be back, and maybe this time Miro will have the balls to face him man to man. 92% overall

You should have had Scott Hall come out later in the show and mock Moxley for being a punk who can't even get into the building.

Segment 6: AEW Women's World Champion Awesome Kong is right back in action to continue her warpath through the women's division. She's facing Thunder Rosa. Kong vs. Rosa is a match that should totally be a bigger deal than it is in this world but Rosa insists on remaining a freelancer and won't sign a contract. And so it goes. They have a decent match but Kong puts it away with the Soul Collector before continuing her gimmick of cutting hair off of her opponents. Who wants to step up to Kong now? A shrill"EXCUSE ME!" emanates from the PA system....it's Vickie Guerrero! We haven't seen her in months! VICKIE GUERRERO IS ANSWERING THE CALL! Okay not really, but her client we also haven't seen in months is....former Women's champion "The Native Beast" Nyla Rose walks out on stage. Points to Kong and gestures that the belt will soon be back around her waist. **3/4, 72% overall

LOL, you actually had me with the Vickie Guerrero reveal. I was like, "Wait, what?" The Soul Collector is a boss name.

Segment 7: Backstage interview with Team Taz. Taz talks up the group, especially "The Machine" Brian Cage who vanquished Darby Allin on Saturday and now has both the AEW TNT Title AND the FTW Title draped over his shoulders. Best Friends (Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor, and Kris Statlander) inadvertently walk past the camera which causes Taz to pause his interview in annoyance. Cassidy gives them the thumbs up in an aloof manner before walking off.

So what role does the TNT Title have? Is it a mid-card belt or something along the lines of a television title? It can't be a cruiserweight belt because everything I've heard about AEW tells me that like 90% of the roster is cruiserweights.

Segment 8: With The Young Bucks having retained their Tag Team Titles on Saturday, their opponents for Double or Nothing will be determined via a mini tournament over the coming weeks. Despite losing his first 6 months of income, "Big Money" Matt Hardy had enough in offshore savings to talk the powers that be into allowing his clients Private Party a match against the champs, possibly to jump their way up the rankings. So the Bucks and Private Party had absolute bangers against each other IRL and in this game the Bucks seem incapable of producing anything but gold, so this match of course ruled to the tune of 100% quality. High flying spotfest in the best way. Hardy tries to hop on the apron to interfere but it is mistimed, Double Superkick and the Bucks get the win. 3-on-2 beatdown after the bell only for Hangman Page to rush out to the ring for the save. Page is rocking a studded leather jacket, no doubt something he just bought with Matt's money. Even though Page is now with Dark Order, he and the Bucks go way back to their Elite days with the founding of the promotion, so they are appreciative of the save. ****1/2, 91% overall

Please tell me that you're going to have Page come out every week with some absurdly expensive knick-knack.

Segment 9: Matt Hardy gets on the mic and screams at Hangman Page. He stole his money from him, all because that corrupt Kurt Angle cheated as the referee! He will not let this stand! Matt Hardy's bank account WILL NOT DIE! To the surprise of Hardy, Kurt Angle's music hits. What is he doing back here? Angle thanks Hardy for bringing him into AEW for that special guest referee spot. While he was backstage he enjoyed meeting so many of the talent and crew. And in particular, he enjoyed talking to Tony Khan. As it turns out, Tony Khan was looking to abdicate some day-to-day responsibilities with the company, both with talent management and matchmaking. And he wanted someone intelligent and with plenty of experience for the job. So I introduce you to the new Commissioner of AEW: Kurt Angle! And as his first act, he announced the Hardy Party will face Adam Page and the Young Bucks next week! 78% overall

LOL @ the game expecting me to buy Riho as a person with a drug problem but Kurt Angle being fit to be an onscreen authority figure.

Segment 10: Our main event of the evening sees "The Murderhawk Monster" Lance Archer and "The Mad King" Eddie Kingston settle their differences in a Street Fight. The two tough bastards slugged each other in a really hard hitting contest, Archer seeming to get the better of the exchange after a while, extracting revenge on Kingston for putting him and Jake Roberts on the shelf for months. But alas, with it being a Street Fight it was only a matter of time before there were shenanigans from The Familie. Butcher, Blade, and Allie made their presences known. Allie kicks Jake in the nads at ringside, Butcher and Blade jump Archer but he's able to fight them off. What he didn't see was Kingston wrapping his fist with a chain, spinning backfist and Kingston collapses on top of Archer for the win. ****, 85% overall

Seems like an odd way to finish a match that was built as the face looking to get revenge in a stipulation match but I'm sure there will be more to it. Murderhawk Monster is a certainly interesting moniker.

Segment 11: Our main event segment sees Cody Rhodes in the ring along with Darby Allin, Dustin Rhodes, and a host of legends including Cody's manager/coach Arn Anderson, DDP, and new AEW commissioner Kurt Angle. Also there are Tony Khan and road agents and staff including Dean Malenko, Ricky Steamboat, Fit Finlay, Jerry Lynn, Billy Kidman, and Glacier. Most of the face locker room is on the stage in Sting shirts, and a couple dozen Sting superfans were given the chance to stand around the ring too to witness the moment. Tony Schiavone does the honors one last time.......

Holy hell, Schiavone looks rough. I know the years haven't been kind to me, either, but jeez...

Rousing ovation for Sting from the locker room and the crowd. Enters the ring, shakes hands and hugs everyone in the ring. Cody starts things off by apologizing to Sting, he was the one who got pinned on Saturday and therefore he feels personally responsible for Sting's career having to end. But Sting gives him his assurance that Cody did nothing wrong here, the Inner Circle stooped to their usual lows. He thanks Cody and the Khan family for giving him the chance to compete in AEW. Six years ago he was forced out of in-ring competition. He wanted to go out on his own terms, and maybe the Inner Circle are robbing him of that opportunity, but he's forever grateful he got to lace up the boots again and get in the ring again at all. Sting goes on to start thanking many of his greatest friends and foes over the years, including Dusty which gets the Rhodes boys choked up. He also starts to thank the fans when all of a sudden... "BOOOOORRRRRIIIIINNNNNG!" The Inner Circle appear on the tron to massive heel heat. MJF says Sting had a nice run, but you're yesterday's news and Inner Circle wrote the final chapter of your obituary. A few of the members speak about how nauseating it is to see AEW ending a show with a nostalgia celebration when the focus should be on how Inner Circle is the greatest faction in wrestling, led by men who are the future of this business. And with that, they're going to put a stop to it. The tron shows Inner Circle leaving their locker room and walking down the corridor. The face locker room head backstage to cut them off. Wait a second - what's happening in the ring??? Cody, Dustin, and Darby have been pulled out of the ring by some of the fans at ringside and they're beaten down. Several of the legends and staffers (the ones who can't physically do much) hightail it while anyone who is able to take basic offense tries to fight it off and gets stomped too. Eventually Sting finds himself on the receiving end of a Cross Rhodes. But it's not the Cross Rhodes, it's the Double Cross because the masked fan reveals himself as MJF. The other five fans participating in the beatdown naturally unmask as the rest of Inner Circle too. The face locker room eventually charges back out as Inner Circle leave through the crowd. Inner Circle exit through the crowd. Faces tend to Sting and the other legends as Inner Circle all laugh like dicks and Jim Ross has a coronary and says MJF is a no good sonofabitch! 97% overall with MJF gaining overness...used the other retiring worker angle (retired worker beaten down) and it worked to perfection. Thank you Sting.

This would never fly in WWE and that's one of the major reasons I just gave up. Your legends aren't going to live forever. Hell, they're not going to be hard up for cash forever. You need to have your actual full time people with all of the heat. I remember one of the bullshit defenses of Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley, and Steve Austin beating up the League of Nations at WrestleMania being, "Well, they've got to make sure the fans are happy!" Well, for starters, booking Roman Reigns against HHH as the main event already puts a bullet in that idea. Secondly, you know what could have made the crowd happy? Letting the faces win the fucking match. Or all of the other God damn times Austin dropped somebody after a fucking beer drinking session? Why not let one of the heels get one over on him for once and get some heel heat for daring to deny the people a beer drinking session and stunner? Get people to actually care about your roster and that way you don't have to dip into the reserves to pay off a part-timer or a C-list celebrity. Do shit like this where Sting gets his ass handed to him and now a younger potential big star can get some face heat by looking to avenge him. But what do I know? I'm just a schmuck behind a keyboard who has a thing for Australian blondes.

Good to see the show back.