[M-A-G]

Superstars: January 10, 2041

TWENTY-MINUTE OPENING PROMO OF DOOM TIME!!!!1111 as Butch Fleming, fresh off returning on Raw and being the number 29 entrant for the Rumble, makes his way to ring. He gets right back into the thick of things by being a dick and berating everyone. "There was a certain something that Quinten McDaniels said last week that stayed with me. He said that you all sat up at attention when you found out he'd be in the Royal Rumble. Well, Monday on Raw, in that main event, I guarantee you all not only sat up, but you soiled yourselves when you saw that I was back! The piss started trickling from every pansy in that locker room when they saw me return and get that number 29 spot in the Rumble! The brutality of Hell in a Cell wasn't going to keep me down and away no matter how hard you hoped. In fact, your hope to never see me again was the fuel I used to pick myself up out of the mess I was in and come back in the most painful way possible way! I wanted to find a way to really make you all choke on all of your stupid little hopes and wishes! AND YOU DESERVE IT!!! You all wanted SummerSlam to be the end of me! You hoped that you would never see me again! Well the nightmare is back and it doesn't matter if you want to cry about it! So now all eyes are on the Rumble. I'm in possibly the best position I could ask for at number 29. Oh, there is a number 30, I understand that. But all that means is that some poor son of a bitch is going to have 2 minutes to rethink his life and whether or not it's worth making that trip down the aisle to where I'm knocking whoever's left in the ring around from pillar to post! And if anyone wants to do something about what I did on Raw, the line starts right here and I'll give you a taste of what the hell I'm talking about because I'm on my way to WrestleMania and getting back what's mine! DEAL WITH IT!" And with that emphatic statement, Butch slams the mic down and leaves the ring continuing to taunt the crowd.

Backstage, some of the locker room has been watching Butch's comments on the monitor. Two of them are Madison and Alexander Piero. The two look extremely upset, with Piero shaking his head in disappointment and the two start walking away. They're caught by our roving backstage interview crew who want to ask them about their thoughts on Butch Fleming and what went down on Raw. Piero talks about how Butch only succeeded in doing two things: being a coward and pissing Piero off. Madison adds that Piero is eager to be first in that line Butch talked about just now. He can't just steal from Piero and expect to get away with it. And with that, the two go off on their way.

First Match: The Academy vs. Galino & Farnes
Luscious is with the TOP LEGAL COUNSEL of Galino & Farnes and wants to assure all of Hotbody's fans that the two of them are combing through EVERY scrap of Neil Quint's history as a competitor! Freddie Galino adds that if Lisa Benton is going to award a championship match to someone claiming to have a spotless record like Michael Hotbody, there can't be any shred of evidence to the contrary! "The legal team of Galino & Farnes are tireless and committed to integrity and justice will prevail in one form or another!"

Fun as it is to have Galino & Farnes be douchey and slimy, The Academy needs to make a rebound coming off of that little mini feud with their former camp. We get a great outing here as I often forget how good Galino & Farnes actually are in terms of stats. We head home as Sophie Waters runs interference against Luscious and her attempt to get the GAVEL OF DOOM involved. Randy Ellis gets a hold of the gavel but tosses it to Galino when he sees the ref about turn his attention back to the match. Galino tries to use it, but the ref stops him and takes it away. The ref goes to put it out of the ring with Galino right after him in protest. He eats a flying kick from Mitchell coming off the top and that dazes Galino enough for Randy to hit Today's Lesson on him to score the pin for the Academy. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Second Match: Kerry Cemenko vs. Zed Jones
We're shown Brandon Reigns in the crowd making his way to a ringside seat behind the announce crew. I guess he's serious about this whole "do nothing" schtick. Kerry isn't thrilled seeing the Money in the Bank winner again and gets on the mic to give him shit. He tells Brandon that he can't hide behind that briefcase forever. Kerry then says he's going to make it a point to be around to watch all of Brandon's WrestleMania plans blow up in his face and laugh about it. Well, that's good to know. We get a hard-hitting match out of these two, with Kerry being extra salty. They head to the outside where the count begins. Zed manages to press Kerry onto the announce table and thinks about utilizing a chair for nefarious purposes. Clubber Harris joins the ringside area and meets eyes with Zed. Clubber stalks Zed for a bit, putting a pause on any chair-related plans Zed has in mind. Kerry stealthily crawls back into the ring to break the count and the ref eventually reaches 10 to award the win to Kerry. Zed is understandably upset at this turn of event and decides to go after Clubber with the chair. Clubber ducks and Zed misses and we've got ourselves a brawl. Luscious hops onto the back of Clubber, trying to go for the eyes, but he gets her off. That's enough of an opening for Zed to boot Harris in the bread basket and send him over the announce table. Zed scoops up Luscious and takes his leave. These two seem to be headed towards another showdown. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Backstage we go where we once again catch up with the Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp. He's asked about what went down on Raw with Ronnie Costello after the title match. Seth wonders where the hell all of these guys come from. He's not going to think on it too hard, though, because he's equipped to send them back to wherever with their tails in between their legs and a story to tell everyone about how they failed when stacked up against the man known as Seth Von Kamp. He supposes that Ronnie Costello wants to be the next man on that list.

Brooke steps into the picture and hijacks the interview. She clarifies that the only thing Ronnie wants to be is the new Intercontinental Champion. "And while there are other avenues he could've taken, you needed to be aware of just how serious I am about my new initiative. I said it before that no champion is safe from me. The only question now, Seth, is are you going to be bold enough to try to prove me wrong?"

Seth leans in closer to Brooke and gives his response. "The question I would ask is whether or not your boy has it in him to prove you right? I'm down for some payback and I'm always down for defending this title. You get your boy to show up tomorrow on SmackDown!." And with that, Seth takes his leave.

Third Match: The Jersey Experience vs. The Pacific Connection
Man, there are some people I haven't put on TV in a while. Fortunately, this is Superstars and I'm always in need of some easy ratings. Enter 4 incredibly talented and gorgeous ladies! I'd like to be able to start pushing one of these teams into a bigger role. Maybe after WrestleMania. Anyways, some hot stuff here and Jamie Roderick finishes things in a decisive fashion by getting Mika to submit to the Roderick Legacy, giving the Jersey Experience the win. ****1/2, 88% overall.

Fourth Match: Ozzy Mandias vs. Patrick Dean Quartermaine
Ozzy gets on the mic and warns Jordan Demiras that he's still in his crosshairs. He claims that Jordan and Martyn LaSalle thought it was funny to treat Ozzy like a joke and not an equal. "They're not laughing now, are they?!? Jordan, the respect that I deserve is going to be beaten from you, one way or another!" Ozzy demonstrates how serious he's become with a very focused outing here against Quartermaine. Things finish when it looks like Ozzy has tweaked his knee. Patrick isn't buying it and keeps trying to go in for the kill, but the ref keeps stopping him. Patrick finally just pulls the ref out of the way, but Ozzy goes to the eye and quickly lands a sunset flip to get the cheap win. ****, 90% overall.

It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The Royal Rumble Winning Hero to Millions Around the World, the Host With THE Highest Rated Interview Show In All of Entertainment, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover of the Manager of the Year Slammy Award Winner and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Mister Twenty-Forty, The Two Time Slammy Award Winner Including the Rookie of the Year and the Most Envied Superstar of the Year, the Man Who is the Rightful Winner of the Slammy for Cruiserweight of the Year, The Lord of the Ladder and Conqueror of Fears, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He welcomes us all to the show and wants to get down to some serious business after the events on Raw this past Monday.

"Alright so there's some REALLY big news that needs to get addressed. One that involves one of the biggest stars in the history of this company and the incredible downer it was to hear what was going to happen to them! That's right, I am of course talking about me being forced to defend my title against some flavor-of-the-month like Neil Quint! There was OUTRAGE and SADNESS reverberating throughout the fandom of the WWE! And who is the perpetrator of such ridiculousness? None other than that cow who's being put out to pasture at the end of the month, Lisa Benton!!! Well, the joke is going to be on her! You can't just have some rookie fresh off the street coming in and getting involved in the Cruiserweight Title picture after just a few months! That's absolutely absurd! But you all need to know something, and if I may reinforce what my TOP LEGAL COUNSEL stated earlier, we are making sure that Lisa Benton and Neil Quint aren't trying to pull a fast one on all of you! Lisa Benton can't promote a match claiming one participant is undefeated when chances are he's got a loss or two in some backwater little town out in some potato field in Idaho or whatever! So Galino & Farnes are hard at work combing through Neil's sordid little history because this would be a blatant case of FALSE ADVERTISING if I ever saw it! You can't trust Neil Quint, but you can take comfort knowing that I will always be a beacon of truth and a surefire bet when you need to put your faith in something. I mean, what do we really know about Neil Quint anyway? Well, we're all in luck because I have the show and the platform to get to the bottom of things, so Neil Quint, this is your invitation to come on out here and be an open book to these people and make your case for why you think a sorry sack like yourself belongs in the ring with me! Come on out here!"

Well, there's the invitation, but is Neil Quint going to resp...oh, wait, there he is. He's got the same expression on his face that everyone who deals with Hotbody has, but he persists in his trip to the ring to join the Cruiserweight Champion. He takes a mic and gestures to Hotbody that he's here and ready.

Hotbody takes the opportunity to begin this interview of sorts. "Alright, Neil, all cards on the table. You would really be doing me a solid by saving on legal fees if you just came clean and told us the truth about your wrestling record, OK? We all start out small doing shows in high schools and backyards and county fairs and what not. At least that's what I've been told. I've been lucky enough to have a straight shot into the WWE and can actually claim an incredible winning streak, but I know that others aren't so fortunate. So what's the deal, Neil?"

"Michael, let's get down to the actual reality of this situation. Whether or not I'm undefeated actually wouldn't matter. Even if I had a thousand losses to my name the sad truth is I would still be better than you."

"Oh, so you're not going to answer the question? Well, tha..."

"NO, I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER THE GOD DAMN QUESTION!!!" Neil snaps. "I don't answer to you. I don't give two ounces of crap about you and I'm not going to get sucked into this stupid little world of yours! It all comes down this, Michael. You're not afraid of heights or cages or anything like that. You're afraid of being nothing! You're on one hell of a run, I'll give you that. But the reality of what could happen at the Royal Rumble when I face you for that title is setting in, isn't it? You've got a man with all the momentum in the world coming at you on that night and you're shaking in your boots and tossing in your sleep worried that you don't have anything in your playbook to stop it from hitting you like a ton of bricks! You want to know about Neil Quint? Here's all you and all the people watching need to know, Michael. I'm a winner. I've been winning. I'm going to keep on winning and you're in the middle of that road. Do what you need to do to get you through the days, Michael. For all the good it does." And with that Neil throws the mic down, apparently done with all of this, but as he goes to leave Michael decides to clobber him in the back of the head with the Cruiserweight Title, knocking him down to the mat. He puts some mustard on it by knocking over the podium onto Neil and walks out of the ring in a celebratory fashion as we go to break.

Fifth Match: Carmella Costello vs. Missy Brantley
Brooke wants to work that mic and get a few things off her chest. She brags about so many things being put into motion that are going her way. Ronnie Costello has a shot at the Intercontinental Title tomorrow night on SmackDown!. Salvatore Scabbia is going to run though that Royal Rumble, no matter what number he gets, and go to WrestleMania to win what's rightfully his. "And as far as tonight goes, Sonya Braddock better be paying attention to Carmella here. Sonya, I know you don't have the guts to be showing up all the time, but I'm hoping you at least have the brains to be aware of the danger that's knocking at your door. I'm going to see to it that Carmella is in line for that belt around your waist that you think is yours. It makes you look great in an 8 x 10, but that's all it is: a look. I've made it a point of professional pride to surround myself with people who have substance. Know that the day you find yourself in the ring with Carmella is going to the longest of your life!"

Carmella does her best to live up to those words here in a spectacular showing. It comes to an end when Missy has Carmella lined up for a Lasso and she preps herself in the corner for launch while the ref checks on Carmella. Brooke seizes the opportunity to be a nuisance and grabs one of Missy's ankles and holds on. Missy understandably turns her attention to these turn of events and wastes time yelling at Brooke. Carmella charges at Missy and sandwiches her in the corner against the turnbuckle then hits her with the Defamation off the top to score the win. ****1/2, 92% overall.

We're told that backstage, the cameras have picked up something odd involving Cameron Harper. Apparently, word was that Harper was spotted talking to someone and our crack interview team tried tracking him down, finding him turning a corner, coming out from some back hallway. Harper is surprised at being found and he gets pressed about what he's doing here. Cameron assures everyone that it's nothing that anybody needs to be concerned about. He's just here trying to take initiative. He knows that's the kind of thing that Jake Connelly likes. "Other than that, there's nothing more that needs to be said." Cameron goes off on his merry way, but someone else comes out of the same hallway as Cameron. It's...Chet Morris? He sees the crew and heads off in his own direction avoiding them. WTF was that?

MAIN EVENT: Orlando Kincaid vs. Xavier Cross
Orlando makes it clear before the match that he's still got his heart set on covering his hands with the blood of Quinten McDaniels. It's a fight he didn't ask for or want, but it's a fight he'll enjoy finishing and it'll be extra sweet to make Quinten one of those 29 other bodies that Orlando is going to toss over the top rope on the way to winning the Royal Rumble. "Quinten, I want you to add this to that of things you're going through with all of this ass backwards therapy crap. I'm going to do what you couldn't and that's leave WrestleMania with that World Title and that's MY WAY of purging my past!"

So we finish hella strong with this match. This might actually have to be an extended program that I do down the road so that I can get those sweet, sweet stars and ratings. I mean, look at the results of this match! And it's on God damn Superstars! Anyways, despite being a fucking awesome match, Quinten McDaniels has to come on down to ruin things when it looks like Orlando has Xavier set up for the OK Corral. He goes low on Orlando and then tosses him over the top rope. He gets a grin on his face and goes out to get Orlando's body back into the ring, only to stomp the piss out of him and throw him back over again. He yells at Orlando that it's Quinten's time this year and he stands tall as we go off the air. *****, 95% overall.

Overall show rating: 89%