[M-A-G]

Superstars: January 17, 2041

Opening Match: Quinten McDaniels, Chet Morris, and Hugo vs. Nigel Gallagher and The British Infection
Quinten gets on the mic and tells everyone to not let something like Butch Fleming returning distract from the real important matters at hand. "Quite frankly, if Butch wants to make a nuisance of himself I'll remind him that he, too, qualifies as baggage from the past and the Royal Rumble is the perfect place to dump baggage!"

Chet takes the mic and calls out his cousin, Lyle. "Lyle, I know that short of ending your career you're far too full of yourself to know when to quit. Like I said, I'm going to deal with you, but on my terms and my terms alone. So I'm offering you your chance. You and me, one-on-one at the Royal Rumble! The sooner we can get deal with this, the sooner I can forget about you and leave you behind!"

I say opening things with a six-man is a great way to kick off the show. The Stable That Isn't a Stable look good here against a team like the Brits. After a "Katy, bar the door!" scenario, things end with Chet hitting Nigel with the Backwoods Bomb after catching a crossbody attempt. That's going to be enough to give the heels the pinfall win. ****1/2, 91% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with the WWE Women's Champion, the 2040 Woman of the Year, Sonya Braddock! This will be Braddock's first opportunity to speak about the challenger waiting for her at the Rumble. She's asked by Josh Matthews on her thoughts on the matter as she begins a new year with someone whom she's not familiar. Sonya responds by asking everyone how familiar they are with the story of the Pied Piper. "I'll give a brief summary for anyone who doesn't know the story. There was a town with a massive rat problem. There was no solution in sight for this infestation and the people were desperate. One day, a stranger comes into town offering to take care of the rat problem, for a fee, of course. The people agreed and sure enough the stranger played a song on his flute that mesmerized the rats and they followed the stranger out of town into a river and they drowned. The stranger asked for his fee that was promised to him, but the people of the town, now that they got what they wanted, went back on their agreement and refused to pay. So the stranger decided to play his flute and use the music to lead the children of the town away. Now that's a pretty grim and dark story, no? But see, what people take away from that story, what they think is the lesson, is don't trust strangers. Well, they're wrong. The moral of the story is KEEP YOUR DAMN PROMISES! Carmella Costello, I understand that you've been fed a lot of beautiful words and promises from your manager Brooke. Brooke has this master plan and strategy that's promising you the world, in other words, all the things that you want to hear! Carmella, I'm not here to tell you what you want to hear. That's not my job. My job is to hurt people and beat them and be the best women's wrestler, no matter what anyone else tells you! So understand, Carmella, that Brooke is making promises that she can't keep and you're going to be one to take the brunt of the consequences. At the Royal Rumble, you want to be led by everything that Brooke is putting in your head? Well, that's where you pay the piper, in suffering and humiliation!"

This is going to cause Brooke to come out to respond. She's smart enough to not get in the same ring as Braddock and chooses to speak to the champion from the stage. "Sonya Braddock, I hope you understand that, much like with Seth Von Kamp, none of this is personal. As someone who was once in your position, I get that any threat, especially a threat like Carmella Costello, is going to make you agitated and insulted and uneasy. But I made a vow, Sonya. It's fortunate for you that you weren't around during my heyday. You wouldn't have stood a chance with me in the way as champion and you would have never reached the mythical level you're at now. Oh, there's no way I could out-power you, and certainly some of your contemporaries have failed at that. I certainly couldn't out-technique you. Again, there have been failures at that endeavor. But as far as outthinking you? I've always been at the top of the class in that department, then and now! Knowledge is power, Sonya, and at the Royal Rumble, Carmella is going to wield it. You saw what ended up happening to Seth Von Kamp. That's your future, Sonya, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Sonya grabs poor Josh's hand to take control of the mic as she offers her rebuttal to Brooke's rant. "Here's something for you to ponder, Brooke, and you can tell your girl Carmella the same thing: the only thing about brains that concerns someone like me, is they can get bashed in!" Brooke merely glares at the Women's champion as she considers this statement, but ultimately decides to withdraw to the back as Sonya Braddock stands defiant in the ring.

Backstage, Luscious is with CRACK LEGAL TEAM Galino & Farnes! Luscious is disappointed to have to tell all of Michael Hotbody's great fans that the search for any sort of blemish on Neil Quint's record hasn't been going great. But dilligence is the name of the game in the arena that is Galino & Farnes. There's a simple solution to all of this and that is if Neil Quint were to suffer a loss right now, then the WWE can't promote this match as it would be guaranteed that Neil would have to give up his title shot. "So here's the deal, Neil: find yourself a partner and go out to that ring right now so that Galino & Farnes can make this easy on everyone!"

Second Match: Clubber Harris and Neil Quint vs. Galino & Farnes
Well, this is no surprise. Harris is eager to do what he can to continue being a thorn in the side of Zed Jones. Speaking of which, both Zed and Michael Hotbody decide to make themselves known as this match goes on. Things break down and Zed is up on the apron. Neil dives over him to hit Michael Hotbody on the outside. Zed is distracted by this and he doesn't see Freddie Galino coming his way after Clubber ducks an attempted lariat from him. Zed and Galino collide, sending Zed off the apron. Galino falls victim to the Club Pain and that's going to give the faces the pin. Guess that means Neil is still on track to challenge for the Cruiserweight Title! ****1/2, 93% overall.

Third Match: Debra Phillips vs. Ainsley
I'm hoping to bring this little scuffle to a close to hopefully move Debra on to something fairly major I'm planning for her. Ainsley would make for a solid addition as a solo player in the women's division game. The overall rating reflects Debra bringing things down with her lack of charisma, but it's nothing to sneeze at. I bet the major promotions would kill for something like this. I'm not blowing this off just yet so we'll ends things this way. Debra is on the outside and she pulls Ainsley over to the corner post. It looks like she's going to try to slam one of Ainsley's knees into the post in an attempt to really hurt her. Ainsley, fortunately, is quick to the punch and pulls her leg in, taking Debra along with the momentum, and Debra hits face first into the post. That looked ugly. The ref reaches a count of 10 as Debra fails to make it back into the ring and that's going to be a win for Ainsley. No doubt that's going to stick in the craw of Debra as this moves along. ****1/4, 87% overall.

More In-Ring Super Special Talky Time this time with Cameron Harper. We're shown the dispicable actions he took back on Monday when he apparently turned his back completely on Ethan Lang. Cameron takes the mic and declares he's going to bare his soul to us all. "You need to forgive me, but this is something that needs to be said. What happened on Raw between Ethan and myself HAD to happen! I needed to punish him and get rid of him! Ethan, as talented as he is, was someone I didn't need. All Ethan was doing was getting in the way! He was getting in the way of the special relationship that Jake Connelly and I have! I'm the only client that Jake Connelly needs! Ethan Lang was jealous and threatened by me ever since the beginning! He did everything he could to undermine me and get in between Jake and me! Just look at what he did for Christmas! Ethan knew that Jake was going to love anything I gave him so Ethan took it upon himself to go out of the way to go overboard with his present! But it wasn't going to last, Ethan! You didn't count on me having enough of your underhanded tactics and you didn't count on the strong bond between Jake and myself! We don't need you, Ethan, and I hope you got that message loud and clear on Raw!"

This is going to call for Jake Connelly himself to come out to address the matter. He looks incredibly confused and unsettled as he enters the ring and takes a mic to talk to Cameron. Cameron looks overjoyed and he thanks Jake for joining him in discarding Ethan Lang. Jake is quick to fire back.

"Cameron, I hate to burst your bubble here, but you're fired!" The crowd cheers at this as Cameron looks incredulous. Jake continues. "You seriously expect me to stick around with you after what you did? After I took a chance on you?"

"Jake, what the hell are talking about? I'm the only client you need! Being mentored and managed by you has been a dream come true for me!"

"And why is that, Cameron? Did you really want to learn from me or were you just being selfish and hoping to get your name out there by associating with me? You agreed to follow my lead and time and time and time again, you kept straying from my path. You want to do things your way? Then so be it! I'm done with this and I'm done with you!"

Cameron can't believe what he's hearing and he looks visibly shaken as he tries to respond. "Jake, come on, you don't mean that! Everything I did, I did because I thought it was right and it was what needed to be done! You can't get rid of me! This would be the biggest mistake of your life!"

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, Cameron, but I've learned a long time ago that mistakes are forks in the road. There are lot of ways to go from this point. And let me tell you where we're going, Cameron. You see, you are in fact fired, but before I came out here to make that call, I talked things over with Ethan and Lisa Benton. As your final match booked under my watch, you will be at the Royal Rumble and you will face Ethan Lang! You think you're better than him? Well, now you can prove it!"

Jake Connelly drops the mic and turns to leave, but the revelation of all of this is apparently too much for Cameron to take and he once again flips his shit. He demonstrates this by nailing Connelly from behind, knocking down his now former manager. This doesn't look good for Connelly as Cameron is just beside himself, looking betrayed. He throws Connelly to the outside and continues to assault him. Cameron gets his hands on the steel steps and stalks Connelly who's trying to get back to his feet. Connelly turns around and is greeted with the steel steps right into his face. That's going to cause some color from him as Cameron continues to look deranged with rage. He's not done and he goes to the mount, pounding away at Connelly's face. Officials come on down to try get Cameron off of Connelly, but it's a struggle as Cameron is just too far gone at this point. We go to break with this chaotic scene continuing to play out.

Fourth Match: The Youngbloods vs. The Dillingers
I feel bad for the Dillingers, seeing as they're not really in the thick of anything major and just last year they were on their way to WrestleMania, feuding with the tag champions. They still have their uses, notably here where they boost my overall rating for the night with a fucking awesome match. The Youngbloods might have to get split as they've been directionless and I don't think that name applies anymore. But, yeah, this rocks all kinds of ass. Ben is up on top ready to come off onto Sully Lane. Matt Riley tries to make a save while on the apron, but Joey drop kicks him off sending him into Stephan Sterling on the outside. Ben hits Sully with the Dillinger Escape Plan off the top and that's going to give the Dillingers the win via pin. *****, 97% overall.

Fifth Match: Kerry Cemenko vs. Azazel
Hey, look, it's another guy I've completely overlooked! Er, I mean, wow, look! Azazel is back from his vacation. He looks good. Very well rested. *ahem* Anyway, we're shown Brandon Reigns in the crowd again, still being a douche about not having to actually do anything until WrestleMania with his briefcase. Cemenko gives him the stink eye throughout this contest, but Reigns doesn't care. Anyway, we keep the momentum for Cemenko going as he survives a hard-fought encounter here. Cemenko avoids Azazel coming off the middle rope with an attempted forearm smash and that allows Cemenko to hit the Curb Stomp to score the pin. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Backstage we go again where Eddy Clash is under the microscope, so to speak. He's asked about his experiences so far since being in the WWE. Eddy claims that he's struggling to come up with anyone on the roster with a whirlwind bunch of months like his. He came in against Michael Hotbody and all of his goons. Then there was that whole Money in the Bank briefcase situation with Brandon Reigns. Then he gets blindsided by this lunatic named Hugo. Then he's teaming up with the likes of Haven. Now he's looking at his first Royal Rumble appearance. "It's all I ever dreamed of and then some! But there's one big part of the dream still missing. The main event of WrestleMania is calling my name and as the biggest and baddest man in that Rumble, I'm looking to make more of that dream a reality. There have been some curveballs, for sure, but I've wanted to be part of the WWE since I was a little boy so any of this extra nonsense from the like of Hugo and Quinten McDaniels and Chet Morris and anyone else, I'll take the bad with the good. The bodies are going to be flying all over the place in the Rumble. Prepare the best way you can because I'm bringing the thunder!"

Sixth Match: Jenna Kyle and The Perfections vs. Dusk and the Southern Belles
Naturally I can also count on my girls to deliver some much needed high ratings. Six of them in one match should suffice. We're reminded of the title match at the Royal Rumble with the Perfections defending against the Southern Belles in a tornado style No DQ match. Bonnie's head is bandaged after suffering an El Kabong back on Raw. Jenna ends up playing face-in-peril after some solid opening work from everyone. Dusk is more than happy to wreck her shit up. Things come to an end after Leah gets the hot tag off of Jenna and we naturally get a BONZO GONZO storm of shit from everyone. Leah has Dusk in position for a Sultry Splash, but as she runs to the ropes Hannah jabs her in the ribs with another guitar. That's going to stun Leah enough to where Dusk recovers and hits Leah with the Final Sunset and that's going to give the heels the win via pin. The dance continues. ****1/4, 90% overall.

MAIN EVENT: Simon Bennett vs. Jason Sorola
Jason Sorola isn't having it tonight and rips into Simon Bennett for being named the number one contender to the Unified World Title. He calls Bennett a man out of place and that he's no better than Ryan Pattillo or anyone else who ignores and overshadows someone like himself. "While Simon Bennett was off doing who knows what and abandoning all of this, I was on the top of my game and fighting to break through! I actually gave a damn about making a name for myself, being a free thinker, unlike another sad sack of crap like Michael Haywood. Michael is feeling the sting of choosing to remain docile and that sting is coming out as resentment and jealousy towards me. Well, you can feel however you want to feel, Michael. I'm about to take down the so-called number one contender and embarrass him!"

Bennett is all about shoving those words down Sorola's throat and thus we get a pretty awesome physical main event here. Both Michael Haywood and the Unified World Champion Wrakk make their way out to ringside to observe. I'm sure that's not going to ruin anything. Well, Wrakk is ready to prove me wrong. He hops up on the apron as both Bennett and Sorola fight to get up to their feet to stop a potential double countout. Haywood is on top of that shit and holds on to one of Wrakk's legs. Wrakk isn't having it and fights him off, but turns back to the action to see Bennett shoving Sorola off of him causing a collision. Bennett hits a German suplex with a bridge and that's going to be a pinfall victory for Bennett. Business still isn't over as Wrakk steps into the ring to get face-to-face with his challenger. They trade some choice words between them. Sorola is still bitter so he drop kicks Bennett from behind sending him into Wrakk. Wrakk is offended at this and nails Bennett, triggering a little brawl between them. Michael Haywood joins the fray by sliding in to get him a piece of Jason. Sorola rakes the eyes of Michael after a bit of that to give him an opportunity to escape while officials come down to break things up between Wrakk and Bennett. *****, 94% overall.

Overall show rating: 90%