SmackDown!: August 24, 2040
Last show before SummerSlam! I WARN EVERYONE TO LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO ZIGGY STYLES!!!
I'm going to a bit laid back with the matches considering the circumstances.
It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He's with Luscious and his left arm is bandaged up and in a sling. He walks gingerly to the ring with chants of "YOU TAPPED OUT!" accompanying him. "As fun as that chant may be I have to warn you all that you're flirting with some very serious slander lawsuits. My legal counsel has already made sure that Raw's events were stricken from the record as they did not occur under any legal parameters. You can't reference something that didn't happen in the first place so unfortunately all of you are in direct violation of court orders if you continue with that chant! It didn't count! Now, as far as the condition you see me in, sadly, considering I wasn't prepared for the disgraceful and cowardly attack perpetrated by Martyn LaSalle after TWO GRUELING EXHIBITION CONTESTS, my arm was hurt after being locked in LaSalle's Martynizer. Now I could have easily escaped the hold but I needed to alert the officials to the heinous and non-binding act! Unfortunately, I may have had something pulled or sprained, I'm not sure but the merciful thing for Martyn LaSalle to do would be to come out here, APOLOGIZE, and call off this submission match for this Sunday. It may seem like I'm asking for a lot but I figure go directly to the source because I know Lisa Benton isn't going to listen to me or my medical and legal counsel. So what do you say, Martyn?"
Martyn LaSalle does indeed come out and join the lovebirds in the ring to offer his response. "Oh, man, it looks like you're in a whole lot of pain. You sure that this wench over here can't do anything to help you out? I mean, she's been so helpful ever since King of the Ring when she made sure you retained your title!"
"Hey, this is serious!!! This was going to be my first SummerSlam and I wanted to really make an impact. I feel just as bad about this as everyone who was looking forward to seeing this match. But when you really think about it, this is your fault so it only makes sense that you do the right thing by putting this match off for about, I don't know, 6 or 15 weeks? Just so I can get the proper medical evaluation! That's all I'm asking for, Martyn. Come on, do me a solid here."
"Wow. I'm kind of speechless actually. I witnessing some amazing humility here. Look, how about this: let me leave here, I'll go find Lisa Benton, and I'll hash out some sort of arrangement, OK? I think I might be able to get you the appropriate amount of time."
"Oh, thanks, man. You're a life saver. I owe you big time. We'll have an incredible match in the future, I promise you that."
"Yeah, we'll see. I'm going to take off now. Oh, by the way, here you go...."
LaSalle tosses his microphone to Hotbody's face and Hotbody catches it to protect himself but HE USES HIS SUPPOSEDLY HURT ARM! Luscious and Hotbody are wide-eyed as they've been busted. Hotbody tries to explain but decides to go on the attack. LaSalle ducks and takes the fight to the champion. Luscious jumps onto LaSalle's back and that's all the distraction Hotbody needs to lay out LaSalle with his championship belt. He nails a few Hot Tickets and then locks in a Dragon Sleeper. To LaSalle's credit he doesn't tap but he's knocked loopy so that's not much. Hotbody and Luscious take their leave as LaSalle remains down and out.
Seth Von Kamp is backstage and he's ready to dig into Brandon Reigns this Sunday. Seth talks about the parade of champions walking around here who don't actually want the responsibility that goes along with being a champion. They only want the pretty belt and the marquee display but will go through heaven and hell to find ways to not be there when it matters. Reigns knows the trouble he's in when it comes to a match against Seth and that's why wanted no part of this match. He wanted to make it seem about principles, which is rich coming from a guy who doesn't have any. You know what else he isn't going to have come SummerSlam? The Intercontinental Title.
First Match: Jason Sorola and Jerome McDougal vs. Nigel Gallagher and Shawn Dangerson
See what I mean about taking things easy? If nothing else, it's more Dangerson and Sorola which rules. Sorola gets the drop on Nigel with a Greco-Roman Low Blow and uses a small package to steal the win. ****1/2, 91% overall.
We haven't had enough mayhem so let's bring out Haven to talk about his upcoming encounter with Wrakk. Wrakk couldn't have picked a worse time to return to the WWE, according to Haven. A starving and crazed animal has no awareness of the dangers that might be lurking when a tasty meal presents itself after a long journey. Wrakk's ambition will be his undoing. Their encounter may no longer be for a title but Haven will still take something away from Wrakk. And if he has something to say about that, Wrakk is more than welcome to come out here and present his case.
Wrakk, of course, has no problems with being called out and thus makes his way out to start a dialogue...with his fist. We get a chaotic brawl between these two hosses and it's out of control as we go to break.
Second Match: Tania vs. Emma Edwards
Really need to bring Tania's feud with Billie Padgett to a head. These two deliver a pretty awesome contest for a random SmackDown!. Padgett just has to ruin it all by attacking Tania as she sets up for the Nose Dive. Lzzy Ryd makes things even by joining her partner to clear out the heels. *****, 96% overall.
Backstage, Madison is with Alexander Piero who wants to get Orlando Kincaid's case. They should be mad with Kincaid and his attitude and the things he's pulled and said; but here's the bright side: Alexander Piero gets to go to SummerSlam, the biggest event of the summer and once again humiliate Kincaid. So congratulations, Orlando, you just helped in possibly making this one of the greatest years a rookie could have.
Third Match: Salvatore Scabbia vs. Mathias
Shame on me for not using Scabbia in a while. He's a solid hand and he might be due for some PPV main events. Not that I'm giving anything away here.
Mathias falls prey to the Omerta and Scabbia gets the duke here. ****1/2, 87% overall. Christ, their charisma sucks.
Fourth Match: Galino & Farnes vs. The Wyldhearts
The Wyldhearts announce that they will indeed be accepting Madison's previous offer and will take her on as their manager. They'll need it, too, as Luscious still isn't done with her night here. Not that it matters as The Future Foundation run down to get themselves a piece of the Wyldhearts to cause a DQ. The Dillingers want in on the fun and run down to make the save. Madison gives Luscious and Vivian Merrick the stink eye. ****1/2, 91% overall.
Video time as it hypes up the Hell in a Cell match this Sunday. This one focuses more on the history of the Cell and the impact it's had on people's careers. Fleming and Carmichael look to end things once and for all.
Sixth Match: Clubber Harris vs. Chris Collins
Technically the main event but I've got other things in store for the final segment. Not a bad final match, though, so yay for me, I guess. I should try to wrap things up between these guys, too, and move them on to other projects. They work so well together, though. Anyways, Collins gets his cheating boots on and uses the ol' disappearing turnbuckle pad trick to score a cheap win. *****, 94% overall.
FINAL SEGMENT: We get Riott in the ring with the WWE Women's Tag Team Titles on display again. She's excited about this Sunday and hasn't had this feeling in a long time; and if it's this nerve-wracking for her, imagine what it's like for the four women who are daring to make their mark in the history books in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There can only ever be one first and it takes the best of the best to lay claim to those kinds of milestones. It's because of the magnitude of this event that Riott pledges with every fiber of her being that she will call this match right down the middle. No excuses. No BS. No controversies. No looking back, only forward to the landscape that will be changed once these championships are in play. With that said, she'd like to welcome both teams out here for one final face-to-face.
With that The Lonely Girls and Eclypse & Naomi make their way out and stand with Riott in the ring. Riott begins to speak to address the two teams but is cut off by Naomi...
"Zip it. You're the relic in this equation and the official so anything you have say is irrelevant. I'M the Women's Champion so I'LL start the talking."
Jenna: All you seem to have been doing lately is talking. Talking and scheming to be more specific. If you were that confident about yourselves you wouldn't have tried your little trick on Raw to try and drive a wedge between Faith and myself.
Eclypse: You'd be wise to dial things down a bit. Whether you're on the same page or not, you still have to contend with us and we're set to dominate this division like nothing you've ever seen.
Faith: That's pretty bold coming from someone who's just being used. Hey, don't shoot the messenger, but Naomi went to YOU, Eclypse, not the other way around. You think this is going to last much longer after SummerSlam when you get beat?
Naomi: IF we get beat and believe me, that's a big 'if'. You may not understand this since you're just two loners who happen to bond over the same crappy fashion sense, but Eclypse and I are blood. That's a bond. That's REAL.
Eclypse: She's right about that. I wouldn't have gone along with this if I didn't have faith in our ability to be unified. Losing is absolutely out of the question.
Jenna: So you say, but reality is often disappointing. And the reality is, these belts just look so much better on us.
With that last statement goes to pick up the championships but is cut off by Naomi. Faith goes to step up to her but Eclypse counters with some stepping up of her own. Things look to get physical but Riott exercises her right to be a bad ass and keeps things from getting out of hand. We go off the air with the two teams sniping at each other.
Overall Show Rating: 87%
SEE YOU AT SUMMERSLAM!