[M-A-G]

SmackDown!: January 4, 2041

TWENTY-MINUTE OPENING PROMO OF DOOM TIME!!!!111 as the WWE Unified World Champion Wrakk makes his way out to the ring to address the people. "With 2040 behind us, I start the new year still the WWE Unified World Champion! Not even treachery like what Orlando Kincaid tried to pull on Raw can stop me from being the most dominating champion in the WWE. You don't luck your way into wearing this title. You get here because you deserve it, and thus far, I have proven that I alone deserve it. The sting of an entire year's absence still resonates, and I'm looking to make sure that every sad sack of crap that steps in the ring with me while I'm champion feels that same pain. You've been missing out on some sweet, sweet punishment and it's high time that it started catching up with you. So by all means, to the eager thirty men who want to slug it out in a few weeks in that Rumble, do what you can and summon whatever you can to get you to that main event spot at WrestleMania. That's going to be my magnum opus. A masterpiece of destruction...and despair."

Who should interrupt the proceedings but The Hero to Millions Around the World, the Host With THE Highest Rated Interview Show In All of Entertainment, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover of the Manager of the Year Slammy Award Winner and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Mister Twenty-Forty, The Two Time Slammy Award Winner Including the Rookie of the Year and the Most Envied Superstar of the Year, the Man Who is the Rightful Winner of the Slammy for Cruiserweight of the Year, The Lord of the Ladder and Conqueror of Fears, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! This is certainly random, but certainly the Cruiserweight Champion has a reason to be out here joining Wrakk. Let's see what he's got to say.

"Wrakk, buddy, I'm so glad you're out here because I often feel at times that I'm alone in my struggle as a champion. It's true that I have the love of a good woman at my side, but there's that crippling void of not getting enough respect from all of the jealous challengers to my throne. But it's good to know that we feel each other's pain and that we can find a kindred spirit in one another. I, too, am deserving of this championship despite all the naysayers and we winners have to stick together. I mean, I don't need to remind you all that I myself am a winner of a Royal Rumble! That's right, I won one last year and that was the catalyst that put me on the path that I'm on right now! In fact, I think I have it in me to do it again, only this time I can head to the main event of WrestleMania and I can give you, Wrakk, that top level opponent that you deserve. Champion vs. champion, the way it should be for an event like this! Now, I understand that you may have your eyes set on someone else for the role, but know that I would treat you with all of the respect that you deserve because I know you'd do the same for me, a fellow champion and a fellow winner."

Wrakk has been looking annoyed during all of Hotbody's spiel and looks to give the Cruiserweight Champion an earful, but who should interrupt now but Duke and Drakken, the Wasteland! This has certainly been an odd way to start the show. Let's hear what these two have to say.

Drakken has the mic and he calls out both Wrakk and Hotbody for wasting time out here. Drakken points out how the two of them have done more talking than actual fighting in their respective reigns as champions. Duke gets on the mic and says that he's all for the new opportunities that a new year can bring and it would be a swell idea for both Wrakk and Hotbody to put their money where their mouths are right here and now. The Wasteland weren't planning on a fight tonight, but that doesn't mean there can't be one. Drakken throws down the gauntlet by challenging the two champions to a tag match right now.

Wrakk merely smirks, but Hotbody gets on his mic and asks the Wasteland who the hell they think they are. "Of course Wrakk is willing to throw down! He'll happily take you on and as his buddy and champion-in-arms, even though I'm still a bit tired from all of that New Year's physical celebration, it's my duty to back him up in his efforts tonight in teaching you two some respect! Let's get a ref out here right now!" Wrakk is obviously befuddled and confused over this, but apparently this is going to be an official match as a ref does indeed come down and the Wasteland follow suit. And so we get....

First Match: The Wasteland vs. Wrakk and The Hero to Millions Around the World, the Host With THE Highest Rated Interview Show In All of Entertainment, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover of the Manager of the Year Slammy Award Winner and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Mister Twenty-Forty, The Two Time Slammy Award Winner Including the Rookie of the Year and the Most Envied Superstar of the Year, the Man Who is the Rightful Winner of the Slammy for Cruiserweight of the Year, The Lord of the Ladder and Conqueror of Fears, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody
Hah, bet you didn't think I'd find a way to do Wrakk and Duke, did you? Well, I'm nothing if not chaotic and willing to try something new and off the wall. Speaking of which, Wrakk does the heavy lifting here and has the Wasteland as his personal crash dummies as Hotbody is in the corner cheering him on. Hotbody eventually tags in when it looks like Duke is all but paste. Drakken makes a comeback and gets the tag in to Drakken and now Hotbody has to experience some two-on-one pain. Drakken eventually gets the bright idea to drop kick Wrakk off the apron. Hotbody is in serious trouble as he gets further punishment and eventually the Wasteland get him set up for the Toxic Kiss. Wrakk comes back in, however, and plasters Duke with a clothesline. Drakken turns away from Hotbody as this gets his attention and the ref tries getting Wrakk out of the ring. Meanwhile, Luscious has run down to ringside and slides Hotbody a Slammy award. Drakken turns his attention back to Hotbody, who offers him a close up look at his prestigious award. Drakken, in shame that he hasn't won such an achievement, goes down to the mat and Hotbody quickly covers him and that's going to be enough to get the pic for the heels. *****, 97% overall.

I mean, hot damn!

To the back we go as standing by is the WWE Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp. He's asked about the proposed rematch for the title that Chris Collins brought up last night on Superstars. "You know, I'm guessing Chris Collins and I have two very different definitions for 'deserve'. I thought me beating him at Bragging Rights would have put an end to this whole matter. But you know what? I get where he's coming from. I remember for the longest time believing that I deserved accolades like this Intercontinental Title right here. And even though I stepped on a lot of rakes along the way and got splattered against a bunch of walls in my path, I still believed that I deserved better. So, hey, points for persistance, Chris! But until you get this belt off of me, that's all you'll have and it's all you're getting. I'll grant him another match for the title, this Monday on Raw. Let's see if really deserves it." And with that, Seth takes his leave.

Second Match: Carmella Costello and The Southern Belles vs. Cordelia Capriati and The Perfections
Brooke is with Carmella and gets on the stick to reiterate her claim that her clients are going to be relentlessly breathing down the necks of the champions here in the WWE. She tells them that unless they step up their game considerably, there's going to be a lot of new champions in the coming days. Brooke puts over Carmella for being loyal and thanks her for putting forward trust. And to the Southern Belles, know that if things aren't up to snuff with Nathan Quinn, the two of them can always look to gain back those Women's Tag Titles under the guidance of Brooke.

With that said, 6 women are always a good thing. Thank Lzzy they've got the stats for in-ring work because outside of Hannah, the charisma leaves a lot to be desired. That's what managers like Brooke are for. Speaking of which, she makes herself useful by hopping up on the apron to get the ref's attention as Bonnie has Carmella in position for the Bluebonnet, but Hannah takes advantage of the ref looking the other way and KO's Bonnie with her custom mic. Brooke backs away as Carmella goes up to hit the Defamation on the fallen Bonnie to get the cheap pinfall win for the heels. Brooke looks to be getting things back in gear in her camp. ****1/4, 89% overall.

Third Match: Simon Bennett vs. Steve Hayes
More pre-match promo time as Simon has got something to say. "If you think I'm looking a bit rough you should see the other guy. Bragging Rights was, in a word, an experience. It wasn't particularly fun, but it was a fight that needed to be fought, and needed to be won. Under different circumstances, I wouldn't have wanted that for Adam and me. I get wanting to have a career of your own and had he just been honest about that up front, this whole ugly chapter wouldn't have been a thing. But what's done is done and I do have to credit Adam with giving me a gift of sorts. Adam was so gung-ho about making this return to the WWE a launching point for his trip to the top. All things being fair, I wanted to make a big impact, too. So I figure this: let's make an impact, then. Let's make this return worthwhile. Let's make all the time away mean something. Adam, in a weird way, you inspired me. What I'm about to ask for right now, I'm sure you hand in mind for yourself so I'm not going to feel bad about it. The big difference between Adam and me is that I have reached that peak and I would love to get there again. So I am officially challenging Wrakk to a match for the WWE Unified World Title! I may not have asked for these circumstances, but I might as well make the most of it while I can. Now I know he'll say something along the lines of 'things have changed since you been gone'. Well, I say let's change them back with me taking that world title from you!"

Well, that's as clear as you can get. What will Wrakk have to say about it? A question for another time as this match needs to happen. As you can imagine we've got to make Bennett look like a million bucks here. He's still smarting from the chain match and that's the story throughout this encounter as he toughs it out. It comes to end in a clean fashion as they go through a complex Irish whip reversal sequence that ends with Bennett hitting a Russian Leg Sweep on Hayes and he turns that into a Bennett Lock and that's going to give him the submission win. A strong case for Bennett being the number one contender has been made. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Once more to the back where Aphrodite is with her boys, Caleb Greene and Stanley Coleman, the Love Connection. They've got the Tag Team of the Year on their minds apparently. Aphrodite thinks that Moses McKay and King Kavovit should go back to the end of the line as far as title matches go. Aphrodite thinks that she's got the hot new thing in the tag team division, a team that could very easily be the next Tag Team of the Year. All that they need is a chance. They just need an opportunity and that can't happen when there's two sour pusses like the Royal Connection choosing to be stubborn about things. She invites the Royal Connection to test the resolve of Greene and Coleman so that she can proven right.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with the Money in the Bank holder Brandon Reigns. He steps into the ring with a five-mile smile and takes the mic to speak his mind. "Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, we are inching forward to WrestleMania 57. We're inching towards the inevitable. This briefcase holds the key to the WrestleMania moment that everyone will be talking about. Me walking out of that night with the WWE Unified Title in my hand is basically a guarantee as long as I have this briefcase. And yet, there are those who still want to be in my ear, trying to get me to second guess my plan. This even goes back to the King of the Ring, I've got people telling me to really reconsider this course of action. And I have to say that maybe there's something to that. Maybe there's a way for me to have some sort of insurance. Winning the Royal Rumble and going into the main event with two title shots in my pocket? That's a pretty juicy proposition. So I drew a number for the Rumble and thought to myself that this was a great idea, until I realized that I had so much fun watching everyone else scramble around for my amusement, and on top of that, it hit me that until WrestleMania when I cash in this contract, I don't have to do anything! I don't need to exert myself. I don't need to be answering to jealous whiners like Kerry Cemenko! I was just about ready to put that number back into the bin, but then I saw what number I did draw." Brandon pauses to reach into his pocket and pull out a slip of paper and shows it to the camera for everyone to see. It has the number 29 on it! "That's right. I drew number 29. And the idea hit me that I could make all of the peons in the back riled up. You all want a trip to WrestleMania? Well, I've got the opportunity right here in my hand. Unless you want to take a chance at maybe, MAYBE drawing number 30? The choice is yours, fellas, and I don't particularly care either way, but understand that this number right here in my hand may be your dream, but this briefcase in this other hand is your wake up call!"

Cue Kerry Cemenko himself coming on out to get in Brandon's face. No doubt he's still ticked over that whole cheap win Brandon got over him at Bragging Rights. "You know, you kind of already gave me a wake up call, Brandon. You revealed to me what a little bitch the Superstar of the Year is!" Brandon is aghast at this claim, but Kerry continues. "It takes a bitch to be proud of what you pulled at Bragging Rights, and it takes a bitch to be pulling what you're doing right now. Now I know it's not going to do me any good to try to get you to actually fight like a real man, so I'll tell you my WrestleMania plan. I'll do the whole Rumble thing, I'll take that Unified World Title, and then I'll have you all to myself."

"Pretty words, Kerry, but if Bragging Rights is anything to go by, I don't have to worry about a thing. I showed that I can handle you at anytime, it's just going to be extra sweet should it happen again at WrestleMania. But please, by all means, go give it that old college try. I'll be rooting for you the whole time. You may end up disappointing me, but you'll certainly be making me laugh like the joke that you are!"

And with that statement Kerry decides that slapping Brandon across the face is the best course of action. Brandon stumbles back from this and retreats out of the ring when he sees Kerry wants to add some more punishment. Kerry kicks the Money in the Bank briefcase out of the ring and yells a bit at Brandon as he makes his way out of here. The number 29 spot is apparently going to be up for grabs?

Fourth Match: Lyle Morris vs. Doug Michaels
It's pre-match promo night as Lyle gets on the stick to rip on his cousin, Chet. "Chet, I thought I knew you. We were close, so much that we were practically brothers! It was never in question that I would always have your back no matter the problem, no matter the size of the problem! But I guess you were hiding something from me all along. No, I don't mean your anger or your hatred or your pain. I had no idea how much of cowardly bitch you are! You talked so tough after what you did to me! You walked that aisle like you owned it and you talked one hell of a big game. Well the chicken's come home to roost and now you show how little of a man you really are. You want to throw shade at me and call me your enemy and blame me for being an anchor? NO PROBLEM! But you had better be able to back that up when the other shoe drops. I didn't ask for this, Chet. YOU DID! And one way or another, I'm getting your sorry carcass in front of me and I'm going to let you know, the hard way, just what I think of your little rebirth. You have been set free, but so have I, so I say I'm free to kick your teeth down your throat! JUST TRY ME!"

Wow, intense to say the least. Like this match as Lyle is all business and poor Michaels has to take the brunt of his aggression. Lyle finishes things fairly strong and cleanly as he sends Michaels into the turnbuckle, causing him to rebound backwards, then proceeds to come off the middle turnbuckle with a flipping clothesline/STO thing that plants Michaels and that's enough for the pin. Lyle celebrates, but notices Chet Morris on the stage looking on with trepidation. Lyle dares Chet to come into the ring to get him some but Chet isn't feeling it tonight and merely walks away. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Fifth Match: Michael Haywood vs. Romeo Valiente
We're told that Michael has been lobbying for a match against Jason Sorola, but Sorola hasn't been giving any kind of answer. Well, no time to worry about that as Michael is all business here, much like Lyle Morris in the last match. This is the third match in a row that's all about getting an individual looking strong for what's ahead. It's some fucking good shit, but then again you have to remember how Michael was part of some bangers while being teamed up with Gavin Jones. Romeo gets Michael in position to where he tries going up for the Cassanova Crush, but Michael was playing possum and he rolls out of the way of the impact. Romeo is hurting and Michael pounces on the opportunity by locking in the Rage Quit and that's going to give him the submission win. Post-match Jason Sorola comes running down and knocks Michael down from behind and locks in an STF and keeps it on while the ref tries pulling him off. To Michael's credit, he doesn't offer a tap out and instead looks like he passes out. Ultimately enough refs come down to get Sorola off of Michael, but the damage is done and Sorola taunts his fallen former comrade as he takes his leave. ****1/2, 92% overall.

And once more to the back in the dark recesses of the building where Haven has something to say. These dark recesses seem to be everywhere. He wants to talk about Victor Dark. "Victor, I know you may feel wronged. I know you may feel betrayed. I know you may feel abandoned. But those feelings, united as anger, are nothing without purpose. What will your purpose be should I fall to you? What will fill that void? If you and Andrea cannot come to a satisfactory conclusion to that conundrum, what then? Know the fight that you want to take part in. Know it as much as you know your enemy. I see my path after this fight with you is through...if you are willing to actually take part in it."

MAIN EVENT: Haven and Eddy Clash vs. Quinten McDaniels and Hugo
Quinten gets on the mic so he can brag about what he did last night. "I know for a fact that the minute I announced my participation in this year's Royal Rumble, you all went wide-eyed and then sat up straight. You did this because you needed to pay attention and be absolutely sure about what you were hearing. You did that because you know about what happened last year. I pulled off the incredible task of winning that Rumble and I came oh-so close to walking out of WrestleMania with that Unified World Title. I have felt it in my bones that I can get it done, and all I need is to complete this purge of my past and to get one more opportunity. You all know that I can do it and that makes you worry. Well, this isn't about you or your feelings. This is about me and my redemption! I invite all of my enemies, especially you, Orlando, to take part in this year's Rumble. It will be my pleasure, it will be my purpose, to take you all out myself. I have been set free and you all get to suffer the consequences!"

Well, he's confident if nothing else. Not confident enough to actually do most of the heavy-lifting here, though, as he lets Hugo handle most of the match. Eddy, the least experienced of the bunch, is tasked with face-in-peril duty. Things come to a climax with Eddy fighting off a double team and sending Quinten face first into Hugo's crotch via a drop toe hold. Haven gets the hot tag and it's breaking loose in Tulsa! Haven grabs Hugo, looking for the Sting of Solace, but Quinten low blows him from behind. HERE COMES ORLANDO KINCAID!!! He's got a chair in hand and Quinten in his sight. Quinten sees this and decides to bail with Orlando giving chase. Hugo stands over a vulnerable Haven but Eddy comes in with a save by giving Hugo a big boot. Hugo stumbles into the ropes and rebounds right into the Thunderstrike from Eddy and Haven really puts some mustard on things with a Sting of Solace and that's going to give the faces the win here. Victor Dark and Andrea make their way out onto the stage during the post-match happenings and glare at Haven as we go off the air. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Overall show rating: 89%