SmackDown!: December 28, 2040
It's the final SmackDown! of the year. Let's do this shit!!!
Opening Match: WWE Unified Tag Team Titles
The Wyldhearts (c) vs. The Royal Effect
This is, of course, The Royal Effect's rematch after losing the belts a month ago. The results here should speak volumes as to why they deserve that Tag Team of the Year Slammy. The Wyldhearts are great pretty boy underdogs and it's a banger the whole way through. We get shenanigans in the finish, however. The ref is bumped pretty badly and as a consequence we get a second official down while the first gets attended to. The match continues its awesomeness and as the second ref is turned around helping the first out of the ring, McKay fakes tagging in by clapping his hands as it looks like Kavovit can't make it to the corner. He comes in and immediately hits the Mass Effect on a dazed Robbie Greer and the second ref counts the pin. NEW CHAMPIO...woah, woah, woah, wait a second. The first ref is back on his feet and gets into the ring and puts a halt to this. It looks like he's telling the second ref that he saw McKay coming in illegally. They relay this to the timekeeper and announcer and thus we restart the match. The Royal Effect are besides themselves. Bellamey rolls Kavovit back into the ring as Greer dropkicks McKay to the outside. Kavovit is left 2-on-1 and he falls victim to the Heartstopper and thus that leads to Greer getting the pin for the actual official victory. I don't see The Royal Effect letting that one go, but what a way to start the show. *****, 95% overall.
It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favortie host, The Hero to Millions Around the World, the Host With THE Highest Rated Interview Show In All of Entertainment, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover of the Manager of the Year Slammy Award Winner and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Mister Twenty-Forty, The Two Time Slammy Award Winner Including the Rookie of the Year and the Most Envied Superstar of the Year, the Man Who is the Rightful Winner of the Slammy for Cruiserweight of the Year, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! Hotbody has his set in the ring adorned with ladders. Aside from that, he looks miserable and defeated as he addresses the crowd.
"I want you all to take a look at the scene before you. This horridness is what Lisa Benton and Gavin Jones are trying to force on me at Bragging Rights! Forget my TOTALLY REAL fear of heights. Just the sheer brutality and carnage and bedlam that typically comes with a TLC match is enough to make my stomach wretch. Gavin, you think you're so clever with what you pulled last night, but all it did was demonstrate just how sick and twisted and vindictive you really are! When are people around here going to learn that you can't just take out your inadequacies on me. I'M THE VICTIM HERE! My good people, I know you don't want to see this match unfold at Bragging Rights. I know you have a strong sense of justice, just like I do. So I implore you all to fill those petitions, flood those inboxes, and raise those voices in a huge show of opposition for this vulgar display of cowardice! You people, your cries and your support, are the last hope in getting this unfair situation thrown out. Lisa will listen to you! She couldn't bear seeing such a revolt! There is no need for...."
And that right there is where the challenger for Hotbody's title, Gavin Jones is going to interrupt things. He shows no fear or remorse as he enters the ring and gets all up in Hotbody's space. "Michael, I want you to understand something about this match. It's not really all about the gold. The hope of me capturing that Cruiserweight Title is only a small part of it. The real appeal is being able to use all of this lovely hardware to hopefully shut up that God damn trap of yours. But, hey, listen, I consider myself a bit to be a man of the people, too, so let's make this fair. How about we just forego all that campaigning you asked for and we get the crowd right here to settle things?"
"Wait a minu...."
"No, no, it's fine, Michael, I got this. Ladies and gentlemen, in the words of the immortal Scott Hall, it's survey time! How many of you here don't want to see a TLC match this Sunday at Bragging Rights for the Cruiserweight Title?" The crowd just erupts in a aura of boos and the camera catches several people giving the thumbs down. "OK, OK, now for the next question: how many of you here want to see me, Gavin Jones, use every table, ladder, and chair he can get his hands on to break this weak sauce, spineless, man-baby's stupid face over and over and over and over and over and over again until he won't even be able to remember his own name and we get ourselves a NEW Cruiserweight Champion?"
The crowd, of course, starts going apeshit with approval before Gavin can even finish the question. He walks around the ring, looking out to the crowd with the mic pointed out to them and the cheers just get louder. He starts to turn around to address Hotbody but Hotbody decides to introduce a ladder to Gavin's face instead of continuing this dialogue. "IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT ON SUNDAY, GAVIN?!?" he screams into the mic. Hotbody isn't done and decides to demolish the set by knocking ladders over onto Gavin's body. He grabs a chair and proceeds to pound Gavin across his back with it. He stops and fixates on a ladder. He takes the mic and declares that he's going to conquer his fear right now. He takes a ladder and carries it with him to the corner where he climbs to the top turnbuckle, then rides the ladder down, shouting "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" as it falls forward onto Gavin, crushing his mid-section. Hotbody gets back on the mic in joy, declaring that he might have conquered his fear and wants to try that again. He sets everything back up again and sure enough, does the same thing to Gavin, again shouting "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the whole way down. He looks satisfied with what he's done and leaves the ring as Gavin looks seriously hurt.
Second Match: Ethan Lang and Cameron Harper vs. The Millennium Rebels
Before Lang and Harper come out, we're shown the backstage area where Connelly is with Lang, getting ready. Harper pops in, eager to get going. Connelly notices that Harper has something in his hand. "Uh, Cameron? Is that the framed picture you got for me for Christmas?"
"Yeah, of course. I saw that you forgot it at the hotel, but don't worry. I made sure to get it so that it could be here tonight," Cameron explains.
Connelly is dumbfounded as he responds. "Uh, I didn't 'forget it', Cameron. I left it there. It's a nice gift and I appreciate it, but it's a picture. There's no reason for it to be brought to a match."
"No, see, that's where you're wrong. It's inspiration! It's a sign of humble beginnings and a reminder of where we came from. It's a symbol and it's going to motivate us all to be our best every time we're out there in that ring!" Cameron explains with enthusiasm.
Connelly sighs with resignation and turns to Ethan asking him what he thinks. Ethan says that he really doesn't care either way; they need to get going. Connelly reluctantly tells Cameron that it's fine, but to focus on the match.
Well, with that out of the way, the match is sweet as hell. We get shots of the framed picture as it rests on the announce table throughout the match. Things come to a head when Dangerson gets launched over the top rope by Harper via back body drop, and Sammy is left alone with Lang to suffer the Bitter Languish to give Connelly's boys the win. Harper goes into overdrive mode as he immediately grabs the photo and parades around the ring with it in celebration. ****1/2, 93% overall.
Third Match: Ozzy Mandias vs. Jordan Demiras
You want cruiserweights? You got cruiserweights. Ozzy is, of course, still miffed about supposedly being overlooked and the fact that Jordan is the Cruiserweight of the Year. He did some hurt on poor Martyn LaSalle and he's looking to do the same here. It's all good shit as you'd expect as Demiras demonstrates the moves that helped him get that aforementioned accolade. Ozzy looks like he's got Jordan in a precarious and vulnerable state and he goes to the top rope to try to home in on the kill. Jordan manages to shake off enough cobwebs to where he springboards off the middle rope AND HITS AN AXE KICK ON OZZY WHILE HE'S ON THE TURNBUCKLE! Ozzy is dazed and he collapses to the outside in an ugly fashion. Jordan goes back down, having spent himself and the ref counts Ozzy out. That's not going to sit well with him and sure enough, as soon as he recovers and realizes what's up he goes on the assault on the fallen Jordan Demiras. More refs come on out to get in between the two and to get Ozzy out of there. No doubt the feud must continue. *****, 94% overall.
In-Ring Super Special Talky Time as the WWE Women's Champion Sonya Braddock makes her way out in front of the crowd. "I know I wasn't scheduled to be here tonight, but I found that to be a bit of a problem. This is the last SmackDown! of the year, but more importantly it's the last one before this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and it's only right that I get a couple of last minute things off my chest before I defend this title. Jenna Kyle, it's fine if you don't feel intimidated or nervous with the idea of facing me. What I really hope you feel is honored. Honored to be the last victim that helps me close the book on this year with a bang. There's no shame to it. You, and Faith for that matter, have a lot to be proud of in 2040. And I have no doubt you'll go on to accomplish even more greatness in the coming year. But you're going to have to have to start it without this title. Those five long months I spent at home without this title were filled with some of the longest days I've ever experienced. More stressful than any match, more agonizing than any pain, living while not being recognized as the best woman this industry has to offer is a torture. Jenna, I know on some level you understand that sentiment, and that's why I know I'm walking into a fight this Sunday. The lion's den is waiting for you, Jenna. You may leave with some glory, but you won't leave with the gold."
That should be the end of it, but it looks like things are going to pick up as the arena is filled with the sounds of a screeching raven and the music of the Doll of Darkness hits, heralding the arrival of Dusk herself. Oh, this looks bad as she makes her way down to the ring and confronts the Women's Champion, who stands defiant as a mountain as she observes Dusk's entrance. Dusk has a mic of her own and she addresses Sonya. "Forgive me, but I'm sure you'll understand when I ask you to beat it. I've got my own slaughter to which I must attend and you're in the way. I think you're familiar with her, no? You barely got past her earlier this year if I recall. And now we're being forced to be an audience to this megalomania. I'd ask if you had any degree of shame flowing through you, but that's not really a trait associated with people like you."
"People like me? You mean a winner? A champion?"
"A monument. You're the kind of person who is propped up for the rest of us to admire. The only thing to admire about you, however, is that prize you hold. I have no doubt you'll remain on this path of glory, which means it'll only be a matter of time before you cross my own path and I have my opportunity to take that symbol of power."
"This isn't a symbol of power. It's excellence. The power is in the woman holding it. You must live in a really, really remote void if you've got designs on being the woman who can carry this, and if your theater hasn't moved Jenna or Faith, you can rest assured it hasn't got a prayer against me."
"Another so-called fearless competitor stands before me. Those are always a treat...because I get to put the fear in them. Do yourself a favor and watch what unfolds here tonight. It should prove quite educational. Now if you don't mind, there's the exit." Dusk points to the ramp, essentially signaling Sonya to leave. Sonya really has no recourse as we've got a match scheduled so she exits the ring, locking eyes with Dusk the whole time. The music of Faith Connors hits and the Parkour Princess herself makes her entrance and that's going to segue right into...
Fourth Match: Dusk vs. Faith Connors
I wonder if it's too early to do this match. I mean, sure, we're getting a great outcome here BUT AT WHAT COST?!? Anyways, Faith shows her usual fire, still pissed as all hell over that pesky chair to the face incident at Survivor Series. Dusk plays Vader to Faith's Sting, though, and is all about shutting down Faith's craziness. Faith plays a tremendous underdog here as she gets bounced around like a pinball, showcasing how willing she is to put Dusk over. The best analog would be her match against Sonya earlier in the year. Anyways, despite the brutalization of her body, Faith starts the comeback and through it all manages to counter a boot from Dusk into the Crisis of Faith. It only stuns her and she doesn't go completely down. Faith summons enough juice to attempt a Mirror's Edge but Dusk catches her as she comes off. Dusk looks like she going to power bomb Faith into the opposite corner as she runs towards it with Faith in position. Faith, though, uses the last of her reserves to roll off Dusk, sunset flip style, pull Dusk down into a pinning predicament and adds a jackknife for good measure and extra leverage and that's going to get Faith the upset victory. Unfortunately, like it was mentioned before, that was the last gasp from Faith and she's vulnerable to an irate Dusk and her retribution. Dusk rag dolls Faith around some more before going for a chair. She proceeds to lay it across Faith's face and then stomps on it. We get medical staff out on the referee's orders as it looks pretty bad for Faith, despite her win. Is Dusk the new scourge of the women's division? ****1/2, 93% overall.
To back we go as the number one contender to the WWE Unified World Title Ryan Pattillo has some last minute thoughts to get off his chest. He starts out by saying he's moved by what just went down in the previous match as Faith went through absolute hell and she's in a bad way. He feels for her, as it's a scene that nobody wants to be a part of. He hopes he doesn't have to experience that at Bragging Rights, but he will go through it if he has to if it means walking out of there the new WWE Unified World Champion. It's been too long and the stakes are too high. He's played this game with Wrakk before and he's still standing here, ready for more and ready to be champion.
Fifth Match: Zed Jones vs. Clubber Harris
Michael Hotbody gets on the mic before the match starts as he wants to lay down the law for Harris. "Harris, I know you're not the brightest knife in the drawer, but after witnessing what went down earlier between Gavin and me, even you have to be able to recognize that I am, in fact, a dangerous dude, and logically you'd be able to conclude that I only run with a dangerous crew. Witness Lord Zed standing right here before you! Your accolades and accomplishments may impress mere mortal men, but they only fuel the machine that's running under this chasis. And Gavin, if you're even capable of hearing me right now, there's plenty more where that came from because Camp Hotbody knows how to get physical when the circumstances call for it! Now let's get this show on the road, and Harris, I hope that throughout the pain you're about to experience, this one thought can solace you: you asked for this!" So it's hoss-on-hoss and you can imagine how that goes. Harris utilizes the experience advantage, but that's constantly halted via outside shenanigans from Hotbody when ref isn't looking. The match comes to a close as things look pretty drastic for Harris as it seems Zed is looking to lock in the Dragon Sleeper BUT HERE COMES GAVIN JONES! He's looking pretty bad as he limps out clutching his side but with determination in each step...and a chair in the other hand. He makes a beeline for Hotbody and even with Gavin's condition, the champ is not interested in further confrontation. Zed stops what he's doing and reaches over the top rope to grab Gavin by the head. Luscious has the ref distracted as she's trying to get him to do something about Gavin. Gavin responds by smacking Zed in the face with the chair and he stumbles backward into the waiting arms of Clubber Harris. Zed suffers Club Pain from Harris as Gavin continues the chase, sending Hotbody and Luscious running and the ref counts the pin, giving Harris the victory.
Hold the phone! Lisa Benton makes her way out and asks for a bit of control from everyone. "Things have certainly gone off the rails here and I need to be able to know that things don't go off any further than they have to. From what I've witnessed here tonight, it's clear that there needs to be a few safeguards for this Sunday. Therefore, in the match for the Cruiserweight Title between Michael Hotbody and Gavin Jones...everyone is banned from ringside!" Hotbody and crew throw another fit over this bit of news and Gavin gets a devilish grin on his face. It looks really bad for the champion on Sunday. ****1/2, 92% overall.
Sixth Match: Ziggy Styles vs. Michael Haywood
Ziggy tries a pre-match motivational speech but Michael just spears the shit out of him to start the ball here. Clearly he's heard enough. Besides he can always get Ziggy with it after the match. Or not. Probably for sure not. Ziggy weathers the storm and it eventually settles down into an awesome competitive affair, despite Ziggy's goofiness. Michael's rage can't be contained too long as he escapes an attempt at the Thing-ama-Zig from Ziggy and immediately locks in the Rage Quit. And much like Survivor Series, Ziggy can't take the heat for long and submits. Michael has the awareness this time around to let go and not get disqualified. I'd say that's a pretty definitive cap to this whole affair. *****, 94% overall.
More In-Ring Super Special Talky Time as Orlando Kincaid wants his turn at addressing the people. "It's a damn shame that I have to wait a little bit longer than most to get my present, but what keeps me from going insane with anticipation is that I already know what I'm going to get and that it's going to be worth the wait. This Sunday at Bragging Rights, I've got three targets down range that need a lesson in manners. First is a big, bad, dumb nutcase named Hugo. Tall as a Christmas tree, but not as bright and definitely easier to cut down to size. Next, some uppity hillbilly named Chet Morris. Chet, this little reunion we're having only served to remind me how much I never really liked you back in the day. You've come back declaring yourself to be in the middle of a reawakening! Well, make sure your ass shows up Sunday because I've got a way to knock you out again. And last, and certainly not least, the biggest pain the ass, the one who's going to put a smile on my face and make it the best holiday season ever when he's coughing up blood all over this ring after I pound his carcass, Quinten McDaniels! Quinten, I'm no Santa Claus but you're definitely on my naughty list right at the top. And while I don't have any coal I'm more than prepared to dish out the lumps. Quinten, I tried warning you away. You apparently never learned anything about me in that entire time we were all together. Well, Bragging Rights is where you get all the instruction you missed out, only it's going to be taught the hard way. As a bonus, I've got two assistant instructors that will make the lesson go a lot smoother. Eddy Clash and Haven, you're more than welcome to take what you think is your pound of flesh, but just keep in mind that this match is my brainchild and it's my show. I run a tight ship and I expect to see that this Sunday. If you're not on board with that, now's the time to let me know and you can go jump overboard."
That's going to cause Haven to make himself known as the lights go dim and the music of the Dark Shepherd plays. What will he have to say about all of this, including Kincaid's demands? Haven steps up to Orlando and speaks his mind. "I will applaud your spine in this situation, Orlando. You always were the initiative of the Order. But while you may have outgrown me, understand that you still have ways to go before you surpass me. I am no leader to you; this is certainly true. However, the same can be said of you. And when it comes to the affairs of Victor Dark, I warn you as a courtesy that you are in over your head. As far as unity for the sake of this fight, however, I will state this for the record, right here and now. I will do what I need to in order to survive, and more importantly, whatever is necessary to send the right message. I will be your ally, but I will not be your underling. Make of that what you will, Orlando. I have far more pressing issues that concern me more than your feelings."
Orlando smirks before delivering his rebuttal. "You always did have a way with words. Fortunately, I'm in a position where I'm not at their beck and call. But as long as we're all playing nice, it's fine with me." Orlando starts to leave but stops as he looks to deliver one final point. "Oh, and by the way, Haven. It's not gone unnoticed by me that this whole theater is essentially all because of one man's grudge against you. So when you get a chance, do us all a favor, and handle your business...or I'll have to handle it for you." And with that, Orlando goes off on his merry way, leaving Haven to think about what he said. How's this all going to play out on Sunday?
MAIN EVENT: Kyle Jacobs vs. Xavier Cross
If this were a real promotion, I could picture Kyle being a guy that gets the win here, uses it to start a buzz, and then go on to have an awesome showing in the Rumble next month. Not saying he's going to win the Rumble or anything...probably.
Anyways, these guys have a good amount of matches against each other under their belt, so you can imagine they've got things down by now. It's a great way to close out the show. Shame I couldn't squeeze them into the PPV. That aside, we finish things off, or rather Kyle finishes things off, with Cross getting his attempt at the Cross Cutter countered as Kyle slips free from the grasp and turns it into a Legacy Bomb to get the win. Kyle does his victory lap as confetti falls as SmackDown! says goodbye to 2040. *****, 94% overall.
Overall show rating: 89%
See you at Bragging Rights!