AEW Collision
June 17, 2023
"Saturday's Alright for Fighting" by Sir Elton blares over the PA as pyro shoots off with lights flashing all over the Chicago. Our announce team Mauro Ranallo and Nigel McGuinness welcome us to the debut episode.
The familiar guitar riff of "Cult of Personality" blares through the sound system. The crowd erupts as CM Punk emerges from the tunnel, wearing his iconic hoodie and a grin that lights up the packed United Center in Chicago.]
CM Punk: What's that old saying, Chi-Town? You can't go home again? Well, hell with that because here I am!
[The crowd cheers.]
CM Punk: Now, I know there's been a lot of talk over the last nine months. Lots of conjecture, lots of people taking sides. Lots of people developing parasocial relationships based on a situation none of you were in the room for. Do you want me to talk about that?
[He pauses, holding back a laugh as the crowd cheers.]
CM Punk: But, the truth? The truth's always more complicated. I've been away. I've been dealing with stuff, personal and physical. I won't bore you with the details. What's important is I'm here now. I'm home.
[More cheers from the crowd.]
CM Punk: I'm standing in this AEW ring, with a clean slate. On a new show. Ready to kick ass and take names. And I've got one name in mind. One match that was stolen from me and the AEW fans last year when I got hurt: Hiroshi Tanahashi.
[The crowd erupts.]
CM Punk: Tanahashi, I respect you. I respect what you've done. But that match we didn't get to have? I want it. I need it. You owe it to me, I owe it to you, and we owe it to these fans. So, let's do this. Let's open that Forbidden Door one more time and give them all the match we should've had a year ago.
[Before he can continue, MJF's theme hits, and the AEW World Champion, sporting his signature smirk and Burberry scarf, interrupts. The crowd boos heavily.]
MJF: Punk! Punk, Punk, Punk... You always did have a way with words. It's almost enough to make us forget why you really left.
[MJF pauses to let the crowd boo.]
MJF: Now, let's rewind a bit. Last time you were in an AEW ring? You'd just won the title, in this very city. And who made his triumphant return and was was staring you down to end the show? ME!
[MJF points at himself, smirking.]
MJF: And then, suddenly, you disappeared. Ran away, tail between your legs, with some sob story about an injury and backstage drama. But we all know the truth, Punk. You were scared. You knew your little fairy-tale comeback would end in a hurry, and it would end with me.
[MJF shows his title, the crowd's boos intensifying.]
MJF: But that's nothing new for you, right Punk? That's what you do best - run away from a company when the going gets tough. Leave when you know you'll never win the big one. And with me as the champion, you will NEVER get your hands on this belt again. I will keep this bad boy right on through the bidding war of 2024, and who knows, maybe I'll be wearing it on Mondays and Fridays in Stamford.
[MJF's smirk gets wider as the crowd boos.]
MJF: And, Punk? Here's a little reality check. This company never needed you in the first place, and they sure as hell didn't need you back. And believe me when I tell you - there's an entire locker room back there that resents you. And if I were you, I'd be watching my back.
[He drops the mic, leaving Punk in the ring as the crowd boos and his theme blares throughout the United Center.]
---
FTW Championship: "El Toro Blanco" Rush w/ Preston Vance and Dralistico vs. Hook (C) w/ "Jungle Boy" Jack Perry
The first match in Collision history sees the dangerous Rush going up against the cold-hearted handsome devil Hook. Both men show a great degree of physicality, with Hook looking more challenged than he has in any AEW match to date.
Eventually the other members of La Faccion Ingobernable try to interject, but Jungle Boy throws caution to the wind and takes out both with a diving senton to the outside. As the referee deals with the chaos, another masked man sneaks into the ring and plants Hook with a Hammerlock DDT. He unmasks and it's ANDRADE EL IDOLO! We haven't seen him in months!
Rush picks up the pieces with a Rush Driver and gets the win! Hook has suffered his first AEW defeat, and Rush has stolen the FTW Championship away from Taz's son. LFI is even more dangerous, as it's a 4 on 2 beatdown on Hook and Perry.
***, 75% overall
---
Nick Comoroto vs. Miro
Miro was advertised to return at Collision and "The Redeemer" made good on his word. He makes his return as something of a tweener, clearly getting cheers from the crowd but not looking like any less of a dangerous badass than he was when he was last seen.
Comoroto is a big hoss and he gives Miro a run for his money, but it's not too long before Miro locks in the Game Over to get a submission victory. Impressive return for Miro.
**3/4, 70% overall
---
Backstage, Mark Henry is standing by with the Best Friends - Trent Beretta and Chuck Taylor along with International champion Orange Cassidy and TBS champion Kris Statlander.
Mark Henry: "We're standing by with the Best Friends. Guys, it's a big night for your group as you've got two title matches tonight. What are your thoughts?"
Trent Beretta: "You're exactly right, Mark! First off, our man Orange has a big title fight with Minoru Suzuki next week. He's taking on all comers, so it only makes sense that he fights another badass tonight, right Orange?"
[The always-aloof Orange simply gives a thumbs up]
Trent Beretta: "And let's not forget about Kris Statlander, as she continues to be a fighting champion and putting the title on the line in an open challenge."
[Kris flexes her impressive muscles]
Trent Beretta: "As for me and Chuck, well, next up for us..."
Chuck Taylor [interjecting]: "I'm gonna say the S-word on live television!"
Trent Beretta: "What? No! You can't say that."
Chuck Taylor: "Why not? Someone says it every week!"
Trent Beretta: "It's a new show! You're gonna get us in trouble right out of the gate."
Chuck Taylor: "No way! The censors give us one S-bomb a week. I'm lucky MJF didn't already use the quota. It's my turn to say it. I'm gonna say it."
Trent Beretta: "No man! I'm telling you, you can't say shit on television.........oops"
[Trent and Chuck walk off-screen bickering, leaving Kris rolling her eyes as Orange just shrugs and heads to the ring for the next match.]
---
AEW International Championship: "Freshly Squeezed" Orange Cassidy vs. Lee Moriarty w/ Big Bill
Holy shit did these two ever have chemistry, 97% match rating! Unfortunately Lee's overness being in the 50s held things back in terms of overall, but with performances like this that might shoot up in a hurry.
Anyway, Cassidy's title reign has seen him get relentlessly punished week-in, week-out and Lee Moriarty's amateur background makes him a dangerous foe ahead of his match with the shoot fighter Suzuki at the PPV.
Big Bill tries to get himself involved only for Trent and Chuck to finish their bickering long enough to run him off as Orange puts down Lee with the Beach Blast.
****1/4, 81% overall
---
The music of The Acclaimed hits as Max Caster, Anthony Bowens, and Daddy Ass make their way out for their Trios Title match. As Caster raises the microphone to his lips to perform his rap, no sound comes out. The crowd boo at the microphone's malfunctioning, only for the lights to go out too.
We hear grunts and chaos happening, and when the lights come back on - all three members of The Acclaimed are down and out with the House of Black menacingly standing over them.
The House make their way to the ring, daring the Acclaimed to fight. But try as the Acclaimed might to get up and head to the ring, the officials won't allow it and force them all to the back.
---
The House of Black remain in the ring, smirking over the damage they caused The Acclaimed. But they still want to fight, and just like that, it seems we have an impromptu open challenge. The theme of the Hardys hits as the legendary tag team make their way out to the ring with Ethan Page reluctantly following behind them.
AEW Trios Championship: The House of Black (Malakai Black, Brody King, and Buddy Matthews (C) vs. The Hardys (Matt and Jeff Hardy) and "All Ego" Ethan Page
Hard to believe the Hardys are still doing their thing too, although even they've self-admitted that they see this as their final run before they hang up the boots and rest their surely wrecked spines. But hey, they're an asset in EWR because they're over, especially Jeff who is the very definition of the Unique gimmick.
Story of this match is the Hardys taking most of the damage with Page reluctant to be in this match at all. Page is a heel, and currently Big Money Matt "owns" his contract resultant from another feud that commenced at Double or Nothing.
When Matt goes to make a hot tag for Page, Page ducks off the apron and ignores his employer. When Jeff confronts him about it, Page and Jeff have a go at it. Jeff tries to give a Twist of Fate to Page on the ramp way only to get jumped by a returning Scorpio Sky! Ethan Page's former tag partner in the Men of the Year, and yet another return tonight.
As all this is happening, poor Matt's left for dead for the heels to pick the bones. Brody finishes off Matt with a Gonzo Bomb for the title retain.
***, 77% overall
---
TBS Champion Kris Statlander is out next awaiting to see her opponent. The crowd is pleased to see the music of Hikaru Shida hit, and the longest reigning AEW Women's champion is out to look to reclaim gold.
TBS CHampionship: Kris Statlander (C) vs. Hikaru Shida
Holy Shida! I haven't booked her yet and I think this would be a good babyface vs. babyface match. Although the rating for this falls solidly into Scott Keith's "Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling" wheelhouse, it's kinda a shame that even the most talented women on the AEW roster have pretty bad stats in this save data. This match would be fantastic in real life. It will take years and years to get to the division to the extent yours is.
Anyway, the two have a solid, competitive match which sees Kris get the retain with the Big Bang Theory.
As she celebrates, a new challenger emerges as the music of Thunder Rosa hits. Yes, another return. Why the fuck not? She and Kris have an understanding staredown.
**3/4, 68% overall
---
AEW Tag Team Championship: The Lucha Brothers (Penta El Cero Miedo and Rey Fenix) w/ Alex Abrahantes vs. FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) (C)
Yeah it's a debut show in a major arena, so let's give the crowd another guaranteed banger. And holy hell these two did not disappoint, which is not remotely surprising given their previous battles within AEW a couple years back.
Anyway, this shit ruled ass and unlike their former battles where FTR played dirty, everything was above board in this one and FTR got the victory with the Big Rig after an intense back-and-forth, high-drama match.
Both teams are visually exhausted after the match, and then manage to muster the strength to stand in the ring and shake hands. As this happens, they suddenly find themselves jumped by Bullet Club Gold! Jay White, Juice Robinson, and Powerhouse Hobbs might officially be outnumbered 3 to 4, but those teams just went through a war and makes them all easy pickings.
****1/4, 87% overall
---
[Bullet Club Gold steps over the battered bodies of FTR and the Lucha Brothers as they strut to the center of the ring. The crowd’s boos are almost deafening, their heat for Bullet Club Gold palpable.]
[Jay White grabs a mic from the timekeeper's table and steps back into the ring. He raises the microphone to his mouth as the crowd's chants and boos get even louder. He smirks, basking in the animosity of the crowd.]
Jay White: "Hear that? That's the sound of fear. Fear, because you all know what's coming. You saw what we did to Ricky Starks last week, and you just witnessed what we're capable of."
[He points at the fallen wrestlers.]
Jay White: "You see this? This was your AEW Tag Team Champions. These were your warriors. This was your hope. And just like Ricky Starks last week, they have been decimated."
[White paces around the ring, his gaze focused on the crowd, feeding off their reactions.]
Jay White: "This isn't just about titles or championships. This is about dominance. This is about showing every single one of you that the Bullet Club Gold is the supreme faction in All Elite Wrestling. I've already proven that I'm the catalyst of New Japan Pro Wrestling, and now I'm gonna do the same here in AEW!"
[The crowd boos again, even louder than before.]
Jay White: "And let's not forget the newest addition to our family, Powerhouse Hobbs. A man who had previous history with Ricky Starks, his former friend-turned-enemy. The man who's become the embodiment of force and destruction. He is the future. He is the perfect edition to Bullet Club Gold."
[Just as White is about to continue, Ricky Starks hits and out comes Ricky Starks, armed with a steel chair.]
[Starks heads down to the ring. Seeing the babyfaces are beginning to stir again, Bullet Club Gold retreats, but not before White throws a last smirk at Starks.]
Jay White: "You're on borrowed time, Starks and the rest that dreck in the ring. We're not finished here. Not by a long shot."
[With those final words, Bullet Club Gold leaves the ring, leaving behind a chaos-filled scene as the crowd cheers for Starks.]
---
CM Punk vs. "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels
No way I couldn't have Punk headlining in his first show back. It's his first match in 9 months so he needs to work with a fellow experienced vet to knock off any ring rust, and preferably someone he has experience with.
Enter Christopher Daniels. A man Punk's had wars with in Ring of Honor. Also, while not acknowledged on commentary, he's AEW's head of talent relations and here he is working a match with the guy coming off of a major talent relations issue. I like to think of this as an extreme form of probation.
Anyway, Daniels doesn't really wrestle much anymore but even at 53 he can absolutely still go when the situation calls for it. This match unsurprisingly ruled with Daniels getting the chance to defy Father Time. The result was never much in question though, as Punk hits the GTS and wins to get the hometown happy.
After the bell, MJF who had been watching on commentary goes onto the ramp and points at Punk. Punk eggs him on and gets the crowd in a frenzy. However, while he's focused on MJF he doesn't see that SAMOA JOE had entered the ring! Joe chokes out Punk! MJF warned Punk to watch his back, but what is the meaning of this? We are out of time!
****1/4, 88% overall
81% overall show rating
Dean Malenko praises me for putting together OC/Lee citing they have amazing chemistry. And the debut episode of Collision pulled a superb rating, the network appear to be very happy with me.
In real-life, AEW's already announced that Punk, Miro, Andrade, Rosa, and Sky would all be a part of Collision. The first 3 are all wrestling on the real debut show. So I said fuck it, you only get one debut...let's find a way to bring 'em all back!