Thread: Rate the last movie that you saw for the first time.
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Old 11-10-2022, 08:21 PM   #14233
M-A-G
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Pinocchio (2022): 1 1/4 stars out of 4.

Good fucking Lzzy, this thing has almost no soul to it. Everything seems like it's hitting points out of obligation more than anything else. I don't get the inclusion of the performer that befriends Pinocchio in Stromboli's show or why they made Monstro an actual fucking sea monster, either. What was wrong with just a whale? Plus, outside of a couple of good performances, Keegan-Michael Key as 'Honest' Jon in particular, no one is really bringing anything with a lot of weight to the story. Tom Hanks is trying, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt does a fair job with his impersonations but the whole package just comes across as awkward. I have a TON of questions about Pleasure Island, too. Like, do the people just replace all of the glass the kids smash after every venture? How lucrative is this donkey-selling business if they can maintain this kind of upkeep? Yeah, I know, it's a story about a fucking puppet coming to life, but come on. These live-action films just keep striking out and I have almost no confidence in The Little Mermaid.

Thankfully, I was able to cleanse my palette with Toy Story 4 afterwards. I mean, I'd already seen it but it was still a welcome viewing.
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