Hah, you thought the luscious distractions were successful in derailing me but...yeah, actually they kind of were.
Anyway, here's Raw...
Raw: October 22, 2040
It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He wants to let us know that despite the million dollar smile on this face he's not proud of what happened to Jordan Demiras, Martyn LaSalle, and Ozzy Mandias on SmackDown!; but the law is the law! "We can't have people running around here thinking and acting like the rules don't apply to them! Ask yourselves what would happen to any of you if you decided to just go off the rails and ignore protocol at your job, much less ignoring what the law says. And also ask yourselves this important question: do you really want the Cruiserweight Title to be represented by any one of those guys? A trio of criminals and delinquents? Jordan Demiras disrupted my dance party! Martyn LaSalle physically threatened Luscious! Ozzy Mandias interrupted my lesson on the Coriolis effect! And then they all added the cherry on top of disregarding my restraining order! Whether Lisa Benton likes it or not, having me as your Cruiserweight champion is the best thing for the company right now. I stand here a role model, a pillar of the community, and the shining beacon in the dark as the greatest Cruiserweight champion you've ever seen and will ever have the privilege of seeing! Now as far as No Mercy goes, it looks like the match is off so I'll be just like one of you people and kicking back and enjoying the show. As far as my next defense goes, I can't worry about that right now but I'm sure I'll come up with a solution in about 2 weeks or so. I have to think long and hard about this, OK?!? In the meantime, I'm going to go home, relax, and bask in the fact that all of this pressure has been lifted off of my shoulders and I don't have to do deal with any more nonsense!"
Cue Lisa Benton who looks like she's going to dump some more nonsense on Hotbody. Wait! She's not alone! She brings out Demiras, LaSalle, and Mandias to join her on the stage! Lisa addresses Hotbody by bringing up the supposed restraining order. Not only has Hotbody and his team failed to produce a copy of said order so that it can be reviewed but nobody can seem to find any judge who authorized it. Lisa is giving Michael Hotbody a chance right now to come clean about the whole thing right now. Hotbody goes apeshit declaring that all three of the guys next to her are currently in violation of the order and that they need to be removed right now! Benton again asks for proof of this. She's willing to wait but she can't speak for any of the guys up here. Benton adds that even if the restraining order was legit, what happened on SmackDown! wasn't. Hotbody deliberately got in the same vicinity as Demiras, LaSalle, and Mandias so that's all on him and that means that all three men were victims of a wrongful arrest. "This has been a PR disaster for the company, Michael, and there's a lot of pressure to make sure you get the brunt of it. There have been talks of suspensions and even stripping you of that Cruiserweight Title. The guys up here are also considering legal avenues of their own against you which I'm sure would be a long and tedious process that would take up so much time that you wouldn't be capable of fulfilling your duties as champion and, well, we'd have to take that belt away from you now wouldn't we?"
Hotbody clasps his head in frustration as he realizes he's in a lot of shit here. Lisa continues by saying that Hotbody can spare himself a lot of that turmoil. Demiras, LaSalle, and Mandias have all agreed to call off any legal retaliation under one condition. Naturally, Hotbody perks up at this bit of information. "What is it? What do I have to do? I'll do anything" he declares.
"Well, it's actually rather simple," Benton continues. "Show up at No Mercy and defend the Cruiserweight Title in the fatal four-way elimination match! Enjoy your Sunday!" And with that Benton and the guys take their leave as Hotbody is beside himself in the ring.
First Match: Gavin Jones vs. Miles Shawcross
Jones gets on the mic as he wants to talk about Jason Sorola. A few weeks ago was probably what many considered to be the lowest point of Gavin's career, having to separate from his friend and tag team partner, Michael Haywood. Actually, the lowest point was when Jason Sorola stabbed him and the rest of the Hunters in the back so long ago and Gavin had to endure losing the Cruiserweight Title to that traitor. So now he wants to walk around the joint pouring more salt into the wound and then go on complaining about how life is so unfair. Gavin hasn't forgotten and he'll be more than happy to make sure Sorola never forgets either. A hell of a sweet opening cruiserweight match as the rating demonstrates. Sorola comes down to yell some trash at Jones but Jones merely shoves Shawcross into him and finishes things off with a Frog Splash for the pin. Sorola loses his shit some more at ringside while Gavin makes his way out through the crowd. *****, 95% overall.
In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with the Queen of Queens, the Women's Champion Naomi Bailey. She asks the crowd if they are really, truly surprised over what she did to Eclypse on SmackDown!. "Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that what SHE wanted? Everybody wanted Eclypse and I to be at each other's throats, beating each other up for their amusement. Well I hope you're all happy! I didn't want to have to do that. I begged her and all of you to not force me to do something like that. I didn't want to fight my own cousin! But you know what, there's only so much disrespect and ungratefulness that I'm willing to put up with! I'm the God damn Queen of Queens! YOUR WWE Women's Champion and that doesn't mean anything if I'm not smiting some bitches every now and then and Eclypse deserves all of the smiting that I can muster! She was reaching irrelevance before I was generous enough to ask her to join me as my partner. I didn't have to do that but I felt sorry for her! She could have been part of history but she didn't have what it takes to carry the ball and she has the audacity to blame me? SCREW HER and SCREW ALL OF YOU! Yeah, I probably could have helped her out at Unforgiven but she didn't deserve it! And I'll tell you what else she doesn't deserve: a shot at the Women's Title but I'm going to go through with it at No Mercy because there is one thing above all else that Eclypse does deserve. The beating of a lifetime. The kind of beating that lets her know that it was a mistake to ever piss me off! SmackDown! was just the beginning and in fact I wish she was here right now so I can continue where I left off so she understands what exactly she's getting herself into!"
Well that's just asking for Eclypse to respond by coming out. The crowd pops as she's fully transitioned to face at this point. It only takes a few seconds of glaring a hole through Naomi before Eclypse decides to charge full speed ahead into the ring and tackle the shit out of the Women's Champion. WE GOT ANOTHER FIGHT ON OUR HANDS! Lisa Benton comes out with the goon squad to try to separate the two as they wreck the shit out of the ringside area.
Second Match: The Royal Effect vs. The Wasteland
Doing more of what I can to help the Royal Effect and their credibility as they look to No Mercy and their title match against the Tag Team Champions. It's some good shit to say the least. Duke gets left alone with McKay and he falls victim to the Mass Effect from McKay giving the heels the win. Kavovit and McKay certainly look ready for this Sunday. Sunday being the key word because they decide to bolt when Simon Bennett and Adam Hail come down to try to confront them. Half a million well spent on this night. *****, 97% overall.
Backstage, Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp wants to rap on what's been going on with him. It feels pretty nice being the popular guy right now. He has the main event tonight teaming up with Noah Carmichael. He's got both Quinten McDaniels and Ryan Pattillo knocking on his door looking to take this Intercontinental Title. Everyone seems to want a piece of the SVK but there's only so much of him to go around. That doesn't mean he's going to just roll over and let everyone walk all over him, though. Reaching this point of his career has been a high he's not ready to give up just yet and overcoming every naysayer only makes it sweeter. So as far as No Mercy goes, Ryan Pattillo and Quinten McDaniels both better bring their dancing shoes because Seth is going to do some stomping by defending the Intercontinental Title against the two of them in a Triple Threat match. He recommends that they take notes as they watch him tonight.
Third Match: Leah vs. Jenna Kyle
Lisa Benton has declared that anyone not officially involved in this match is banned from ringside. So that means no Bonnie Beckham, Faith Connors, or the Southern Belles. It's nice to go back to these two as they've got sweet chemistry. This is no different as they deliver some awesome goods. Leah looks to take advantage of Jenna being distracted by Nathan Quinn on the outside but the big screen comes alive with a live shot of backstage where it looks like the Southern Belles are harrassing Leah's partner, Bonnie. Things look like they're going to get physical which causes to Leah to drop what she's doing and run to the back to try to run interference. This causes a countout, giving the match to Jenna. Hollow victory as she's left alone with Quinn and he locks in the Outback Rack on her for a bit, roughing her up ahead of No Mercy. ****1/2, 91% overall.
Fourth Match: Ryan Pattillo and Alexander Piero vs. Quinten McDaniels and Chris Collins
Quinten McDaniels wants to run his mouth for a bit before things get started. He's actually glad that Seth Von Kamp wants to also give Ryan Pattillo a crack at the Intercontinental Title. McDaniels will be able to smack around the both of them and kill two birds with one stone. The more ass he can kick the better and the championship will be the icing on the cake. So this is solid as fuck as you'd expect. The faces start kicking way too much ass as things come to a close and McDaniels starts to feel a little unsure of his chances and decides to retreat leaving Collins alone. Pattillo hits the Shutdown on Collins and that gives the faces the win. Pattillo points to McDaniels as he's making his way up the ramp. ****1/2, 93% overall.
To the back again as we're joined by Luscious and Zed Jones. Luscious is FURIOUS BEYOND DESCRIPTION over what Eddy Clash did on SmackDown!. It's OK, though, because Zed Jones is here to handle problems like Clash and handle them with extreme efficiency and brutality. Eddy Clash was warned by her that signing his contract would end up being the biggest mistake of his life. He was given a chance to consider his options but he didn't want to listen. So that sound you hear? That's not the Big Thunder; it's the coming storm that's called Zed Jones. It's the stomping that's going to squash Eddy Clash. Eddy wanted to play in the WWE? Zed doesn't play. He makes it hurt. He punishes. He destroys. It's actually pretty hard to not feel bad for Eddy Clash. His career has just started and he's already in for the worst night imaginable.
More In-Ring Super Special Talky Time, this time with Haven. He starts things off by replaying the ending to his match against Wrakk at SummerSlam with the two of them falling off the stage. He talks about how in certain moments of your life, you find clarity. "I had clarity as I lay in that wreckage. I saw what I needed to become in order to slay a monster like Wrakk...a bigger monster. Wrakk couldn't end me at SummerSlam and he has even less hope now. Wrakk needs to be re-educated on the subject of the pecking order. Time hasn't been on your side, Wrakk. I've adapted and I'm more than willing to demonstrate as much when we meet at No Mercy. Which is why our encounter is now No Holds Barred. Adapt or get left behind, Wrakk. The choice is yours."
Naturally this brings out Wrakk to offer a counterpoint. He gets face-to-face with Haven and mocks him. "Let me guess what it is you call 'adapting', Haven. Is it more parlor tricks? More theatrics? More light shows? This isn't about who's the bigger and badder monster between the two of us. I don't care about that. I care about being better and I care about being recognized as the best. What matters around here is results, and I'm the only one in this ring that's had some major results. I was the Unified World Champion before I got jettisoned and I did that without this dog-and-pony show you come out here and peddle, week in and week out. What's all of that gotten you lately? Oh, right, an ass kicking at SummerSlam...and an ass kicking this Sunday. You're inferior. You're delusional. And more importantly, as I'm looking to get back to where I was, you're in my way." And with that, Wrakk nails Haven with a sucker punch and we got ourselves another brawl! I don't think the goon squad is going to be as successful here as they were earlier with these behemoths. It's back-and-forth for a while until Wrakk sends Haven into the ring post outside. He's not finished and decides to use the steel steps for nefarious purposes, namely sending them into Haven's face, busting him open. HE'S STILL NOT DONE! Wrakk sets up the steps again and hits Haven with the Demon Cross on them. Wrakk stands tall as we go to break.
Fifth Match: Vivian Merrick and The Future Foundation vs. Aphrodite and the Love Connection
The next logical step after what went down on SmackDown!. Both women have been out of the ring for a while. I didn't expect to ever use Aphrodite for a match again but here we are. We gotta fill the slots somehow, right? Things break down between the guys and it's down to just the ladies. Vivian hot shots Aphrodite on the top rope and that stuns her enough to allow Vivian to schoolgirl her with the tights for the cheap pin. ****1/2, 91% overall.
MAIN EVENT: Salvatore Scabbia and Ronnie Costello vs. Noah Carmichael and WWE Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp
Carmichael wants to say a few words before we kick this fucker into gear. All of the complaining coming from Camp Brooke over here is so damn rich. Carmichael is the one who actually lost something in all of this drama. Carmichael had the Unified World Title taken away from him. He wants to set the record straight and clarify that Scabbia never was the champion and he never will be the champion, not as long as Carmichael has something to say about it. Carmichael may be busted up and working against doctor's orders but as long as he can pull his ass up to the arena this Sunday at No Mercy and get into that ring, he's got a chance to make sure Scabbia doesn't walk out of there with that title. 40%, 32%, 65%, 21 and 3/4%, 3.14 repeating percent, no matter what condition Carmichael is in, he's your worse nightmare and the biggest pain in the ass you'll ever put up with. The fun is just getting started so screw the doctors and screw the system. It's time to take back what belongs to him and Scabbia can go back to stuffing canoles down that big mouth of his. So the tensions are high here to say the least. Everything you need to make a rocking main event. Brooke calls for the Academy to come down for an assist when the ref gets bumped. They take their sweet time, not looking particularly thrilled to be out here. Brooke gives them a piece of her mind, upset with them not getting out here faster. Words are exchanged and this grabs Scabbia's attention. He sides with Brooke but that leaves poor Ronnie alone in the ring. Seth dives out onto Scabbia while Carmichael hits Ronnie with the Quick Draw for the pin. Carmichael has successfully BUILT MOMENTUM for this Sunday. ****1/2, 92% overall.
Overall show rating: 90%