Higher. Further. Faster.
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Superstars: September 20, 2040
Opening Match: The Play Pals vs. The Wolves of Wall Street
Winners qualify for the tag team gauntlet next week. The Royal Effect watch the proceedings from the stage with intensity and hatred in their eyes. A hell of an opener as both teams want that position bad. The Play Pals control in the end and look to have things well in hand. McKay and Kavovit aren't having it and try their hands at spoiling things for the faces. Miscommunication ensues and the attempted interference backfires, leaving Emilio London open to the Achievement Unlocked leading to the Play Pals picking up the win and qualifying. More threats are exchanged between the two rival teams. *****, 85% overall.
I think I'm dealing with a DUD show.
Second Match: Leah vs. Phoebe Hanson
Nathan Quinn is with Leah, of course, as he wants to bring up the future of the women's tag team division. Regardless of the outcome of the match between the Lonely Girls and Eclypse and Naomi at Unforgiven, he wants Leah and Bonnie Beckham to be front and center for the next opportunity at the gold. Hannah McCormick could have been part of this revolution and Jenna Kyle also could have been basking in his guidance but they chose to be selfish. Now it's going to come crashing down around them. More kick ass stuff from the ladies as Leah is making some strides in the ring to being a top name in the division. Quinn works his magic by distracting Phoebe and Leah floors her leading to the Sultry Splash for the pin and the victory. ****1/2, 81% overall.
Yup, it's a DUD show.
It's time for another edition of the Hot Button with everyone's favorite host, The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He wants to talk about the incredible ordeal he went through on Raw in regards to the defense of his Cruiserweight Championship. It was a wild roller coaster of emotions! There was uncertainty and then excitement over the possibility of facing a legend like El Dandy and then disappointment in the cowardice of said legend when he refused to show up and then confusion over the Big Show and then finally the thrill of victory! It had to have been one of the hottest and sweatiest encounters he's had with Luscious; and believe him, they've had some pretty hot and sweaty encounters. The shower afterwards was such a huge benefit. But that's in the past. We've settled the issue of me defending my Cruiserweight Title so now we don't need to worry about it for a good while. It was a tough break for guys like Shawn Dangerson and Ozzy Mandias who were looking to get that shot but it was A COMPLETELY RANDOM DRAWING! It was out of the hands of Michael Hotbody so there was nothing nobody could have done so there shouldn't be any crying or complaining. Those are just the cards you get dealt sometimes. Now seeing as there is no need to continue fretting over this issue, it's time to move on to other major issues. Namely, next week's gauntlet for the WWE Unified Tag Team Titles. Now you can't have a contest like this without featuring THE premier tag team of the WWE, the best legal counsel money can buy, Galino & Farnes. Well, tonight, they are going to take care of two birds with one huge stone. Galino & Farnes will be facing that duo of no-good troublemakers, Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle! So not only will they completely obliterate that shady alliance but Galino & Farnes will move on to next week and capture those tag team titles, which they rightfully deserve! This will be a case study for anyone on the roster, veteran or rookie, that trying to get involved in the business of Michael Hotbody is a bad idea. Jordan, Martyn, and even Ozzy Mandias on Raw are all going to find out the hard way you can't just take out your frustrations over your failures on poor, innocent people like Michael Hotbody!
Cue Ozzy Mandias himself as he's looking to take out his frustrations on Michael Hotbody. Hotbody looks ready to fight but he must have got an alert from his DoorDash because he decides to bolt and head to the back. Ozzy promises to get Hotbody in the ring one way or another.
Third Match: Mathias vs. Ziggy Styles
Paul Andrews accompanies his man, Mathias, and is accosted by our crack journalist team as he's questioned over what major thing he's been cooking up. Andrews assures everyone that time will reveal all but that the answer is closer than anyone might be thinking. Ziggy goes on the record that he doesn't care who Andrews has up his sleeve because it's probably some other stick in the mud who doesn't want to get Ziggy with it and there's no place for people like that in the WWE. Crowd isn't as into this as the other matches but I think we can blame the DUD show for that nonsense. Andrews must be doing some fine coaching as Mathias continues to impress and shows how willing he is not get Ziggy with it. Ziggy suffers another humiliation the second week in a row as he falls victim to the Goliath Gore and Mathias picks up the win. ****1/2, 79% overall. Whoever Paul Andrews is looking to bring in has got quite the manager to say the least.
In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Wrakk. Wrakk wants to discuss the sheer lack of a spine in Haven. Allegedly, Haven was completely devastated at SummerSlam that he hasn't been able to compete these last few weeks but that clearly didn't stop him from ruining things for Wrakk last week in that battle royal. And where is Haven now? Is he here in front of all of us, ready to take his judgment and punishment like a man? No. He's scurried back into the shadows like the cockroach he is because he knows Wrakk can squash him at anytime. That battle royal was Wrakk's to win and nobody can contest that!
Cue Ryan Pattillo who looks like he wants to contest that. Ryan tells Wrakk that he gets the need to want to get back on top of that mountain. After all, Wrakk had to suffer through one, whole year of watching other people fighting over that Unified World Title that used to be his. Problem is, you have to watch the people you step on along the way. Pattillo is one of them. Pattillo didn't appreciate the tantrum Wrakk had that caused him to get tossed out of the match and he also didn't appreciate being called a surrogate for Haven. Ryan Pattillo stands here telling Wrakk that there are people on the roster not so easily squashed. In fact, as long as Haven isn't showing his face and as long as Wrakk wants to be on a tirade, how about Wrakk vs. Pattillo at Unforgiven. Pattillo can be a surrogate for Haven again, when he breaks Wrakk's ass just like at SummerSlam.
Wrakk is amused at this show of defiance. It's a kitten bearing its fangs playing at being a tiger. Pattillo wants a match? Accepted. It'll be even more of a reason for Haven to keep hiding his sorry ass.
Fourth Match: The British Infection vs. The Young Bloods
Winners will also qualify for the tag team gauntlet next week. Both Fantasee and Stephen Q. Sterling are out here with their respective clients. Some good shit here as we strive to fight off the effects of the DUD show. Sterling tries his hand at getting involved to get his guys out of a jam but Fantasee takes care of that by pantsing him. HILARITY ENSUES! Matt Riley falls victim to the Queen's English and the Brits get the win. *****, 86% overall.
More In-Ring Super Special Talky Time, this time with the WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey. She wants to get a few things off of her chest as she heads into Unforgiven's match for the WWE Women's Tag Team Titles alongside Eclypse. History may have been denied at SummerSlam but it can't be the defining moment of the year for her. After all, she is still the WWE Women's Champion and the year has been mainly good to her. She won the Queen of the Ring. She took Sonya Braddock to the limit at WrestleMania and then finished the job at Night of Champions to claim the championship. She beat out 3 other Queens of the Ring, two of whom are the current Women's Tag Team Champions, to be THE undisputed Queen of Queens. But all of that is minor compared to being able to call Eclypse, her loving cousin, her partner. Things have been rough between the two for the past few weeks but that needs to come to an end. So with that said, Naomi calls out Eclypse so that the two of them can clear the air and hopefully get on track, both as a family and as a team.
We have to wait a while but eventually Eclypse makes her way out and joins Naomi in the ring. Naomi continues with her address: "Eclypse, I knew that it was going to be a gamble when I asked you to be my partner for the opportunity to become the tag team champions. But it was a gamble worth taking. We came so close to history. We had more attention on us than we knew what do with. And we were able to bond as blood. But all of that is at risk right now. Now, there have been some mishaps that I've blamed you for but with everything that is at stake right I feel like I need to swallow my pride and be the bigger person and take some responsibility, too. The important thing is us sticking together because right now, Faith and Jenna are laughing at us. They had their big moment in the sun at SummerSlam and they've been doing nothing but parading around, rubbing it in our faces like we're some joke. I don't know about you, but I'm sure as hell no joke. I'm the WWE Women's Champion and I have one of the toughest, meanest, ass-kicking bitch as my cousin and as my partner...that is, if you want to be that."
Eclypse ponders this over for a bit before giving her response. "I'm not sure how I feel about you coming at this as if I'm the poor babe in the woods. You're in territory I've already charted. I'm well aware of our plight. It's certainly a dilemma but in all fairness I did want this rematch. As long as you can assure me that this is for the best and that you can be counted on, I'm on board. But know this, cousin or not, my understanding has its limits. I'm not going to tolerate another failure so you've got me 120% focused on knocking Jenna and Faith off the mountain. I need you to do the same."
"I'm way ahead of you. Let's give them hell." And with that it looks like the two women have hashed things out and they shake. Their alliance appears to have been reforged.
Fifth Match: Orlando Kincaid vs. Shawn Dangerson
Dangerson can absolutely hang with the big boys evidently as he's still angling for a shot at the Cruiserweight Title as well as showing off to Jason Sorola. It's a nice little 'big man vs. little man' affair. Dangerson makes the comeback but here comes Sorola to harass Sophie Waters. He chases her for a bit until Dangerson catches wind of the situation and runs out to put an end to Sorola's lack of chivalry. Unfortunately, Sorola keeps Dangerson's attention long enough to cause a countout. Dangerson looks back to the ring in frustration and that's the opening Sorola needs to sucker punch Dangerson and put a beating on him. *****, 84% overall.
Backstage we're joined by Brooke and Salvatore Scabbia. Brooke talks about how great it is that Scabbia can finally be called the number one contender to the Unified World Title. It can only be topped by the feeling of him being able to be called the Unified World Champion. The gears are finally in motion and there is no stopping them. That note that Noah Carmichael's doctor gave him was really a countdown and every day that passes is just more and more seconds being removed until finally Carmichael comes crashing into the reality that Salvatore Scabbia is just plain better than he is. It's going to be hell waiting for that day to come but it's nothing compared to what Carmichael is going to experience at Unforgiven.
Sixth Match: Xavier Cross vs. Daniel St. Croix
Xavier Cross gets on the mic and clarifies the stipulations that he demanded for his rematch against Kyle Jacobs at Unforgiven. Should Jacobs lose, and he will, he needs to become Xavier's personal bitch who will be at Xavier's side at his beck and call. He needs to learn respect and being at the side of the great Xavier Cross will do nothing but wonders for him. He may even enjoy it and actually end up a better wrestler for it. And if nothing else, seeing someone like Kyle Jacobs being humbled will be a warning to any other wet behind the ears punk looking to step up to Cross. Just a solid match to put Cross over. He hits the Cross Cutter to pick up the pin as he BUILDS MOMENTUM towards Unforgiven. *****, 85% overall.
MAIN EVENT: Galino & Farnes vs. Jordan Demiras and Martyn LaSalle
So Galino & Farnes are looking to get into the gauntlet next week. Zed Jones is with them on the outside. For moral support, obviously. They talk about how this has been a long time coming as neither Demiras or LaSalle want to listen to reason or any sort of legal threats. Galino & Farnes are far more deserving of championship gold than either of these two failures who already had their opportunities AND BLEW IT! So this is a pretty heated affair, obviously, as the faces walk the line of wanting revenge and wanting victory. It breaks down as Luscious runs interference distracting the ref and Zed quite literally brings the hammer down on Demiras with the GAVEL OF DOOM! Galino & Farnes proceed to nail SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!! to pick up the cheap pin. It looks like we're getting a three-on-one affair afterwards BUT HERE COMES EDDY CLASH!!! He gets him some of Galino & Farnes as Demiras and LaSalle regroup. Clash and Zed proceed to have a staredown but Luscious pulls Zed and the rest of her crew back as apparently she's getting some DoorDash alerts, too. We end with a 3-on-3 staredown. ****1/2, 81% overall.
Overall show rating: 83%
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