Originally Posted by M-A-G
It's time for The New Age Intellectual Savior to the Masses, The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody to join us as he looks ready to apparently defend his Cruiserweight Title! He's got Luscious with him and something on a table underneath a cloth. He grabs the mic and addresses the crowd.
"Alright, the time has come for me to help put an end to whatever questions and concerns people may have regarding the number one contender to my Cruiserweight Title. Last week was supposed to solve that little problem but science, unfortunately, won out in that arena so here we are. I promised you all that I would take care of things and thus you will all see a number one contender get named AND you will also see that challenger get their championship match, right here, right now! Now, I have consulted with my legal team and they have made sure that anything that goes down here tonight is on the up and up and totally legit. So without further ado, Luscious, let's do this!"
Luscious performs a slight flourish before removing the cloth covering whatever is on the table. We get the reveal of a tumbler underneath and Hotbody continues his spiel.
"Now, what I did, in order to be FAIR AND EQUAL is pop a bunch of names of potential candidates who will be able to challenge me tonight into this container. The lovely Luscious is going to give this a spin and we're going to pick out a name and that person will get their chance at glory by facing me for the Cruiserweight Title. It will be TOTALLY RANDOM and TOTALLY FAIR! This way, everyone has an equal chance, nobody's feelings get hurt. Just a luck of the draw situation. So let's get to it. Take it away, Luscious!"
At Hotbody's instruction, Luscious turns the crank and shuffles things around for a moment before reaching in and pulling out a name and handing it to Hotbody to read out.
"Alright, here we go. Referee, get ready to ring the bell and call this match down the middle! Tonight...your number one contender and my worthy opponent....EL DANDY!!! El Dandy, get your ass down here right now! This has been a long time coming between you and me so let's do this, Frenchie! I'm not afraid of you! Come on, boy! This is a chance of a lifetime, don't keep us waiting! Come on, where are you?!?"
Eventually enough time passes to where Luscious merely shrugs her shoulders and Hotbody gives up. "Alright, fine! Be that way! You didn't really deserve to face me anyway! You want to sit on your ass? FINE BY ME! That's a forfeit win for me! Now, we still need to deliver on a match as promised, though, so Luscious, let's try this again. Show me what you got!"
Luscious responds by doing a sexy little twirl, indeed showing him what she's got, before going to the tumbler again. She pulls out another name and hands it to Hotbody.
"OK, I think this is the one. THIS PERSON will be the one who's got some stones and will actually come out here and face me like a man! I can feel it! Alright, let's open this sucker up and find out who's the lucky winner. I will be defending my Cruiserweight Title against....THE BIG SHOW! Wait, what? OK, Luscious, come on now! What is this? He's not even a cruiserweight! And even if he were to face me I'd mop the floor with him so quickly these people would be rightfully upset about getting ripped off! They came to see a match for this championship and that's what we're going to give them. Come on, let's try this again. This is serious!"
Apparently Lisa Benton has seen enough of this nonsense as she pops on the screen to interrupt. "Hotbody. Luscious. This is ridiculous and you're wasting valuable time on my show. This has gone far enough. You don't want to actually take this seriously? I'll do it for you."
"Hey, I am taking this ser...!"
"SHUT UP! This is what's going to happen, Michael. You promised a championship match tonight, so I'm going to hold you to it. So you're going to pull another name out of that tumbler and I don't care if it's not even a cruiserweight or even a real person. I am ordering the official to ring the bell and if it's another B.S. pick where no one shows up YOU WILL FORFEIT the Cruiserweight Title. So you had better hope for your sake that there's a name in there that can actually compete because it's your ass on the line. So by all means, proceed."
The referee calls for the bell and it looks like this is going to be official. Luscious and Hotbody look like they're at a loss as to what to do. Hotbody eventually motions for Luscious to pull out a name and she reluctantly does so. The referee grabs the name and leans into the microphone to call it out. "It's....Luscious?"
Luscious shits the proverbial brick and Hotbody throws a fit. The ref reminds us that this is an official match as the ring crew removes the table and tumbler from the ring. Both Hotbody and Luscious continue to look puzzled and hesitant. Hotbody shrugs his shoulders and goes in for the kill, making his move! He locks in a....GRECO-ROMAN LIP LOCK!!! WHAT AMAZING TECHNIQUE ON DISPLAY HERE! Luscious appears to be paralyzed by its effects as she can't seem to break the hold! Hotbody applies more pressure causing Luscious to go weak in the knees and slowly collapse to the mat. He must be using some tongue to really crank it in! Luscious's shoulders are down! 1...2...3! HOTBODY RETAINS AFTER ANOTHER HOT AND SWEATY ORDEAL! Luscious looks like she's out of breath. They embrace in a display of incredible sportsmanship but here comes Ozzy Mandias to screw things up!!! Hotbody and Ozzy brawl around in a fury. Hotbody is down and Ozzy goes into the mount but Luscious breaks things up by smashing the tumbler over Ozzy. Hotbody recovers and once again sends Ozzy into the ringpost and takes himself and Luscious out of there. Seems weird to rate a match like this but I think I can call it ***** pretty confidently.
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