[M-A-G]

SmackDown! - September 7, 2040

We open with the rather bitter former Intercontinental Champion, the Money in the Bank winner Brandon Reigns. He's really not in the mood for anymore nonsense. Just last week he had to watch that lucky asshat, Seth Von Kamp, toss the Money in the Bank briefcase into the crowd. And then it only got worse! Instead of getting picked up by an ordinary peon like any of the people here, it gets stolen by some whackjob who thinks it belongs to him and that it's his way into the WWE! So on one hand, there's an irritating little punk pretending to be the Intercontinental Champion and on the other hand, there's a delusional irritating little punk pretending to be the Money in the Bank winner. Brandon Reigns is surrounded by stupidity on all sides and he's sick of it! He DEMANDS that Lisa Benton get off her ass and get back his property because all of this nonsense is getting out of hand!

This looks like a job for the 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody! He saunters down to the ring with a few sweet conga moves and joins Brandon Reigns.

"Look, Brandon, I feel you, man. I mean, I REALLY feel your pain. Things can be so unfair at times and it just feels more often than not that the world is constantly working against you, especially when you're filled with so much talent and good will that you want to share with everyone. I've been there! When I was younger, I was a conga prodigy! And let me tell you, down in Fulton Country there are two things that we take VERY SERIOUSLY! Peaches and conga line dancing! Grandma Hotbody was there with me from the beginning, bestowing upon me her decades of knowledge and smoothing out the rough edges. I was the best but I had my share of doubters and haters but my success in that area carried over to the success I'm enjoying now! And you, Brandon Reigns, can't let this window of darkness mess everything up for you!"

"Dear God, I want to shoot myself...."

"Hey, hey, come on now. There's no need to be so melodramatic. I've got other avenues to help you out. Look, we all hear you making your pleas to the boss, but I can guarantee you that the boss is the only one not listening. She's not going to do anything! If you want results, let me tell you, I have never been happier than with the services I've received from my expert legal team, Galino & Farnes! Yes, for the right price and the right case, you Brandon Reigns, can have the results you crave. No, scratch that! The results YOU DESERVE! Just like Grandma Hotbody was there for me, I'm paying it forward with this generous offer. We're a pair of winners, Brandon, and it's only right that winners look out for each other!"

This looks like a job for Ozzy Mandias and the rookie makes his way out to the stage. Ozzy poses the question of who will be looking out for Hotbody should Ozzy be the one to win next week's cruiserweight gauntlet on Superstars. Hotbody can only hide behind his wall of goons for so long and it's high time that someone takes that Cruiserweight Title. Brandon Reigns gets annoyed at this and demands that Ozzy take this matter someplace else. Reigns adds that Ozzy should pick his battles more carefully, otherwise he might end up with a dry spell in his career just like Seth Von Kamp.

This looks like a job for the Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp and he joins Ozzy on the stage. Seth points out that dry spells can only last so long before you run into the right opponent. An opponent who is overconfident and looks down on others and takes things for granted. But what does Seth know? He only became the Intercontinental Champion at SummerSlam and upset the precious plans of Brandon Reigns. But, hey, seeing as there are four guys here with nothing better to do, how about a tag team match later tonight? Hotbody looks like he wants to object but Reigns accepts on his behalf in a rage. Looks like we've got our main event!

First Match: Mathias vs. Lonny Richards
Paul Andrews and Nathan Quinn are with their respective clients here. Paul Andrews wants to let the people know that staying tuned into what he's bringing on board will be worth the wait. There are a couple of i's and t's that need dotting and crossing but Andrews is confident that he's bringing in something that's going to make an impact. But that's a story for another time, let's worry about tonight. This is Lonny's return bout after his run with a suspension...the fucker. I'm going to learn him good! Quinn's chicanery is negated by the presence of Andrews and Mathias uses the power of "M-A-G is pissed at Lonny Richards getting suspended" to land the Goliath Gore for the pin. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Backstage, the Lonely Girls are being asked about their rematch against Eclypse and Naomi Bailey. Faith and Jenna claim that they've captured lightning in a bottle and that they're not letting it go anytime soon. Jenna may not have won the Women's Title last night but there's still an opportunity to get one over on Naomi. At Unforgiven, Eclypse and Naomi will get their second shot at history and from the looks of things, they might not get a third if they end up blowing it. This leads to Eclypse and Naomi interrupting the proceedings. Naomi accuses Faith and Jenna of knowing a thing or two about blowing. The champions take offense to this and drop their belts and look like they're going to get physical. Naomi responds in kind but Eclypse puts a stop to anything starting by declaring that she and Naomi are saving it for Unforgiven. Naomi looks annoyed at Eclyspe and asks what the hell is her problem. Eclypse counters that she needs Naomi at 100%. Naomi counters that if Eclypse cared about having a partner at 100% she wouldn't have punched Naomi in the face last night. Jenna and Faith look at each other akwardly and quietly back away leaving Eclypse and Naomi in each others' face.

Second Match: Shawn Dangerson, Caleb Greene, Stanley Coleman, Josh Turmell vs. Miles Shawcross, Zachary Vale, Joey Osbourne, Tom Foley
This is totally not a showcase for the cruiserweights to hype the gauntlet for next week. No siree, Bob. Regardless, there's quite a pool of people who could be involved in that match. It's a wild affair to say the least that comes down to Dangerson and Foley. Dangerson is the new hotness that the people DEMAND get his due and thus manages to lock in the Danger Zone for the tap out win. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Backstage, Brooke barges into the office of Lisa Benton. Brooke is sick of the red tape and games that Lisa is playing. Lisa has always been jealous of Brooke's career and knows that Brooke was always superior and now Lisa is using her position to take whatever little bits of petty revenge that she can. Brooke DEMANDS that Lisa name Salvatore Scabbia as the number one contender to the Unified World Title or Brooke will have to take things up with Lisa's bosses. Lisa counters with how she's not going to get into it with Brooke in regards to their careers because that's the past. Lisa is looking to the future, specifically this upcoming Raw, where Salvatore Scabbia can join 19 other men in a battle royal to see who will get a Unified World Title match the minute Carmichael is medically cleared. "Now I DEMAND that you get the hell out of my office."

Elsewhere backstage, Eddy Clash is back again still with the Money in the Bank briefcase and still harrassing officials over wanting to cash in. They're trying to reclaim the briefcase with little success. This is obviously a job for Ziggy Styles! Ziggy wants Eddy to calm down and think things over rationally. That briefcase doesn't belong to Eddy, that's just a simple fact. Besides, even if Eddy was the real Money in the Bank holder there's no way a delusional loser like him could even successfully cash in the contract! So let's just drop the whole thing, give up the briefcase, and join Ziggy Styles in getting Ziggy with it! Eddy looks puzzled so Ziggy just decides to make a play for the briefcase. He's not strong enough and Eddy just shoves him away sending him into some tables. Officials continue to try to deal with Eddy as we move on....

Third Match: Kyle Jacobs vs. Romeo Valiente
Xavier Cross is on commentary gloating about possibly being the guy who will end the line of Jacobs before it ever gets really started. The lineage can only get worse from Kyle, he declares, so better to ends things now so it doesn't get too embarrassing. Anyhow, this is mainly for Kyle's benefit, even though the rating would indicate a back-and-forth competitive match. Jacobs gets the win with the Legacy Bomb for the pin and exchanges glares with Cross. *****, 94% overall.

Fourth Match: The Play Pals vs. Galino & Farnes
Yay, more hot tag team action! The Play Pals want to talk about how humiliated they are after the last two shows dealing with the Royal Effect. They were such big meanies. Maybe they should just go cry in a corner. Maybe they should give up. Maybe the wrestling business is just too hard because the Royal Effect are in it and they're so awesome and big and virile! Or maybe the Royal Effect can go to hell with the Play Pals' feet in their ass! The Play Pals aren't going away and it doesn't matter if it's McKay and Kavovit or these two law school dunces right here, the Play Pals always come back stronger than ever! That aside we get some awesome action here. The Royal Effect, however, take umbrage to the Play Pals' mere continued existence and decide to get some more of them by running in for the DQ. Things look bad for the faces BUT HERE COMES DEMIRAS AND LASALLE!!! It's four-on-four and the heels manage to get driven off. CRUISERWEIGHT POWER! *****, 94% overall.

Backstage, we're blessed to get an interview with Quentin McDaniels. He reveals that Lisa Benton told him that he is one of the 20 men that will be competing on Raw to be named the number one contender to Noah Carmichael's Unified World Title. Quentin doesn't care what Brooke and Salvatore Scabbia have to say and it certainly doesn't matter who is the actual owner of the Money in the Bank contract. NO ONE has more unfinished business with Noah Carmichael than Quentin McDaniels. Everyone in that battle royal had better understand that.

Fifth Match: Alexander Piero vs. Chris Collins
Haven't really done much with Collins so here we are. He also informs us that he'll be part of that 20-man field on Raw but he's more than happy to take the time to deal with insolent little upstarts like Alexander Piero who think they're so hot. A pretty solid outing as Piero suprises Collins with his ability to keep up with the veteran. It's the story of Piero's career so far. Sadly, Collins uses Madison as a human shield to slow down Piero's momentum and a cheap shot to the eye after that distraction allows Collins to take over. Back to the ring Collins lands the Fall From Heaven for the pin. ****1/2, 92% overall.

MAIN EVENT: WWE Intercontinental Champion Seth Von Kamp and Ozzy Mandias vs. The 2031 Fulton County First Place Conga Award Winner, The Luscious Lover and Undefeated Steel Cage Master and REAL 2040 King of the Ring, The Supreme Submission Machine, Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody and Brandon Reigns
Reigns rubs his temples in the hopes of quelling what is sure to be a massive headache during Hotbody's introduction. Hotbody seems not too keen on participating too much here as he spends most of his time as the not legal man making googly eyes at Luscious and occasionaly locking lips here and there. It boils down to Von Kamp and Reigns in a hot ending. Seth looks like he's setting up Reigns for the Collapse of Society but Luscious leaps onto Seth's back and rakes his eyes. She gets tossed off eventually but that's enough for Reigns to go low and hit a small package for the cheap win. Reigns gets an evil smirk on his face and takes the Intercontinental Title belt. He looks like he's going to take off with it but Ozzy drop kicks him from behind sending Reigns stumbling to the outside. Reigns continues to have a bad week. *****, 94% overall.

Overall show rating: 88%