I only caught the tail end of that last match but it sounded pretty epic, I only just got back from attending to the shower situation. I mean it took quite a while to get things going but eventually I got it working but the ladies wanted me to stay and make sure it didn’t break down again so I had to kinda hang there for a while. I guess it was just the excessive steam but I’m tired. Like, really really tired like I just went through a marathon. Strange. In totally unrelated verbiage I think I definitely blew my creative load on that last write up so I might be a little more to the point the rest of the way.
Anyway the ladies strolled in with a bunch of snacks and booze as a token of gratitude so I suppose I can just chill and have an impromptu viewing party the rest of the way. Good timing too as we’re heading to our Women’s Championship match!
AEW Women’s World Championship
Nyla Rose w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Awesome Kong (C)
What is the female equivalent of a hoss fight? Does such a thing exist? Because that’s totally what this is as these two just beat the piss out of each other in a really sweet brawl. Relatively even bout throughout with Kong having what appeared to be her roughest challenge to date, she has yet to face anyone in AEW that can muscle out of her offense quite like the impressive Nyla Rose.
Several near falls in both directions and the referee takes an accidental corner bump. Vickie grabs the title and climbs the apron, screaming at Rose to use the belt to hit Kong. Vickie tosses the belt into the ring and Kong intercepts it. Rather than hit Rose with it, she gets her up for a Soul Collector onto the title as Kong retains.
After the match, Kong actually helps Rose up and they seem to nod in acknowledgment of the war they had. As Nyla leaves the ring, Vickie berates her and slaps her for losing. This makes Nyla snap, she grabs Vickie by the hair, walks her over to the announcers and HOLY SHIT Vickie takes a powerbomb through the announce table! Now that’s a write-off, excuse me indeed.
Meanwhile Kong continues to celebrate as the announcers wonder who could possibly stop Kong. Almost on queue, the lights go out and when they are back on, we see somebody on the ramp…..
BAH GAWD KANA HAS ARRIVED IN AEW!!!!
Winner and STILL AEW Women's World Champion: Awesome Kong
***1/4, 78% overall
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Three matches in, three surprises. Did I just debut two Japanese wrestlers in consecutive segments? You betcha! The ladies especially popped for Kana, and they’re super appreciative that I’m investing more financial resources into building a must-see women’s division.
TNT Championship
“Freshly Squeezed” Orange Cassidy w/ Best Friends vs. “The Machine” Brian Cage (C) w/ Team Taz
Physically these two could not look more different. OC looks like a stringbean wearing sunglasses and Brian Cage looks like he’s done enough steroids to make Scott Steiner blush. And yet the beauty of wrestling is that they found a way to make it work well enough. OC tried to play mind games at the start by appearing to take Cage lightly only to take him off guard with a bunch of flash pins that nearly worked. Cage tried to outmuscle him and OC used his speed advantage to evade some of the offense.
Outside the ring the Best Friends and Team Taz tried to keep each other at bay and avoiding interference anytime one of the participants ended up outside the ring, but as is usually the case they did end up brawling outside eventually. As the ref was distracted by this, Cage grabs both the TNT and FTW titles and clangs them together on OC’s skull. Drill Claw and that’s all she wrote, The Machine retains.
Winner and STILL TNT Champion: "The Machine" Brian Cage
***, 83% overall
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Jon Moxley vs. Miro
These two have been wanting to tear at each other for weeks and now they finally get their chance. Both men started like a house of file before the battle turned surprisingly more technical as both men have been known to use choke holds, but neither could get it fully locked in on one another.
Although this wasn’t a No DQ match, the bad blood between these two caused referee Bryce Remsburg to use his own discretion to basically allow them to do anything short of felonious assault, and that includes not making a 10 count during prolonged periods brawling on the floor and even among the fans.
Eventually the melee made its way to the rampway, Miro locking in Game Over on Mox and Mox slamming his fist to the ground in pain, but it can’t count as a tap up on the ramp. Mox summons some reserve energy sources and surprisingly muscles Miro up on his back...he leaps back and the two go crashing through the stage! Shades of Taz and Bam Bam Bigelow in ECW. The “holy shit” chants get up in full force as Mox is able to pull himself from the wreckage. Remsburg has seen enough and rules the match in favor of Mox by way of knock out.
Winner: Jon Moxley
****1/4, 89% overall
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AEW World Tag Team Championship
Santana and Ortiz vs. The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick Jackson) (C)
Announcers bring up the history between these two teams – the Bucks successfully defended their titles against them a few months ago however Santana and Ortiz hold a PPV victory over the Bucks from Full Gear in November 2019.
I’m not really sure what to even say about this match because I’ve booked these two teams in this game before and, well, just like in real life it’s always quality. These two teams gel beautifully and the Bucks seem to work well against anyone they face ever.
In a night full of surprises, we see another one here as Nick Jackson is sent flying out of the ring, leaving Matt to fall prey to the Street Sweeper. 3 seconds later and we have NEW tag team champions! The surprise isn’t that Santana and Ortiz won…..but they won it clean? The Inner Circle won something clean????
The Bucks seem taken aback by all of this, but are willing to acknowledge the better men on this night. They extend their hands to the new champs but the heels blow them off.
Winners and NEW AEW Tag Team Champions: Santana and Ortiz
****1/2, 94% overall
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This show has ruled so much ass so far, and so has the viewing party. As the ladies feed me shrimp the size of car batteries down my throat, we all settle in for the next match.
Match for the Right to the Rhodes Name
Maxwell Jacob Friedman w/ Wardlow vs. Cody Rhodes w/ Dustin Rhodes
Wardlow despite having a long run in the Casino Battle Royale is back out there as MJF’s right hand man. Though Dustin was forced into retirement from the ring three days ago, Cody wanted his brother by his side one last time to even the score.
I imagine the ring work for this one to be very old school NWAish of nature, which is fitting given that the match is for the Rhodes name. MJF just being an insufferable prick the whole time, being the Flair to Cody’s Dusty. Cody avoids defeat a few times, and a few hopes spots in there but MJF always manages to wrangle his way to the ropes and at one point Wardlow himself gets his foot under the ropes.
Naturally, this gives rise to the expected fun-but-overbooked schmozz on the outside of the ring. Dustin starts taking it to Wardlow and from there we have a heaping helping of interference spot chaos outside the ring. Sammy Guevara and Jake Hager are out to get on Dustin but Darby Allin skates his way out, wanting to get himself even more of Sammy after they fought in the Battle Royale earlier.
Darby and Sammy brawl backstage, as do Hager and Dustin. Wardlow gets back to his feet only for STING to emerge from the crowd! STING??? WHAT? MJF and Wardlow can’t believe it. Sting points his bat at Wardlow…..only to then drop it and hit Wardlow with….a spinning elbow? The crowd instantly pops at that because that wasn’t any spinning elbow, that was the Judas Effect! Sting pulls off the mask and it’s CHRIS JERICHO!!!
MJF looks like he’s seen a ghost….and while he has his eye off the ball, Cody grabs him from behind and gets him into position. Cross Rhodes! Cody wins! Cody avenges his family and the legends that MJF has tormented, and perhaps the bigger story is Chris Jericho is back and ready to make his former faction pay for putting him on the shelf.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
****1/4, 94% overall
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30-Minute Iron Man Match for the AEW World Championship
“The Bastard” PAC vs. “The Cleaner” Kenny Omega (C) w/ Don Callis
Again even though it’s the main event I’m not really sure what else I can say about these two, they pulled out a 5 star match a month into their feud in a straight up singles match, I can only imagine what it’s gonna be like 3 months later in their blowoff match.
Basically these two gel perfectly and everybody knows it. Even though Kenny and Callis try to cheat at times, they have to be super careful with it because a DQ could absolutely spell doom for the champion. This becomes true as we chug right on past the 20 minute mark with no falls to be found.
Poisonrana attempt on Kenny is blocked. Kenny gets to his feet, V-Trigger to the back of PAC’s head. Picks him up for the One Winged Angel and hits it. 1...2...3! Kenny is up 1-0 with about 5 minutes to go.
Kenny has 5 minutes to run out the clock but there’s not a lot he can do. Although it is a 30 minute match, Kurt Angle made it very clear from the onset that a tie will mean sudden death. So Kenny can’t risk DQ or simply running around outside the ring getting counted out. He has to try to evade PAC in the ring and PAC is now tapping into energy reserves he didn’t know he had.
3 minutes left, PAC hits multiple release Germans on Kenny. Sets him up in the corner, goes up top. BLACK ARROW! 1….2….Kenny barely, and I mean barely gets his foot on the rope, pure muscle memory at this point.
Only about a minute left, PAC drags Kenny to the center of the ring and locks in the Brutalizer. Kenny screams in agony. Callis is screaming at him to not tap. Kenny teases tapping but his hand eventually goes limp. He’s passed out from the pain! Aubrey Edwards checks his arm to make sure it’ll fall. 1...2...DING DING DING DING! The time has elapsed! Kenny made it!
Kenny may not look like a winner right now, but rest assured he has won! Besides, Don Callis already paid for the celebration so here comes explosions with balloons and confetti falling down in the ring on Kenny’s dead corpse, all as PAC sits on in stunned disbelief that came so close yet so far from winning the big one.
Winner and STILL AEW World Champion: "The Cleaner" Kenny Omega
****1/4, 92% overall
89% overall show rating
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Hell of a show. The fans loved it, Scott Keith loved it, my viewing party loved it. And after the show, it was announced that I have indeed moved into global status. I prefer to be humble about it but the ladies felt otherwise as they conspired to hoist me triumphantly upon their shoulders and parade me through the halls of the MGM Casino. Perhaps a little excessive but hey who am I to judge how they wish to show appreciation?
Moving on up.