[Evil Vito]

After thinking long and hard about it and listening to all they had to offer, I couldn't decide between Lana, Renee, and Penelope so I simply chose all three. As I wrote this show Lana gave me a shoulder massage, Renee fanned me with a huge leaf and Penelope fed me grapes. I gotta say this whole "being the head booker" thing is pretty swell.


AEW Dark: May 11, 2021:
-Kip Sabian def. QT Marshall
-Powerhouse Hobbs def. Billy
-Dr. Britt Baker def. Yuka Sakazaki
-Frankie Kazarian def. Peter Avalon
-The Inner Circle (Sammy Guevara and Jake Hager) def. The Dark Order (Alex Reynolds and John Silver)
-Cody Rhodes def. Jack Evans


AEW Dynamite: May 12, 2021

Segment 1:

Kenny Omega is out with Don Callis, sign up list in hand, to open the show and run the gauntlet. Or is he? You see, Kenny's stamina is unmatched in this business. As Callis explains, between the number of wrestlers who signed up and Kenny's unmatched stamina, he could easy wrestle for over an hour, maybe even the entire two hours of the broadcast. That's simply not fair to the other matches that had been signed for the card.

But instead, he'll give fans the next best thing - a title defense! Kenny Omega believes in rewarding people who take initiative, and so he is more than happy to grant a title opportunity to the very first person who stepped up to the plate and signed up for the gauntlet.

He hands the list over to Kenny to make the big announcement. Kenny looks at it, turns the list upside down, and calls in his next challenger, come on down MICHAEL NAKAZAWA!!!!! 89% overall


Segment 2:

The crowd boos ferociously. Michael Nakazawa is possibly the biggest jobber in the company (and also the least over at 47 overall), hell he's only in the company as a favor to Kenny as they go way back to their days at DDT Wrestling in Japan. How the hell is he getting a title shot?

The whole thing is a big sham as Kenny dispatches of Nakazawa with haste, and Callis towels him off after his hard fought victory. But the crowd gets what they really want as PAC and Rey Fenix run in afterwards to run off Kenny and keep the feud going. He also delivers some news straight from the desk of Kurt Angle: Kenny will face Rey Fenix next week! Give Naka's abysmal overness the rating for this was never going to be great in-game but I don't care, this whole scenario would pop me. **3/4, 74% overall


Segment 3:

Miro arrives backstage, asking Kip Sabian over the phone where he is, apparently Kip has some car trouble. It looks like someone slashed a tire in the parking lot. Before Miro even knows what hit him, Jon Moxley has pounced on him and gets Miro right where he wants him in a 1 on 1 situation. The two throw haymakers as officials intervene. 88% overall


Segment 4:

Over the weekend, it was announced that Awesome Kong vs. Nyla Rose was officially signed for Double or Nothing. Both women picked partners for a tag match, Kong went with her recent rival Hikaru Shida who share mutual respect with one another. Nyla went with Mel, Kong's former associate in the Nightmare Collective.

Mel's substantially less over than everyone else in the match so it's fairly clear what her purpose is here. At one point Mel goes to make a desperate tag but Rose decides to fuck off as she and Vickie retreat, leaving Mel to take the brunt of the beating and the loss. ***, 74% overall


Segment 5:

Team Taz runs down Best Friends, especially Orange Cassidy. Taz attempts to justify Brian Cage's assault on Cassidy last week. Who does that aloof moron think he can upstage "The Machine"? Enter Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor, and Kris Statlander. Orange points at Cage's TNT Championship and looks at the Double or Nothing poster in the background. Orange lays down a challenge without saying a single word. 83% overall


Segment 6:

Another match signed over the weekend sees Dustin Rhodes back at it, attempting to beat some sense into MJF in a Bullrope match. MJF deplores having to waste his time wrestling someone who should have retired years ago, but quickly gets a reality check when Dustin beats the ever loving fuck out of him early on.

MJF has to get on the defensive and eventually find his mean streak, conveniently after Wardlow intervened. MJF goes to town with the bullrope, using the no DQ nature of the match to beat Dustin bloody with the bell at the end of the rope. South Hamptons Plunge onto the bell and MJF wins.

MJF tells everyone that Cody has challenged him to a match at Double or Nothing, but MJF has already beaten Cody once. Why should he grant him another match? Just like the last time they faced off, MJF will only do it on HIS terms. Last time he gave Cody three stipulations to get to the match, and it's gonna be no different this time. Cody will learn these stipulations in due time. As a final insult, he busts out the Double Cross (Cross Rhodes) on Dustin right onto the bell to get the win. ***, 80% overall


Segment 7:

Last week Eddie Kingston became the first man to announce his entry into the Casino Battle Royale, tonight he faces another man who has declared in Matt Sydal. I thought these two might be a clash of styles with Eddie being a brawler and Sydal being a speed guy, but they ended up meshing extremely well. Despite being the self proclaimed toughest man in wrestling, Kingston once again couldn't close the deal without help from Butcher and the Blade, spinning backfist after a distraction finishes it.

"Everybody Dies" hits as Lance Archer appears on the ramp with Jake Roberts. Archer has not forgotten Kingston screwing him over a couple of weeks ago. On the tron, they show the finish of the 2020 Casino Battle Royale in which Archer eliminated Kingston to win the match (referencing events from previous years? That's allowed?) History is gonna repeat itself in a few weeks because Archer is back in the Casino Battle Royale too. ***1/2, 85% overall


Segment 8:

A video package for Darby Allin plays. He speaks of unfinished business with MJF for what he did to Sting, but he'll wait until MJF's done getting his reckoning from the Rhodes boys. After losing his TNT Title, he's keen to get back into the title picture, so he too is entering the Casino Battle Royale. 74% overall


Segment 9:

We have our second tag match in the #1 contender mini tournament. Evil Uno and Stu Grayson of The Dark Order face off against FTR, with the winners to face Santana and Ortiz next week for the Double or Nothing title shot against The Bucks.

I'm seeing firsthand how much the tag experience rating comes into play. FTR have teamed for 7 years and Uno and Grayson (formerly the Super Smash Brothers on the indies) have been teaming for 15 years, so both teams gel very well and they've got similar in-ring stats to boot. So yeah, this was easily match of the night to the tune of a 95% quality.

With Tully Blanchard and Shawn Spears being nuisances at ringside, it seems FTR will connive their way victory only for the music of SCU to hit. Frankie Kazarian and Scorpio Sky emerge and corner Spears at ringside. Spears tries to leave for the crowd but OH SHIT Christopher Daniels is in the crowd waiting for him! SCU are on a united front putting a beating on Spears, which distracts FTR in the ring. Dax Harwood is thrown out and Cash Wheeler takes a Fatality as Dark Order pick up the win! ****1/4, 84% overall


Segment 10:

Medics are checking on Dustin backstage as Cody is checking in on him. Dustin wants nothing more than to see Cody get his hands on MJF. But after the beating he took tonight, he's coming to a conclusion he thought he never would: it might be time to put this old body down.

Cody tries to talk some sense into Dustin and tell him he's still got fight in the tank. Before he can get too far with his speech though, the Inner Circle show up "coming in peace" as MJF tells Cody his first stipulation: Dustin better get his old ass back in gear if he wants Cody to get his match, because next week the Rhodes Boys have to wrestle Sammy Guevara and Jake Hager.


Segment 11:

The AEW cage looks a bit more bedazzled than usual, courtesy of Hangman Page as he looks to build off of the momentum the Dark Order just built by settling the score once and for all over Matt Hardy.

The two more or less have a prototypical cage match hitting the usual spots as the announcers remind us of their history while also saying that while this match will be their last one on one encounter for now, they may cross paths again sooner than they'd like as both men have also been confirmed for the Casino Battle Royale.

At one point, Matt manages to hit Hangman with a sick looking Twist of Fate from the top. He instinctively goes for the pin but alas, no pins allowed in AEW cage matches. Matt slowly makes his way up the cage, looking like he's actually going to pull it off! He gets to the corner of the cage, looks down at Hangman and his hatred of Hangman seems to have him contemplating a leg drop from the top as the crowd dares him to do it.

He then scoffs and asks the fans "what do you think I am, some kind of spot monkey?" and starts laughing in amusement at his triumph. He laughs a bit too long as when he opens his eyes, Hangman is straddling the top of the cage with him. Matt sells it with great facial expressions and Hangman lariats Matt off the top, sending him crotch first into the rope below. Hangman climbs down and jumps to the floor for the big win. Matt looks in disgust as Hangman drinks a celebratory beer as Dynamite goes off the air. ***1/4, 88% overall

82% overall show rating