[loopydate]

JANUARY 11, 2004 - ROYAL RUMBLE


Before the PPV starts, Matt Hardy cuts a promo about the roll he's been on, winning the Intercontinental Title tournament, beating Hurricane last week, and now tonight winning the Royal Rumble!

Segment Rating: 82%

The pay-per-view kicks off with our first of four title matches. Since winning the Women's Title from Trish Stratus a little over a month ago, Victoria has been looking to cement her spot as RAW's top Diva. Her top two challengers have been Stratus and Gail Kim, and tonight all three compete for the title!

Women's Title - Trish Stratus vs. Victoria (c) vs. Gail Kim

Victoria hits a right hand on Gail Kim. Terrible brawling from Trish Stratus. Kim powers out of a headlock. Kim hits a high kick on Trish Stratus. Back heel kick from Kim on Victoria. 1 - 2 - no 3 though. Flying knee to the face from Trish Stratus. Japanese marks everywhere cream themselves as someone uses a Shining Wizard....it's only a knee for crying out loud! 1 - 2 - kick out before the 3. Kim ducks a wild right hand. Kim hits a high kick on Trish Stratus. Victoria DDTs Gail Kim. Gail Kim is in trouble. Widow's Peak! 1....2....3.

Overall Rating: 73%
Crowd Reaction: 77%
Match Quality: 64%

Kurt Angle is up next in the promo department, talking about how much he can't wait to get his hands on Chavo Guerrero in the Rumble match tonight and once that business is settled, going on to WrestleMania to win the WWE Title!

Segment Rating: 98%

On the first SmackDown! of the year, Billy Kidman cheated to beat Eddie Guerrero in a champion versus champion match. Eddie - looking for revenge - challenged Kidman to a match tonight for his Cruiserweight Title!

Cruiserweight Title Match - Eddie Guerrero (United States Champion) vs. Billy Kidman (c)

Hard back suplex on Eddie. I missed what happened for a few minutes as i went to get a beer...i'm going to take an educated guess and say that Bruiser Brody made a stunning return and beat everyone up, then left. I'm sticking with that story until proven wrong. 1 - 2 - no 3 though. Eddie counters a backdrop with a kick to the face. Spinny weird kick from Eddie Guerrero. Kick by Eddie Guerrero...to the facial regions. Break that nose! Yeah! 1 - 2 - kick out. Springboard dropkick from Eddie Guerrero...that looked pretty cool. 1 - 2 - almost a 3. Second rope flying axe handle, Kidman goes down. Kidman backdrops Eddie Guerrero out of a piledriver attempt. I missed what happened for a few minutes as i went to get a beer...i'm going to take an educated guess and say that Bruiser Brody made a stunning return and beat everyone up, then left. I'm sticking with that story until proven wrong. 1 - 2 - kick out. Eddie walks into a face crusher variation. 1 - 2 - 2.999 Kidman hits a dropkick on Eddie Guerrero. Kidman hits a wicked chop that echoes through the building. Eddie Guerrero fights out of a grapple. Flying elbow from Eddie Guerrero. Really cool stunner-type thing out of the corner from Eddie Guerrero, Kidman might be dead. Rhyno comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Billy Kidman turns around. Rhyno spins Kidman around. Rhyno hits the Gore! Rhyno leaves the ring, the damage done! 1 - 2 - 3. Eddie Guerrero pins Kidman. Rhyno isn't finished with his attack yet! Billy Kidman stands up...and walks into a boot to the gut from Rhyno. Gore!!! Billy Kidman has been put down on the canvas! Rhyno shakes his head and raises three fingers instead. Kidman gets picked up...and hit with another Gore! Billy Kidman is spread-eagled on the canvas. Rhyno again raises three fingers. Referees hit the ring, but are too scared to get too close. They can't stop this carnage...Gore, the third one in a row! Rhyno eventually leaves the ring, as medics come to attend to Kidman, who isn't moving.

Overall Rating: 86%
Crowd Reaction: 89%
Match Quality: 82%

Now it's time for the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels to hype up his chances in the Rumble match. He's already won it twice, and tonight the third time's the charm!

Segment Rating: 87%

Chris Jericho won a ladder match at Armageddon to earn a shot tonight at The Rock's World Heavyweight Title. Whoever comes out of this match will likely be the champion heading into WrestleMania XX!

World Title Match - The Rock (c) vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho hits a dropkick on The Rock. Flying cross body off the top rope. 1 - 2 - shoulder up. Chris Jericho misses a big legdrop and lands ASS-FIRST on the mat. Jericho gets smacked around like a bitch. The Rock with a spinning neckbreaker on Jericho. 1 - 2 - kick out. Death valley driver by The Rock, Chris Jericho got planted hard...that was cool. 1 - 2 - almost a 3. Big clothesline on Jericho. Chris Jericho fights out of a grapple. Spinning kicky move by Jericho on Rock. 1 - 2 - shoulder up. Weird-but-cool looking DDT thing from Chris Jericho, Rock is out. 1 - 2 - almost a 3. Legsweep. There's probably a Japanese name for that....like Golden Dragon Nuclear Spike....that'll do, i'll call it that from now on. Spinny weird kick from Chris Jericho. Rock reverses a waistlock. Big backdrop on Jericho, executed well. Powerbomb on Jericho. Chris Jericho can barely stand. Rock Bottom!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

Overall Rating: 87%
Crowd Reaction: 89%
Match Quality: 84%

John Cena is our next promoer, hyping up how he's on a roll heading into the Rumble, and he can't wait to take that gold at WrestleMania from whoever wins it. But deep down, he hopes it's Lesnar, because he wants to prove who the real Next Big Thing is!

Segment Rating: 87%

Throughout the month of December, Rey Mysterio engaged his friend Chris Benoit in a hotly-contested best-of-seven series to earn a WWE Title shot tonight. At Armageddon, Rey pulled off the win, and tonight he faces off against Brock Lesnar!

WWE Title Match - Rey Mysterio vs. Brock Lesnar (c)

Lesnar takes a flying neckbreaker from Rey Mysterio. Lesnar takes a rana from Rey Mysterio. 1 - 2 - shoulder up. Brock Lesnar, like so many teenage boys, uses a right hand. Except in this case, it's for a punch. Brock Lesnar fires off some right and left hands. Big clothesline on Rey. 1 - 2 - kick out. Spear! Rey is down. 1 - 2 - almost a 3. Big clothesline on Rey. Rey blocks a suplex attempt using the power of gravity. Super frankenthingy on Lesnar, who hit hard. 1 - 2 - kick out. DDT from the top rope by Rey Mysterio....holy crap, that was sweet. 1 - 2 - almost a 3. Hard back suplex on Lesnar. Spinny weird kick from Rey Mysterio. Lesnar counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Rude Awakening on Rey Mysterio by Lesnar. Brock Lesnar brings out a jumping powerbomb to nearly kill Rey!! That was incredibly brutal, i LOVE that move. Rey Mysterio can barely stand. F5!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

Overall Rating: 89%
Crowd Reaction: 93%
Match Quality: 80%

And now it's time for the main event! Thirty of the top challengers for the WWE and World Titles are prepared for a timed-entry battle royal to determine the #1 contender at WrestleMania!

Royal Rumble Match

Undertaker and Test are the first two competitors. Test gets smacked around like a bitch. Powerbomb on Test. Entry # 3 : Charlie Haas! Thrown slam by Undertaker. Test got eliminated by Undertaker. (Elimination # 1) Entry # 4 : Bubba Ray Dudley! Big kick on Bubba by Charlie Haas. Bubba Ray Dudley got bundled out by Haas. (Elimination # 2) Entry # 5 : Matt Hardy Version 1.0! Running knee lift from Charlie Haas. Undertaker got thrown over the top rope by Haas. (Elimination # 3) Entry # 6 : William Regal! Big kick on Regal by Matt Hardy Version 1.0. Matt went for the elimination, but William Regal held onto the ropes. Entry # 7 : Hurricane! Dropkick connects...Matt goes down like a skanky hooker. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 was eliminated by Hurricane. (Elimination # 4) Entry # 8 : D-Von Dudley! Standing kicky thing by Charlie Haas on D-Von. D-Von gets hit with a wicked powerbomb thing out of the corner. Entry # 9 : Chris Benoit! Big backdrop on Regal, executed well. Haas threw William Regal over the top rope like a common Pygmy. (Elimination # 5) Entry # 10 : Shawn Michaels! Spinny weird kick from Hurricane. Chris Benoit got thrown over the top rope by Hurricane. (Elimination # 6) Entry # 11 : Billy Kidman! Shawn Michaels hits a rolling kick on Haas. Charlie Haas got eliminated by HBK. (Elimination # 7) Entry # 12 : John Cena! Flying shoulder tackle by Cena sends Hurricane to the mat. Hurricane got eliminated by Cena. (Elimination # 8) Entry # 13 : Hardcore Holly! Shawn Michaels scores with a back heel kick on Hardcore. Flying kick move off the second rope, Hardcore goes flying. Entry # 14 : Tommy Dreamer! HBK takes a kick. Sloppy tornado punch from Hardcore Holly...maybe that's a clue that Kerry Von Erich is going to run in...but probably not. Entry # 15 : Eddie Guerrero! Weak bodyslam on Kidman by Hardcore. Billy Kidman got bundled out by Hardcore. (Elimination # 9) Entry # 16 : Edge! Edge slams Tommy Dreamer. Tommy Dreamer got thrown over the top rope by Edge. (Elimination # 10) Entry # 17 : Batista! Big clothesline on Hardcore. Hardcore Holly got bundled out by Cena. (Elimination # 11) Entry # 18 : Kane! John Cena uses a forearm to the face. Death valley driver by John Cena, Batista got planted hard...that was cool. Entry # 19 : Nunzio! Back elbow connects, D-Von staggers backward. D-Von Dudley got thrown over the top rope by Edge. (Elimination # 12) Entry # 20 : Chavo Guerrero! Weak bodyslam on Nunzio by Batista. Batista hits Nunzio with some amateur blows. Entry # 21 : Sean O'Haire! Spinny weird kick from Eddie Guerrero. Second rope flying axe handle, Nunzio goes down. Entry # 22 : Nova! Eddie hits a wicked chop that echoes through the building. Eddie tried to eliminate Edge, who hung onto the top rope. I guess he was well hung. Bwahahahaa. Entry # 23 : Christian! John Cena hits some punches. Bodyslam by Cena. Entry # 24 : Booker T! Cena slams Nova down. Cena threw Nova over the top rope like a common Pygmy. (Elimination # 13) Entry # 25 : Kurt Angle! Back suplex on Booker. Booker T was eliminated by Angle. (Elimination # 14) Entry # 26 : Big Show! HBK takes a vertical suplex. Batista went for the elimination, but Shawn Michaels held onto the ropes. Entry # 27 : Rob Van Dam! Back suplex on Edge. Edge takes a butterfly suplex from Christian. Entry # 28 : Rhyno! Shawn Michaels with a spinning neckbreaker on Show. Big Show got thrown over the top rope by HBK. (Elimination # 15) Entry # 29 : Shelton Benjamin! Kick from Rob Van Dam...to the leg! Oh the humanity! RVD threw Kane over the top rope like a common Pygmy. (Elimination # 16) Entry # 30 : Triple H! Shelton Benjamin snap suplexes Nunzio. Shelton threw Nunzio over the top rope like a common Pygmy. (Elimination # 17) Cena slams Chavo Guerrero. Cena tried to eliminate Chavo Guerrero, who hung onto the top rope. I guess he was well hung. Bwahahahaa. John Cena fires off some right and left hands. Edge was eliminated by Cena. (Elimination # 18) Eddie Guerrero strikes HHH. Triple H got bundled out by Eddie. (Elimination # 19) Kick by Shawn Michaels...to the facial regions. Break that nose! Yeah! HBK tried to get Shelton Benjamin over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. Chop hits Eddie...that was stiffer than a 14 year old at a stripper convention. Massive lariat, Angle looked really pissed off when he hit that! Spinny weird kick from Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero hits a rolling kick on Christian. Flying elbow from Shawn Michaels. Rob Van Dam was eliminated by HBK. (Elimination # 20) Christian walks into a slam. Cena tried to get Christian over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. Second rope flying axe handle, Batista goes down. HBK tried to get Batista over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. Eddie Guerrero takes a butterfly suplex from Christian. Eddie Guerrero got thrown over the top rope by Christian. (Elimination # 21) Chop hits Christian...that was stiffer than a 14 year old at a stripper convention. Shelton went for the elimination, but Christian held onto the ropes. Rude Awakening on Christian by Rhyno. Rhyno threw Christian over the top rope like a common Pygmy. (Elimination # 22) Flying shoulder tackle by O'Haire sends Angle to the mat. Angle gets smacked around like a bitch. Rhyno gets smacked around like a bitch. Flying shoulder tackle by O'Haire sends Rhyno to the mat. Big clothesline on Rhyno. Cena went for the elimination, but Rhyno held onto the ropes. Super kick by Shawn Michaels. HBK tried to eliminate John Cena, who hung onto the top rope. I guess he was well hung. Bwahahahaa. Big dropkick by Kurt Angle. Angle slams Shelton Benjamin. Shelton slams Shawn Michaels. Shelton tried to get Shawn Michaels over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. Running knee lift from John Cena. Cena tried to get Rhyno over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. Chavo Guerrero takes a butterfly suplex from Angle. Chavo Guerrero got eliminated by Angle. (Elimination # 23) Sean O'Haire uses a forearm to the face. Lariat, apparently O'Haire thinks he is Stan Hansen. Rude Awakening on Shelton Benjamin by O'Haire. Shelton gets slammed. Kurt Angle fires off some right and left hands. Batista got eliminated by Angle. (Elimination # 24) Angle hits a right hand. John Cena got thrown over the top rope by Angle. (Elimination # 25) Bodyslam by O'Haire. Kurt Angle got bundled out by O'Haire. (Elimination # 26) Armbar takedown from Shelton Benjamin, boring me senseless. Powerbomb on Rhyno. Full nelson on HBK...i remember when Warlord used to do that. God he sucked. Rhyno tried to eliminate Shawn Michaels, who hung onto the top rope. I guess he was well hung. Bwahahahaa. Shelton gets slammed. Shelton Benjamin got bundled out by O'Haire. (Elimination # 27) Hard back suplex on O'Haire. HBK threw Sean O'Haire over the top rope like a common Pygmy. (Elimination # 28) HBK hits a massive spinning kick to the jaw. Running knee lift from Shawn Michaels. Rhyno is in trouble. Sweet Chin Music! Rhyno got eliminated by HBK.

Overall Rating: 65%
Crowd Reaction: 59%
Match Quality: 72%