[loopydate]

JANUARY 8, 2004 - SMACKDOWN!

It's the last WWE show before the Royal Rumble, and the last two slots in the Rumble match will be filled! Plus, the other Rumble participants as well as the men representing SmackDown! in two title matches will all be in action tonight!

The show kicks off with a match between two men who came up short in their bids for Rumble slots, but are looking to prove that they shouldn't be overlooked. It's Shannon Moore against Chris Kanyon. Kanyon dominates early until Moore fights back with strikes. Kanyon again takes advantage with his strength advantage and hits I'm Betta Than You for the win.

Our next match is a Royal Rumble qualifier pitting the Backstage Bullies Bradshaw and Hardcore Holly against each other! Hardcore doesn't put in much of an effort in his win, and the crowd isn't into it. Holly hits the Alabama Slam for the win, then offers a handshake to his partner, but Bradshaw isn't having any of it. I wouldn't either, if Holly made me look like shit.

Mercifully, that match is followed up with Nunzio again hoping to leverage his way into the top part of the card by teaming with a member of the Dangerous Alliance against the World's Greatest Tag Team. Tonight's partner is Big Show. Nunzio takes control of Shelton early, and after a tag, Show continues it. Eventually, though, WGTT's cohesiveness is too much for their makeshift opponents, and they nail Nunzio with a Doomsday Device for the win. After the match, Nunzio is pleading with Show. Is he really trying to get himself into the Alliance? Show walks off and leaves him behind. There are no friends going into the Royal Rumble.

Ugh, then we follow that up with a crappy Undertaker/Chuck Palumbo match. UT picks up the win with the Last Ride.

Twenty-nine spots have been filled, and up next is the final Royal Rumble qualifying match as Rhyno takes on both A-Train and Matt Morgan in a handicap match! If Rhyno wins, he's in. If either Train or Morgan pins him or makes him submit, that man is in. D.A. double-team Rhyno for the first several minutes of the match until Rhyno slides out of a Morgan slam attempt and levels him with a lariat before GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE-ing Train for the win. Despite the Alliance's best efforts, Rhyno is one win away from a shot at Brock Lesnar's WWE Title!

Up next is a disappointing match pitting Edge against Carlito. I was hoping these two would put on a good show, but the match wasn't that great. Fortunately, the crowd was pumped. Edge wins it with the Edgecutioner to continue his winning streak heading into the Rumble.

The next match is a fantastic tag-team contest pitting Chavo Guerrero and Sean O'Haire against (what EWR dubs) God's Team - Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. Last week, Chavo stole a win from Angle, while O'Haire and Benoit exchanged words and brutal chairshots respectively. These are two of the hottest new feuds on SmackDown! colliding in tag-team action! Chavo and O'Haire control the early-going with quick tags and near falls until Benoit manages to powerbomb O'Haire and hot-tag Angle. Angle goes to work on O'Haire with a knee lift and a piledriver until Chavo tags back in. Chavo takes to the air and gets another near-fall. He misses a legdrop, and Angle capitalizes with a lariat and the Angle Slam for three. After the match, the four rivals brawl all the way up the aisle. With all four competing in the Royal Rumble, will any of them be able to focus on trying to earn a title shot?

After they're separated backstage, O'Haire again lays into Benoit verbally. "This is exactly what I was saying last week, Chris. You hitched your train to Kurt Angle tonight and let him do the dirty work. He's the one who got the pin tonight. Not you. And until you can start pulling your own weight, you're always going to be somebody's second fiddle. But I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know."

John Cena has - in a very short time - propelled himself into the main event on SmackDown! and looks poised to do very well in the Royal Rumble. His last warm-up match before the event is against the former Cruiserweight Champion, the Japanese Buzzsaw Tajiri. Tajiri takes control early with his speed advantage, but Cena's prototypical power gives him control. Tajiri uses his feet until Cena again overpowers him and hits the FU for the win.

After the match, Cena asks for the microphone and says that when the dust settles after the Royal Rumble, after he's beaten 29 of the best WWE superstars, he's going to WrestleMania and he's taking the WWE Title. So if Brock Lesnar can again prove that he's the Next Big Thing by beating Rey Mysterio, he's going to have to prove himself in the school of hard knocks. And his professor is going to be the Doctor of Thuganomics. Word life!

Our main event is a preview of two title matches to be held at the Rumble. In three days, Brock Lesnar will defend the WWE Title against Rey Mysterio while Billy Kidman will defend the Cruiserweight Title against Eddie Guerrero. Tonight, the champions will team up to take on their challengers! Eddie and Rey control Kidman early on, and it basically turns into a lucha libre style contest until Kidman manages to tag in Lesnar, who then begins pummeling Mysterio until Rey tags in Eddie. Eddie forces Lesnar back into his corner and Kidman tags in, only to run into a dropkick to the knee. Eddie heads up top and lands the Frogsplash for the win!

At the Royal Rumble, both the WWE and Cruiserweight Titles will be on the line, but will Brock Lesnar be looking past Rey Mysterio at the long line of people looking for a shot at him? Several SmackDown! superstars have made their intentions clear going into the Rumble match, and any of these fifteen superstars - Kurt Angle, John Cena, Sean O'Haire, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Rhyno, Chavo Guerrero, Billy Kidman, Hardcore Holly, the World's Greatest Tag Team, Edge, Undertaker, Big Show, or Nunzio - could go on to WrestleMania and take the title!