[loopydate]

OCTOBER 23, 2003 - SmackDown!

The show starts with Sean O'Haire entering Stephanie McMahon's office. "What is he doing in there, Tazz?"

Uh-oh. It's going to be a dud show. The poor bastards in the opening ten-man tag match really tried to do well, and the match quality was high, but the EWR gods have said "No high segment ratings for you, bitch!" For the record, it was Scotty 2 Hotty, Jamie Noble, Ultimo Dragon, Paul London, and Zach Gowan versus Nunzio, Akio, Sakoda, Billy Gunn, and Chris Kanyon. Kanyon hit Gowan with I'm Betta Than You for the win.

Mehhhhh, I hate dud shows! Carlito beats Shannon Moore with the Inverted Figure Four.

Why? Why must you mock me, EWR? Rikishi beats Chavo Guerrero with help from Eddie. Afterwards, Chavo lays his uncle out with a brainbuster.

The crowd ate up the Backstage Bullies versus the FBI, but nope! 67% for you! The Bullies won by DQ when the Basham Brothers showed up looking for revenge and Danny hit Bradshaw with Brain Damage. Surprisingly, the World's Greatest Tag Team ran in to make the save, turning them face.

Edge versus Sean O'Haire should be awesome, right? NO! 68%! Eat it, armchair booker! O'Haire wins it clean with The Prophecy.

Tajiri gets a hype video, because I accidentally had the card set up for two Rhyno matches. Whoopsie. Sorry, Yoshi.

Backstage, Paul Heyman is surrounded by his Dangerous Alliance. "Last week, I was humiliated. Last week, I extended an olive branch to the last ECW Champion, the Manbeast Rhyno, and invited him to join the most feared alliance in wrestling. And how was I repaid? 'Thanks, but no thanks!' Well, Rhyno, if you're not with us, then you're against us! You want to oppose us because you want our gold? Well, that's too bad, Rhyno, because after what you did last week, you will never get a shot against any of our titles. Ever!"

After that kick-ass promo, the ensuing Benoit/Rhyno versus A-Train/Morgan match should rate through the roof, right? Nope. Rhyno gore GORE GOOOOOOOOOORES A-Train for the win.

Mercifully, I get a decent rating (73%, but it would have been an 80 or 81 if the show wasn't a dud) for Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio versus Brock Lesnar and Big Show. Good times, good times. Brock hits the F-5 on Eddie for the victory.

The main event is up next, and it's John Cena versus Kurt Angle versus Undertaker for a shot at Brock Lesnar's WWE Title next week. "Tazz, is that what Sean O'Haire was doing in Stephanie McMahon's office earlier? He just got three of his Survivor Series opponents booked in a triple-threat match against each other!" Undertaker slams Cena, but Cena bitchslaps him. Cena breaks out of an Angle hammerlock and hits a piledriver. Spear gets two, broken up by UT. Angle hits a dangerous powerbomb on Cena for two. Cena fights out of a slam and hits another piledriver. Angle's out, and Cena eats a lariat and the Last Ride. Undertaker gets another shot at Lesnar next week!

Next week's main event is set - Brock Lesnar defends the WWE Title against Undertaker! Plus, the Tag Team Titles will be on the line as the Dangerous Alliance defends against the World's Greatest Tag Team! John Cena will face United States Champion Big Show in a non-title match. Kurt Angle will look for revenge on Sean O'Haire after his chicanery this week. Rhyno will face Tajiri in a match that was supposed to happen this week (whoopsie!). Old rivals the Backstage Bullies will face off against the Basham Brothers. Eddie Guerrero and Edge team up against two of their SS opponents, the FBI! Plus Chris Benoit versus Chavo Guerrero and much more!