[Evil Vito]

Segment 7: 2008 Royal Rumble Match

New Breed leader Elijah Burke gets #1, while ECW Original leader Tommy Dreamer gets #2. Right away, this causes the announcers to speculate on if this is what the New Breed was talking to McMahon about earlier. Both men intensely slug at one another for the opening 2 minutes.

“Just call me smoooooth” Marcus Cor Von enters at #3 and it becomes increasingly obvious: the New Breed wanted to set Tommy up so they can destroy him so they had the draw rigged. Cor Von and Burke bash Tommy with weapons, busting him open.

John Morrison’s music hits at #4, further signifying that the New Breed care more about taking out the Original leader than winning the match. But Morrison never comes out. Eventually, backstage is shown, and Morrison as well as Mike Mizanin are laid out, bloodied. Burke and Marcus speculate in the ring, until a sound of a car crash is heard. The crowd mark out as MICK FOLEY runs out and starts taking it to Cor Von and Burke. Tommy helps out…and on both sides of the ring we see Cactus Clotheslines, eliminating all 4 men. Brawls break out in the crowd as the announcers go on about how they can’t believe what they just saw.

“KENNEDYYYYY!” Mr. Kennedy enters at #5…but there is no one in the ring, so he eats the 2 minutes by having the spotlight put on him and the mic comes down. He does his usual schtick, right up until the countdown for the next entry.

The lights go out, and the gongs sound…meaning THE UNDERTAKER, the 2007 winner, is coming out at #6. Taker gets into the ring and Kennedy clearly looks overmatched and surprised that he’d be facing Taker this early, but Kennedy stays in the match.

The music of “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters hits as he comes in at #7 and teams up with Kennedy on the Undertaker, not much happening here.

ECW Original Super Crazy makes his entry at #8. Initially, he helps work over Taker with Masters before going after Kennedy upon realizing Kennedy is sitting back letting the others do the work.

“One two, you hear the clock tickin’” Egotistical US Champion Montel Vontavious Porter struts his way down to the ring at #9. He enters and gets his shots in wherever. The ring is starting to fill up.

After the countdown, a giant “10” is seen on the Titan Tron. Fans know that it is the 10th entrant, but nobody knows who it is until is it starts counting down to a familiar sound. Pyro, BREAK THE WALLS DOWWWWN, huge markout, and Chris Jericho has made his shocking return, apparently as SmackDown!s mystery signing. After posing on the ramp, he sprints into the ring and immediately dumps Masters and Crazy (who were trying to get each other out). MVP charges, and Jericho ducks, sending him up and over. MVP looks absolutely gob-smacked at the fact that he only lasted 2 minutes and his night was already over.

“Sexy Boy” hits and the fans mark out once more, as Shawn Michaels enters at #11. He sees that Jericho and Kennedy are already paired off, so he ties it up with the man he faced off with in the final two last year – the Undertaker.

Hardcore Holly enters at #12 and gets practically no reaction at all when compared with Jericho’s and HBK’s. He plays no favorites, going after just about everyone.

“I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool” Carlito comes out at #13, just in time to save Corporate teammate Mr. Kennedy from being eliminated. The two Corporate members put a beating on longtime nemesis HBK.

New Breed member Kenny Dykstra enters to boos at #14 and gets a rude awakening, getting slapped around by Holly (announcers cornily joke that Hardcore must think Kenny is still a rookie).

“WOOOOOO!” Ric Flair gets a great ovation to bring us to the halfway mark at #15. He delivers is patented chops to everyone, giving the crowd plenty of chances to WOOOO.

The Sandman enters from the crowd at #16, beer and Singapore cane in hand. Despite no longer being on ECW, Sandman clearly doesn’t like what the New Breed stands for, as he immediately waffles Dykstra with the cane, sending him flying out. Holly goes after Sandman from behind, but also receives a cane shot and gets eliminated as well. Apparently seeing him as a threat, the Corporate members gang up on Sandman and throw him out to end that flurry of eliminations.

Johnny Jeter gets #17…he dodges a clothesline from Kenny (who was retreating to the back after being eliminated) and plants him with a roundhouse kick before getting into the fray.

“Oooooh Chavo!” Chavo Guerrero comes out at #18 and in typical Chavo fashion, he really just resorts in kicking people who are already down.

A bigass explosion sets off, which means Kane is #19. He walks into the ring and sets off the pyro, before getting into a staredown with the first man he sees (who is, luckily enough, the Undertaker). Chavo makes the mistake of trying to get between the two and is eliminated for his troubles.

ECW Original Balls Mahoney enters at #20, but unfortunately for him he doesn’t last as Kennedy and Carlito double him out. The announcers mention that the Corporate union is going to be hard to break.

Cruiserweight Champion Jimmy Wang Yang is #21, and he lasts the interval despite being the smallest guy in.

John Cena enters to the biggest boos of the match at #22. The Corporate trio clearly dominates the ring, teaming together to eliminate the big man Kane. They then set their focus to Shawn Michaels.

As luck would have it, Triple H gets #23 and he comes out to save Michaels. DX starts running rampant as Triple H plants Carlito with a Pedigree. Ric Flair comes over to assist the Game in throwing out his former partner.

ECW Original Nunzio grabs the #24 slot, not much to stay there. He gets his shots in and works with Johnny Jeter.

New Breed member Colt Cabana gets #25, representing the final entrant in the match for ECW. Colt impresses from the get-go, hitting Nunzio with the Colt .45 and eliminating him. He spends the rest of the interval fighting with Jeter.

Samoan Bulldozer Umaga is #26 and he lives up to his name by mowing people over and taking down anyone who comes near him, including throwing out Yang. He gets into a hoss showdown with the Undertaker and in somewhat of a surprise, he also eliminates him. The announcers commend Taker on a 40 or so minute performance and then commend Kennedy for being in the longest.

The music of Bobby Lashley hits as JR can be seen masturbating at ringside. He comes out in the coveted #27 spot and puts an end to Kennedy’s night, much to Kennedy’s shock. The announcers bring up that Kennedy is the one who put Lashley on the shelf (though I don’t see how we should remember that as it was more than a month ago).

Rookie Cody Rhodes gets #28 as the announcers make it out as if he actually has a chance at winning. Dave Taylor, one half of the World Tag Team Champions, draws #29 but stands at the rampway without entering. It becomes apparent why when the other half as well as Raw GM William Regal gets the prized #30. The announcers, of course, mention that Regal had to have rigged it somehow.

The tag champs take their time and walk into the ring as a team. The first man they go after is Cody Rhodes, who is promptly eliminated. A cheer is heard, as out run LONDON & KENDRICK. They attack Regal & Taylor (obvious bad blood after being screwed out of the belts and Rumble spots). Their attack is enough to throw the champs off their game as Flair bundles out Taylor while Jericho shelves Regal. Londrick run backstage as Regal & Taylor can’t believe they’ve been besmirched.

We see another hoss showdown, this time with Lashley and Umaga. Lashley gets the better of the exchange, sending Umaga out. Cena uses this chance to take out Lashley from behind. Cena turns as Triple H tries to get him with a knee lift but Cena ducks and sending The Game out to the floor. Cena turns once again and this time receives a Sweet Chin Music to send him packing. The Corporation will NOT be winning this Rumble.

On the other side of the ring, Colt Cabana sends Johnny Jeter packing, leaving us with our final four: Cabana, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, and Ric Flair. Each man occupies a corner before Colt gets in mid-ring and trashes the three others. Big mistake, as they gang up on Colt and chuck him. Jericho, Michaels, and Flair exchange moves on one another before Flair ultimately is sent out via double clothesline. The fans and even Jericho and HBK take a moment to applaud Flair for his 30+ minute effort.

Down to our final two, the announcers marvel that they’ve been in almost an equal amount of time as Jericho entered at #10 and HBK at #11. They have an absolutely brilliant showdown with loads of near finishes. HBK goes for the Sweet Chin Music by Jericho ducks, grabs Michaels…and Irish Whips him into the turnbuckle so hard that he flips over it, stranding him on the apron. Jericho hits a springboard dropkick to send Michaels to the floor and make him the runner-up for a second straight year. Chris Jericho is going to WrestleMania!

Match Quality: 79%
Crowd Reaction: 79%
Overall Rating: 78%, **3/4 (but I go with ****)

Segment 8: Chris Jericho Victory Interview
Self-explanatory, Jericho cuts his first promo back celebrating his win, full of Jericho awesomeness (although it is a bit short as time is running out and Jericho is exhausted anyway.
Overall Rating: 99%

88% Overall Rating (holy shit…if I had put on a better dark match I would have easily cleared 90%)