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The Black Phone - 9/10
Excellent. Legit creepy. |
Unforgiven - 9/10
A little too long, and has hints of Clint’s “one take and let’s go to lunch” style which gives it a lack of polish, but it suits this movie well (as opposed to the Asians in Gran Torino or all of J Edgar). A true classic American western. |
Stuck on “Trevor: The Musical” just to see how bad it would be.
I’m now past the ten minute mark. A chubby effeminate lad is being told to wank over nudie mags by his sleazy little Indian mate ostensibly so that he can count his sperm for science. I see a little fat girly lad discovering he hates boobs in the next few minutes. Hopefully there’s a song about it. Hopefully there’s one when he finds out it’s cock he loves. I miss Guru Dave. |
I may start watching films I have no interest in just to see if any of them are decent but mostly just to have some shit to talk.
Bad musicals could be a fine market for me to review. I haven’t done that for ages. |
Hey the same actress is playing his mother and teacher… she has an unsightly forehead wart that emanates from her hairline so I called it straight away.
If you’re going to Eddie Murphy this thing at least use a fat suit… |
Man the kid they used has a hilarious shape to him. He has no tits but a great fat ass and wee belly roll. He looks like a middle aged woman.
Terrible singer too… I might have to turn this off. It’s not all rib-tickling songs about jacking off. |
Twenty minutes into this bitch and I have an hour and a half to go. I might have to give up on this. This is dreadful but for some reason I feel like it’s about to blow my mind so I can’t quite turn it off yet…
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Oh no they just did a John Hinkley reference but it went down like a lead slug in Ronald Reagan. One guy audibly laughed like a yokel but no joke was told, the character literally just shoe-horned in a random, disconnected John Hinkley reference in the middle of a scene where her gay son is dancing on his bed.
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This cast is full of show kids… the ones with the jazz hands and hugely emphatic facial expressions. There isn’t one normie in here. Even the gayness of the lead is up for debate. He might just be a really talented piece of shit liar, the classic show kid.
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Hahahahaha his name is Trevor Nelson.
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This is about a young tween boy who loves Diana Ross and wants to force other boys to dance for him.
It’s weird. |
This kid would have been found asphyxiated and stuffed somewhere cramped and dark if he went to my school in the 90’s and this shit is set a good decade before and nobody has called him a fag yet.
He keeps saying “Diana[Ross] says” as if that wouldn’t get you a smack in the mouth on the first mention. This thing has it all wrong. The good guys are the kids that haven’t ruined his life yet. |
This is a musical about a delusional fat boy with a personality disorder and no real adult male role models in his life.
The dad is useless so they take him to the priest. He gonna molest that boy… |
The priest is giving the boy the sex talk. The priest is clearly bent too.
Asking him if he thinks about boys at night. Yuck… |
The nerd girl is quite good. She’s deliberately being very nasal and it works. Sadly it does sound terrible it’s just fairly believable.
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Christ, forty minutes left.
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“Everybody at school is saying that I’m a gay.”
Bwahahaha… Ugh this shit is abject. I think it’s really a bad message to send when the kid is so insufferable that he’d get his ass kicked if he was straight. |
Oh sweet somebody did just call him a faggot, then they said he didn’t deserve to live which is a bit harsh IMO.
This is a Disney joint too lol. |
Jesus Christ… “Endless Love” while he downs pills individually with a drink.
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This is getting a bit fucked up now.
If he dies I’m writing a strongly worded complaint even though I streamed it illegally. That’s how much I needed to see this. |
Leroy from Fame died of AIDS and he wasn’t as gay as this kid.
Christ. They should make a musical that reminds kids not to paint a target on their entire body by being massively annoying. |
It’s easy to imagine the guards at some horrific international black site will foolishly use this played on a loop to break the brains of their detainees but predictably they’ll accidentally create a small army of Doomsday’s that go on to single handedly lay waste to the West overnight.
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I sincerely hope my neighbour can’t hear me watching this through the wall.
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That was two hours of my life spent judging that mediocre fat boy. There’s no way he’s good enough to do bad dancing on purpose and his motions in general seem quite jerky and odd.
I bet he’s a star by 2025 |
Documentary
The Man Nobody Knew (2011) Amazon Prime Do not watch if American history, Vietnam, and the CIA do not interest you. Holy crap did I find this enlightening and powerful! I had no clue all this went on with William Colby. I just heard of his name and thats mostly it. I learned a tremendous amount. And the personal story is tremendous. This was a strange complex man. There is absolutely nothing spectacular about this doc, except that it is super informative. Mind blown for me. 1. I wish Colby's son, the person who made this doc, would have put more names under the people who were in the film giving stories concerning his dad William Colby. (I guess I am supposed to know all the people's faces and I dont.) 2. I wish the film did not have such graphic violence and dead bodies during the Vietnam part. (ex. pulling bodies out of underground hiding spots and executions) 3. And I wish somebody would have mentioned this before as I was totally captivated; I was stunned by all of the details brought forth. I also feel like I totally missed a whole segment of history even though I have watched a number of Vietnam and CIA documentaries. Wow... I looked up the ratings it got by the supposed experts and it was highly rated. Then how audiences rated and it fell flat on its face. And by God Im fkn gonna watch this again and keep track of who is who and look shit up. Or I am gonna have to watch it with my father and have him give me lectures. Too good for me not to put up with my father. Then Ill watch it again and look shit up. 3 viewings might do it. |
It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - 8/10 was good.
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Lock Jaw with the palette cleanser we all needed after SOB's posts.
Thanks, Lock Jaw. Regards, #1 Lock Dawg |
Watch “Trevor: The Musical” and tell me how wrong I am otherwise STFU n00b
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No. Your description of it was enough.
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Homophobe!
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“Homo…phobe home…”
Then he touches your cock with his and eats all of your Reece’s Pieces. |
Quote:
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Alien - 8/10
Difficult to judge a horror film thats so iconic since a lot of whats so good transcends its viewing. judging it by its period its easy to see why fox picked it up though. in a post star wars era "jaws in space" is an easy sell. and it lives up to that standard pretty easily. while most of the great reveals were doa for me i can easily see what made the film work so well. |
It has such a unique feel and atmosphere compared to other offerings at the time.
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its a shame there was no mystery in it for me because its REALLY clear thats where the magic is
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My father told me there were people running out of the theater at the chest burst scene.
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there's absolutely nothing to prepare you for it. you might assume there's more to the situation than you know but as theyre relaxing over dinner there's no way you can anticipate gis fucking chest explodes. its completely out of left field.
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another example where it subverts the audience really well is in the exscape shuttle. as rippley is comforting the cat she undresses. so when she sees the xenomorph sleeping it makes you the viewer feel more vulnerable in a way that basically becomes a horror staple for the next 10 years.
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The Black Phone was entertaining, pretty tense. I enjoyed this movie. It was solid. Brought the viewer to the heyday of serial killers (late 70's). The look and feel was a transport. It is a take on a story that was touched upon on Twilight Zone and modern podcasts like The No-Sleep Podcast. I'd give it an 8/10.
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I tend to compare Alien to Halloween but Jaws is a good one too. Dan O’Bannon was an interesting chap. I don’t think Ridley Scott thought much of the screenplay though. I seem to remember him slagging it off in a documentary.
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