Okay, took a crack at fantasy-booking the Rumble like I did
four years ago.
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The introductions are made, and it's time to find out who drew #1...
"I'M HERE TO SHOW THE WORLD! I'M HERE TO SHOW THE WOOOOOOORLD!" #1 is
DOLPH ZIGGLER. The former World Champion comes to the ring and warms up awaiting his first opponent. The odds are stacked against the recent re-hire. Suddenly, the lights go out in the arena and music that's completely unknown to most of the WWE Universe begins to play. A spotlight finds the stage where some... creature is making its way onto the ramp. As the music swells, it rises to hits hind quarters and as the lights hit it, we realize that this heavily-made-up man is NXT Superstar
FINN BALOR! The smart crowd in Philly eats this up.
The two exchange quick counters and strikes early. No one is able to eliminate anyone until the countdown to #3 leads to the arrival of...
DANIEL BRYAN! Cole begins to point out the remarkable coincidence of two of The Authority's biggest detractors entering the Rumble in the first three. More exciting back-and-forth between Ziggler, Balor, and Bryan until #4 is revealed to be
LUKE HARPER. Balor charges right at Harper, only to eat a sickening big boot. The big man hits a discus clothesline on Ziggler, but eats a running knee from Bryan. D-Bry stands tall as the buzzer sounds for #5.
And it's
BAD NEWS BARRETT. Barrett goes right after Bryan, but takes a series of kicks for his trouble. Once he's down on the mat, a recovered Balor comes off the top rope with a double foot stomp. As he lands, though, Harper grabs him and throws him from the ring. The rookie is the Rumble's first casualty. It's Ziggler and Bryan vs. Harper and Barrett as the countdown hits 0 to introduce #6
ERICK ROWAN. Cole continues to point out the obvious conspiracy while JBL says stuff that makes me want to die. Rowan and Harper go straight after each other and brawl. No one is eliminated before we see #7
RUSEV.
Rusev goes right after Bryan, almost as though he was instructed to by some sort of Authority figure. Ziggler and Barrett, Harper and Rowan, and let's add #8
BRAY WYATT. Wyatt, before he ever enters the ring, reaches up and grabs the top rope, low-bridging his former Family members Harper and Rowan, who tumble to the floor together. Meanwhile, in the ring, Rusev has managed to lay out everyone else in the ring and is standing tall as the countdown reaches 0 once more.
"FEED! ME! MORE!" #9 is The Big Guy
RYBACK! More conspiracy talk, but it's cut off by Ryback going straight after Rusev. The two brawlers go at it for the full 90 seconds while everybody else rests up. We've hit the 12-minute mark and #10 is...
ROMAN REIGNS. Reigns hits the ring and immediately eliminates a charging Barrett. More standard Rumble brawling until it's time for #11, the returning
MARK HENRY! Henry goes after Ryback, so apparently he's a heel this time. Henry and Rusev team up to get rid of the Big Guy. The two monsters then toss Ziggler from the ring as well. While he celebrates, Henry is surprised by Rusev, who dumps him to the floor just in time for #12.
And it's
R-TRUTH! He slides into the ring, only to be immediately clotheslined to the floor by Rusev. Rusev turns around... right into a spear from Reigns! Reigns gets to his feet and immediately eats the running knee! D-Bry is standing tall. Suddenly, Bray Wyatt, who up to this point hadn't actually entered the ring, grabs Bryan and tries to toss him out. Bryan reverses and sends the psychotic cult leader to the floor instead!
FANDANGO draws lucky #13 and dances his way to the ring. Along the way, he's blasted by a Sister Abigail on the ramp. Wyatt pummels Fandango until he's pulled off by an army of official and ring agents. Fandango never makes it to the ring and is officially declared eliminated from the match. Daniel Bryan, Rusev, and Roman Reigns remain in the ring as
GOLDUST enters. Not much happens other than some standard battle royal brawling as we await the half-way point.
#15 is
ADRIAN NEVILLE. The former NXT Champion makes his way to the ring. Some quick strikes on Goldust and a Red Arrow later, and the Bizarre One is tossed to the floor.
DAMIEN MIZDOW is out at #16, and he eats some kicks from the rookie Neville while Rusev and Reigns brawl and Bryan catches his breath. #17
STARDUST targets Neville immediately to get revenge for his brother's elimination. No eliminations as we await #18.
"ONE OF A KIND!" The Philadelphia crowd erupts as #19 is
ROB VAN DAM! RVD hits the ring with some of his trademark offense, kicks and a Rolling Thunder for Mizdow. Mr. Monday Night celebrates as we await the arrival of #19.
THE MIZ comes to the ring. He gets in a bit of offense on RVD. RVD gets the advantage, but Mizdow joins in to help. #20 gets another huge ovation as
SHEAMUS returns from his recent injury problems. He enters and immediately Brogue Kicks Stardust. Miz charges him, and Sheamus throws him to the floor. He then looks at Mizdow. All action stops as everyone focuses on Mizdow. Mizdow gets a running start and goes to throw himself over as well, only to stop and grab the top rope. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he yells at Miz, who's furious at ringside. It's short-lived, though, as Sheamus throws Mizdow to the floor as well.
#21 is another return as
BO DALLAS enters the match. He and Adrian Neville resume their former NXT rivalry, Rusev and Reigns continue to brawl, Bryan and RVD exchange kicks, and Sheamus and Stardust square off. It's Swaggie Time as
JACK SWAGGER enters at #22. The match has hit the half-hour mark now as Swagger goes straight for Rusev. Neville manages to eliminate Dallas. #23 is the Lunatic Fringe
DEAN AMBROSE! The crowd erupts as Ambrose enters the ring. He quickly throws Stardust to the floor. Rusev manages to eliminate Swagger, then turns his attention to Neville and eliminates him as well. Rusev is surrounded by babyfaces as the countown hits 0, heralding the arrival of #24...
A stream of pyro heads from above the ring and detonates on the entrance ramp. The Philly crowd explodes once more as The Dudley Boyz make it to the ring, table in tow!
BUBBA RAY enters the ring and immediately exchanges punches with Rusev. Bryan and Ambrose square off as do Sheamus and Reigns. Ambrose chills in a corner, waiting to pick his spot as we await #25...
"I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD..." The crowd erupts once more as
RANDY ORTON comes to the ring. RKO out of nowhere on RVD, who he then throws to the floor. RKO out of nowhere on Sheamus, who he eliminates. RKO out of nowhere for Bubba Ray, who he eliminates. The Viper sets his sights on Rusev as we enter the final five of the match.
#26 is
JOEY MERCURY, who unfortunately comes across the Dudley Boyz, who 3D him through the ringside table. The crowd pops big one more time for the Dudleyz. They slide Mercury into the ring where he's pounced upon by the anti-Authority group. #27 is
JAMIE NOBLE and Cole returns to conspiracy theory mode. He mentions that three men remain, two of whom we know will be members of the Authority. Noble slides into the ring, then immediately back out, dragging Mercury to the floor with him. He yells at the contingent in the ring. #28 is
KANE, who joins J&J on the floor. Bryan, Reigns, Ambrose, and Orton try to goad them into entering the ring, but they know what they're doing. #29 is
BIG SHOW. Now that the numbers are on their side, Show, Kane, and J&J enter the ring. It's the Authority and Rusev against Bryan, Reigns, Ambrose, and Orton! The ring is as full of bodies as it's been all night as we await the arrival of #30.
SETH ROLLINS "drew" the last spot in the match after losing in the World Title match earlier in the night. Bryan has now been in the match over 40 minutes, Rusev is at about 35, and Reigns has lasted a half hour. Everyone else is pretty fresh. They break off into pairs now: Rollins vs. Ambrose, Kane vs. Reigns, Big Show vs. Bryan, Rusev vs. Orton, and J&J picking and choosing where they want to get involved. Reigns manages to get rid of Kane, but is immediately double-teamed by Mercury and Noble...and sends THEM to the floor!
Rusev manages to muscle Orton out of the match, and we've got the requisite Royal Rumble monster staredown as Reigns and Rusev square off. Big Show hits Reigns from behind, knocking him into Rusev's arms. Big Show winds up for a WMD, but Reigns dodges and Big Show punches Rusev and sends him out of the ring! Reigns and Ambrose team up to take Show to the floor and we're down to the final four! It's Daniel Bryan and the former members of The Shield: winner goes to WrestleMania!
Rollins realizes that he's badly outnumbered and slides to the floor. Reigns and Ambrose shrug, shake hands, and begin to fight. Bryan gives chase to Rollins on the floor, who slides back into the ring and eliminates his former Shield mates! Ambrose and Reigns are furious, but we're down to two. Bryan and Rollins exchange strikes, but Rollins is a much fresher man at this point. 45+ minutes for Bryan, less than 5 for Rollins.
Soon, Rollins has Bryan on the ropes, but Bryan grabs hold with everything he's got. He finally manages to kick his way free and knocks Rollins to the mat. He goes up top for the headbutt, but Rollins dodges. He sets up for a Curbstomp, but Bryan dodges, then grabs Rollins from behind and sends him to the floor! Daniel Bryan is going to WrestleMania!
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[/NOID POST]
