| Schlomey |
04-02-2012 08:37 AM |
UNCLE SCHLOMEY'S 5 STAR WRESTLEMANIA 28 REVIEW
Match 1 – World Heavyweight Championship Match
Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus
All the lights and the pageantry couldn’t save me from being utterly pissed from the moment this show started. I honestly think the powers that be chose this format to be a top trending topic on Twitter.
Winner by pinfall: Sheamus
Rating: N/R – more of an angle than a match. I want to mention that the D. Bri chants that echoed in the Sun Life Stadium for the next few matches did give me some comfort.
Match 2 – Randy Orton vs Kane
I was already pissed and now they had to follow that with the match I was least looking forward to on the card that doesn’t involve Diva’s. The pacing was all wrong for a Mania match (as is the case with Orton every year in my opinion). These 2 never got off the ground. The work was solid but lacked any “big match” feel…well..because they knew and everyone else knew it wasn’t a big match. The ending was underwhelming albeit surprising. Underwhelming in the sense that Orton really didn’t put up much of a fight it felt like.
Winner by pinfall: Kane
Rating: * ½
Match 3 – Intercontinental Championship Match
Big Show vs Cody Rhodes
This match, must like this whole feud, is a love it or hate it type of thing. Personally, I felt like the build up to the feud was better than the actual match. The presentation was underwhelming and sloppy by both men. I wasn’t expecting a clinic to be produced but it, much like the previous match, lacked that big match feel that is pretty much necessary to get over at Wrestlemania these days. The match had it’s high points (including Cody’s wonderful outit) but also had a new promos worth of blunders (including Shows “you can’t see me” camo gear).
Winner by pinfall: Big Show
Rating: **
Match 4 - Eve & Beth vs Maria Menudos & Kelly x2
The video package pretty muched summed up the Diva’s for me. Hey we are a bunch of models who are getting awesome opportunities because we smile and have perfect tits. The match didn’t suck like years past all thanks to Kelly Kelly’s front flip senton thing she did. I was actually impressed and she even stuck the landing. The finish was expected but kudos to Maria for sucking it up and earning her payday.
Winners: Maria and Kelly x2
Rating: *1/2
Match 5 – Hell In a Cell
Undertaker vs HHH – HBK special referee
I expected Taker to be bald. Not at all let down by the Mohawk until the end when he flung his head back in his trademark way to make the pin and sadly there was no hair to flip. I made a comment during the match to a buddy “they are focusing way more on the storyline than the actual action”. That doesn’t always work but by gawd it did here. The Undertaker/HBK/HHH have been putting on clinics the last few years. And while they basically did the same thing again I feel like the majority of the match was special and unique from the HBK and previous HHH battles. The story is what shown here and not at the actions expense. Both the story and action took center stage and basically battled it out as hard as Taker and HHH did. Brilliant match but in a totally different arena than the HBk and HHH matches of years past. Kudos to all men involved and to the WWE team for writing a beautiful script.
Winner by pinfall: The Undertaker
Rating: **** (included in this rating is the emotional walk to the back. I originally gave the match 3.75 stars but the emotional ending brought me to tears and raised my results in the process).
Match 6- Team Teddy vs Team Johnny
I figured this match would be next. A somewhat silly storyline filled with midcarders to take away the emotional sting of the previous match. And while this one is not going to be considered the highlight it did exactly what they needed it to do. To give the people a breather and also to remind people to smile. Khali didn’t suck tonight either…headliner right there. I’m not going to do a big write up on this one. The right team one and it was fun.
Winners by pinfal: Team Johnny
Rating: **
Match 7 – WWE Title Match
CM Punk vs Chris Jericho
The expected opener is going on next to last. This gave me hope that we would get a properly showcased match that we didn’t get earlier. At this point in the show I am still stewing over Daniel Bryan being Jew’d (yep) JEW’d out of a real Mania match. Needless to say this match did not disappoint. It was everything I expected it would be and lasted just about as long as it needed to. These are my 2 favorite wrestlers..I didn’t care who won. I went back and forth on this one the entire match. All the way up until the end I was wavering my support but I really feel the finish was just and the right man won. Great job by all and easily the best wrestling match of the night. Takes me back to the old Angle/WWE Mania days….
Winner : CM Punk
Rating: ****
Match 8 – John Cena vs The Rock
The rapping shit bored me and I kind of missed the exciting John Cena entrance this year. I am not going to lie, I’m pulling for Cena on this one. Once in a lifetime indeed. I just personally identify with his side of the argument more so than I do with Duane. The match is finally underway and the energy and intensity is outstanding. That first collar and elbow tie up equaled the sound at the end of the HIAC match. I’m not saying this match was good because honestly it wasn’t. Rock looked sloppy and robotic and Cena did as well as he could within his moveset for someone I found to be underwhelming. There was a few great moments in this match but nothing spectacular like I expected. Side note: Not a single table was broken during this entire telecast. Mexicans rejoice. Anywho, the match itself was just ok but the energy and Mania feel was there more so than any other match on the card. It was like Hogan and Andre. The ending was pretty good even though Cena lost. I can’t believe I said that again. Shame.
Winner: The Rock
Rating: ** ½
Overall Opinion: Great Wrestlemania overall. A few glaring problems in the booking but by the 2nd half of the PPV I could see why they didn’t try and put on an amazing WHC match. It still would have been nice to have SOME kind of match. The comedy bits including The Funkasaurus and the Deadliest Catch guys were awful as usual but they were very few and far between and didn’t last long..thank god. The PPV really did have a nice flow to it and I’m very thankful that the Punk vs Jericho match got such a high placement..it really added to the importance to the matchup and all but guaranteed walking in to it that it would get plenty of time to tell the story. Cena vs Rock was electric but kind of disappointing. I expected to see old Rocky and what we got was def. Duane. His acting chops were shining through in his performance tonight which really overshadowed his work. What I mean is…I don’t think he did all that much. Overall I’m a satisfied and PAYING customer.
Overall Rating: 17.5 / 35
HILIGHTS OF THE SHOW:
The Cena vs The Rock stare down in the middle of the ring
The ending to the HIAC match. The posing, the hugging, the respect.
TOP 5 MANIA PERFORMERS:
1.HHH
2. Undertaker
3. CM Punk
4. Jericho
5. HBK
6. Honorable mention to Michael Cole for being awesome all night (minus calling a DDT a bulldog) THANK YOU for toning down your shit and commentating like a normal person.
TOP 5 WORST MANIA PERFORMERS:
1. Randy Orton
2. Kane
3. Eve
4. Big Show
5. The Rock (not because he was awful but because he was so far below expectation)
BEST MATCH
Taker vs HHH
WORST MATCH
Orton vs Kane (I am not considering Sheamus vs Bryan a damn match)
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