So remember the news last week that WWE were sucking up to GLAAD? Well apparently if it gets out what Brock said to Jericho, it could land them in hot water.

Now Finlay and Regal were on the 'Working a Resthold' podcast calls Zack Sabre Jr.'s style gay. Off to a great start as always.

This as well as the MOST GLORIOUS THEME OF ALL TIME need to be on every page now.

Finn Balor = Ratings

Becky's abs will equate to ratings when they get them out again. :y:

Didn't Braun Strowman's opponent on RAW say he wants big, sweaty men?

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The Highest Rated WWE segment of all-time is NOT Rock/Foley "This Is Your Life"

That's really interesting. I actually didn't know that.

Oh yeah, completely agree.

I'm glad Bayley is main roster, but I really don't want her to beat Charlotte just yet. I like the idea of Charlotte being RAW's female AJ Styles. She's a bitch and you want to hate her because she's got that heel disposition, but in the ring she wins cleanly all the time because she really is that good.

They should build her up over a few months with some decent amount of development for her character to get over on the main roster.

And not on main event either. Give her a long run away from the title on Raw until she catches some momentum.

I'd have honestly liked to have seen her debut against Natalya. Nattie is the perfect wrestling heel to tangle up Bayley for a few months.

A Natty-Bayley feud would have been pretty nice and a good starter feud for Bayley. Had the WWE not panicked over Sasha's injury, could have still kept Bayley for Smackdown like the sheets were teasing.

Wouldn't take much to do a quick build for Summer or Alicia as a one-off feud for Charlotte till Sasha came back.

Hopefully, Bayley loses but puts up a good fight. Gets knocked down but earns another shot some time later. Loses again. Keep that build of her finally winning the big one going as long as you can.

I miss listening to this track

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For the folks who missed the WWE 24 Women's special, Benoit's name appeared in the part where they were focusing on Trish and Lita main eventing RAW.

Brock Lesnar has been fined $500 for his vicious attack at Summerslam. He'll surely learn his lesson after such a huge fine.

Chump change for one Brock Lesnar

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr"><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/SenorBenjamin?src=hash">#SenorBenjamin</a> is the Hispanic Walter White.<br><br>He is the danger.<br><br>He is the one who rakes.<a href="https://twitter.com/BenjaminSenor">@BenjaminSenor</a></p>&mdash; #BROKEN Matt Hardy (@MATTHARDYBRAND) <a href="https://twitter.com/MATTHARDYBRAND/status/768342851092611072">August 24, 2016</a></blockquote>
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Get over Benoit.

New RAW & SD sets are permanent!


<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="und" dir="ltr">Permanent. <a href="https://t.co/XzDMcuyba5">https://t.co/XzDMcuyba5</a></p>&mdash; Mauro Ranallo (@mauroranallo) <a href="https://twitter.com/mauroranallo/status/768299254083268610">August 24, 2016</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr"><a href="https://twitter.com/mauroranallo">@mauroranallo</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/WWE">@WWE</a> Do you know if the Sets from this Weeks <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/RawAndSmackdown?src=hash">#RawAndSmackdown</a> are permanent or just up because the same venue was used?</p>&mdash; T.C (@ShowOffTC23) <a href="https://twitter.com/ShowOffTC23/status/768295678766292993">August 24, 2016</a></blockquote>
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Who has the ratings? because theres was this one site that did the breakdowns before which is now defunct which had the "This is your life" as the highest rated segment.

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Never thought about this, but Bullet Club could literally rule the world soon.
Guy posted this in the Elite comments...

Kenny Omega wins G1 Climax, check.
Adam Cole wins ROH World Championship, check.
The Young Bucks win ROH World Tag Team Championship, soon.
Gallows and Anderson win WWE Tag Team Championship, soon.
Finn Balor wins WWE Universal Championship, it's complicated.
AJ Styles wins WWE World Championship, soon.
Kenny Omega wins IWGP Heavyweight Championship, soon.

Fun Facts:

1. The new Women's title and Tag Team titles on Smackdown aren't the first belts to have been been branded with the Smackdown name.

2. In 2005, when reigning WWE Champion John Cena was drafted to Monday Night RAW, Smackdown GM (at the time) Theodore Long announced a match to determine the first ever Smackdown Champion. It must be noted that the actual belt was never revealed (for obvious reasons).

3. JBL won the match and became the first ever Smackdown Champion. But his status as champion was demoted to #1 contender for Smackdown's latest draft pick, Batista's World Heavyweight Championship.

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Have the trons gone!? I was clearly paying attention.

On mobile, but this is GLORIOUS

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7g1Pfs34Hyg

WWE announced Monday a partnership with KFC to run the stunt with Ziggler and The Miz on WWE Network broadcasts throughout 2016, concluding with the Royal Rumble in January 2017.

“The stunt plays off KFC’s existing brand campaign where celebrities such as Jim Gaffigan, George Hamilton, and Darryl Hammond play the colonel,” WWE announced.

The spot is part of KFC’s marketing campaign about there being “no room in the ring for second-rate chicken,” prompting Colonel Ziggler to challenge imposter chicken Miz to a match.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Coming soon <br>The <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/AmericanAlpha?src=hash">#AmericanAlpha</a> Ready Willing &amp; Gable Towel! <a href="https://t.co/C05SghZWdZ">pic.twitter.com/C05SghZWdZ</a></p>&mdash; WWE Shop Updates (@WShopUpdates) <a href="https://twitter.com/WShopUpdates/status/768550792391430145">August 24, 2016</a></blockquote>
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Apparently the Rock might wrestle Vin Diesel at WM.
Fast 8 comes out the week after WM next April

I just saw where NBC Universal owns the movie ticket site Fandango.

They should demand Fandango be traded to RAW and win the Universal Championship

Michelle McCool has been diagnosed with skin cancer :(

Turns out Triple H is a huge fan of the #GloriousBomb according to Johnny Gargano.

Also revealed the origin of it.

http://www.cagesideseats.com/2016/8/...e-nxt-triple-h

EPICLY GLORIOUS!!

According to the Observer, WWE's original plans for the upcoming Clash of Champions ppv was Finn vs Owens for the Universal title had Finn not gotten injured.

Then Balor vs Owens vs Jericho for the Universal title at Hell in a Cell ppv.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Seems like Owens gets the shaft on that one. Would've gotten a chance at some main event shine.

They also had some shit about Reigns since this was all still Plan B or C at this point.

If Reigns didn't get a wellness violation...

- He'd still be undefeated and he would have went over Ambrose and Rollins at Battleground
- Reigns/Rollins would have been the main event for Summerslam
- Styles would be the first ever Universal Champion
- Ambrose wouldn't even be a champion yet
- Balor wouldn't have become a champion yet

They also note that Takeover has been viewed more times on the Network than Summerslam.

Just watched NXT, very hyped on TM161 they truly have a different style than the NJPW guys that have come over. It's not drastic, but it's a little different.

Sounds awful.

But not as awful as Big Show vs. Shaq.

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Almost seems like Lesnar is "having fun" and "getting involved with the boys" here.

It's so hard to tell, if Heyman is always in character or if he is just so super intimidating to talk to, due to his partnership with Lesnar. Used to enjoy it, but now the more I see it, the more I feel like he's actually a real-life prick.

Nah, I've heard a lot of stories where Paul is friendly and has great conversations with people, but as soon as the camera rolls, he turns it on. He's just that good.

He's a Santa of some sorts on Twitter, always doing free giveaways and posting content that targets the demographic harder than Harambe's corpse.

Because WWE was unable to get a trademark on the term “Lady Balls,” the Stephanie McMahon autobiography was given a name change to “unREAL!” It comes out next month

WrestleMania 33 card:


The Feud 2 Fast 2 be stopped!
The Rock vs. Vin Diesel


The "BIGGEST" WrestleMania match ever!
The Big Show vs. Shaq


Loser Leaves WWE!
HHH vs. Shane McMahon


Undertaker's Last Stand!
Undertaker vs. Braun Strowman


RAW vs. SMACKDOWNLIVE
John Cena vs. Baron Corbin


WWE UNIVERSAL TITLE
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns

That sounds horrendous

You're fired

REVISED

slik's predicted card...





The Feud 2 Fast 2 be stopped!
The Rock vs. Vin Diesel


The "BIGGEST" WrestleMania match ever!
The Big Show vs. Shaq


Loser Leaves WWE!
HHH vs. Shane McMahon


Undertaker's Last Stand!
Undertaker vs. Braun Strowman


WWE WORLD TITLE
John Cena (c) vs. Baron Corbin


WWE UNIVERSAL TITLE
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns


Grudge Match!
Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz


Grudge Match!
Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor


Divas Title
Sasha Banks (c) vs. Bayley


Andre The Giant Battle Royal!
Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Kane, AJ Styles, Cesaro, Sheamus, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, A New Day, Enzo & Cass, American Alpha, Nia Jax, Chris Jericho, The Club, Golden Truth

Why is your desk not clear yet?

idk...they should def hire me 4 wwe creative...

That's it, I'm getting security to escort you off the premises.

I have a dream card in my mind, but I can't think of anything past the main event of Nakamura's entrance

Had to remove that Shinsuke/Asuka Hentai, sorry folks. Just because they are Japanese and Champions doesn't mean we need to fast forward to all that.

slik, no fucking way in hell should Cena nor Roman Roids be anywhere near the world titles at WM.

Wait what?!

Why do Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins have the 2 worst themes in the company right now?

Whilst Big Show vs. Shaq will be awful, I've just come to accept that some years will feature a celebrity attraction match. I'd argue it pisses me off less than part-timers getting high profile matches on the card because there is a historical precent for celebrities wrestling that dates all the way back to the first WrestleMania.

If Big Show makes good on his promise to finally retire after that match, I can accept it. Just get him the fuck off of my screen.

So?

http://i.imgur.com/rOAeh08h.jpg

Nice of HHH to let that homeless man try and turn his life around with a job. New found respect.

Heart Break Haggardy

I find it surreal that Matt Bloom is the head trainer in NXT. Shawn Michaels works under Albert.

I've got a feeling that Triple H will be wrestling Shinsuke Nakamura at WrestleMania next year. The Rock vs. Vin Diesel seems weird to me. I think Rock vs. someone with Vin Diesel in his corner would make sense. Or Rock & Vin Diesel vs. Kevin Owens & Bobby Roode or something.

While I am glad that the CWC is bringing people so much joy, I really don't think we need the Cruiserweight Title back. I'm just going to throw that out there.

Guys like Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann can be signed on their own merits.

Rich Swann should be in New Day yesterday

I think his energy would fit the group.

I was thinking about the Universal Title. It really should be on Brock if they want people to take it seriously, and status quo booking would suggest that Seth Rollins gets it and holds it until they get a spook when ratings go down or Balor returns to win it back. But if they really wanted to shake things up, and given that they aren't exactly roaring in the ratings at the moment, it might be the best thing to go with a new champion.

This immediately eliminates Rollins and Reigns from contention. That would leave it between Owens and Big Cass. While Big Cass is over and something fresh, I don't think he's the sort of guy that is going to benefit from being exposed in that position, and while he shouldn't be beat, he really should be going after the US Title before he wins Big Red.

That means Kevin Owens winning the Universal Title might be best for business. If people don't like his look or whatever, is business really going to be that badly averted? He's already signed and working in high profile matches and stories. He's already beaten John Cena. If business were roaring, I'd probably be against it, but in times where you have these NBC masters, maybe Kevin Owens is worth a damn shot?

You have him win the Uni Title on RAW. He can't pin Cass and he can't pin Reigns for this scenario to work -- therefore he has to pin Rollins. Nay. He makes Rollins tap-out. That's how you crown a new star. Owens wins the Universal Title and immediately as RAW goes off the air, Zayn starts beef with Seth Rollins for tapping out and making his arch-nemesis the Universal Champion.

Owens shows up on RAW, Stephanie asks why he isn't wearing a suit and Owens says that he's been kissing McMahon ass to get this opportunity and now that he's done it, he doesn't need to kiss ass anymore. He shoots on the belt design (because that will get a pop) and the only reason this is worth something is because he's going to make this the most hotly contested prize in wrestling. He's proven he can beat anybody and now that he's got this to put better food on the table for his kids, he ain't droppin' it to nobody.

Cue Roman Reigns who basically says something like "You can't beat me, fat boy." First challenger. Both are super-confident. Owens is automatically babied by going against Reigns. Stephanie officially endorses Reigns as the champion RAW needs. Owens maybe even starts leaving the belt at home because he doesn't need physical possessions to prove he is the champion, and his kids like playing with it.

Owens beats Reigns at Clash of Champions, because Reigns is still in penance mode. Owens gets the pin with either the Frog Splash or the Swanton Bomb -- whichever he prefers to use. They probably fight again in Hell in a Cell, because that's how WWE works. Owens wins again. Reigns is the crazy one who takes the bump -- provided he's willing -- to earn further respect back from Vince or whatever bullshit. Owens teases like he is going to jump off after him, but then just climbs down, because that would be insane.

In a dramatic turn of events, Kevin Owens starts receiving weird messages in the mail addressed to his freakin' kids. They say things like "Your daddy is a bad man." Owens immediately suspects Sami Zayn. They have personal beef after all. Zayn says that Owens is nuts. He hates his guts, but those kids are like his niece and nephew, he could never hurt them. "You're a piece of crap, Sami! I know it's you!" Owens challenges Zayn to a match at Survivor Series, then when he taps out he won't have any more excuses other than to accept that Owens is the better man and he can stop this damn bullshit.

Owens and Zayn tear it up, with Zayn maintaining that he didn't send the letters. Owens gets Zayn in the Crossface, and actually tears up as he is pulling back on Sami Zayn with the Crossface, who passes out but doesn't tap. Owens doesn't have his closure because Zayn didn't tap-out. He's infuriated, but then a voice plays over the arena. It's distorted using some sort of device.
"You really think that Sami Zayn was the one who sent your children those letters? You really are a stupid idiot." Jericho then hits a Codebreaker on Owens to close Survivor Series.

I'm going to say it: The Rock's best WrestleMania option is Bobby Roode. Rock will win, but it will be tainted due to Vin Diesel assistance. Roode spends the next year calling out Rock and gets a guest spot on Ballers where they make obscure references to the loss. Roode becomes a big deal.

* Owens vs. Zayn for the Universal Title (versus Chris Jericho if he's on the roster)

* The Rock & Vin Diesel vs. Bobby Roode & James Storm (not together as a complete team, but as sort of allies -- think Jericho & Owens)

* Andre Battle Royal featuring Big Show, Shaq, Baron Corbin, Braun Strowman, Mark Henry and Kane

* Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor

* AJ Styles vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Title

* John Cena vs. Samoa Joe

* Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns

* Triple H vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

* Nikki Bella vs. Becky Lynch for Women's Title Blue

* Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley for Women's Title Red

* The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

* American Alpha vs. The Revival for Tag Silver

* Gallows & Anderson vs. Enzo & Cass for Tag Bronze

* Rusev vs. Darren Young (w/ Kurt Angle and Bob Backlund) for US Title

* Hideo Itami vs. Dolph Ziggler for IC Title

* Rich Swann vs. Kota Ibushi for CW Title

* Sheamus vs. Cesaro vs. The Miz vs. Kalisto vs. Neville vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Heath Slater vs. Zack Ryder in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match

* Stephanie McMahon Invitational featuring all the women

The show will go for 8 hours.

If they don't get Jeff Hardy for WrestleMania, then that Ladder Match spot goes to someone like Brian Kendrick, Sin Cara or Curt Hawkins.

Does that proposed card involve a whole bunch of trades taking place or are you banking on WWE just reverting back to "fuck the split" mode during Mania season like they did during the last brand split?

Fuck the split, but also just interpromotional shit. The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family fight for brand pride, because that's something dumb. Ambrose and Reigns cost each other the Rumble and need to find out who is truly better. Money in the Bank is agreed upon by the General Managers and the Battle Royal features everybody. Oh, and Brock wins the Royal Rumble to jump brand. He's basically feuding with Shane McMahon now anyway.

I'm personally hoping they keep the brands completely separated with the exception of the Royal Rumble match...and I guess the Andre Battle Royal because they need to do that to ensure everybody gets on the show.

Probably not gonna happen though once they decide on matches and realize the split hamstrings them.

Actually I'd like to see the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal kinda turn into Bragging Rights. That's how they handled the pre-WM battle royal back during the early days of the split.

Have the GMs promise a title shot to the winner if the winner is from their show. That'll incentivize the rosters to work together until the end. Then you just have some shitbag heel turn on his own brandmates anyway.

If they do an annual draft just make it like the 2004 lottery where each show gets X number of lottery picks and that's that. Don't do that stupid "wrestle for picks" bullshit. It never made any sense why a heel would want to bring more competition to their show.

Actually I think they even demonstrated that once. Edge won the match by cheating, looked all smug at winning a draft pick for SmackDown. Then immediately became scared because the pick led to Khali joining SmackDown. Zero sense at all.

I agree, the reason the CWC is so great to me is because there is nothing else like it in WWE right now. I think it would be alot better if they just had the CWC as annual tournament each year.

I think the draft should just be for NXT talent each year like a real sports draft. Could have matches on NXT for talent to qualify for the draft. Each brand would get 5 picks or what ever.

I guess I can also see Triple H vs. Kevin Owens if they decide to do something different with Nakamura. Maybe they just go straight into Zayn vs. Nakamura: The WrestleMania edition? I don't think Rock will wrestle. I think he'll just Rock Bottom Heath Slater or something.

The Undertaker vs. John Cena is still something I hear people speculate about, but I honestly just can't see it happening. Taker's wife is sick, he was allegedly telling people he was done. Just let the man retire in peace. I do think we'll get Cena vs. Joe. They're good friends and it'd be a hot match.

AJ Styles will win the belt at some point. I think it'll be a good series of matches with Ambrose, but I can't see Ambrose holding the belt heading into WrestleMania. Brock's coming over to SmackDown to fight Shane, but I don't think that will be at WrestleMania. I think Brock wins the Rumble and faces him. Just a hunch. Maybe we see The Club try and get involved and prevent Brock from winning the belt?

Shane will probably wrestle. A lot of people are speculating it will be against Triple H. I don't think so. Bray Wyatt actually seems like a very natural fit. As does a heel Dolph Ziggler. Someone with profile but also someone that will probably do the job. Trying to get into the mind of Shane, I think he actually prefers the Bray match and story.

I do think that Hideo Itami vs. Dolph Ziggler for the IC Title would fucking rock. I also think those women matches are good fits. Big Show vs. Shaq is pretty much confirmed, but I do think they'd work better with partners. Shaq & The New Day vs. Big Show, Gallows & Anderson. The tag belts will probably be involved if that is the case. Enzo & Cass will be...doing something else. Cass might actually win the Andre Battle Royal.

What does Ambrose do? I actually think the Ambrose vs. Reigns idea isn't the worst. I also think that they might try and have an inter-brand MITB too. Ambrose could be the impetus for that. It just feels...low for him. But I think Reigns & Ambrose need to have their jets cooled soon. It gives both a chance to jump to the other show and beat on the other. But if they both end up in a Money in the Bank, along with The Miz and such, you can get some pretty good stories between all of them. I'm going to go with that, and also guess that Sheamus and Cesaro are in that match too, because they have to be somewhere on the card, but nowhere major, right? Rusev, regardless of whether or not he is the US Champion or not, is probably in that match too.

Randy Orton is the big question after that. Is he too "high profile" for a Money in the Bank Ladder Match? Does he really want to go out there and kill himself in a match all about those sorts of spots? If they make a play for Jeff Hardy, Orton vs. Hardy is not out of the question. I'm tempted to swap him for Bray in that versus Shane position as a heel, but there might be something else really obvious that I am missing. A match with Baron Corbin? I know it won't set the world on fire, but they need to do something with Corbin right, and putting him a match that everybody gets thrown into isn't going to help him. Orton vs. Corbin at least ensures the crowd is behind Orton. And the company seems fairly certain that they want Corbin to be someone.

* AJ Styles vs. Brock Lesnar for the World Title

* Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor for the Universal Title

* Triple H vs. Kevin Owens

* John Cena vs. Samoa Joe

* Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley for the Red Women's Title

* Big Show, Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. Shaquille O'Neal, Big E & Xavier Woods

* Shane McMahon vs. Bray Wyatt

* Nikki Bella vs. Becky Lynch for the Blue Women's Title

* Randy Orton vs. Baron Corbin

* Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal (won by Big Cass or Braun Strowman)

* Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Cesaro vs. Sheamus vs. The Miz vs. Rusev vs. Kofi Kingston in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match

* Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (US Title?)

* Dolph Ziggler vs. Hideo Itami for the Intercontinental Title

* American Alpha vs. The Revival vs. The Usos vs. Harper & Rowan for the Silver Tag Titles

That's a 14 match card. I can imagine the Andre Battle Royal being kick-off, so they can get Enzo & Cass out to warm up the crowd. They'll probably give No Way Jose a spot too, and he'll get to do his big entrance. It's sad to say, but I could also see Becky Lynch vs. Nikki Bella being bumped to the Kickoff too, but it being labeled the "Kickoff Main Event."

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Have you ever seen a human being so excited by m&amp;m's? <a href="https://t.co/Bi8nVKgrMo">pic.twitter.com/Bi8nVKgrMo</a></p>&mdash; Kelly (@hughesytweets) <a href="https://twitter.com/hughesytweets/status/768762110327164929">August 25, 2016</a></blockquote>
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I kind of feel like Orton vs. Corbin would die a death, so maybe Orton does get frustrated with Shane getting in his way for a second Brock match, which leads to Orton turning on Shane and all those feelings of "Hey, you kicked my sister in the head once" come up. Bray tries to win MITB in order to complete his absolution. Ambrose and Reigns are probably too big for that match. They fight each other in a RAW vs. SmackDown; Brother vs. Brother Match and Corbin takes one of the slots in MITB they leave vacant. Kalisto for the last participant, just to kill himself for our entertainment? Apollo Crews?

It'd probably be Kalisto. Kota Ibushi would probably agree to work WrestleMania, so I'd throw his Cruiserweight Title match on there too. Rich Swann is probably the guy that is going to be the biggest star in that division -- Ibushi vs. Swann is not a far reach. Fuck me, I think I'm close to getting it:

Main Card:

* AJ Styles (c) vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Title
* Seth Rollins (c) vs. Finn Balor for the WWE Universal Title
* Triple H vs. Kevin Owens
* Shane McMahon vs. Randy Orton
* Big Show, Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. Shaquille O'Neal, Big E & Xavier Woods
* John Cena vs. Samoa Joe
* Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns
* Charlotte (c) vs. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks for the RAW Women's Title
* Sheamus vs. The Miz vs. Cesaro vs. Baron Corbin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Kalisto vs. Rusev vs. Bray Wyatt
* Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Hideo Itami for the Intercontinental Title
* The Wyatt Family (c) vs. American Alpha vs. The Usos vs. The Revival for the SmackDown Tag Team Title
* Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Kickoff:

* Rich Swann (c) vs. Kota Ibushi for the Cruiserweight Title
* Nikki Bella (c) vs. Becky Lynch for the SmackDown Women's Championship
* Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

The most unrealistic thing about that card is the Hideo Itami call-up, but I still think it would be the best thing to do with the Bryan/Miz stuff, given the context of the feud and such. It's probably the best way to draw whatever you can out of Itami. He kicks Miz in the head a few times, wins the IC Title, Dolph eventually beats him for it and completes a heel turn, Dolph gets to be the defending heel mid-card champion he was always supposed to be.

Bray Wyatt wins Money in the Bank, by the way. He cashes in on Finn Balor on the RAW After WrestleMania, because that's how the WWE works.

Oh, and the US Title bounces around those guys in the Ladder Match in order to create "exciting" television. New Day all consider themselves the champion when Kofi Kingston wins it, and he holds the belt at WrestleMania, so Big E and Xavier Woods are announced as champions for their match too, as they play champions of America against those bald, white Japanese guys. Big E body slams Show. The New Day dance with Shaq and Jon Stewart after the match, of course.

* The cruiserweights are ushered out for some sort of "Cruiserweight Cavalcade." Just six of them. Brian Kendrick, Gran Metalik, Akira Tozawa, Cedric Alexander, Noam Dar and Drew Gulak or something. Give this to Metalik, I guess, so that lucha gets represented strongly at some point on the show.

* The Battle Royal comes down between Braun Strowman and Big Cass. No Way Jose makes his debut to do his entrance at Mania and eliminates someone that doesn't matter. Heath Slater lasts a long time, and is possibly in the final four. Cass eventually clotheslines Strowman out and gets a nice little feather in his cap.

* Becky Lynch wins the SmackDown Women's Title from the dastardly Nikki Bella.

* Rich Swann wins the Cruiserweight Title from Kota Ibushi. I've got Ibushi as champion up there, as I imagined Kendrick being inaugural champion, dropping it to babyface Swann, etc. The more I think about it, Ibushi beating Kendrick and sort of being the cocky champion against a guy he knocks off the CWC would be a better story. Swann wins the match and proves that he can be the man. Well, the man 205lbs or under.

* Zayn and Nakamura beat the piss out of each other. Nakamura's WrestleMania entrance would be epic. I imagine this would be a hard act to follow, but wouldn't it set an interesting tone for the night? Follow this, motherfuckers. Nakamura wins, unless you really want to tell the story of him and Zayn moving forward. It wouldn't be any more insane than having Chris Jericho beat AJ Styles. You also don't want to get the crowd too hot, do you?

* American Alpha win the belts, because they're American Alpha. Maybe make this elimination and have The Wyatts beat The Usos and Alpha beat The Revival before you go into hot finish mode between those two teams?

* Itami puts Heel Ziggler to sleep and becomes a two-time Intercontinental Champion.

* Bray Wyatt wins Money in the Bank.

* Bayley finally wins the Women's Title. Sasha Banks turns heel on her after the match, again having not been involved in the fall that has decided the champion.

* Seems very obvious to have Roman Reigns beat Dean Ambrose. Maybe a shock win for Ambrose would be good? The Rock getting involved here would be interesting actually. A Rock Bottom without Reigns knowing leading to Reigns winning? "You needed your cousin's help, Roman..."

* Samoa Joe makes John Cena tap out in a moment almost as shocking as the streak being broken.

* The New Day win and dance with Shaq and Jon Stewart.

* Randy Orton RKOs Shane into oblivion. Shane is smart enough to know that he doesn't need to win. It's also a rare win you can give Orton at Mania that won't cut anyone's legs off.

* I can actually see Triple H beating Kevin Owens, if just to screw him and set up more of a face movement behind Owens. It's risky though. Might just be healthier to have Owens go over Triple H cleanly. If Jericho and Owens feud, I just think that the current is better swum with, and that Owens should be the one who turns face -- because Jericho is just so good in his role, despite his legacy and all that. I can imagine they'll try pure babyface Jericho, but I'd rather see Owens be given the ball as a face. Triple H wants someone who is going to make him look good. The match between Owens and Triple H will be good, the promo work will be good. The reason could simply be that Owens starts disrespecting Stephanie and reveals he played her and her dumb husband. Might seem to set up Triple H to be the babyface, but the fans will cheer Owens. Whatever.

BONUS POSSIBILITY: Owens wins the Universal Title and reveals that he's not really such a stooge and gets into it with Steph. Triple H costs Owens the Universal Title to Seth Rollins, who takes it into Mania against Balor while Owens fights Triple H. It gives Owens more of that "main eventer" vibe.

* Rollins either wins the Uni Title on RAW or, as suggested above, at the Rumble when Triple H returns to cost Owens, sick of seeing him disrespect his wife. Brock wins the Rumble, chooses SmackDown, and Rollins brags about how he's got no one to fight when Balor returns and reveals that he will be ready for WrestleMania. Balor wins the belt, but loses it to Bray Wyatt very quickly.

* Brock wins the Rumble, faces AJ, probably wins the World Title.

TIR Cryme Tymes announcer is Eva Marie's.

I love you, Noid. But you need to get off your Monday morning booker chair and go out and load up on butterscotch m&m's to charm Becky when you inevitably meet

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I'll carry them around on me at all times.

How fucking good are DIY as a tag team though?